I Don’t Know
The thing about the asexual community is that nobody seems to give a fuck about us.
If your reaction to that is, but I care, one, cool thanks, and two, I’m not talking about individual people. Individual people are great, are necessary, but unless they’re all speaking up for us outside of the community of people who give a shit about us, they’re not enough.
I went to the DC Pride Parade once, and other than being hot as hell, most of what it did was remind me that the people there, the people marching, don’t give a shit about me and people like me. Yes, there were no people marching with asexual pride signs (though I wonder, would we have been welcome?), but no group mentioned us. The Marriott didn’t mention asexuality on any of their signs. American Eagle didn’t list it with the rest of the sexualities and gender identities on their bags. There was not one mention of asexuality in what was otherwise a celebration of queer pride.
And why? Are we not queer enough? If you ask a lot of them, they might say yes, but some of those same people would dismiss trans people and bi people and anyone who isn’t able bodied, gay, and white, so fuck them anyway.
But let’s move out a bit. USAID has an LGBTI Program. The HRC has a page for Allies but not for Asexual. Think about that for a second, will you? The Human Rights Campaign prioritizes allies over actual queer people.
So I don’t know what to do.
The shitty, bitter part of me wants to go, why should I give a fuck about you if you don’t give a fuck about me? Why should I fight for you if you won’t even acknowledge I exist? Why should I donate money to your charity or do work for you when you’re perfectly willing to leave me and people like me behind?
I try really hard not to be that bitter.
But it does raise a question—what do we have to do to have anyone else be willing to fight for us? (I’m not going to defend that we need people to fight for us, because if you don’t believe that then fuck you, and also why have you read this far in this post.) Do we need to be shot in the street? Do we need to be denied services? Or do we just need a couple of big name celebrities to talk about is on a big enough stage?
I genuinely don’t know what will get people to pay attention to us. We don’t fit neatly enough in the same-sex attraction part of queerness for the main—or at least public—part of the queer community for them to easily accept us (not that they’re good at that anyway). We’re not public enough for people to openly hate us.
I just…don’t know.