Dear Chris Pine,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded a spot on the exclusive and prestigious list of “Eligible Celebrities Emily Has Her Mother’s Blessing to Marry With No Questions Asked.” Please reply promptly to secure your title, and you shall be met in turn with the once in a lifetime opportunity to be wed in holy matrimony to the pie of your dreams. Congratulations!
Your help is also required in choosing flowers. I’ve always liked roses, but those are kind of cliche aren’t they? Are they cliche? Do you like peonies? What about orchids? Haha, I don’t care. See you at the altar, you fucking menace.