press today

“A cloudy morning does not signify that the entire day is gonna be rainy! What’s pressing you down today has nothing to change about your great future! Let patience be your inspiration.”
~ Israelmore Ayivor

4
6

Jeremy: Just–ugh! I hate him. But he’s in jail now, I managed to get a video feed of our conversation out to the public so he’s far away and he can’t hurt either of us anymore.

Michael: Pardon my French but good fucking riddance.

Jeremy: Yeah, seriously.

8

Remind me again when your faves got an entire themed press day on Valentine’s Day dedicated to their fictional same sex soap wedding filled with tacky but incredible heart decorations, food, cake, cocktails named after them and their life, and a game of Mr and Mr????

Emmerdale making Danny and Ryan sit with the media surrounded by the cringiest yet cutest and most bizarre celebrations; having to look at their own faces and watch themselves get married… I just can’t believe this was actually a thing lmao. This team are my absolute heroes. They’ve never been so extra but to have this much fuss and to create such big hype for something that was once shamed upon is amazing. HOW ICONIC, HOW SURREAL, I’M WEIRDLY SUPER PROUD.

w4w guide to girls

wow, so you’re probably thinking to yourself or selves right now, “what are girls? where do i meet girls? how do i get them to like me? why does it feel like someone is peering into my mind right now?” and other pressing questions. today i will answer three of them.

what are girls?

girls are girls. they’re whatever girls are. girls are tall. sometimes they are not. sometimes they seem to have inverse heights that distort the space around them. some girls have vaginas or penises or any other variation and maybe even nothing. it’s amazing how many things that girls are and often these things are contradictory or paradoxical on the quantum level. if you’re reading this, you may yourself be a girl. if you’re not sure, try asking yourself “am i a girl?” if yourself says yes, then you’re a girl. if no, sorry, this isn’t for you. if you’re not sure or you find out new information later come back and read this another time.

where do i meet girls?

girls can be found just about anywhere. a cave. in a dream. at a noise show. anywhere. sometimes they don’t even exist at all for long periods of time before manifesting themselves physically after a series of rituals involving candles and/or swear-heavy incantations. girls like dark, damp places. sometimes they do not and they like other places. i once met a girl in a house i was living in. that girl was my mom. this is not a guide on meeting your mom. you want to meet a girl you can date. 

how do i get a girl to like me?

no one knows. i once got a girl to like me by mentioning nihilism as a means of survival. sometimes they like it when you make a joke about a horse. i once liked a girl because i saw her lift 200 lbs over her head. there are likely an infinite number of ways to get girls to like or dislike you. this often depends on the girl. is the girl a goth? try wearing all black or, if you don’t own enough black clothing, blotting out the sun with your foul miasma. is the girl into hiking? try corralling deer and wolves into her home to recreate her favorite surroundings. is the girl a timeless entity beyond mortal understanding? try flowers.

i hope this helped and you can all meet some nice girls to kiss or hold hands or enact full communism with <3

Today I finally stopped feeling like my ribs were caving in at the thought of you.
Today I finally stopped feeling like I was swallowing crushed glass when your name pressed against my lips.
Today I finally stopped thinking about you long enough to think about myself.
Today I finally remembered to breathe.
—  lysryoung