preparing my funeral

fic: how to dig your own grave

for @xfficchallenges dialogue only challenge; pg; MSR implied; angst; season 8 spoilers; Mulder runs some errands in Raleigh, North Carolina.


“We try to be simple here, you know. Understated.”

“That’s one way to do it.”

“It’s all become such a flashy experience and I gotta tell you, it’s a little off-putting. This is supposed to be your resting place.”

“But my coffin is bigger than your coffin.”

“Very funny, sir. It’s good to see you hanging on to your sense of humor during what must be a very trying time in your life. Now, what is it you’re looking for? You need to get it right.”

“Understated. A resting place.”

“Well I’ve got just the thing. Look over here: solid walnut. Nothing more classic or comfortable.”

“I’m not sure comfort is a good angle for you.”

“Well we don’t know too much about the dead or what they want, I’d say. All I know is if I had my choice I’d spend eternity crawling back into bed with my wife at night. This is the next best thing.”

“Some people believe there are ways to find out what the dead want.”

“And what does your loved one want, Mr. Hale?”

“To not die.”

“Mr. Hale…”

“Understated. A resting place.”

“You know, it takes a lot out of a man to do this for a person. That’s why I like this job. People think it’s morbid and it probably is, just a little. But I find it a testament to the resilience of humanity and our devotion to one another.”

“Are you as talkative with your other customers?”

“Well they’re not quite so good at responding.”

“I… need to sit down. I shouldn’t be doing this. This isn’t right. I shouldn’t be giving up.”

“Wouldn’t you want somebody to do this for you, Mr. Hale?”


“Mr. Hale?”

“Understated. A resting place. What else you got?”

“We got Norwich Pine over here, elegant, simple and better for the environment.”

“The whole concept of a cemetery is directly at odds with that statement. I mean we might as well just be buried in mass unmarked graves or burned if we want to save the environment. But we get attached. There are treaties and rituals regarding death in every single culture, each one more extravagant and nuanced and steeped in mysticism than the next. Six hundred thousand years ago the Neanderthals were burying their dead with blunt tools and fashionable bones.”

“I thought I was spooky.”


“I guess we just need to know where we’re at. Gotta keep each other safe. Would you rather be buried in nothing? Knowing there’s no way your people could find you?”

“I don’t want the pine.”

“What would you want to see them in?”

“I don’t follow.”

“Your last glimpse of a person. One you love a whole lot. What would you want to see them in?”


“Take your time, Mr. Hale.”

“That sign over there says cherry poplar.”

“Prettiest shade of red you’d ever seen in your life.”

“Let me see it.”


Laura Marling’s cover of “Colorado Girl” by Townes Van Zandt

anonymous asked:

Hello Senpais long time no talk! How you've been! I'm going to die cuz of presentations and it's out of 400 points! Well it's 10:40 right now I should be sleeping well I have to go and prepare for my funeral bye <3

B R U H this is late but I REALLY HOPE YOU DID WELL ON YOUR PRESENTATIONS!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 ~Admin 404

OMG GOOD LUCK!!! <3 <3 <3 ~ Admin 626

anonymous asked:

Yoongi in all black is my weakness and piercings, my heart can not handle that combination, Even worse is a sweaty Yoongi in all black, I'm in pain just thinking about it, Take it a step further, Yoongi wearing a backwards snapback with his hair pushed back and an eyebrow piercing

fuuuuckkk don’t do this to me i’m dying just thinking about it. if that day ever comes…….prepare my funeral bc i can think of a million ways i’d die that day


Something about using the first letter of my name to answer things. No using Google. How are you to know if I used google? Repost don’t reblog etc. etc.

Taggers • @sonoman you are one of the only people who tags me in these, are you fond of me?

Tagging • I have 0 friends. And I’m lazy. And I’m busy. @whywata @inoue-akida

• NAME. Kyo
• ANIMAL. Kangaroo rat
• GIRLS NAME. Kaoru (prepare my funeral well.)
• COLOR. Kin
• MOVIE. Karas
• DRINK. Kombucha
• FOOD. Kidney
• PLACE. Kyoto
• REASON FOR BEING LATE. Killed myself. Kaoru killing me. The list goes on.