prestige format

Nothing about mathematics is actually difficult.

I’m serious. Once you get down to it, pretty much everything that you do in math can be reduced to a series of really quite simple logical-reasoning steps. It’s just that math can seem overwhelming because these steps build upon one another.

Think about this way; other subjects that you learn at a high-school level are like old, episodic TV series. You can sit down and watch any given episode and be reasonably confident that the plot will make sense, regardless of its relative position in the season or the season’s relative position in the series. So if you can, for example, read a history of the middle ages without necessarily needing to know anything about Ancient Greece; you can study human physiology without knowing anything at all about the mitochondria. The order in which these subjects are presented, at least at a high-school level, is somewhat arbitrary.

Math is like a modern, prestige format TV series full of story arcs and ongoing plotlines; each episode builds upon the one before it, to the extent that if you just put on a random episode, the odds are good that you will have only the faintest idea of what the fuck is going on. You cannot, for example, just plunk yourself down to learn about trigonometry. You need to learn about geometry, algebra, arithmetic, and even, ultimately basic counting before you understand the plot. And if you have not been paying attention, or if you have had poor teachers in the past, you may find it (temporarily) incomprehensible and be put off of the subject, but it’s important to remember that, fundamentally, it’s not anymore difficult than any other subject. It’s just that sometimes, you may need to review previous plot points in order to understand what’s going on.

A radical DC Rebirth endgame theory

So while I’d personally rather take things in a different direction, it’s pretty clear that some manner of final showdown is coming between the heroes of the DC Universe and Dr. Manhattan. And while his power is considerable, one would have to imagine the collective might of the entire DCU would be able to rout him. They can, y’know, punch him and laser-blast him until he stops doing evil. That tends to work out pretty well for them.

So how? How will that final fight work? What does even Dr. Manhattan have that could possibly stand up to the collective might of the DC Universe - 52 of it, in the likely event this turns into a multiversal Crisis? For that matter, how could he have wreaked such havoc on the DCU in the first place? How were the Spectre, the Monitors, the angels of the Pax Dei, the imps of the fifth dimension, all those beings of unbridled cosmic power unable to stop him, when it was clear even back in Watchmen that there were some hard limits to his abilities? What does he have that they don’t?

Funny you should ask.

Dr. Manhattan has a penis. And that makes him unstoppable.

After all, no one can actually appear on-panel to stop him. The all-ages, hilariously mischievous Mxyzptlk show up in the same comic as a naked man, even to save the DC Universe? Not gonna happen. Unless it’s in a Young Animal joint where you can swear in front of him without repercussions, no plan on Batman’s part is going to be able to do anything when he can’t reach the threat: sure, the Comedian too could easily banish Bruce Wayne from his presence by saying “fuck”, but the very existence of a glowing blue dick is Kryptonite to the sheer concept of corporate-mandated superhero comics. Oh, you thought Jon Osterman walked about in the nude because he needed no protection from the elements and had grown beyond human social conventions, but he’s always been able to see the future. He knew this day was coming, and set the continuity wheels in motion within the safe confines of a stand-alone mature readers project, ensuring a bulletproof shield once he set foot in the DCU proper. Why do you think he hasn’t shown up yet? He may have restructured the entirety of reality, but he’s saving his real trump card for the final act.

Imagine it: the final curtain is falling on reality as we know it, as Manhattan unleashes his ultimate scheme to annihilate love and faith and hope and all that jazz, and the Justice League and company are there to stop it, but there’s nothing they can do! The best they can handle is being seen with him for moments at a time when he’s in the foreground facing them and can only pull off a butt-shot, but even that’s leaving them in agonizing pain. We hit the point where it’s like the end of Animal Man as the heroes realize the presence of the panel borders separating them from their foe; only Batman can even be heard by their enemy through the conceptual gap, but his words fall on deaf ears. As Manhattan tinkers with the doomsday weapon in the panel on the right, the heroes pound away at the edges of the panel on the left, attempting to break through to save the world, but not even their combined strength is enough: Superman can no more appear on-panel with a tumescent neon cock than I could beat the sky to death with my bare hands. 80 years of content control and mass media franchising stay their hands. Who - who?! - can save the day now?

The boys and girls of Vertigo and Wildstorm, that’s who can save the day! John Constantine! The WildC.A.T.s! Swamp Thing! The Authority! Animal Man, except as a cult leader or something! Mr. Majestic! Kid Eternity, Gen13, Black Orchid, Voodoo, Timothy Hunter and Grifter! Pandora’s desperate plan to unite them with the mainstream DC Universe yields fruit at last, for only they, with both powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men AND permission to cuss and screw, can confront the destroyer of heroes on his own terms! So, at last unleashed, utilizing every ounce of prestige-format power and narrative sophistication at their fingertips, they punch him and laser-blast him until he stops doing evil. And then Midnighter kicks Dr. Manhattan’s head off and says something fucking awesome, and Midnighter and Apollo under Steve Orlando and company rightly gets a 50-issue run. Truly, as their friend Jenny might say, a finer world.

the-pinwheel-inversion  asked:

DC or Marvel?

I was heavily into DC (mostly New and Prestige Formats, which became Vertigo), but I feel like most of the DC titles I loved have become something I no longer enjoy.

Around the time the DCU was losing me, the Marvel Universe got really interesting, so I found myself reading more and more XMen, Avengers, and FF.

Then DC rebooted the entire universe with the New 52, and managed to make the one title I liked worse, and didn’t do anything to make the titles I’d hoped they’d make interesting again any better.

I recently had to do a massive cull on my pulls, because I don’t have time to read 30 books a week, and at the moment the only titles from DC or Marvel that are on my list at all are Hawkeye and Deadpool. Everything else I’m reading right now is from Image.

tl;dr: Marvel, but I hold out hope for DC to come back around an be something I enjoy again.