On a Saturday night you’ll have nobody to call and your heart will ache to escape these four walls.
They’re gone I tell you, they’re not coming back. You’re all on your own down the winding sidetrack.
Alone is a word you will have to get used to, it’s less of a place and more of a virtue.
See they don’t really care if you’re sad or on edge because you have a role that you play in their heads.
If you break the script and start going off trail, you can bet that’s when nearly all of them bail.
And I’m sorry to you if all of them left, it’s a sad world now and it’s not at it’s best.
People are fickle and just put themselves first, though you try much too hard to help them at their worst.
In the end they all fade, even your greatest lovers. They’ll hide from the pain they don’t want to discover.
Yet you will push on though the world’s dipped in lies. You’ll make it through all without any disguise.
For you’re a great person of courage and love, you don’t run from hard truths, you just see from above.
It’s life’s simple meaning that they don’t seem to see, we die alone always and never are free.
“My alarm clock goes off at 6:00 sharp. By 6:05 I’m in the shower. And out by 6:15. By 6:30 I’m dressed and my hair is done. By 6:40 I’m trying to eat breakfast. By 6:55 I’m brushing my teeth. And by 7:00 I’m out the door and on my way to school. From 7:15-8:30 I’m finishing homework and studying for my classes in the library. From 8:35-3:05 I’m in the prison walls we call school. My brains scattered and confused filled with equations I have to remember. My day is filled with "you’ll need to know this for the test” “if you fail this you could fail my class” and “this project is worth a lot of points” it’s a continuous cycle of hearing kids say “I don’t care” “it doesn’t matter” and “I need to do this” “I need to pass” Walking down the hallways I see kids who look like zombies. I see kids hyped up on red bull or monster or whatever keeps them ‘going’ so they can make it through the school day. By 6th hour everyone has checked out and the worst part is there’s still 45 mins left of school. By 3:00 the teacher has stopped talking because no one is listening. They’re all too excited to get out of this place. But what slows them down is that by 3:15 they are home. And by 3:30 they’re leaving to get to their jobs that start at 3:45. And by 9:00 when they finally get off they just want to sleep. But they can’t because even though it’s now 11:50 they still have a essay to write for English and the draft is due tomorrow. By 2:00 we finally go to bed. And at 6:00 sharp, the alarm clock goes off. And we do it all over again.“
trapped in this body– DNA coded me as female, but my mind screams male. trapped in this home– forced to hide who I am, being different is a sin. suffocating in these thoughts– fighting my genetics with streams of self-hatred. suffocating with invalidation– countless bras and panties, wishing they were binders and boxers. prisoner in my head– who I am and who I’m not, a never-ending battle. prisoner in my clothes– feminine, body hugging, I just want to express myself.
I leapt into the sky today
and stayed there for once
but it didn’t feel like flying
I sat in the belly of a monster
the beast screamed through the sky
and vomited into clouds
I was hurtling miles above the heads
of everyone else
faster than anything that lives
so why did I feel
more caged than I have in a long while
how can I be that fast and free
and yet not at all