pretesting

Hey guys! So, I’ve started learning one of my target languages again, and while I already know some vocabulary in the lessons I’ve been doing, I was asking myself how I would retain new information so I could use it later on when I want to speak freely. Fortunately, Quizlet kind of helped me create a system that has worked pretty well at this point, and I thought it would be nice to share that system with you guys! Just note, I’m not sponsored by them or anything, I just work better learning with Quizlet than other sites!

(Other Note: This is to say you have already broken down vocabulary lists, since that is how the textbooks I use work.)

Quizlet Features

  • The general choices, Flashcards, Learn, and Test, are the ones I use the most when learning language vocabulary.
  • Spell is basically a hearing and typing system, but I don’t use this feature often unless I need that extra splash of knowledge.
  • Two games, Match and Gravity, are used for rapid memory, but I rarely use these.

1. Star any words you don’t know.

Thankfully, Quizlet has the free feature to star words that you don’t understand or know off the bat. I do it this way because I can already give myself an idea of what I don’t know going in, that way what I already know is isolated from the new information. And don’t hold back. If you have any sliver of doubt that you may not know the word, it’s better to star it and study it for a little longer than be unsure about it later on.

2. Test yourself with the entire list of vocabulary.

This is just an extra step to reassure yourself whether or not you actually know some words you didn’t know before, or words you thought you knew but need a bit of polishing. Sometimes I get words wrong that I didn’t think I would, and it’s a nice reassurance that you need to hone your knowledge of specific words before using them during and after your language study. For this step, I use Test, since it functions as a sort of pretest!

3. Focus on the (new or original) starred words.

Another great feature of Quizlet is the segmenting of starred words from the entire vocabulary list, so you can focus on the words that you do not understand completely or words that need a bit of touching up. Typically, I use Test to do quick polishing, but using Flashcards and slowly progressing towards the other features can help you soak in the knowledge better.

4. Test yourself with the entire list again to polish any other words, and wrap up your studying!

Finally, you can test yourself again on the entire vocabulary list. This time, however, you should  For this tip, you could use Test or Learn, or even Match or Gravity! It’s really all about that last touchup before moving on to the next batch of words, so don’t stress too much about which feature to use. Whichever works the best for you should be the one you use! Personally, I use Test and Learn, but whatever works for you!

wholita  asked:

Ok! Moriarity... getting frustrated about something domestic.

Warnings: pregnant!reader

“You’re not serious?” Jim’s eyes were small slits and everyone else would probably be running in fear by now. But not you. After years of dating the consulting criminal you knew his tendency for dramatics.

“It’s nice to see you off work early” A sweet smile played on your lips and you totally ignored your boyfriend who stood in the door key still in hand. Your eyes went back down to the offending object you were holding, Jim would get around on his own when he was done being a drama queen.

“Oh. No.” Every word was punctuated to empathise his distaste for the situation. When he finally stepped into your living room he took the gun from your hand in one swift motion.

“Hey!” You pretested but were totally ignored. Jim clicked the open gun shut and aimed it at your companions head. Both of you sighed. “Seb! Why in the world would you let my eight months pregnant girlfriend clean a gun?!”

“She was bored?” Sebastian Moran, number one sniper and Jims best friend, offered with a shrug. “It’s not like someone who dates you would be much for knitting cute kitten sweaters.”

“She’s pregnant!”

“Pregnant and bored” You threw in “Can I have my gun back now?”

“No!”

Hermione’s stomach was in knots. She was seventeen, and nearly an adult - but the weight of what she knew what she had to do today was getting progressively worse as her appointment drew closer. The wake of Dumbledore’s death had slowed the pace of the castle, and though everyone was moving through grief like dirty lake water, things still had to get done. Exams still had to be taken and discussed. Conversations about the future still had to be had. 

She remembered the chilling feeling of her boggart in third year, and though it would very different today, at the close of her sixth year, the memory of McGonagall’s disappointment was enough to tempt her not to knock on the office door at all.

She was a Gryffindor, though, and a rather good one, so she knocked anyway. 

“Miss Granger,” Professor McGonagall said pleasantly, sitting her down at the vast table for the purpose of the appointment. “Your preliminary NEWT scores look quite good, good enough to go right into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures next year without further training, if that’s still your goal.” 

Hermione nodded, and they talked for few minutes more about pre-NEWTS, until the inevitable question came. 

“Would you like to come into my office Saturday evening to take the NEWT pretest for NEWT studies, or make a different appointment?” 

Hermione’s face flushed, and she knew that now was the time. With studious calm she’d practiced with Ron on the walk down from the Gryffindor tower, she answered, “I’m not actually planning to take them.” 

McGonagall looked at her, concerned. “You’ll have to, to be considered for the Transfiguration program, at least, not to mention your other classes.” 

Confusion. Not anger. She didn’t believe yet that Hermione would making this decision. “I’m not. Not going to be taking classes next year. I’m leaving Hogwarts to help Harry finish Professor Dumbledore’s work.” 

This. This was the exact face that had haunted Hermione since she’d made the decision. Confusion. Quiet anger. Disappointment. The preparation for a fight. All of them played on the face of the professor before her, and Hermione felt herself shrink down about six sizes in the chair. She wondered what it would feel like to melt onto the hardwood floor of the office. Books lined every wall, and the grades Hermione had worked all year for sat on the desk before her. 

“I’m shocked,” Professor McGonagall finally said, her voice characteristically quiet and accented. “And disappointed. I’d like you to reconsider.” 

Disappointed. The word felt like blunt force to her chest. She was a disappointment. 

As best as she could, Hermione explained her reasons for her decision, but she knew she had already lost the interaction. Like she had predicted, McGonagall pressed, offered other options, tried to make her see sense. But Hermione, stubborn in her grief, didn’t rise to the bait. 

She left the office heavily, and found Ron immediately. He hadn’t talked to her yet, but he had the same conversation ahead of him. 

She wouldn’t wish that on anyone. 

How to Study for a Biology Exam!

So, you have a big biology exam or test coming up? Need tips and a plan? Read below to find out a super effective sample study plan + various helpful tips! 

14 Day Sample Study Plan

I used this study plan over 2 weeks and felt really confident before and during my biology midterm, which covered 5 units and over 40+ objectives! The most it will require will be 3-4 hours per day, and the least will be 1 hour per day.

Day 1 - Prep Day

Skip if your teacher has provided a study guide. Compile a list of “objectives” that cover all of the key info points that you will be required to know for the test.

- Ex: If the test is on Cells and Transport, and you’re required to know what Endocytosis and Exocytosis are, an example of an objective would be “I can describe the processes of endocytosis and exocytosis.”
- The format of an objective is “I can (explain/understand/describe/other verb) (key info/words).

2. Break the objectives into 7 sections. Note down the textbook sections that correspond with the objectives.

3. Create a quizlet with all vocabulary words.

Day 2 - Objective sections 1, 2 and 3

Read all textbook sections for objectives from sections 1, 2 and 3.

Create a document containing the answers for sections 1, 2 and 3. Include diagrams, etc.

Review the vocabulary quizlet.

Day 3 - Objective sections 4, 5, 6 and 7.

Read all textbook sections for objectives from sections 4, 5, 6 and 7.

Create a document containing the answers for sections 1, 2 and 3. Include diagrams, etc.

Print/create a study guide booklet containing all the answers for the objectives. This will be an incredibly important tool in future days, so make sure you complete it properly!

Review the vocabulary quizlet.

Day 4 - Objective section 1.

“Pretest” your knowledge of the objectives in sets of 3. Try answering 3 objectives, and note down what you do know and what you don’t know. Refer to the study guide booklet for answers and see what you forgot to mention.

Either reread the textbook sections, watch 1-2 videos or read 1-2 webpages per objective to solidify understanding. If needed, do all 3. Do this in the sets of 3.

Once done working through the sets of 3, Retest all of the objectives in the section at once.

Repeat step 2 for objectives that are still weak, and physically rewrite the answers in the study guide booklet word for word to memorise them.

Create study cards for concepts that you still don’t completely understand.

Create a document listing objectives you still don’t completely understand.

Review the vocabulary quizlet.

Day 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 - Objective Sections 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

Repeat all steps for Day 4 with the respective objectives above. Day 5 goes with section 2, 6 with 3, etc.

Day 11 - Review of difficult concepts.

Refer to the document listing objectives you still don’t completely understand, and review them. Watch videos, read textbook sections, draw diagrams, etc to totally and completely solidify your understanding of those concepts.

Review the vocabulary quizlet.

Day 12 - Pretest of difficult concepts.

Pretest the difficult concepts. You should have them totally mastered by now, but if not, reach out to a friend or teacher for help.

Use the “test” mode on quizlet to see what percentage of vocal words you’ve mastered. Star words you haven’t mastered.

Day 13 and 14 - Final brush up and review.

1. Test yourself with online quizzes.

Tips

Learn stuff generally, and then specifically. Master general concepts before understanding specific ones.

Draw diagrams!!! This is extremely helpful for visual learners, as it helps with memorization.

Make “aesthetic”, handwritten pages of notes. I find this helpful as I’m a visual learner.

Watch videos. This is so helpful for auditory and visual learners, and actually seeing what a process.

Use past exams/tests to see what you struggled with and try answering all the questions again.

Rewrite notes you took in class to solidify them.

Use resources your teacher has provided, as they’re the only ones that know whats on the test!

Create vocab flashcards at the beginning of a unit to use when studying for the unit assessment.

Hopefully this has been helpful!! Have fun studying :)

2

Kozik @codenamekaraortiz

95) I never liked it, I lied.

Reader’s POV

Kozik and I had been together 3 years. I finally became his old lady and took his crow a year ago. So when he wanted to move from Tacoma to Charming I fully supported that decision. I’d follow him to the end of the world if that’s what he wanted.

Moving to Charming was honestly the best decision we ever made. Since Happy left Tacoma it had been feeling less like home but in Charming everyone was family. I had to knock Tig and Kozik over the heads to get them past their stupid shit but once that was settled everything was great.

Tig and I actually became really good friends which had Kozik a bit possessive but that wasn’t anything new. One night Kozik, the rest of the sons, their old ladies, and I were all drinking in the clubhouse. It wasn’t a party just us casually hanging out and drinking when Tig yells out.

“We should play truth or dare!” He smiled and everyone chuckled at him.

“Bro we ain’t in high school.” Jax laughed. Tig pouted.

“Oh come on, it could be fun guys.” I said, feeling bad for Tig. Everyone finally agreed and we all got in a big circle. I was sitting on Kozik’s lap while we played. Since Tig suggested the game Bobby asked him truth or dare first. Unsurprisingly he chose dare. Bobby then dared him to chug a whole bottle of jalapeno juice which Tig nearly ended up throwing up and I honestly have no idea how he didn’t. Tig then chose another boy and the dares continued until it got back to Tig and he chose me next.

“Y/N? Truth or dare?” He smirked. I narrowed my eyes at the smirk.

“Truth.” I said, not really trusting Tig.

“You’re no fun.” Tig pouted. I took a sip of my beer as I waited for him to think of something. “Hmmmm…. What is the biggest lie you’ve ever told Kozik?” I choked on the beer.

“What?” I asked wide eyed.

“What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told Kozik and don’t give us some bullshit line of you don’t lie to each other. I know for a fact that’s not true.” Tig said. I raised an eyebrow.

“And how exactly do you know that’s not true?” I asked. Tig must of realized what he said and looked sheepish suddenly. I looked at Kozik who was giving Tig a death glare. “Tig, I’ll give you to the count of 5 to tell me.”  

“I’m a full grown man!” Tig exclaimed. I looked back and gave him the you better tell me now look.

“1….” I began. Tig was still pretesting. “2…. 3…”

“Alright!” Tig said. “Fine, Kozik threw away the lunch you made him last week and then told you he loved it!” I looked at Kozik who looked like he was trying to hide from me even though I was on his fucking lap!

“Is that true?” I asked.

“I’m really sorry baby! It was just so not what I wanted for lunch but you had already made it and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” He tried to explain.

“Oh it’s alright baby. No hard feelings.” I smiled sweetly at him. He looked at me warily.

“Really?” He asked.

“Oh yeah. I mean I’ve lied too baby.” I said with a slight pout. Kozik smiled.

“That’s okay baby! I forgive you.” He said with relief.

“What did you lie about?” Tig asked.

“Oh I just lied every time that Kozik and I have done double penetration. He’s quite awful at it.” I smiled even more sweetly and Kozik’s jaw dropped open as did everyone else’s. Everything was silent until Chibs and Tig started attempting not to laugh and were failing miserably.

“I…  but… I thought you liked it!” Kozik finally choked out. I shrugged.

I never liked it, I lied.” I said.

“But… but you came.” He said quieter like nobody could hear us.

“I faked them sweetheart. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” I threw his words back at him and he glared at me for a minute before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. I squeaked at the sudden movements. Kozik made his way quickly to the hall leading to the dorms. “What are you doing!?”

“I’m going to make you cum until you pass out from exhaustion.” Kozik replied and slapped my ass hard.

~This was fun to write!~

We Shouldn’t But… (Teacher!Wonho x Reader) Fluff

Word Count: 1,093
Genre: Fluff

I heard the ringing of my alarm clock buzzing in my ear aggressively. I let out a massive sigh and slapped my hand around my nightstand to close the annoying device. As the immense silence finally took over the air, I snuggled back into my covers, not wanting to get up for the second day of school at college. I was new to it of course and it was already hell. Trying to navigate through the school was difficult enough and the campus was huge as well. I shook my thoughts off as I knew that I had to get my education soon.

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Astrology & Dicks

After a two year long intensive research, I was able to collect information about dick sizes and shapes and how the astrological signs influence them. For this particular scientific investigation in this unexplored realm, I concluded that more accurate results could be collected through the use of several methods. The methods were primarily pretested to validate the use of those particular approaches. The used methods of research concluded surveys (through Snapchat, Skype Calls and Twitter DM’s), observations (on various cam boy sites) and even personal, intimate Interviews (through the help of apps, such as Grindr).

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Age of Ultron is a mess. It has no meaning behind the story, no character development except a collection of witty one liner, and the plot doesn’t advance the MCU one single bit. This movie bit off more than it could chew with an array of characters and plot line brought in only because they looked cool, and left underdeveloped in an overcrowded movie that felt about five hours long. Like Ultron is Tony Stark’s vanity project, AOU is Joss Whedon, and that’s all there is to it, made so much worse by the comparison with the first movie, and the MCU as a whole.

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tarisiris  asked:

*straightens back and holds self up high* Is that good?

*logic nods* yes much better now since this is your first time we pretest without a wand for now. so pretend your holding out a wand and point it at the glass over their and say Glass fill up with the liquid we all need, the nice cold water. and wave it like so *logic waved his wand* 

Last time I checked, the purpose of gym was to expose students to activities they won’t experience outside of class and to get the blood pumping every other school day. Last time I checked, this is not an academic course and we do not take notes. This is not a health lecture with quizzes and tests and flashcards, nor is it supposed to be one. I would love to be able to get 60 minutes of physical activity a day. I’d love to. Physical activity is a wonderful thing. It promotes good self-esteem, improves overall wellbeing, helps sleep cycles be consistent, and is beneficial in countless other ways. I’d love to have time to do that, but my schoolwork is demanding. It’s so contradictory, actually, because my teachers who are perfectly well-meaning and who genuinely want to foster growth in my peers are forced to accept standards that they can’t live up to. Last time I checked our academics, they’re unbalanced due to standardization; now you want to infuse them into GYM? Not only that, but they are forced to adopt new curriculums. That means more coursework and more homework and therefore less time for us students to pursue our personal interests. Are personal interests not what fuel innovation and curiosity and lifelong pursuits? It is nearly, with few exceptions, impossible for students to reach such a goal unless they call themselves athletes. I know it’s impossible for me. So you know what I’d say to the 75% whom you claim are unhealthy? The best advice I’d give to someone who is trying to reach a routine of 60 minutes of exercise per day is to start taking factor eight classes, forgetting about AP credits, and become mediocre students. Because we’re all the same anyways, right? Is that not what the Common Core is all about?
—  The essay my friend Natalie wrote on her gym pretest
Psychiatry Shelf

Originally posted by butteryplanet

Definitely the easiest shelf so far, but not a given. I feel pretty okay (I don’t want to jinx myself). In the style of @captainmdphd, here are the resources I used:

- FA for Psychiatry (1.5x): It’s a pretty easy read. I ready it once and then went back and read the chapters that I thought were most high yield or weak points for me (looking at you substance abuse and child psych). I’d say this is the bible for this rotation, if you know this (small) book you can do very well on the shelf.

- OME videos (1x): I love OME. They were really nice to put together things in their magic blackboard. I watched them after reading a more complicated chapter just to string things together. I wouldn’t say these are a must, but they are nice to look at if you are tired of reading or looking at a computer. 

- UWorld Psych (1x + Incorrects): I found UWorld to be very similar to the real thing. I did one round and then went through my incorrects.

- NBME 1, 2, 3: After I ran out of UWorld questions I used these. (ask a friend of a friend of a friend at your school about getting them..). They were pretty good at letting me know what things I hadn’t reviewed or weren’t covered by my study materials.

- Emma Holliday Video: THIS GIRL. She needs to join medblr and show us her ways. <3

- Sketchy Pharm Psych: I suck at rote memorization. So I rewatched some of these for the higher yield drugs that I knew would absolutely be on my exam (typical, atypicals, SSRIs, TCAs, etc). Glad I did and recommend it! 

Others:

- PreTest for Psychiatry (~25%): I only did the chapters that I was weak on or thought were high yield because I ran out of questions! It was kind of splotchy (tests nitty gritty things) but it wasn’t too bad for the last days.

- Lange Psych Q&A (10%): I started this book at the beginning and I didn’t like it. It was ridiculously hard and now that I have taken the shelf it wasn’t at all like the real thing so I’m glad I didn’t complete it. 


One thing I did that I liked and should probably had started doing sooner (and more of) was that I redownloaded anki and made 2 decks for psych. 

- Pattern recognition: AKA “fever 104, rigidity, leukocytosis, elevated CK -> NMS”

- Snap associations: AKA “kid with hx of depression went to party now w/ fever and tremor -> SSRI + MDMA = serotonin syndrome”

Hope this helps you guys out. The big disclamer is that I don’t have my grade, but those were my impressions on the resources I used. 

list of shit i gotta do Soon, in order of priority:
-finish that history essay (including the bibliography)
-finish up my online classes
-clean my room
-finish up that one pretest
-begin my summer work

NEW 2014 Tony:
Welcome to Arizone-I-A
Back when all I cared about is when I can play
Back when I questioned why dad was MIA
then found out and wanted him KIA
Now forgiven but still question to let it spray
Thanking god I lived another day
Sitting in class daydreaming
About a love I never had
Still don’t, but focused on goals
Turing coal into diamonds glow
The state where I stomped and fell
Back when I was so alone I created alter egos
Back when I questioned an alter’s heros
Back when mom drove me around in her jeep so I could sleep
Before I was inspired by eminem spitting heat
Back when mom packed a baseball bat in the back of the fridge
Before a Burt bridge and just trying to live.
Now a verbal assassin still courteous
Soon victorious story teller who’s mic packin
Me with a pen and a pad that’s like your girl with a maxi
I spill blood not ink
Yeah I got issues but these break beats are my shrink
Soul is at a mode only God control
Take to sacrifice all vices that I hold
All the dates, going to the same places to eat,
got waitresses asking questions to peep
But unlike them I mind my biz, like Marie
I use to see myself as an ugly darkie
Till I attracted attention cause I was lyrically lynchin
Half Mexican and engine
So of course when I spit you hear (vrriin vrriin)
Spitting sharper than armored harps playing music to homer using shark teeth
Confidence increased since I flattened my belly
Rhyme nuts and watch dudes get jelly
I’m just trying to get respect & bread, wheat
So unique flow gallons, catch everyone praising a leak
A freak like: me, Mystik, Storm, rouge in bed while its video tapped by beast
Watch people Worship (worsh-up)
What I cook up
Love like arroz con leche,
Or like I was arroused and let it spray on your girls face
And come after the rhyming pastor
Found playing in the hay sucking on nips for milk in a paster
See old girls miss me buying my poster
Be on top of the world but still stopped by bigot cops (no sir)
Verb superb though they can’t comprehend
So they just pretend
Pretests proved I was a genius but lost it when helium intakes
And low attention rates
Yet sharp as Katana blades & ice skates
Dance on your face
and leave my name in the shape of an 8
Never to late unless you tryin to beat me
Maybe in middle school you could’ve claimed victory
But even then I’d have you reachin for your written words
When y'all suck kid backwards
While eyes stare like the hungry wolf
Now I’m more concerned with you removing your eyes from the wool
And trying to survive school
College English majored
When I’m in class I just wanna quit
And prove I’m Tyson eating mike & Ikes
Wearing fresh nikes, in the middle of the night
Wielding a street spike, and a mind like the island of rike
With verses you’d break your fingers trying to type
And each step is seismic hype
Is what I am on a mic.
Rhymin like I came up with this on the locomotive
And the locals are my motive
Damn right I’m a loco but glad few know it

Tired of people doubting skill
Started in the underground and this is my drill
Cause riots and thrill
Over lyrical feel

Waking up in the middle of the night to write a dope line before I forget
But all the schemes of rhymes
That I lost still prove I’m the best yet
Trying to slap box God with arms of a t-Rex
Got family that grew up on a ranch,
And a step dad who always criticizes my hairstyle an how I’m dressing
Appreently I look to much like an ese
But speak like I wrote a thousand of em, but let the ignorance stay
But when I try to grow my hair out he fusses and complains
Then I shave it and almosts busts paint
I remember the first time a girl let me grind
The only awkward part was my boner busting out of my slacks
She felt it and looked at me almost mad
I said cut me some slack
You’re dancing like you want me to E-Jack
And if you don’t know me now U-Late
I spit love like arrows from Cupid
And his hairs, pubic
But i make it public and you better enjoy it
I am kind but I’ll fight like driving around the parking lot in college looking for a spot And if you steal mine
You’ll greet more than sunshine
but a steel consealed sheathed
if not a fist of mine
My dream is like a left turn you hesitate when an oncoming car might hit
But I risk it all to prove skill in my spit
Remember seeing the same movie with 3 different girls acting like the first
Once low but since my first girl quenched with thirst
Confidence higher than politicians off the smoke from the working man’s joints
But I’m just striving to live a godly life
Forget a side chick I need a wife
Sitting in class I mute the teacher as I start to beatbox
Peers ease drop as I spit tree tops
Ease seeds pleads with god’s decrees
Call me Sherlock when I’m eatin honey combs stating the obvious.
Consoling the soltin
Lyrics are moultin lava
Laying down feeling like I’m sky divin
Screw driver like I’m bumping chopped and screwed when I’m driving
Praising God for the steps I made in a smog
If you can’t handle the heat get out my desert
Word to my mother that made me dessert
When dad deser-Ted
Still in the state where i planted my steak
Bleeding while I’m reading scripture
Ask what faith is and show them the life I lived through
Since I was born felt torn between light and darkness
But when I rap like a blade I just wanna prove I’m the hardest and sharpest
Sitting back with burrito and music bumping spitting dime sacks
Battling this Aztec and Apache will leave you with an Indian burn
From This corninal that pops your corn at the fune-eral
Don’t try to queral against wargreymon you squirrel
Till then I’m breaking pens
ASU student without a dorm
Mentally find peace amongst a apocalyptic storm
Talking hip hop politics with apocalypto
Me with a mic and without is two different forms
And wonder who will bother to remember this author to mourn
But till then im awaiting the sound of Gabriel’s horn

Made with SoundCloud
Tactical Mistake

Part 1 of A+ Secrets

Summary: A certain off-limits professor comes into your work the day after a night of flirting.

Word Count: 1966

Warnings: None

A/N: I started this series the same week I started this blog. For some reason, around Christmas time there were a lot of Professor!Dean oneshots and series and I just kinda needed my own Professor!Dean. But back then I couldn’t finish a longer story to save my life (Thank you Spotlight for showing me that I could!) and now that I can, I’m having some very Professor!Dean feelings again so… And once again, enjoy the angsty backstory. One of these days I might write something without angst.

A+ Secrets Series Masterlist


“Jody, do you have Frank’s chart from yesterday?” You asked your coworker. “I need to double check his refraction. I think I put it in wrong.”

Jody rifled through the stack of charts next to her. “I think so just let me—here it is!”

“Great, thanks! I’ll bring it back as soon as I’m done.”

“Don’t get too distracted,” she replied knowingly.

“Distracted?” You replied cautiously. There was no way she could know what happened in your mythology class yesterday. Or, rather, after your mythology class yesterday. And again at the bar that night.

Keep reading

two spoons short

oh boy kids do I have a story for yall. it’s today. and all the shit fucking things that happened to me on this goddamn day.

you see, it started with spoons

  • spoons. 
  • physical spoons that you eat with
  • ‘what’s so important about these spoons rain?’ well i’m glad you asked

you see my family had one set of silverware when i was growing up, and when my parents inherited a better set they got rid of all of them, but i managed to save a few pieces to take off to college with me. i’m nostalgic. it’s a thing.

these are the spoons i ate ice cream with my whole childhood. the spoons that i balanced on my nose. the spoons i tried to build into a catapult. these perfectly shaped, perfectly proportioned spoons. i feel really strongly about these spoons. i have two. i know each divot and ding.

so i get up, get ready, and go to eat my cereal.

There are no goddamn spoons in my drawer

  • alright, stay calm. check the clean dishes, sometimes my roommates use them. 
  • they’re not there.
  • check roommates’ silverware drawer.
  • they’re not there.
  • ask roommate if she’s seen the spoons.
  • she says no.
  • spend like 15 minutes looking for your goddamn spoons.
  • THEY’RE NOT THERE. THE FUCKING SPOON NINJA HAS COME AND STOLEN ALL MY SPOONS. 

‘rain aren’t you running late’

YES. IM RUNNING LATE, BUT WHERE ARE MY GODDAMN SPOONS. i break down. i end up eating with my roommate’s spoon. i send my father an angry message on facebook.

  • “IT IS CHARITY TO CALL THIS MONSTROSITY A SPOON” - me, 30 minutes after waking up and frantically looking for spoons, delirious. 
  • seriously though
  • her spoon has more in common with a shovel than it does a regular spoon.

this is just the first thing to go wrong.

the day doesn’t get better.

i speak italian for a few hours in class. it drags on. i feel the urge to loose wind the entire time. it becomes a TRIAL. there’s no TIME TO EXCUSE MYSELF TO THE BATHROOM. (i eventually do, humans can only withstand so much.) IN THE BACK OF MY MIND, ALL DAY, MY PRECIOUS SPOONS ARE GONE. MY CHILDHOOD IS OVER.

(i looked damn good today though, just as an aside.)

so i get out of one class, and i head to my next one, hoping that i have time to take a 50 minute test and its pre-test before that class starts. so i take my bike the 20 meters between the two buildings, thinking it will save time.

it doesnt

i get pulled over by a bike cop for running a stop sign. on a bicycle.

i’m astounded. i can’t believe the bike cop is this bored. HE ASKS FOR MY LICENCE AND REGISTRATION. IM RIDING A BICYCLE AND HE ASKES FOR MY GODDAMN DRIVERS LICENSE.

  • at this point, all hope of being able to finish my test before class starts to wain
  • i’m also convinced im getting a ticket
  • when i stop i knock my bike over because i was too embarrassed to put down the kickstand

aside from being completely mortified, all i manage to do is argue with him about the color of my bike until he gives up and writes me a warning. i can’t make this shit up people. 

  • it’s clearly TEAL officer. 
  • “GREEN MY FUCKING ASS I’LL SHOW YOU GREEN WHEN I POUND YOUR ASS INTO GRASS.”- the part of my brain that thinks i can fight like The Rock, probably.

i still cant believe this happened, like 6 hours later it’s so surreal that a bike cop CHASED ME DOWN. and asked for my LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.

amazing.

so i get to the hall where i have my next class, and I FLY through my pretest. i get ready to try and take on the actual test. knowing i only have one shot. and if i fuck it up i’m ruined.

i start to take the exam.

THE HALL FILLS UP WITH A CAMPUS TOUR. THEY START PLAYING MUSIC. YELLING THINGS. FUCKING PROTO-FRESHMEN. i can’t leave! i can’t close my laptop! if i do my test will fuck up and i’ll get a 0! i just have to bear it. 

it’s about half way through the day at this point and the only thoughts on my mind are:

  • knowing even after this test, I HAVE TEN NEW ITALIAN ASSIGNMENTS TO DO BEFORE TOMORROW. 
  • MY SPOONS ARE STILL M.I.A.

i end up getting a 94%, through the grace of half the roman pantheon. but next fall’s freshmen better watch their backs. im holding a grudge. 

my next class passes alright, the professor wastes our time. it’s okay until SHE ASSIGNS AN ESSAY DUE TONIGHT ON WHAT WE MISSED. like excuse me. the fact that we didn’t have time to ‘reflect’ is all due to YOU, DR. TALKS-A-LOT. 

so, in the truest form of petty revenge, i refuse to leave the lecture hall until i’ve finished the assignment. they turned the lights off and left on me. i wasn’t getting up. i was completing this assignment in class with or without my professor and classmates

i finally leave to go home, only narrowly avoiding CRASHING INTO A GODDAMN COP CAR WHILE RIDING MY BIKE. IT TURNED IN FRONT OF ME. 

THE CAMPUS POLICE OUR OUT TO GET ME WITH THEIR SUBURBANS.

the fucking irony of that. THE FUCKING IRONY GUYS. i still cant believe i made it home. it’s all so surreal.

and the first thing i do when i get home?

  • can you guess?
  • if you guessed, “look for my spoons” you’re correct
  • if you guessed, spend 40 minutes looking for spoons, you win

i look everywhere, and i mean, everywhere. in my underwear drawer, under the fridge, in my shoe boxes, in my bed, under my laundry basket, in the garbage, in the garbage disposal, in the microwave. in the fridge. every place in this apartment i have ever touched, i looked for my spoons there.

i give up. 

i’m defeated. i sit down at my desk, blast ‘ain’t no mountain high enough’ in an attempt to cheer myself up. and i plow through all of my italian homework. i think we learned about adjectives today, i couldn’t tell you. i don’t care anymore. the loss of the spoons had left me a broken girl.

i call my parents, i lock my door. and i just start wailing. crying like a damn banshee while my parents freak out on the other end. every terrible thing that had happened today. just let it all out. a damn broke. my makeup was ruined. 

  • i had literal trails of mascara on my face, i thought that only happened in movies.

my roommate comes in and im like ‘can you give me a minute’ and she’s like sure. so she leaves, and then she comes back.

she hands me the spoons.

i start crying even harder, but now it’s just kind of hysteric because this all happened over spoons…. what a mess. i’m so glad they’re back.

i have no idea where she found them. i’ve been too embarassed by how i reacted to ask. i have to know though, it can’t remain a mystery forever. 

anonymous asked:

In my current job I do pretesting on patients for the doctor. One of the machines involves putting an eye patch on so we can test one eye at a time. The number of times I've had to fake laughter at a person's "arr matey, I'm a pirate now" jokes boggles the mind. You aren't funny or original. Just put the damn patch on and follow the instructions on the screen.

katejgecko  asked:

If I may send a prompt to you for Klaroweek... [kc + our mutual friend dropped out of this trip at the last minute, so hi i guess we’re spending the next two weeks together]

I LOVED this prompt!  (Prompt me anytime, Tay! :)) Anyone who knows my attempts at writing knows that AUs featuring Klaus and Caroline with flirty semi antagonistic banter are pretty much where I like to live. It also got crazy long and it not quite finished so this is kind of just a teaser. 

Travel Buds

DAY ONE:

“Hello?” Caroline answers her phone with a (fully justified!) level of annoyance. She has planned this trip to perfection and everyone, except for her obviously, is running late. She’s been sitting in the airport lounge, silently fuming for 12 minutes. And that is just not acceptable.

“Hey Care,” is the cautious reply she receives.

“Oh, hello Stefan. So nice of you to call. Instead of, you know, showing up at our preapproved meeting place at the specified time.”

“About that…”

Stefan trails off and a trickle of worry bleeds into her irritation.

“Don’t kill me, Caroline.”

Caroline relaxes slightly as, if something was actually wrong, Stefan wouldn’t be worried about his slow, excruciating, creative, death by her hands.

“Literally every time you’ve said that sentence in the 10 and a half years I’ve known you I have, in fact, wanted to kill you after you stopped hedging long enough to use your words. So spit it out, Stefan.”

Stefan sighs on the other end of the phone, “Rebekah got up in the middle of the night and fell down the stairs.”

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