pringle cans

She hears the door to the roof open and turns to find Holtz holding a pizza box, a can of Pringles and a quilt. She can see her left hand from here and Erin smiles fondly at the ring on her fiancée’s hand. Even just the word fiancée makes her heart all warm and tingly. She still can’t believe she did it; that she was the one to arrange the grand gesture, get down on one knee and ask the girl of her dreams to marry her. Sometimes she still can’t believe Holtz had said yes.

Sequel to Swiss Army Wife. A sexy apology letter to the girls for what I put them through and will continue to put them through for the foreseeable future.

See the full art and read the accompanying fanfiction on:

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  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: i can't fit my hand inside a pringle can. i have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a pringle can i can get my hand about 4 inches into the can but then i have to tilt the can into my mouth but by that point a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can, so they go spilling onto my face. what i'm trying to say is the diameter of pringle cans is way to small. i'll say it again the diameter of pringle cans is way too small, 2 radiuses of a pringle can is way too small
How to Make Quick and Easy Tattoo Sleeves

Got a cosplay idea but the character has lots of arm (or leg) tattoos? Don’t feel like painting on yourself with body paints or hunting down that horrendously expensive temporary tattoo paper? Here’s a quick tutorial for making tattoo sleeves using nylons and sharpie markers! 

Upsides: 

- Supplies are cheap! You may even have many or all the supplies you need right at home.

- Quick and not very messy! No paint is involved, and sharpie marker dries instantly. 

- Easy! Great artistic skill not required.

- They move with your skin! People have legit thought these were real tattoos. From a distance, yes, but I had guys at cons with actual ink on their arms come over to compliment on my full (fake) sleeves. 

- You get to eat pringles! More on that later. 

Downsides:

- They are delicate. Nylons get holes in them super easy and forearms run into stuff, lean against things, and generally make it hard for the sleeves to survive. But if you only need them for a weekend, that’s ok.

- I haven’t experimented too much, but unfortunately this technique probably doesn’t work for wearers with darker skin tones. Sharpie ink is transparent, so any color it rests on just multiplies and the tattoo won’t show up very well. You’ll want to go the fabric paint or body paint route to get the best bold, bright tats. 

- Can’t do white sections, because sharpie ink is transparent and doesn’t come in white. I leave them blank and they read OK, but the white areas will always be pink, tan, brown, etc. unless you dab in a little fabric paint, which will not be covered in this tutorial.

- Sharpie is supposed to be permanent marker, but on skin…it’s not. The ink will most likely wear off onto adjacent clothes. Not that big of a deal for me, as I tend to wear my tats with white shirts that can be bleached, but other shirts may not survive as well.

OK, let’s go! Here are your supplies: 

You’ll need a pair of nylons, scissors, tape, a set of sharpies, your designs printed out on 8.5 x 11 paper, some bracelets, and a can of Pringles. You can use any design you want, of course, but Here is the link to these fine Newt Kaiju tattoo designs. 

If your nylons have an undies part, cut the legs off and wear the undies on your head for the rest of the tutorial, if desired. Put the legs on your arm like so, and cut the toes off so you can slip your hand through. You can cut some of the top of the sleeve off as well, but don’t cut too much because you can’t put it back on if your sleeves are too short. 

Here are my creepy sleeves. Now for the pringles.

Tape your design template to the Pringles can. It doesn’t reach all the way around but eh. The Pringles can gives you a nice stable surface to draw on that is roughly the shape and size of an arm. It’s a little short, so just roll up the rest of the nylon above the workspace and adjust both template and nylon down when you get to working on that part of the sleeve.

Color with the markers! I recommend doing the colored areas first and then doing the black outlines on top of it, to avoid the black ink contaminating the ink pads of the lighter markers. Remember how that always happens to the yellow ones? Eww. Nylons are thin and slide around a bit, so it’s best to use short strokes and dotting to get the ink on.

Take the template off the Pringles tube, flip the paper to the blank side and put it back on again. The paper collects the extra ink, so it’s hard to see any missed spots. Now you can see any bits you may have missed. Fill them in for completion. Also, the paper doesn’t manage to wrap all the way around the Pringles can, so now is the time to free-hand a bit of the design where the template doesn’t reach. For Newt tattoos, that’s the back of the arm. 

When you’re all done coloring, put them on!

There’s a rough end to the tattoo right at the wrist, of course. Disguise where the sleeve ends and your skin begins with some pretty bracelets:

There we are, much better!

Now…you’re done! Have some Pringles! 

  • what she says: I'm okay
  • what she means: Can I say my shit? Can I say my shit? I've got lots of shit to say. I've got lots of shit to say. I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can, I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can. I can get my hand like four inches into the can but then I have to tilt the can into my mouth but then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can so they all go spilling onto my face. What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. I'll say it again. The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small. If you feel me, put your hands up, Come on! If you feel me, put your hands up! Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of a Pringle can! Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can, your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can. Pringles! Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get are about the width of your cans?! Just... make them wider?! I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry. I want to have a daughter. I want to have a daughter so I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in the Pringle can. Yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll move on, alright? But that is priority número uno. I don't go to the gym because I'm self-conscious about my body but I'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym. Irony can be so painful. That's a Catch-22. Let's do this! I went to Chipotle, I went to Chipotle, got myself a chicken burrito. I went down the line and I got all these ingredients and at the end of the line the guy tried to wrap the burrito but half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out. He still wrapped it. I was like, dude you should have warned me! You're a burrito expert, you should have told me halfway through: "Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here" Do you fucking think I want a messy burrito? No one wants a messy burrito! The whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained within the confines of the tortilla. I wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got half of it! Like, I'm okay with small mistakes, if you've got no more chicken I'll take pork. But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit. Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like half of it, like, half of it, like, half of it, like half of it right now,I think it's time I think it's time, I think that we break this down. I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are pringle cans, and burritos. The truth is, my biggest problem's you. I want to please you but I want to stay true to myself. I want to give you the night out that you deserve but I want to say what I think and not care what you think about it. Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of me needs you, part of me fears you. And I don't think that I can handle this right now, handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. Look at them, they're just staring at me like, "come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself." I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. They don't even know the half of this right now, they don't even know the half of it. But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show so I should probably just shut up and do my job so here I go. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got half. You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme and if they still don't understand you then you run it one more time. I don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) I don't think that I can handle this right now (Hoo!) If you think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) Right now (Haa!) Now, handle this right, handle this right, handle this right now.Thank you, good night! I hope you're happy.

anonymous asked:

what's on your mind, friend?

I can’t fit my hand inside of a Pringle can. I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can. I can get my hand like four inches into the can but then I have to tilt the can into my mouth but by that point a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can so they all go spilling onto my face. What I’m trying to say is that the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. I’ll say it again the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small, two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small. If you feel me put your hands up, come on, if you feel me put your hands up. Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside a Pringle can. Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can, your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. You think you can, I know you can’t, you think you can- Pringles! Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get are about the width of your cans, just… make ‘em wider

Andromeda crew character summaries for people who haven't played the game
  • Cora Harper: Space mom. Likely puts a nutritious meal and cute little notes with smiley faces in your lunchbag. 10/10.
  • Vetra Nyx: Spiky space mom. Likely puts twenty bucks and a can of pringles in your lunchbag. 10/10.
  • Liam Kosta: Excellent space boy. Basically human sunshine. His smile has probably already cured you of a disease you didn't know you had. 10/10.
  • Nakmor Drack: Cranky space grandpa. Probably that one person at the family party who gets drunk on booze you didn't know you had and falls asleep against a wall. 10/10.
  • Pelessaria "Peebee" B'Sayle: The "hold my beer, watch this" space friend. I aspire to give as few fucks as her one day. 10/10.
  • Dr. Suvi Anwar: Absolutely adorable. A sweet, precious baby unicorn. Gorgeous. Licked a rock once and the rock blushed. 10/10.
  • Gil Brodie: Irreverent space engineer. That one college classmate who lets you copy his answers, but u have to buy him a beer after. Would probably lend u his kidney if u asked for it. 10/10.
  • Reyes Vidal: The one space uncle who looks and sounds like your dad but makes finger guns way more often and has way more money than him. You don't know why. You're not sure you want to know why. 10/10.
  • Kallo Jath: That one hipster dog-walker on the street who just seems super chill all the time but is currently wrangling 7 overly excited puppies who all want to go in different directions. You want to be his friend. You want to be him. Secretly the puppies are all his emotions. 10/10.
  • Jaal Ama Darav: Please just be kind to him, he's crying his best. 10/10.