pretending to know what you're talking about

When Saeran is Mistaken for Saeyoung after Dying His Hair Red Again.
  • Zen: *throws arm around him* So about that Tripter bot! Can I give you some pictures to put on it? ^^
  • Saeran: What are you talking about?
  • Zen: Quit pretending like you don't know, you confessed you were behind it.
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung.
  • Zen: Hahaha, you're so funny.
  • Saeran: And you're a moron.
  • Zen: Oh. You are Saeran.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Jumin: Get away from Elizabeth the Third. Why the hell are you in my apartment, Saeyoung?! Out!
  • Saeran: Saeyoung told me to come give you this piece of paper. The bodyguards let me in. Your cat likes me. I don't know why.
  • Jumin: Saeyoung sent Saeyoung over? Quit acting, Saeyoung and put her down!
  • Saeran: Here, cat. Be careful getting down. I'm leaving now.
  • Jumin: So easily, Saeyoung?
  • Saeran: *sighs*
  • Elizabeth 3rd: *meows sadly after Saeran*
  • Jumin: That wasn't Saeyoung, was it?
  • Elizabeth 3rd: *meows exasperatedly*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Yoosung: Hey, Saeyoung, how did you do on LOLOL last night?!
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung.
  • Yoosung: Okay! How did you do on LOLOL last night, other Saeyoung?
  • Saeran: *groans*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Jaehee: *opens mouth as Saeran walks into cafe*
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung!
  • Jaehee: Can you do mixed coffee drinks if you have a book?
  • Saeran: Uh.
  • Jaehee: That's a yes. I need help. You're hired. Get to work.
  • Saeran: *sighs, again*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • V: ....
  • Saeran: You can't even see! I'm not Saeyoung!
  • V: Ouch.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Rika: Hi!
  • Saeran: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DEVIL WOMAN!
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Vanderwood: ......
  • Saeran: ......
  • Vanderwood: So....
  • Saeran: I'm not Saeyoung.
  • Vanderwood: Right. Sorry about last time! You all look so much alike!
  • Saeran: You're. A. Moron.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • MC: Hi, Saeran!
  • Saeran: MARRY ME!
  • MC: *confused as to why Saeran is suddenly clinging to her after he visited the others to drop off things Saeyoung had "borrowed" from them*
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Saeyoung: Hi, second Saeyoung!
  • Saeran: I hate all of you.
  • ___________________________________________________________
  • Saeyoung: *secretly told all the members he would be the one visiting them* *troll*
Linkin Park {Sentence Starters}
  • "Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back."
  • "I'm tired of being what you want me to be."
  • "I don't know what's worth fighting for."
  • "I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long!"
  • "Something has been taken from deep inside of me."
  • "I've become so numb, I can't feel you there."
  • "I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real."
  • "All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you."
  • "The pain gave me something I could set my sights on."
  • "If I could change, I would take back the pain, I would!"
  • "Every step that I take is another mistake to you!"
  • "I will never be anything till I break away from me."
  • "I can’t pretend I’m who you want me to be."
  • "Don't know what you're expecting of me."
  • "Shut up when I’m talking to you!"
  • "When I pretend, I can’t forget about the criminal I am."
  • "Maybe someday I’ll be just like you and step on people like you do."
  • "I thought it felt right but that right was wrong."
  • "Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed."
  • "How do you think I’ve lost so much?"
  • "Risk something, take back what's yours!"
  • "You used to be calm, used to be strong."
  • "I kept everything inside and, even though I tried, it all fell apart."
  • "Can't you see that you're smothering me?"
  • "It doesn’t even matter how hard you try."
John Mulaney Sentence Starters
  • "The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time."
  • "All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it."
  • "It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them - especially when you were supposed to do them."
  • "In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin."
  • "I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table."
  • "I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting."
  • "Why do people shush animals? They've never spoken."
  • "A lot of times you're anxious and people say, "Relax. Shut up." And that just feels like, Well, I guess I'm also crazy."
  • "I'm an idiot, but I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far."
  • "I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?"
  • "I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion."
  • "There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me."
  • "Being president looks like the worst job in the world."
  • "Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world."
  • "I always though quick sand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be."
  • "'Do you want a salad or fries?' that's like asking 'Do you want to go for a jog or freebase cocaine?'"
  • “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.”
  • “Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die; I can’t have them roaming around. They know too much.”
  • "I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video- Which is a very old fashioned sentence."
  • "I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then they're just pants."
  • "My body is bad at sports: that's the problem."
  • "It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of "Law & Order" in my apartment."
  • "I don't look older, I just look worse."
  • "So, I would just have a couple of drinks, and my brain would be like, 'OK, I see where this is headed. We're just going to power down now and get restarted sometime tomorrow morning'."
  • "Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it."
  • "'Ocean's 11' with women wouldn't work 'cause two would keep breaking off to talk sh*t about the other nine."
  • “Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone, and I’ll be like ‘Yeah, I’ve been really lonely lately’ and they’ll be like ‘Well we should hang out!’ and I’m like ‘No, that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I meant at all.”
  • "We'd all go play jacks by the soda fountain."
  • "No one knows what you're talking about you idiot."
  • "Blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep but your body gets all 'Eye of the Tiger' and soldiers on.'
  • "Am I proud of it? No. Just like I'm not proud of the fact that I saw the movie The Notebook in theaters. But it happened!"
  • "You don't know me. I have secrets. Why yesterday I wore my footie pajamas under my clothes and pretended I was a fucking fireman."
  • “Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I'm new in town.”
  • "Because we're Delta Airlines and life is a fucking nightmare!"
  • "I could never be goth, don't get me wrong, I'm unhappy, it's not that."
  • "To me Person of Interest is almost too flattering. Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest' I'd be like 'Moi? Oh do go on. Fresh.' "
  • "Ma'am can you turn off your bluetooth? This is a baptism."
  • "It was really easy to get away with murder before they knew about DNA."
  • "Do you want a plate of fries? If I get fries for the table would you take some? I know you'll eat fries if I get fries!"
  • "I watch so much Law and Order that sometimes I think I'm on an episode of Law and Order."
  • "You asked if I brushed my teeth but I never specified that I did so tonight. If the court reporter reads back my remarks you will see I did not purger myself."
  • "Traveling can get kinda lonely sometimes, actually no that's not the right word, Life. Life can get kinda lonely sometimes."
  • "Scientists have long since wondered if you can make grown men and women cry by playing Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual. And the answer is yes."
  • "Like my god man people are dead! But no you keep stacking those boxes."
  • "You seen this shit? You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit?"
  • "As they say in Jerry Maguire, 'You had me at AIDS.'”
  • “Papa, today I met a boy with no eyes.”
  • "Adult life is already so goddamn weird."
The Incredibles (2004 Film) : Sentence Starters
  • "'Greater good?' I am your wife/husband! I'm the greatest good you are ever gonna get!"
  • "Where.Is.My.Super.Suit?"
  • "It will be bold! Dramatic!"
  • "No capes!"
  • "I didn't know the baby's powers so I covered the basics."
  • "The public is in danger!"
  • "_______ doesn't have any powers."
  • "Well, (s)he'll look fabulous anyway."
  • "We survived but we're dead!"
  • "This is a hobo suit, darling."
  • "I never look back, darling! It distracts from the now."
  • "And it can also withstand a temperature of over 1000 degrees."
  • "That's a new feature."
  • "Look at me when I'm talking to you, _______!"
  • "Stop right now, or you're fired!"
  • "Do not change the subject, _______! We're discussing your attitude!"
  • "No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again."
  • "You mean you killed off real heroes so that you could pretend to be one?"
  • "See? Now you respect me, because I'm a threat."
  • "Oh, ho ho! You sly dog! You got me monologuing!"
  • "My God, you've gotten fat."
  • "Normal? What do you know about normal?"
  • "The only normal one is _______, and (s)he's not even toilet trained!"
  • "_______... this is the third time this year you've been sent to the office."
  • "Sometimes I just want it to stay saved!"
  • "Honey, you know why we can't do that."
  • "You always say 'Do your best', but you don't really mean it."
  • "The last thing you need is temptation."
  • "Pull-yourself-together!"
  • "I was wrong to treat you that way. I'm sorry..."
  • "Fight! Win!"
  • "Well, not every superhero has powers, you know."
  • "I work alone."
  • "I am your biggest fan."
  • "And your outfit is totally ridiculous!"
  • "We get there when we get there!"
  • "You can't count on anyone, especially your heroes."
  • "_______, it's great to see you, but I gotta tell you, I've got no idea what you're talking about."
  • "Yes, words are useless!"
  • "Yeah. No school like the old school."
  • "I'm always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me!"
  • "While what? I watch helplessly from the sidelines? I don't think so."
  • "I can't lose you again!"
  • "Your identity is your most valuable possession."
  • "They will kill you if you give them the chance."
  • "I hereby declare war on peace and happiness!"
  • "(S)He starts monologuing."
  • "Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won't shut up!"
  • "Just like old times, huh _______?"
  • "Luck favors the prepared."
  • "(S)He puts thumbtacks on my stool."
  • "It's not my fault! _______ ran away and I knew I'd get blamed for it..."
  • "_______, you're making weird faces again."
  • "That was the best vacation ever!"
  • "I should have told you I was fired, I admit it. But I didn't want you to worry."
  • "To tell you the truth, I'd rather go bowling."
  • "You gotta admit this is cool! Just like a movie!"
  • "Valuing life is not weakness."
  • "If you haven't noticed, _______, we're not doin' so hot either."
  • "Look, I performed a public service. You act like that's a bad thing."
The Doctor's Relationship with His Companions
  • Doctor: I love you.
  • Rose: I love you too.
  • Doctor: I don't love you.
  • Martha: But I love you.
  • Doctor: I don't love you.
  • Donna: Ew good.
  • Doctor: I don't love you.
  • Amy: Except I don't get married till TOMORROW
  • Doctor: What psh I don't love you, I don't know what you're talking about.
  • Doctor: *shows up in Clara's apartment to pretend to be her boyfriend, literally naked*
Cashier Problem #27

When you can’t understand a single word that your customers are saying to you, so you just have to stand there and smile awkwardly, pretending you know exactly what they’re talking about.

Mixed Chemistry (lucaya fanfic part 1)
  • (Backstory: Lucas has been wanting to ask out Maya for a long time and has finally got up the courage to asks her)
  • Lucas: Hey...um...Maya c-can I talk to you about something?
  • Maya: Yea one sec...
  • Maya: (to zay) Awww flowers you didn't have to
  • Zay: I just want the best for you
  • Lucas: (Realization dawns on him) Wait, you two are together??!
  • Maya: Yea, didn't you know?
  • Lucas: Uh,no but, um good for you
  • Zay: We'll see you around
  • Maya: Oh one second zay
  • Maya: (to Lucas)ha-hURR
  • Maya: (to zay) Okay now I can go
  • Maya+Zay: (Hold hands and walk away)
  • ---------
  • (After the conversation with Maya: Zay:Lucas)
  • Maya: Zay you didn't have to do that
  • Zay: Oh the flowers they were nothing much
  • Maya: Not the flowers! You know what I'm talking about- pretending to be with me so Lucas knows that I'm okay with him being with Riley
  • Zay: You like him
  • Maya: Zay! I do not!
  • Zay: Pleassseeeee. And you knew that he likes you too.
  • Maya: As if. Lucas practically loves Riley
  • Zay: Oh and does that bother you?
  • Maya: (Quick to answer)Not at all! And if you think I like him why were you pretending to be with me?
  • Zay: I thought the point of that was to make Lucas jealous not to make it seem like you're taken!
  • Maya: Ugh, I have to go.
  • ---------
  • (After the conversation with Maya: Zay:Lucas)
  • Lucas: (to himself)Maya and Zay?
  • Riley: (runs up to Lucas)Hey what's up? Wait, is something wrong?
  • Lucas: (Looking more upbeat) No nothing's wrong!
  • Riley: Anything new happen since History class 5 minutes ago?*giggles*
  • Lucas: (forces a small laugh) Hey do you see Maya and Zay as a good couple?
  • Riley: Wait WHAT ARE THEY TOGETHER!!? YAYAYYAYAY! I bet Maya is sosososo happy! *gasps* I HAVE TO PICK OUT MY BRIDESMAIDS DRESS! *runs away*
  • Lucas: (to himself)Why doesn't she like me?
  • ---------
  • DONATE ME YOUR HEARTS AND REBLOGS FOR MORE PARTS!!!

anonymous asked:

Do you think Bruce anonymously tips Clark every once in a while with breaking news nobody has got a hold of yet just to have him be more succesful so he can finally pay him back for that satellite in MoS? Of course he's got enough money to replace 3k satellites but he's still holding a lowkey grudge.

passive aggression: the bruce wayne edition

The Signs From A Cancers Opininon
  • Aries: Fucking rad. Aries are so headstrong and hilarious I've never met an Aries I didn't like! You come off as a little intimidating imo but that's usually because of how awesome you all are!
  • Taurus: I've never really seen eye to eye with Taurus' which is weird because we should be hella compatible but they're usually so cocky and it rubs me the wrong way. I do however know a Taurus and I highkey love him he's this super weird, innocent quiet kid who is obsessed with cats and lowkey seems a little crazy but I'm obsessed with him he's amazing!
  • Gemini: MY FUCKING DORKS OMG, Geminis are all like those weird dorky kids and I love them all they don't fit in with society and they don't need to! You get along with everyone effortlessly and you are awesome!
  • Cancer: Lowkey I cannot stand Cancers at all when I first meet them. We're too similar and I don't like it I like diversity and being able to learn new things but when I finally get to know them we're like two peas in a pod awesome lil emotional water balloon mamas.
  • Leo: Y'all need to calm down for like a minute, just a minute, the world doesn't revolve around you it revolves around me. But Leos are the life of the party they're so crazy and fun but also really chill and relatable and I envy you're extrovertedness.
  • Virgo: Literally either get the whole entire fuck away from me or never leave my side. Virgos can either be hella obsessive and controlling, in which case girl bye, or the most down to Earth ride or dies ever and the latter ones are my soul mates
  • Libra: Fuckin' party! I get on with Libras so well! We just chill together. Libras are really flighty and chill and awesome that I could listen to them pretend to know what they're talking about for hours because they're just so down to do whatever!
  • Scorpio: Literally fuck me. Scorpios are fuckin' hot and sexy and dark and mysterious and I love it oh me oh my!
  • Sagittarius: There is a 99999999% chance if we get together we will bitch about something and it will be hilarious that is the way when we are together.
  • Capricorn: Fuckin' nerd. I know one Capricorn and he just studies constantly and does so well in school and still has time to be a human and idgi how do you exist so easily?
  • Aquarius: YOU CAN TALK TO ME YOU DONT HAVE TO BOTTLE EVERYTHING UP INSIDE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOURE THE SHIT AND THEN YOU FEEL ALL CONFUSED AND WEAK BY EMOTIONS NO! DONT DO THAT TALK TO ME YOU AWESOME ARTIST GOD-COMPLEXED WEIRDOS
  • Pisces: BABE. Babe, you're the sweetest peach on the tree but you can also be a rotten apple if you wanna you're my emotional bitch sisters till the end and we will destroy all who stand in our way
*me hearing the news talking about someone who died last year*
  • Me: Who died?
  • My grandpa: Maya Angelou
  • Me: Aww
  • My grandpa: She was awful. You know, she was a prostitute when she was younger.
  • Me: So?
  • My grandpa: All she ever did was complain and talk about her oppression.
  • Me: Ah yes, I totally forgot.
  • My grandpa: Forgot what?
  • Me: That you're a sexist and a racist who likes to judge women based off of what they chose to do to make money and survive. That you like to pretend that all she's doing is complaining, when in reality, she's just speaking out about all of the bullshit that people of color have to deal with on a daily basis.
H2O: Just Add Water {Sentence Starters}
  • "So have you decided what time for the party tonight?"
  • "Just because I've got these powers doesn't mean I'm amazing."
  • "So, we're floating, it's not like we're sinking."
  • "Lighten up, he doesn't suspect a thing."
  • "Why is everything sweet and nice all the time?"
  • "That doesn't mean we're married, does it?"
  • "Hey, I don't frolic. I glide."
  • "Maybe she/he doesn't like you. Did you think about that?"
  • "Anything I can do to get under his skin can't be a bad thing, can it?"
  • "What makes you think there's anything wrong?"
  • "I am not some lackey, I am not some all purpose-servant."
  • "Whatever happens, we're in this together."
  • "I'd change my name and go to the country, but that's just me."
  • "I don't care about you frolicking with the dolphins."
  • "I know how much you like it. Here."
  • "At least try and pretend you're having fun."
  • "She hangs round with you, so her standards must be pretty low."
  • "Don't you remember what it was like to be a kid?"
  • "Why would _____ want to waste her/his breath talking to you?"
  • "So that's the thanks I get? I gotta say it hurts, it hurts right here."
  • "Maybe you could try showing a little trust!"
  • "You were meant to stay up top and throw down a rope or something."
  • "I don't interfere with your lives, so stay out of mine."
  • "You're self-centered, you're vain, you're disgustingly rich."
  • "Friends don't give each other ultimatums."
  • "If anything happens to him, it'll be your fault!"
  • "I'm on a hunt and if I find what I'm looking for, I'll rewrite the history books."
  • "Stay right were you are. We don't want to have to hurt you."
  • "Where would you hide if you were a little kid?"
  • "AH! Why are my pants on fire?!"
  • "I tend to see the glass as being half full, you tend to see the glass as being something to hit people with!"
  • "Sick people make me feel- well, sick.

anonymous asked:

why are terfs always on posts like "um sweaty i was a transgendered for SIX DAYS i know what im talking about" like shut up helen, you're a cis woman and you fucking know it, don't pretend you know what The Trans Experience™ is

omg u kno those terfs who basically are like ‘im so radical that im not like other girls’ to the point where theyre like ‘im not actually a woman im a womyn, im not a girl im just me’ and its like gorl……………. gORL……….. STOP TRYNA SOUND TRANS LOL WHAT R U DOING

THATS HOW A LOT OF NON-BINARY PEOPLE DESCRIBE THEMSELVES AKJEFLERHG

THATS HOW I DESCRIBE MYSELF I HATE READING TERFS WRITE THAT BULLHOCKEY

tbh sometimes i think a lot of terfs are just non-binary people who just dont know it and are too wrapped up in bigotry to experiment with their gender

bottom line terfs aint know nothin about nothing and im tired of theyre ridiculous shenanigans

mod bird

The Most Frustrating Thing About the Signs
  • Aries: you only know how to argue by yelling, you either yell at people or ignore them
  • Taurus: you never wanna tell people what you want but then you get passive aggressive when they don't give it to you like jfc I'm not a mind reader
  • Gemini: way too easily swayed, like, do you even opinions?
  • Cancer: you pretend not to have any emotions but you have SO MANY EMOTIONS holy shit
  • Leo: I mean obviously there's the arrogance thing, but that wouldn't be so bad if you at least recognized other people's achievements?? You don't think anyone does good but you
  • Virgo: you pretend to like people all the time when you don't, like it's one thing to be polite and an entirely different thing to pretend to be someone's friend and talk shit about them behind their back
  • Libra: you can be childish as hell when you're losing an argument
  • Scorpio: the biggest hypocrite you will ever meet? Like the most flirtatious and the most jealous, the most offensive and easily offended, they want to know everything about you but won't tell you shit about themselves, like ????
  • Sagittarius: you care so much about what strangers think about you that you piss off the people you're close to
  • Capricorn: when you're stressed you take it out on EVERYONE like chill it's not their fault you worry about shit that doesn't matter 24/7
  • Aquarius: so pretentious omg like you can't even have a conversation with someone without bringing up some artsy existential bullshit
  • Pisces: noTHING YOU SAY MAKES SENSE

anonymous asked:

Doesn't it bother you that your fiancé is attracted to you because he has a big girl fetish... Like its not that he loves you no matter how big you are it's because you're big he loves you.

You do know that you have no idea what you’re talking about though, right? cause you pretending to know about our relationship or why foxy is with me just makes you sound incredibly ridiculous and petty. I hate to break this to you, but some people have preferences for fat folk. it’s just like any other physical preference one may have. just because you view fat bodies as unfit to love or adore in any context outside of a fetish doesn’t mean that it’s accurate or true. doesn’t it bother you that you’re spending your life making false claims about totally happy and content people instead of ya know..living your own life?

anonymous asked:

OMG HAHAHAHAHA I feel like once everything went back to normal--Bucky and Tony back in their respective bodies and sober again-- Bucky would like to pretend that little drunken bonding moment never happened like "Oh come on Bucko lighten up I thought you and I were pals!" "Don't. call me. "Bucko". And we were never PALS, Stark." "Ohhh come oonnn we definitely had a bonding moment there" "I don't know what you're talking about" "Jarvis play the--" "JARVIS DON'T YOU DARE"

i wanted to write something funny but then i gave myself feeeeelings D: 

When Tony looks up, it’s to see Barnes hovering in the doorway. He’s clearly on his way somewhere else, just passing by Tony’s lab, and he looks like hell – all beat up, blood on his lip. 

“Good look,” Tony says.

“What?” 

“All that,” Tony gestures. “Leather. I get to fly around in a suit that looks like my convertibles, but you’re really nailing the tall dark and handsome thing. Minimalism. I like it.” 

“Don’t get too friendly, now,” Barnes drawls. He turns and leans in the doorway. “You know I got a jealous lady at home.” 

They look at each other for a minute, exhausted and a little wary and both bleeding from various places, no chance of sleeping after a mission that bad. To Tony’s surprise, it’s actually Barnes who cracks. He has a bottle in one hand and holds it up. “This won’t get me drunk but it’ll get you drunk.” 

“Why do you have it, then?” 

Barnes shrugs. “Miss the taste. Don’t like getting hammered unless I have to.” 

"Alright,” Tony agrees. “Magnanimously, I will allow you inside my lab. Don’t touch anything.” 

Barnes strolls inside and sits down next to Tony on his workbench with a groan. He kicks his legs out in front of him and unscrews the bottle and takes a swig, and then he passes it over. “Miss Potts okay?” he asks. So fucking polite and old fashioned, Jesus. Always asking after the lady.

“Sleeping it off,” Tony says. He drinks and gives the bottle back. Then he takes another swig so he can say what he has to next. Ugh, small talk. “Cap?” 

“Thor,” Barnes grunts. He waves a hand. “And Romanoff. They wanted Chinese. Or Thai. Or…something.” 

Tony looks at him for a second. Then he reaches for the bottle back. Barnes says, “They’re out there saving the world, and here’s us, two dumb schmucks drinking the night away,” Barnes adds. “You ever feel like….aw, shit.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you don’t…” he sighs. “Relate anymore. All the way. Kind of – lookin’ in from the outside.” 

Tony takes another drink. Wow, he needs to be drunker for this conversation. “Shit,” Barnes sighs, scrubbing his hand over his face. “Jesus. My bones fuckin’ hurt. You ever been that tired?” 

“Who do you think you’re talking to? I haven’t actually slept since I was, like, twelve.” Tony asks. There’s silence for a second. Then he says, “Tell you something.” Barnes looks to him. Tony makes his eyes wide. “Top secret. Super classified. Inside the president’s suitcase of nuclear codes.” 

Barnes raises his eyebrows.

“I can’t keep up with them either,” Tony says. “Am I getting old? Is that it?” 

“Man, I got no idea,” Barnes says. He takes another drink and teases, dryly, “I ain’t even, what, half your age?” 

“I am thirty eight –” 

“You’re forty two,” Barnes says. “Listen, one thing we ain’t gonna argue about?” 

“What?” 

"We ain’t good enough for ‘em,” Barnes says. “We sure ain’t.” 

Tony looks at him. “No,” he finally agrees. “No.” He frowns. “Give me the bottle, oh my God. You are so depressing.”

“Fuck you,” Barnes says affably, and passes it over.  

Riley to Maya: You stepped back. I know that you stepped back.

bUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS MAYA ALWAYS LIKED LUCAS SINCE THE MOMENT THEY MET THAT DAY ON THE TRAIN it’s canon now it’s not just fanfiction since the moment they pretend dated for two seconds and all the times she’s made fun of him since SHE SACRIFICED WHAT SHE FELT FOR LUCAS ALL THIS TIME JUST TO MAKE RILEY HAPPY

I'm falling apart physically and mentally, but mostly physically
  • Angel: *lands in front of an old shack and knocks on the door*
  • Witch: *opens door*
  • Angel: Hiiii!
  • Witch: *slams door*
  • Angel: Heeey!
  • Witch: *opens door again* What do you want?
  • Angel: I just came by to see my best friend! *makes heart shape with her hands* What else?
  • Witch: We're not friends.
  • Angel: You opened the door for me. Why would you do that if we weren't friends? *smiles innocently*
  • Witch: Ugh, I don't know. Just come in.
  • Angel: So, what are you doing today?
  • Witch: Brewing stuff as usual.
  • Angel: Are you brewing pumpkin soup!? I want some!
  • Witch: Pumpkin soup? What? No. I'm brewing a deadly potion, like usual.
  • Angel: *grabs the witch's arm* Hey, let's go outside and play.
  • Witch: Don't touch me! I'm doing very delicate work.
  • Angel: *sighs* Boring.
  • Witch: I've got magazines beside the couch. Read one of those and stop bothering me.
  • Angel: *flips through a magazine* I can't read!
  • Witch: You really are a moron.
  • Angel: I'm an angel. I don't need to learn to read. *leans over the witch's shoulder* Hey, can I help you brew?
  • Witch: You know what, sure. I need more ingredients. Do you know those flowers that grow beneath the sands in the wasteland?
  • Angel: Uh huh.
  • Witch: Good, I need you to go dig me up a couple.
  • Angel: Oh, digging is so fun! *flies off through the roof*
  • Witch: MY FUCKING ROOF!
  • Angel: *surveys the wasteland from high above* I need to find a nice digging spot. Hmm... there goes a place!
  • Angel: *flies off to a sandy spot that is indistinguishable from all of the other sandy spots in the wasteland which is just one endless sandy spot in itself*
  • Angel: This is going to be fun! I'll pretend to be a puppy! *tongue lulls out of her mouth as she digs through the sand like a dog*
  • Angel: *hand touches something fleshy* Aroo?
  • Buried Man: *yawns after being slapped in the face by the angel and wakes up* Who's there? Martha?
  • Angel: I'm not Martha. I'm an angel.
  • Buried Man: An angel? Where am I?
  • Angel: The wasteland.
  • Buried Man: What the hell am I doing in a wasteland?
  • Angel: I don't know. You died, I guess. Everyone who's dead comes to the wasteland.
  • Buried Man: I'm not dead. How could I be dead when I'm talking to you right now?
  • Angel: Hmm, that's a good question. I don't know how this whole thing works. I only live here.
  • Buried Man: I don't really care. Just help me out of all this sand.
  • Angel: *pulls the man from the sand revealing that he has nothing below his torso and his entrails are hanging out*
  • Buried Man: AHH! JESUS! HELP ME! OH MY JESUS, HELP! *desperately attempts to put his entrails back inside of himself*
  • Angel: *internally* How does he know my big brother?
  • Buried Man: My guts are hanging out! Please get help! Don't just stand there!
  • Angel: What kind of help?
  • Buried Man: A doctor! A surgeon! Anyone! I NEED HELP!
  • Angel: Ah, I think I know just the person. I'll take you to her. Here, hop on my back.
  • Buried Man: *clings onto the angel's back with all of his strength*
  • Angel: Okay, don't loosen your grip. *flies off at mach speed*
  • Buried Man: *looks back to see his entrails flying out* STOP! STOP! YOU HAVE TO STOP!
  • Angel: I can't stop now!
  • Buried Man: Then slow down! My guts are flying away!
  • Angel: I can only fly at one speed! Stop being so picky! Ah, here we are! *flies through the witch's roof*
  • Angel: Hi, I'm back!
  • Witch: Son of a bitch!
  • Angel: *gasps* You said a swear!
  • Witch: Ugh! Remember when you knocked on my door? I'd really prefer if you did that more often. Wood's hard to come by around these parts and I can't keep having you ruin my roof.
  • Angel: I'm sorry. It's just that there's this guy, and he doesn't have any legs, and he kept yelling for me to help him, and he knows my big brother, and I don't know. He's on my back. You talk to him. *notices the man isn't on her back anymore* Huh, where'd he go???
  • Witch: *hands the angel a hammer and bag of nails* I don't care what you're on about, but if you want to help me you can get to fixing my roof.
  • Angel: I can pretend to be an architect! *flies through roof*
  • Witch: YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
  • Angel: Sorry!
  • *elsewhere*
  • Buried Man: *drags himself towards a lung with one arm as his other arm has been broken* Gotcha.
  • Buried Man: *flips himself onto his back, wipes sand off of his lung by rubbing it on his shirt, and stuffs it back into his body* Okay, that's both of my lungs. I still need to find my kidneys, heart, all of my intestines, and those other miscellaneous body parts...
  • Buried Man: *stares at the colorless sun in the gray sky*
  • Buried Man: Martha...
  • Baekhyun: Siwon, we need to talk.
  • Siwon: Why, Baekhyun, it's been a while.
  • Baekhyun: Cut the crap, I saw you a couple hours ago. I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but -
  • Siwon: I don't know what you're talking about.
  • Baekhyun: Ugh. You are the WORST. You are NOT a real therapist.
  • Siwon: Of course I'm not.
  • Baekhyun: So why are you pretending to be?
  • Siwon: I'm not.
  • Baekhyun: Look, whatever. Just keep your homophobic ass away from Sehun.
  • Baekhyun: He's the gayest person I know and he's fine just the way he is and if you make him hate himself or revert back to denial you're going to have some angry EXO members on your hands.
  • Siwon: I'm not homophobic. Homosexuality is one of my very favorite things.
  • Baekhyun: I
  • Baekhyun: Really?
  • Siwon: Yes, I love making out with boys! It's listed as one of my hobbies on my classified SM profile.
  • Baekhyun: Oh
  • Baekhyun: I guess I do remember that
  • Baekhyun: Well
  • Baekhyun: In that case
  • Baekhyun: wanna make out

casstanets  asked:

To add to the thing you said earlier, I can imagine Jotaro being really good at that parent thing where you humor the kid by pretending you're not that good at what your doing. You know what I'm talking about? Like, he says he'll read her a story, but then he holds the book upside down and Jolyne's like "DAAAAADY THAT'S NOT HOW YOU REEEEAAAAD," and then Jotaro's like "what are you talking about??? Are you SURE???" and it always works because he's so good at keeping a straight face.

YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS and she would laugh every time because Dad’s Fuckin Up Again and inside he’s like My Girl Is So Fuckin Smart i’m just….[clenches fist and doesn’t stop crying]

anonymous asked:

*curtsies* Duke, it's easy sometimes to get jealous of you because you seem so fearless and yourself. You know what you love and do it (unlike me, who has SO many interests and only two more years to figure out what I want to do because, as you know, in Europe you have to choose what you want to study before applying to unis). And you're not pretending to be some badass woman (like some Tumblr girls do, I guess to make themselves feel better) because you ARE badass in a nerdy way. So thank you!

*curtsies* Okay. So. People have told me they’re jealous of me before. And I never know how to react. I think telling someone you’re jealous of them is kind of like catcalling–it’s never as flattering as the people who do it seem to think it is. Personally it just makes me feel guilty, which isn’t totally fair. But I’ve talked about this before. So, more on it here. I totally understand this message is sent with nothing but good intentions, but there are a few things I think we should be careful about. The first one is creating a myth that I have my life together and know exactly what I’m doing and I’m just breezing along with my ten-year plan in mind at all times. Because none of that’s true. I’m a clueless 20-something who’s forgotten to buy bread for a week and can’t be arsed to separate her laundry and hasn’t slept in four days because her dissertation is smarter than she is and she has no idea what to do with her life after January. (True stories.) The second one is perpetuating the idea that any one type of girl is better/more valid/more authentic than another. I don’t know what your gender is, but statistically it’s more likely that you’re a girl. Either way: girls are really hard on each other, which sucks because just by being a girl in the first place you’re already at a disadvantage. So, save the judgment and don’t make it any easier for men to say things like “You’re not like other girls” as if there’s something wrong with “other girls.” Men have it easy enough. All girls are valid. Destroy any implication to the contrary.

All that being said, I will cop to being a badass in a nerdy way. I like to think so too ;)