pressure kids

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“We talked about it [about marriage]. I think, both me and Marzia, kinda feel like when we want to, we will, but we’re still young…we’re still beautiful. What’s the rush? You keep seeing these young couples getting married way too soon, you know, and it all goes to the shitter. You want that to happen? Is that what you want? Don’t think so….so until then…shut the fuck up” [x]

Ok but what if Ransom doesn’t really want to be a doctor.  His family and culture put a lot of pressure on their kids to be doctors and get prestigious jobs, and he wanted his parents to be proud of him so he went into pre-med.

What if he was having a post-game panic attack over molecular biology when a scout from the Maple Leafs asked him if he had a minute to talk.  And the thought of just not going to med school, of just ending his education in two months and not having to study for a test ever again, made him feel so relieved he found Holster afterwards and cried for five minutes.

“I don’t ever want to stop playing hockey,” he says to Holster, who… honestly, was kind of looking forward to not having morning practice for the first time since he was four.

What if Justin Oluransi made his parents the loudest, proudest cheering section in Toronto, screaming with love for their son the NHL player.

A lot of the desi men that my friends are dating, are engaged to, or married to, always start out as very progressive and caring partners. These men let my friends wear whatever they want, let them go out whenever they want, let them have careers, let them have guy friends, and promise them they won’t be bogged down by typical “bahu” chores. 

Then, they get married. 

Afterward, you start hearing of how married life is “completely different” from engagements or dating. Unmarried people just won’t understand. 

Already, there is pressure of having kids the day the bride leaves the wedding hall and on to live with her husband and in-laws. The husband reassures the bride that she should consider leaving her studies, but only for a bit, until they move out of the in-laws house and get their own place. 

The wife agrees because it sounds like a reasonable choice. After all, marriage is all about compromises. 

Then she leaves her home, possible her country, and moves in with her husband and in-laws. Since she doesn’t go to school and doesn’t need to work, she spends her whole day cooking and cleaning and complying to her in-laws’ every demand. 

Then, her husband finally comes home at the end of the day. But the husband is too tired to spend time with her. He just wants to chill out and have a cup of chai. She makes him a cup of chai. Her husband then goes to hang out with his dad watching cricket in the living room, or goes out with his friends that night for business-related things. She cleans up after him. She goes to sleep. 

Compromise. Sabr. Resilience. 

When will desi men realize that desi women have to sacrifice a hundred more things than you do in order for it to be even considered a compromise? Desi women have to have a million things done to them, to be angry about, for them to justify standing up for themselves. In our culture, the mere demand for wives to be treated as equals in the household is a mess. 

Today I, a 29 year old woman, was walking out of class with a classmate and we were talking about majors. I asked him what he was majoring in and he said he hadn’t decided yet, and that his academic advisor kept telling him he needed to decide soon, but he still couldn’t figure it out. I asked him how old he was and he said nineteen. I had to stop him and say “Dude, you have sixty years left of your life to live. You’re not supposed to know what you want to do with it when you’re still a teenager.”

TOP TIP: Waiting for your exam results? Worried you might not have the grades you wanted? Console yourself with the knowledge that no matter how bad things may look, you’re not a grown adult writing a letter to a newspaper calling children pathetic for feeling stress.

(with many thanks to @helloserotonin right here on Tumblr for this one!)

I was thinking about the post about how stupid it is when a movie or what have you has the father go away for reasons and he tells his son he’s the man of the house, despite the fact that his mother is right there and it both undermines her and puts way too much pressure on the kid, and remembered something similar I’ve seen with daughters that’s also stupid …

The mother’s usually dead, because it’s rare that a woman with children stops parenting them for reasons other than death, but at this point her oldest daughter is expected to fill her shoes.  Make dinner, clean the house, take care of the younger kids.  Doesn’t matter if she’s 10 or something, she’s the woman of the house now.

Destroy this as well.

If you like Hamilton then give “In The Heights” a try

I’m seeing a lot of non-musical listening people loving Hamilton so I feel I must direct them to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s OTHER amazing musical “In the Heights” 

My absolute favorite musical, it touches on topics like gentrification, community ties, city life in New York,

 preserving culture and identity in a place where you feel both at home but unwelcome, 

and a whole lot of Latin-based cultural quirks that I as a Filipino found to be extremely familiar, 

like reactions to extremes of heat in the summer, hardworking and tired people, 

that one street vendor who goes around selling his wares like a trooper on hot days, 

that one old lady matriarch of the community who everybody considers their grandma, 

responsibility to family, the pressure of one kid from a poor community to be educated and to go far not just for themselves but for the entire community, 

the gossip from the chattering ladies at the local salon, 

every excuse you can get to party and eat and drink and sing and dance you gotta take it, 

inviting the whole barrio to eat at your place during a celebration, etc etc ad infinitum 

The music is ridiculously good and energetic and gorgeous with a very engaging Latin flare 

and amazing raps written and performed by our favorite Lin-Manuel

and the drama is so powerful it’ll bring tears to your eyes 

You might also see some familiar faces/hear some familiar voices as some of the actors in In The Heights perform in Hamilton, like Chris Jackson as George Washington, previously the rapping young entrepreneur Benny 

You can listen to the full soundtrack online, I believe there are tracks on Spotify and I don’t have iTunes but you can check there, and I also know all the tracks are on youtube if you can’t access either

It is my absolute favorite musical of all time, it’s fun and funny and triumphant and heartbreaking and utterly beautiful and I highly recommend it. 

INTPs and Peer Pressure

INTP: Why did you do that? You could have just said no.

ENFP: Well, you know, the peer pressure was really getting to me…

INTP: Hold up.  The what?

ENFP: The peer pressure.

INTP: You’re kidding.

ENFP: What do you mean?

INTP: You’re kidding.

INTP: Peer pressure… That’s………… a real thing?

ENFP: Are you an idiot? Of course it’s a real thing! Are you high?!

INTP: OH MY GOSH. NO.

INTP: NO. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE SOMETHING THAT STUPID IS REAL

INTP: PEOPLE ACTUALLY FEEL THAT WAY?!  I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A CRAPPY PLOT DEVICE IN CHILDREN’S SHOWS

INTP: I NEED A MINUTE

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I told you I wasn’t joking. Who wants to help me pressure them?