pretending to read newspapers

So I have a headcanon that over the course of the summer Stan slowly but surely, becomes enamored with the cartoons Mabel watches. (I mean he’s a huge fan of Ducktective, and we see how he becomes emotionally involved with the Dutchess Approves). Every time he walks by the tv where she is watching it, he absorbs more and more weird details. Until he is eventually pretending to read the newspaper, but peaking over it to see how the episode ends because- oh no the pony pals have to overcome their differences and use the pony pal power of friendship to save the day right?? Until one day Candy, Grenda and Mabel are all arguing about theories about the show and Stan just blurts out “That’s obviously not gonna happen! Evil Prince Dunkoroo hasn’t even stolen all of the Friendship Power Crystals!  Er, I mean… *cough* (but it’s too late and all the girls squeal and tackle him. and then later they all watch the new episode together and Mabel makes Stan a Pony Pals sweater which he wears secretly) 

Favorite part of the chapter: Urie’s reaction to Takeomi’s marriage, which is him pretending to read a newspaper while not seeing any news, with one thought running inside his head: “Kuroiwa is getting married Kuroiwa is getting married Kuroiwa is getting married” and then saying out loud: I don’t care.

Naki and Tsukiyama present: manzai comedy duo “French suits”. Tsukiyama gave Naki a rose for his lapel. Naki called him Yamamura.

Saiko just straight up calls Ui Bowl-cut-dono to his face. Bowl-cut-dono has gotten himself into a Mexican standoff with Matsuri, who tells him he’s a horrible judge of people. The saga of this ironic phrase being said by people who really should’t be saying it continues.

Mutsuki is going to be absorbed into Squad 13 for the operation, which: yay? That was inevitable for a while, I’m glad we’ll be getting more on Mutsuki soon.

Aura Kiyoko turns out to be super kind and calls everyone -kun, except Nakarai, whom she just calls Keijin. Apparently Aura Jr is going to be absorbed into Squad 13 as well.

Kaneki continues making a Decision and then toppling over and presenting his belly as soon as someone challenges that decision. He literally couldn’t have chosen a worse crew for the Lab operation: himself, Kurona, Takizawa and Ayato. Also, Kaneki doesn’t know Takizawa’s name. You read the brief on Owl, right? Also also, the 0 squad kids call him Haise, even though literally everyone, including Hirako, calls him Kaneki.

ways to look inconspicuous while doing surveillance

play on your phone seriously pokemon go was a gift to the spy industry

cut little eyeholes out of a newspaper and pretend to read it while spying

put your phone to your ear and every time someone suspicious comes close enough say something like baby no i didnt mean it i swear

jake peralta was right hold a clipboard and wear a greenpeace shirt and you become aggressively invisible

recite shakespeare to yourself depending on the neighborhood theyll think youre crazy or an actor either way theyll leave you alone

bring cap and have him stand about half a block away from you and no one will even see youre there because theyll be too busy trying to figure out if cap will still autograph something for them even if theyre evil

ask thor to walk lucky in the neighborhood the combination is like adorable overload and no one will be able to focus on anything else

do any or all of the above and realise later that natasha was using you as a distraction so she could do the real spying but im not bitter about that at all

if id known i would have bogarted lucky for myself and gotten pizza im just saying

imagine rami malek sitting on a park bench pretending to read the newspaper, but really he’s just peering over the edge of the paper at the dog wedding happening in the field in front of him. as the yorkie is declared married to the pug, rami tries to hide his sobs behind the newspaper. several wedding-goers near rami look over at him

anonymous asked:

What if Graves first name wasn't actually Percival. That he had changed it to Percival from Perseverance because his parents are evil.

“Per-se-ve-rance.” 

Percival felt a small jolt of uneasiness, hearing the word that was once his name.

“Perseverance Graves?”

Fuck. He was sure there was no trace of his old name, he’s changed it ages ago… Percy - a nickname acceptable during his school years - held a resemblance to a name much more proper than the one his parents chosen and so Percival became who he was now. 

“Who’s Perseverance?” The unevitable question hang in the evening air as soon as Credence entered the room. “I found a letter in one of your textbooks…”

“My brother,” he cut his flatmate off, trying to pretend he was reading the newspaper with interest.

“I thought you had no brothers…?” Credence brushed his hair softly as if he was trying to get his attention. Successfully. “Besides, his handwriting looks a lot like yours.”

“A little minx, aren’t you?” The smile that was slowly forming on Credence’s lips told Percy he already knew. “Go on, make fun of me.”

“There’s no reason to.” A gentle kiss landed on the top of his head and Percy had no idea when his newspaper folded itself and flew towards the table, replaced by Credence, who swiftly found his way into his arms. “I like it, really.” Another kiss, playful and light, was placed on the brigde of his nose. “Perseverance and Credence. We do suit each other.”

For the first time in his life, Percy couldn’t help smiling, hearing the ridiculous name.

neighbour!baekhyun

- ever since you moved in this creepy kid has been staring out the window at you
- it’s getting worse everyday
- he also brought cookies one time and it was also the last time bc he accidently shoved them in your face whilst tripping over his own shoelace
- sometimes he walks you to school and sits at the lunchtable with you and tries to shove his fries in your mouth
- you kicking his ass bc what the fuck you have hands you can do that shit yourself
- he always goes outside when you go outside
- like when you’re ready to go jogging he’s all the sudden on his porch pretending to read the newspaper, which is upside down ??
- baekhyun also has a few friends that come over often
- with a few friends i mean eleven he literally brings home eleven people
- their music is always too damn loud so you gotta go over there to tell them to shut the fuck up but all the sudden you’re sitting on his couch with eleven people surrounding you with party hats on their head, like wow how did this happen ???
- “so this is your girl baek”
- “jongdae you crusty knee cap i will burn your house down”
- apparently you’re baekhyun’s girl bc they never bothered to ask your name so ur kinda stuck atm
- when you’re @ school you sometimes hear the distance calls of ‘baekhyun’s girl!’ being called but you always run away like gtg
- baekhyun comes over to your place alot and plays scrabble with your mother when you’re not there
- “oh you’re home !! wanna join us in an exciting game of scrabble”
- “baekhyun how tf did you get in”
- he climbs trough your window at night with his books clutched under his arm bc he needed to copy your homework asap
- baekhyun likes to get in your personal place alot like you’ll be asking him some math question and he’ll be real close to your face like !!!!! I will show youuuuu
- he stays alot for dinner aswell unexpectedly and eats all your potatoes bc apparently you dont need them
- baekhyun gives alot of clothing advice bc he feels like you should wear alot more cute clothes
- “gosh golly you look magnificent!!”
- “shut up you fucking tiny weiner”
- in conclusion i want baekhyun to be my neighbour bc i would love all this pls

For the earlier prompt meme, @sinuswave asked for;

Oh, how about Scout/Heavy with “57. Teach me to fight” ?

**


“So, it’s a battle, right?”

“Da. It is representation of battle.”

“‘Cept with armies instead’a mercs?”

“Da.” Heavy gestured at the chessboard set up on the table between them. “White army and black army. Player using white pieces always move first. New players often think this is advantage, but in many cases-”

“Where all the little people?”

“…What?”

“The little people, doin’ the fightin’? I see the little castle thingies. That their home?”

“Scout, that is rook. Each player has two rook, and they can move-”

“A rook? Ain’t that a bird or somethin’?”

Heavy rubbed the bridge of his nose and supressed a sigh. At the other end of the mess hall, Spy was pretending to be reading a newspaper while shamelessly smirking at them.

“All right. I start from beginning. All pieces on board are soldiers in battle. Different types of pieces, like our different classes. They look different, so player can tell easily which is which. All have different function, different ways of fighting, depending on type and on player’s technique. All move in different ways.”

“So, like… some of ‘em sprint, and some jus’ walk around?”


“Nyet.”

“Huh.”

“They move around the board-”

“And shoot each other?”

“Nyet. They move around the board in different patterns, and when their paths intersect, they-”

“Which way round the board do we go? is it like Monopoly?”

“Is nothing like stupid Monopoly! No dog! No shoe!”

“Okay, Jeez!”

“Chess is tactics in purest form, a test of mind against mind, logic against logic,” Heavy said breathily, leaning over the table and over Scout. “Within the rigid rules, innovation and focus and nerve will win! You understand?”

“Uhh…no.”

Heavy sank back into his chair with a deep sigh. Spy was now openly laughing at them.

“You know,” Scout said, idly poking at a Bishop, “this ain’t what I had in mind when I asked ya to teach me to fight.”

**

I admit, this probably isn’t what Sinuswave had in mind when she gave me the prompt, but I hope she enjoyed it all the same.

I ought to do more of these, they’re fun :D

More prompts!

title: hitched
pairing: kobayashi/tohru
notes: 500+ words, anyways have this I JSUT binge watched and binge read mkdm

ao3

It wasn’t like Kobayashi didn’t care or anything, but in all honesty—it wasn’t really like she thought she would have this kind of life. She also did kind of forgot that at one point or another she’d have to get married (it conveniently slipped from her mind, if anyone asks).

Keep reading

somebodyhelpthenotdeadfreds  asked:

Freddie only made it as far as the downstairs couch that night, and woke up to a cup of coffee on the coffee table for her.

She couldn’t find her phone or her goddamn shoes, that was the only reason she stayed. She was too drunk to drive, refused to even think of asking for a ride, and all she wanted to do was curl in on herself and die of embarrassment when she was sober enough. The couch was a find place for that.

Freddie had only stayed the night on a few occasions but she knew that Frederick liked to sleep in, she could be up and gone before he knew she never left. Or so she thought.  

The curtains were drawn and a blanket was thrown over her shoulders but the cup of coffee was the first thing she noticed. It was hot, it had her creamer in it. It was perfect.

The second thing she noticed, the man in the stupid house slippers sitting in a chair pretending to be reading a newspaper as opposite to watching her out of the corner of his eyes. She stated plainly, “I’m hungover.”

“I bet,” He noted, not yet making eye contact. She was glad for that. “You drink a lot last night.”

“Yeah, and you were an ass.”

It was a bite and a growl, defensive because she felt defenseless. He didn’t seem to take it to heart when he agreed with her, “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

“I’m not six years old, who gives a fuck about my feelings?”

“I do,” He told her, putting the paper down. “I’ve lost people in my life, too, I know that it’s-“

“Don’t start hammering in the nails,” She snapped, glaring. “She’s not dead yet.”

“You’re upset.”

“Damn fucking straight,” Freddie muttered, pressing her knuckles to her where head was pulsing. “I’m going home.”

“Let me drive you.”

“No.”

“Freddie,” He started but then sighed. “Stay here. I won’t talk to you, I won’t bother you, but I know this process you’re going through and it hurts. It hurts a little less when you’re not doing it on your own.”

She squinted at him and then sighed, pulling the blanket over her head, “I’m leaving as soon as the sun stops trying to drill a hole through my eyes.”

He accepted that, “Fair enough. Are you up for breakfast?”

The Hunt, 1/?

Or this has not been a good year for the Pines family.

————

Sebastian Ekelhaft was a procurer.

Or perhaps, procurer with a capital P. 

Yes, Procurer, that was better.

The point was, he had special skills-the Sight, select contacts, a fast car- which aided him in his career.

Others in his field had warned him away from Gravity Falls, saying that scouting there was certain death.

But Sebastian was the best.

And, he had thought with disgust as he got some coffee, this shithole town had been blown completely out of proportion.

Keep reading

Pairing: Shizuo/Izaya
Theme: celebrity!au

Izaya knew.

Orihara Izaya, up and coming actor and model, had managed to blend in with the people waiting at Starbucks for their coffee. It was crowded and so he slipped in; his hat was low and he had taken off his sunglasses, knowing the more incognito he looked, the easier it would be to find him.

He just sat in the first open seat on a bench he found. He ordered a coffee, gave a fake name, and decided to wait until the paparazzi found someone else to bother. Usually he was fine with them, liked to take them on twisted journeys throughout the city. But his agent had sternly told him to stop goading them; it just gave them more to make money off of.

The guy next to him kept fidgeting, glancing over at him without trying to seem obvious. Izaya smirked and crossed his legs casually, pretended he didn’t notice him and kept reading his newspaper.

The other was blond; he was tall, sipping at a vanilla bean frappuccino. It was far too sweet for Izaya’s liking but he seemed to be enjoying it, playing on his phone.

Ten minutes had passed and they hadn’t said a single word. But he kept trying to sneak a glance; Izaya could see him and was growing amused. He was glad that he had the sense to not say anything and draw attention to him; for that, Izaya decided as he scrawled his signature on a corner of the newspaper and ripped it off, he’d reward him.

“Here you go,” he murmured. “If you want a picture, ahh, I suppose I could risk that…”

The blond took the newspaper but seemed surprised. “H-ha? Oh uh… thanks.”

“So are you a fan of mine? Silly question, of course you are…”

“Actually, I’m not.”

Blinking, Izaya turned to stare at him. “Oh?”

“Oh… you just kind of looked like my brother because he’s got dark hair and pale skin too… oh, you’re that Izaya guy. Hi.”

“…Izaya guy?”

It was definitely his ego getting to his head, but Izaya was rather offended.