I've been told you'd like to hear about my Grandmother...

My grandmother got married in 1962, to a young man in the military. For a wedding present, their parents bought them a house in a nice suburb. White picket fence, whole 9 yards. Not long after they moved in, the next door neighbor planted a mullberry tree on the side of his property, near my grandparent’s driveway. Nothing seemed amiss, but if you know Mullberry Trees, you know that sh*t is about to get real.

About 15 years later, the mullberry tree was OBNOXIOUS. The birds would come and eat the berries, and any car parked in the driveway would get sh*t on, and it would stain the cars and ruin paint jobs. My grandmother, upon realizing the culprit, baked a nice apple pie, walked next door, and asked the neighbor if he’d mind trimming back the branches of the tree that hung over her driveway. He told her not to worry, he’d get to it soon. Three days later, my grandmother opened her door to find a half-eaten pie in the plate, crawling with ants, and a note that said “I changed my mind.”

My grandmother threw out the pie, cursing up a storm, and swearing up and down she’d get him to trim that tree or get him back. City ordinance said she could not trim the tree, as the roots were on his property, so the whole tree was his property.

As the years went by, my grandmother repeatedly asked him, ever so nicely, to trim it back. His responses were always along the lines of “No” and “F*ck off.”
Finally, in the mid-90s, my grandmother retired, and received a large bonus from her employer for her 35 years of work. She took the money, and bought the empty lot on the other side of the neighbor, then went to a nursery and bought 16 mullberry trees, planting them along her property line, on both sides of his property. About 3 years ago, he became angry at the damage they were doing to his cars, and cut them all back without permission. My grandmother took him to court, and he was forced to reimburse her for the trees at a markup because they’d had 10 years to grow.

vine

I’m never having a beatbox battle with a pro beatboxer again. 〜 ​brianjesse

Stole my iPod? Have a custom virus.

(warning: long story)

This all took place many years ago when I was a freshman in high school. I had bought an iPod nano (hot shit back then!) with money I had earned by helping my neighbor, and as I didn’t make much, I was pretty protective of it. My scumbag sister had also recognized that it was worth a few hundred. As I later found out, she had stolen it and given it to a friend (temporarily) until the heat was off.

I suspected this immediately when it wasn’t on my desk where I knew I left it. I asked my parents if I had done something that warranted a punishment, but neither had touched it. Clearly, I needed evidence to pin my sister.

As a freshman, I was pretty computer savvy. At the time, I was learning a few programming languages and had a good feel for novice hacking. Nothing serious, but enough to get in trouble at school kinda thing.

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vine

Some high level play here on forty dot net

Pro/Contra Suizid

Pro:
1. Ich bin frei.
2. Ich belaste niemanden mehr.
3. Ich nerve niemanden mehr.
4. Ich werde vermisst und geliebt.
5. Ich hab endlich wieder Energie.
6. Ich hab kein Stress mehr.
7. Ich bin nicht mehr eifersüchtig.
8. Die Depressionen haben ein Ende.
9. Ich muss mir keine Gedanken mehr über Kalorien machen.
10. Mein größter Wunsch würde damit in Erfüllung gehen.

Contra:

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