pregnancy after a miscarriage

No one tells you

No one tells you that it’s a possibility.
No one tells you that it will make an impact on your life.
No one tells you that it’s an excruciating pain.
No one tells you that you will feel like your heart has been ripped out.
No one tells you that you’ll feel empty.
No one tells you that you’ll resent your spouse.
No one tells you that it will eat you alive.
No one tells you that you’ll spend nights blaming yourself.
No one tells you that your eyes will produce never ending tears.
No one tells you that the days will go slow.
No one tells you that you’ll cry whenever and wherever.
No one tells you that you’ll lose your faith.
No one tells you that your mind will be consumed.
No one tells you that seeing one child can ruin your day.
No one tells you that eventually everyone will go on with their life except you.
No one tells you that it will hit you when you least expect it.
No one tells you that you will lose your motivation.
No one tells you how hard it is to try again.
No one tells you that you’ll become jealous of those who have what you don’t.
No one tells you that it’s okay to cry.
No one tells you to take your time.
No one tells you that it’s okay to not want to get out of bed some days.
No one tells you how long you’ll be stuck.
No one tells you that you will never be the same.
No one tells you how traumatizing it is.
No one tells you that in the back of your mind, you’ll ask ‘why?’ and ‘what if?’.
No one tells you that it’s a long journey to recovery.

No one tells you that losing a child will be so hard.

They just don’t.

Timeline of Daenerys’ and Jon’ births

I’ve seen some people confused about Jon’ and Daenerys’ age, so I thought I would write an explanation.

Let’s start with Aerys and Rhaella, the parents of Rhaegar and Daenerys. They married at a very young age (Aerys was 15 and Rhaella either 13 or 14). Rhaella gave birth to Rhaegar in 259 AC, at the age of either 14 or 15. Viserys was born in 276 AC, so 17 years after Rhaegar (Rhaella had many miscarriages, difficult pregnancies and stillbirths during these 17 years). 

In 282 AC Lyanna and Rhaegar disappear together - in 283 AC, the Battle of the Trident takes place and Rhaegar is killed. Few days prior to the Battle of the Trident, Aerys rapes his wife Rhaella, and that is the night when Daenerys is conceived.

Relations between Aerys and his queen had been strained during the last years of his reign. They slept apart and did their best to avoid each other during the waking hours. But whenever Aerys gave a man to the flames, Queen Rhaella would have a visitor in the night. The day he burned his mace-and-dagger Hand, Jaime and Jon Darry had stood at guard outside her bedchamber whilst the king took his pleasure.

The “mace-and-dagger” Hand is Qarlton Chelsted. Aerys burned him alive after that one discovered the wildfire plot and tried to stop it.

“Aerys’s new mace-and-dagger Hand was not utterly stupid, and with Rossart, Belis, and Garigus coming and going night and day, he became suspicious. Chelsted, that was his name, Lord Chelsted.“ It had come back to him suddenly, with the telling. “I’d thought the man craven, but the day he confronted Aerys he found some courage somewhere. He did all he could to dissuade him. He reasoned, he jested, he threatened, and finally he begged. When that failed he took off his chain of office and flung it down on the floor. Aerys burnt him alive for that, and hung his chain about the neck of Rossart, his favorite pyromancer.”

When Aerys hears that Rhaegar lost, he sends Rhaella and Viserys to Dragonstone.

"Rhaegar met Robert on the Trident, and you know what happened there. When the word reached court, Aerys packed the queen off to Dragonstone with Prince Viserys. Princess Elia would have gone as well, but he forbade it. Somehow he had gotten it in his head that Prince Lewyn must have betrayed Rhaegar on the Trident, but he thought he could keep Dorne loyal so long as he kept Elia and Aegon by his side.”

The sack of King’s Landing happens a fortnight after the Battle of the Trident, Eddard arrives to King’s Landing shortly after the Sack, and few days later he leaves for Dorne to look for Lyanna. He soon finds her, and promises to protect Jon. Jon was born in 283 AC.

Meanwhile Rhaella stays on Dragonstone (Robert’s forces didn’t try to take the castle right away) until her pregnancy reaches its term. She delivers Daenerys and dies in childbirth. Daenerys was born in 284 AC.

Jon is older than Daenerys by around 8 months.

youtube

This is such a beautiful tribute to not only our angels but the rainbows that (hopefully) follow them. Nobody will understand this video quite like a mommy/daddy of an angel.

Rest in peace to all of the babies gone too soon. ❤👶

I never meant to make you cry.

Originally posted by lance91leroy

This is a blurb inspired by this post by @secret-rendezvous1d, thank you so much or letting my write this! 

A blurb about a dinner where you flip out at Anne and are left to deal with the consequences. 

You had never been someone to yell at others or start pointless arguments, you could let most things go easily and move on, you knew this and everyone at your house sitting at the table celebrating Harrys tour selling out in Europe knew this too. You were all sitting around the table, yourself and Harry, Gemma and her partner and Anne and the conversation had shifted to grandchildren, you inwardly groaned and tried to avoid the conversation allowing Gemma to talk about their plans to have a few kids now they were married. Your eyes avoided that of those at the table, busying yourself with trying to clean some of the plates at the table, your heart sunk when Anne had said your name and asked you when you were going to give her grandchildren. You looked up and smiled slightly as she started talking about what your children would look like, if they would have Harrys eyes or yours, wether they would be tall like him or short like you. She had looked over to you and asked if you had thought about it and said if you hadn’t you should, “ you wont be able to have children forever my dear” she had said before launching back into various details about your hypothetical children lives, their appearances, their features and accents, things you had thought about continuously, things you and Harry had spoken about as you waited for pregnancy tests and being disappointed when they were negative. You hadn’t meant to scream at her to shut up, you hadn’t meant to slam down the bowl of peas you were holding or to yell at her to mind her own business and that you knew you wouldn’t be young forever and you knew she’d love to have grandchildren because she told you all the time. You hadn’t mean to slam the door to your bedroom so hard you could hear the photo frames on the walls rattle or sit against the door and sob into your arms. Truth be told you and Harry had been trying for the better half of a year to give Anne a grandchild, to have a baby that looked like you and Harry to love and care for, you’d spent the year trying for a baby unsuccessfully in and out of fancy specialists, getting blood drawn, crying over pregnancy tests, seeing fertility doctors and all they could tell you that you were physically fine, and yet a year on and you and Harry had nothing to show for. You had decided not to tell anyone you were trying for a baby, you didn’t want the added pressure onto of what you were putting on yourself, you had been more strict on keeping it a secret after two phantom pregnancies and a miscarriage at the beginning of the year that broke you so much you didn’t known if you could continue to try. So you knew you were out of line for yelling at Anne especially when you could hear her crying downstairs as Harry comforted her, he would be furious at you for the way you spoke to Anne. Despite being married for almost 4 years you’d never seen Harry be more protective over anyone as much as his mother, he never let anyone mistreat her or speak to her rudely, especially when it was his wife, but you wanted nothing more than to have a baby that you just lost it because you couldn’t stand hearing all those things out loud, couldn’t stand the questions of when you were having a baby, because you were trying so damn hard.

You had stayed in your room or the rest of the night, you couldn’t face anyone yet especially not Anne and Harry, despite knowing everyone was staying overnight to wait to hear if the US tour had sold too and that you would see them in the morning right not you just couldn’t do it. You had heard everyone head off to bed as you stayed in the same place in the corner of your room the whole time, next to a box of things you’d both brought for your future child, you had been stupid you thought to buy toys for a child who hadn’t existed yet and despite the sobs that rippled through your body as you held them hope was still present in your heart for a child of your own.  The door had opened letting light into the dark room that was only lit by a small lamp next to your bed, you knew it was Harry by the heavy footsteps that had come up the stairs and especially when he had slammed the door causing you to jump slightly.
“ Yeh owe my mother an apology” he spoke standing at the end of your bed a few meters from you even in the poorly lit bedroom you could see he was angry you didn’t speak to him just nodded scared for the fight that was inevitable at this point.
“Got nothing to say now huh? After you screamed at my mother to shut up and to mind her own business” Harry hardly ever yelled at you but the tone of his voice was filled with enough venom that you could feel the tears welling up again. 
“ What was I suppose to say Harry! Tell her I have been trying to give her grandchildren, that-that I’m filling my body with hormones and getting poked and jabbed at the doctors, that having sex with you is almost a daily chore and that I can hardly look at you with children because it hurts so much and that everyday I loose hope to ever having a baby with you and it hurts so much that having someone tell me that I wont be able to have children forever is enough to make me scream”  you were standing now and couldn’t help the tears that poured down your face or the fact you were shaking almost uncontrollably.
“ You were suppose to tell her that we were trying, not have so little respect for the woman who raised me and ruin everyones night by being a fucking brat” You were sure the hole house could hear your yelling now, you were practically screaming over each other at this point.
“ You will be lucky if she speaks to you again, what happened out there wasn’t right! You weren’t my wife there, you were unfair and harsh to her cruel even! My mother is a strong woman and it takes a lot to make her cry and you did” His words felt like a punch to the gut, you had always looked up to Anne as a strong woman and you felt terrible for what you had done to the woman who had taken you in with open arms, who had held you as you broke when your own mother had died and always kept you sane when Harry was on tour on the other side of the world and now you’d gone and treated her so terribly.
“ I cant even look at you, get out” he spoke walking towards the door before opening it and throwing a pillow and a blanket from the bed to the hallway, you felt like an animal who’d been sent outside after being naughty.
“ Harry please” you cried walking towards him grabbing his hand only for him to yank it away from yours almost in what looks like disgust.
“ I said get out!”

You had stood in the hallway your bedroom door locked closed you were trying to hold your cries in but your sobbing was probably loud enough now that there was no way anyone in the house could not hear you. You had grabbed your blanket and pillow and headed to the lounge room, your cries not slowing at all as you walked through the pitch black house, you couldn’t even work up the energy to place the bedding onto the couch and instead you curled up into a ball on the soft material on the floor and let out the cries you’d been holding in. You weren’t sure how long you had laid there with your eyes closed shut before a light above you was turned on and Annes all too familiar perfume filled the air as she sat next to you on the floor.
“ Come here my darling, it’s okay” her arms brought you into her chest where you wrapped your arms around her like a small child crying as she patted your hair shushing you.
“ I-I’m s-sorry Anne, I was so rude” you could hardly get words out you were so hysterical.
“ I know your sorry my dear, If id known I would’ve never pushed you like that” You didn’t understand how she could be so lovely to you despite you reaction to her earlier.
“ I never meant to make you cry”  You laid there for a while in silence, your sobs and cries becoming less frequent while she continued to rub your back in a soothing motion.
“ Harrys hates me” you spoke quietly a while later you had sat up on the couch now the two of you still sitting close together.
“ I know my son love, he’s upset and angry, but he could never hate you” Something about her words reassured you a bit, but you knew it wouldn’t be that simple.

You and Anne had spoken for about an hour after that you apologised a dozen of times and she assured you continuously she forgave you. You walked silently back to your room and opened the door to see Harry laying facing away from you on his phone the light illuminating the otherwise dark room. You didn’t know what to say to him, you wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms and for him to hold you and kiss your head goodnight, but you weren’t stupid enough to realise it wasn’t that easy. Your head reeled with thoughts that you’d go near him and he’d tell you to get out, that he hated you and that he didn’t love you, and although you knew they were in your head, it didn’t stop the fear from creeping up, You pulled your clothes off replacing it with one of his shirts from the floor and placed the pillow he’d thrown out for you on the bed softy not wanting to disturb your husband too much.
“ I said I didn’t want to see you” his words weren’t laced with anger this time but he still stayed facing away from you as you pulled back the blankets and slipped in facing your back to his.
“ Do you still love me?” your words were softer than you thought they’d come out, your voice had cracked at the end and you were almost scared to hear his answer. He turned around in the bed to face your back you couldn’t see him but his brows were furrowed at why you would ask such a question.
“ I will always love you, you drive me crazy y/n, and sometimes you make so mad that I say harsh things but I love you” his arms snaked around your waist and pulled you in close and he placed a kiss on your head.
“ I hope our babies are like your mum, strong and forgiving” You wrapped your hands in his kissing his knuckles softy, you would never have thought that night would result to anything good, but in a few months time you laid in that same position and said the same sentence this time 5 months pregnant.


This is one of my favourite pieces Ive written so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. Please reblog if you liked it, it helps my little blog out a lot. Feel free to request things it makes me super happy! x ohsweetkiwi 

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July 12th 2017 will be a day to remember forever. I finally got a strong positive and a yes on digital! And then the love of my life asked me to marry him ❤️❤️ “Every kiss begins with Kay” I love him more than anything. Then on our way home we bought lottery tickets and won $190. I can’t wait for our future

anonymous asked:

They go through fertility problems before finally getting a pregnancy that sticks, can we have the story of when they discover that Yuuri's pregnant with Irina? (Have you done this one already I haven't seen it, sorry if you have, love your stories!)

Whispers I’ve been waiting for this ask.

So as mentioned before, Yuuri retires from skating at twenty-eight and begins coaching and choreographing with Viktor. Because their desire to have children is a big part of the reason why Yuuri retired, they start trying to have a child right away. This would probably be late March, after Worlds. By early May, one of Yuuri’s pregnancy tests comes back positive. 

Unfortunately, at Yuuri’s first ultrasound, they can’t find a heartbeat. (I wrote a long-ass scene to do with this but then I pretty much realized that it was full of medical gibberish and crying and probably very boring, so I left that out) 

The miscarriage happens in June–and it takes awhile before Yuuri’s hormones are back to normal, in part due to stress. This is a great contributing factor to their conception problems. 

In December, Yuuri is almost sure he’s pregnant. For Viktor’s birthday, one of Viktor’s gifts is a gift-wrapped pregnancy test. 

“Have you taken it?” Viktor asks, and he’s holding it in shaking hands.

“Not yet,” says Yuuri. “I was thinking we could–it would be a nice gift, if we found out together.”

Then it comes out negative. And Yuuri cries.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri sobs into his pillow on their bed, curled up into a little ball with Viktor trying to wrap as much of himself around him as possible. “I ruined your birthday. It was a stupid idea, I should have just taken it by myself and not disappointed you. I’m sorry.”

“I thought it was a lovely gesture,” Viktor whispers against his shoulder blade. “I love you, you know.”

“I ruined your birthday,” Yuuri sniffs again. 

“The night isn’t over, yet,” Viktor tells him.

They go out and get pretty extravagantly drunk. It’s probably not the wisest course of action, but it’s better than sitting at home, staring at the four walls and crying. 

In February, Yuuri sits Viktor down and says, “Maybe we should take a break. Just for a little while.”

Viktor closes his eyes, sighs, and nods. Because he loves Yuuri, and he knows how tired they both are.

(But a little voice in the back of his mind is saying Lilia and Yakov said they were taking a break, too. And that break lasted twenty years. And then it was too late.)

They go out for White Day, which they enjoy celebrating despite not living in Japan at the moment, and when they go to bed after a nice dinner and some dancing, Yuuri realizes that some sort of…pressure has been lifted.

“That was fun,” Yuuri whispers to Viktor afterwards, head on his chest and palm against his belly.

“Mmm, one can only hope,” Viktor murmurs back, and laughs into Yuuri’s hair. “Isn’t sex supposed to be fun?”

“It hasn’t been, though,” Yuuri whispers. “Not for awhile.”

Viktor, almost contemplative, brushes Yuuri’s hair behind his ear and kisses his forehead. “Maybe we’ve been putting too much pressure on ourselves,” he says, and reaches over to turn out the bedside light.

A month and some change later, Yuuri is standing in at store with his phone out, staring at his grocery list. He accidentally flips to his calendar app, where he’s been keeping careful track of all his various cycles, and realizes something.

He counts backwards six times, grocery basket forgotten next to him in the aisle. Someone actually taps his shoulder to ask if he’s alright, because the look on his face must be similar to that of someone who’s seen a ghost.

“I’m fine, thanks,” he mumbles vaguely, and all but runs to the family planning aisle. 

“Yuuri?” Viktor asks, when he comes in the door without so much as a hello. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine!” Yuuri calls. “I just–I need to go to the bathroom! Sorry!” He drops all his other purchases on the island counter and books it to the bathroom, more or less slamming the door behind him. He hears Makkachin whimper at the door for him. 

“Oh, that’s…that’s fine.” He hears Viktor going through the bags in the kitchen. “Did you get onions?”

Yuuri doesn’t really answer, since he’s so busy peeing into a cup–Viktor’s drinking cup, unfortunately. He dips every test he bought–eight tests of four different brands, because he is Viktor Nikiforov’s husband and being over-the-top is kind of the Nikiforov MO, also because he is not fucking around–and lines them up neatly on the counter, then tries not to hyperventilate as he sits on the edge of the bathtub and waits for the tests to develop. 

Viktor knocks on the door. “Kitten? You forgot beets. And half the other things on the list. I’m not complaining, just–is everything okay?”

“Um–just–just give me a minute!” One of the tests is starting to fade in–he knocks two others onto the floor in his hurry to grab it.

One pink line. His heart drops, and he drops with it–sinking onto the floor.

“Yuuri? Are you sick?” Viktor jiggles the doorknob. “Sweetheart? Can you talk to me?”

Yuuri, still vibrating with adrenaline, leans over and unlocks the bathroom door. “You can come in,” he murmurs, not even bothering to hide the despondency in his voice.

Viktor nudges the door open gently, and Yuuri can tell that he knows what’s happened the moment he sees Yuuri sitting on the bathroom floor surrounded by pregnancy tests.

“Oh, Kitten,” Viktor murmurs, hunkering down on the floor with him.

“I’m late,” Yuuri tells him, sniffing. “So I thought–I don’t know, I shouldn’t have even–but I thought maybe…”

Viktor sighs, and gathers the tests that fell on the floor–a pair of expensive ones, with the digital display. He glances at them and clicks his tongue, then does a double take. And a triple take.

“Yuuri,” he says carefully. “Did you look at all of them?”

“No,” Yuuri sniffs, swiping the tears of his cheeks somewhat fiercely. “I didn’t want to–to see all of them say negative.”

“Yuuri.” Viktor sets the two digital tests in front of him, and then reaches up to the counter to retrieve the other five. He lines them all up in a careful line.

Pregnant. Blue plus sign. Blue plus sign. The word YES–

“Oh my God,” Yuuri says, searching through them. “Oh my God. Viktor.”

“Where’s the negative one?” Viktor asks, eyes roving frantically along the floor. 

“Here.” Yuuri hands it to him, shaking now for a totally different reason.

Viktor holds it close to his face, and if Yuuri didn’t already know that that man loved him he would have at that moment–you have to love someone to willingly put something with their pee on it that close to your face.

“Look, look.” Viktor holds it out to him, and points to the spot where there might be a very, very faint pink line. “It’s early yet. It’s faint, but it’s there. They’re all positive. Eight positives. Yuuri. Yuuri.”

“Oh my God.” Yuuri presses his face into his hands. “Oh my God. Viktor, oh my God.”

“I know!” Viktor brushes his hair back, kisses the side of his head. “I know! Yuuri, oh baby, please don’t cry. Shh, don’t cry.”

“I’m crying because I’m happy!” Yuuri wails, feeling ridiculous with tears streaming down his face, a grown man huddled on a bathroom floor just sobbing his eyes out.

Come to think, this might be Yuuri’s first happy bathroom cry.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Viktor coos to him, head resting on his shoulder.

Yuuri wrings a hand, hiccuping. “What if I–”

“Don’t,” Viktor says. “Don’t think about that. Remember what the doctor said? Most people go on to have perfectly normal pregnancies after a miscarriage.”

“But I’ve been having so much trouble–”

“That was stress. And hormones. And maybe other things, but it doesn’t matter now because you are. You are pregnant. There are eight tests here telling me that you’re going to have my baby–and I have complete faith that they’re right.”

Yuuri stares at him, eye still swimming in tears. He sways forward until their foreheads are pressed together, and grabs Viktor’s hand to push it up underneath his shirt, pressed warm against his belly. 

“Who should we tell?” he murmurs.

“Let’s keep it to ourselves, for now,” Viktor whispers back. “You know me, Yuuri. I’m Russian. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t tell anyone until your water broke.”

Yuuri, who a year ago thought Russian pregnancy superstitions were pretty extreme, can’t disagree with him. 

When Yuuri announces to his and Viktor’s students and he won’t be skating for awhile, the look Lilia gives him across the rink is disturbing levels of all-knowing, but Yuuri figures that it doesn’t really jinx anything if the person figures it out themselves–and has as-yet undiscovered superpowers aiding them.

“I think Lilia just smiled at me,” he whispers to Viktor as he leans against the boards, watching their students warm up.

“Pregnancy brain,” Viktor tells him gravely, but there’s a joviality to his voice that’s hard to miss. 

So yesterday the hubby and I are at the thrift store and we’re looking around and they had some baby stuff and as we start looking we see this sign (it may be hard to read) and we both stopped and just looked at each other because of the meaning of what it was saying and after our miscarriage when I became pregnant again we were so scared we were going to lose again! Our little miracle baby.

Positive Pregnancy Affirmations

-You cannot steal tomorrow’s sorrow if something bad happens, you’re only stealing today’s joy by worrying.

-There’s no reason why I can’t have a healthy baby like so many women do every year.

-Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

- I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.

- My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.

-Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!

- Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!

- There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn’t prevent a m/c. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive.

(saved these in january, if you wrote these let me know so i can take them down/give credit!)

anonymous asked:

Hi Lottie, sorry to be a bother but I'm having a hard day struggling with grief. Would you maybe write something where Hux thinks he can't have kids but really Kylo has been sending them off to some neutral planet? Maybe suppressants are banned to grow the trooper battalions but Kylo can't bear to see his kids fall to that fate. He alters Hux' memory so Hux thinks the babies never made it to term. Newly crowned Emperor Hux is offered a gift by his Knight its all his children returned safe. Pls?

You’re not a bother, darling! Never! I’m sorry you’re struggling.

It’s the morning after his coronation.

Hux has woken extremely early to Kylo pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, whispering to him that he’s got an errand to run and that he’ll be back before sundown. The Knight disappears before Hux can ask any more questions but after yesterday’s celebrations, Hux is more than happy to roll over and fall back asleep.

He wakes again hours later from a pleasant dream, albeit groggily, with a heavy head from yesterday’s drinking and an even heavier body from his and Kylo’s passionate night.

Hesitantly, Hux sits up with a groan, his palm finding its way to his stomach and suddenly he’s welling up when he finds it flat. He’d dreamt that he was round with child, so plump and full that his dear husband and Knight had to carry him to their bed where they fall asleep, the feel of their growing baby kicking beneath their joined hands atop Hux’s stomach–

Hux covers his mouth. If only. After three pregnancies and three miscarriages, Hux has received the clear message that the galaxy is obviously trying to send him.

He can’t have children, can’t carry them to full term. Each time, he’d felt pain in his lower half, collapsed, and woken up a day later with an empty womb and Kylo by his side, his soft brown eyes filled with sadness as he utters the familiar words ‘I’m sorry, Hux’, but even the softest of words can’t take away Hux’s pain.

Wishing he had Kylo here now to comfort him, Hux sighs but gathers his strength to get out of bed and wash, putting on his mask to deceive his subordinates, hide every emotion that’s racing through his mind.

Nothing new, he thinks.

The day passes slowly and even Hux can see that his officers and advisors aren’t working as quick as usual; alcohol and celebrating his crowning has definitely taken its toll on many.

He’s sat in his throne, golden and ornate, when his messenger approaches him with a glazed look in his eyes.

“Your Majesty,” the boy bows. “Your Knight, hound and husband is requesting your audience, sir.”

Odd, Hux immediately thinks. Kylo normally enters with a Force-push to the double doors and strides in before dropping to his knees in front of his Emperor. He never asks permission to enter like a visitor or a commoner would. Already, Hux is nervous.

“Of course,” Hux nods, waving his gloved hand. “Let him in immediately.”

“He…also said that you should brace yourself, Your Highness,” the messenger says before bowing again and exiting, striding up the long, red carpet , leaving Hux with his anxiousness.

What could Kylo possibly do that would surprise him? After disappearing this morning, Hux has wondered what Kylo has been doing but their independence is still important, but this–

The doors open. Hux goes numb.

Kylo walks in slowly, a little girl holding his hand, a taller boy holding hers, and a bundle nestled in the crook of Kylo’s free arm.

The boy and the girl look no older than 4 years old, both dressed in expensive clothing and both having a little bounce in their step. Her red curls bobbing, the girl wears a golden bow in her hair, whilst the boy’s brown hair is brushed back.

“Emperor Armitage Hux, my Grace, my love. Hux.” Kylo halts in front of the small step that leads up to Hux’s throne and drops to his knees. “Forgive me. My intentions were nothing but the best for you–”

“Who are they?” Hux stands up slowly, finding strength in his knees, fearful of Kylo’s answer.

Kylo swallows hard. Even without Force powers, Hux can almost sense the unease in his husband’s mind.

“This is Mara,” Kylo says, looking at the girl, and already, Hux’s fears are confirmed at the mention of the name he wished to call his first baby girl, after his step-mother. “And Henri.”

The boy looks just like Kylo.

Kylo adjusts the bundle in his arms, pulling the blankets down, “And the littlest one is Millie.”

The baby stirs in Kylo’s arms, a ginger tuft of hair already on her head. She can’t be older than six months, the time since Hux’s last miscarriage.

“Explain yourself, Kylo Ren. Quickly.”

Kylo hesitates but Hux ensures his stare burrows into Kylo’s skull for intimidation, angry and rageful, confused.

“They’re ours, Hux,” Kylo days quietly, and Hux feels his knees give way as he sinks back down into his throne, trembling. “You’ve carried and birthed them all. All cut out of you before you entered natural labour. I…altered your memories so you’d forget, so you’d think you’d lost them. I had to hide them, Hux. I had to. The Resistance, the stormtrooper program–”

“Silence.”

Hux barks the word at Kylo, pleased when he stops speaking immediately. He can’t think straight. Altered his memories? All this time he’d believed that he couldn’t carry children but they’d been taken from him, given the names that he’d wanted to call them, kept hidden.

“Mara,” Hux steps down from his throne, mind lost to a flurry of emotion. “Henri. Millie.”

Kylo flinches as Hux suddenly drops to his knees and takes the boy and the girl into his arms, hugging them, kissing them, crying.

“Mama,” the girl says. “We missed you, Mama.”

“I gave them memories of you,” Kylo says, voice shaking. “I’ve visited them on their planet since they were born. Showed them pictures. Told them stories of you. Their mother, the emperor, the love of my life.”

“Papa said you missed us too, Mama. Have you? Have you missed us too?” Henri asks, brown eyes wide.

“Yes, darling, yes I have, so much,” Hux kisses his son on the head, moving to take little Millie into his arms whilst Mara and Henri cling onto him.

Hux smiles. The anger for Kylo’s deceit will come later but for now, Hux holds his children in the tightest of embraces, scared to let go of his new family.

One Step At A Time - Nathan Scott

Title: One Step At A Time 

Pairing: Nathan Scott x Reader 

Relationship: Married 

Warning(s): Mention of miscarriage 

Prompt(s): Nathan finds positive pregnancy test, reader is pregnant after miscarriage 

A/N: Gif is not mine 

Today you were on your annual hiking trip with Nathan. You both wanted to spend time together besides at the house and basketball. You hadn’t been yourself lately, and Nathan noticed that in you. You had miscarried earlier in the year and it hurt more than words can explain. You wanted a family with Nathan but you were always anxious that if you did get pregnant, you’d miscarry again.

You took a test yesterday, and it came back positive. You were terrified. You wanted to hold off telling Nathan just incase you happened to lose the baby. You hid it in what you thought was a good spot, under the sink behind the big bag nail polish. You packed some extra clothes in your backpack when you heard Nathan. 

“Almost ready?” He asks, his arms snaking around your waist. It felt weird.

“Almost.” You told him, walking over to the bed and laying out your clothes. “I’m going to make some sandwiches, you can put anything else you need in that backpack.” You kiss him quickly before leaving the room.

He looked over what you had already packed; extra socks, sweatpants, sweatshirts, and you were making the food now. He remembered that last time you both went hiking you fell, and you forgot to pack band-aids. He went into the bathroom, open the door revealing all the pipes for the sink, digging through things you could probably get rid of. Moving things around, he finally grabbed them, accidentally knocking a bunch of other things on the floor. Placing the band-aids on the counter, he starts putting things back. First the makeup remover wipes, then the tissue boxes, followed by the bag of nail polish. He glances up to see your test laying there. He grabs it and turns it over to see the plus sign. His lips curve into a smile as he thinks of all the things you can do as a family.

“Nate, you almost ready?” You yell.

“What? Y-Yeah.” He thinks about the baby’s first birthday, their first word, what its name would be. His grin widens, the thoughts wandering on.

You stop in your tracks. “You okay?”

“I was just remembering the first time we went hiking. I’ll be right there, babe.“ 

You were walking around on the trail, your fingers interlocked with Nathan’s. 

“How are you doing today?” He asks, moving his arm to around your shoulders. He asked you that question everyday, making sure that if you ever needed anything, you knew he was there.

“I’m dealing with it. It gets a little easier everyday.” Nathan kisses your temple, looking down at you.

“Listen Y/N, I need to tell you something.” You take a quick sip of water before giving Nathan your attention. “I went to pack band-aids because we forgot last time and you fell. They were all the way in the back of the cabinet under the sink, so I took things out to get them and I found a positive pregnancy test.”

You both stop walking, your heart racing. “I took it yesterday, I didn’t want to tell you just incase I miscarried again. It was hard enough the first time, I didn’t want to put you through that again.” Nathan placed his hands on your shoulders, gently kissing you before pulling you in a tight embrace. 

“We’ll be okay. It wasn’t your fault that we lost the baby, and I know that you needed time to heal, I mean, with both did. We just have to take it day by day.”

“Are you sure you aren’t mad that I didn’t tell you yesterday?”

“I’m not mad, I understand why you didn’t tell me. It’s no big deal. We’ll wait to tell everyone, it’ll be our little secret. Okay?”
You nod, wiping away some stray tears.

“Don’t cry, you know people just go through things, challenges, that make them stronger. You’re a strong girl, Y/N.“

I’m worried sick about this baby. I just don’t see myself ever getting to have another healthy baby. I feel like I’m just waiting to miscarry again. Every day I get up and go through the motions and just wait for the day I get up and start bleeding. When I first miscarried back in January at 6 weeks I thought it was just a fluke thing and that it wouldn’t happen again. And then when I found out I was pregnant again a month later on the day before Valentine’s day I thought it was a sign and that we would get our rainbow baby. And when we made it past the dreaded 6 weeks and 2 days I thought we were in the clear. At my 8 week appointment when we found out it was twins I remember a bad feeling came over me thinking of all the complications that can happen having twins. But then we made it out of the first trimester, we found out the genders (two little boys), we picked out names (Hudson Jacob & Kyrin Mitchell), we bought baby things. It was all going so well. And then at 17 weeks and 2 days we lost them. You’re not even prepared for the pain. Losing our first baby at 6 weeks was hard, but we didn’t know that baby as well as we knew the twins. I remember telling my best friend at 16 weeks that if anything happened to these babies I would die and I think if I hadn’t found out I was pregnant with this baby I would have. I can see their little faces every day in my mind and it haunts me. I miss them so so so much. I don’t understand how Heaven’s pregnancy could have been so textbook perfect and then all this happens. I feel like my body is a complete failure. I feel like nobody around me understands the pain. I just want this baby to be okay. That’s all I want. Miscarriages are so fucking brutal and it’s like nobody understands. I wish I could just fast forward to March because I’m going insane waiting.  

For me, losing a pregnancy was difficult. But what was surprisingly harder, in some ways, was being pregnant again after this loss. All around me, friends were happily announcing their pregnancies, throwing showers, dreaming of their children’s future. I wanted to feel joyful about my pregnancy. But deep down, I was terrified. Between the constant fear of things I couldn’t control – and obsessing over those factors I thought I could – I was a wreck for nine months.
Women who've miscarried want to be there to support their pregnant friends, but the emotions are hard to deal with

1. Don’t feel guilty
Coping with miscarriage comes with its own feelings of guilt that you should not harbor. Sometimes women feel jealous or angry at their pregnant friends, then immediately feel guilty about these emotions. You have to remember you have a right to feel anything you want to or need to in order to cope, but feeling guilty is unfair to you. It is normal to go through these emotions and you should not feel guilty about feeling angry or upset at things out of your control.

2. Remember how you felt
When approaching an event or get-together with your pregnant friend, remember the excitement and happiness you felt when you found out you were pregnant. Try to remember how she is feeling and what she is experiencing when things get hard to deal with. If it ever gets too difficult, excuse yourself and regroup in another room or the bathroom. If you want to be there for your friend, no matter what you are going through, this is the best way to go about it.

3. Avoid if necessary
If you do feel emotions such as anger or guilt that you can’t control, it is often best to avoid your pregnant friends for a little while. Hopefully, they will understand why you are not around as much as you were before. You need some time to cope with your emotions before trying to put yourself in damaging or painful situations around pregnant friends. As a friend recently told me, “Never apologize for doing what you needed to do to survive.”

4. Be open and honest
If you are close to your friend and planning on being involved in her pregnancy and, ultimately, in the child’s life, the best route is to be open and honest. If you are experiencing difficult emotions and are feeling the need to stay away to cope, then you need to tell your friend so that she doesn’t feel upset. Explain why you are not going to be around and why. It is always good to express how much you love her and how excited you are for her, but there are some things you have to sort through before you can become more involved.

5. Practice patience
Because women often do not express the fact that they suffered a loss they need to deal with, they try to jump back into life as if nothing happened. If you are trying this, remember you did suffer a loss and that means you need time to grieve. Just because life doesn’t slow down doesn’t mean you have to keep racing as well. Yes, your friend is pregnant, but that doesn’t mean your loss doesn’t exist. Be patient about going through your grieving period. It will take some time before you are able to celebrate life with your pregnant friend.-Nicole Witt

I’m trying to make a post about how I’m feeling today and the words just won’t come to me. I can’t even accurately describe how I feel basically. I would have been due with baby #2 in 4 days and I would be 32 weeks with the twins. And I can’t stop thinking about it and I just feel crushed. I feel like no matter how hard I try I just can’t be happy today. I feel like it’s been almost 8 months and almost 4 months and I shouldn’t feel this heartbroken anymore. I feel like I get excited for this baby for a minute and then I go back to waiting to miscarry again. Fuck this feels so impossible some days. One thing is for sure whether this baby ends up okay or not this is my last pregnancy I’m not going through this again, ever.

Dear Prudence

A little song fic inspired by Dear Pridence by the Beatles. It’s a bit of a doozy, so be warned.


/The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful and so are you/

“Betty, baby, please will you get out of bed?” Jughead’s voice was strained with worry. His wife had barely left their bed since they came home from the doctor 2 days ago. “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m so worried.”

Betty had suffered a miscarriage, three weeks after the positive pregnancy test. Jughead was of course devastated, but he knew his pain was nothing compared to hers. Betty was so eager to become a mother, so excited to expand their family, and to have that taken from her so soon was severely discouraging.

“What if the universe doesn’t want us to be parents, Juggie?” She piped up from her blanket cocoon. “What if I never become a mom?”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, rubbing circles on the soft skin of her back. “We’ll get there, sunshine. I know it. The doctor said your body just wasn’t ready yet. We’re still so young.” It was true; they were barely out of college, and Alice Cooper kept her on birth control so long that Betty’s ovaries were still figuring out what was going on. “We have all the time in the world to have a family.”

“I named it, Juggie.” Betty’s voice was downright miserable from its place buried in the pillow. “I’ve had names picked out for all our children since we were in high school. All I’ve ever wanted was to start a family with you, and now it’s gone.”

“Betty, we’ve always been a family, and nothing will ever change that. I love you so much, and I always will. Now come on, we both need showers, and you need some cheering up.” Jughead’s voice was full of mischief as he grabbed hold of his wife’s hand and dragged her towards the bathroom.

Arrow AU: Malcolm Merlyn is shot dead in an alleyway when Tommy Merlyn is eight years old. Rebecca Merlyn takes one look at the Glades and decides that she’s changing the place for the better. Tommy Merlyn’s father figure growing up is Robert Queen. Tommy and Oliver both end up on the gambit.