Who you should fight: Secret Saturdays edition

Doc: Do Not Fight Doc

The dude’s a brick house already without the power glove. He’s also trained in combat and fights monsters twice his size. Your only advantage is his blind eye but that has yet to be much of a problem for him. Do Not Fight Doc.

Drew: Save Yourself

Okay, she might look like you can take her more than her buff husband, but she’s even more agile and skilled in combat than he is. That jumpsuit is hiding pure muscle. She’s angry and impulsive as heck too, with Doc you might be able to distract him or talk him down, Drew will slice you the second she thinks she needs to. Also, two words: Fire Sword. Run Away.

Doyle: Just Don’t

The worst of Drew and Doc combined plus he has even more weapons and a lifetime of training. He’s the most likely so far to have actual experience killing people and he’s so confident he’ll probably make a stupid move to take you out even if it puts him in danger because he thinks he can get out of anything. And he’s probably right. Don’t.

Zak: Absolutely Not

Look, I’m not saying you can’t beat him, but you’re really gonna beat up a kid? This poor child’s been through enough. Plus he’s not exactly helpless. Worst case scenario his combat training and literal superpowers mean you get beaten and humiliated by a child, best case scenario you beat up a child.

Fisk: You Monster

You can try, he’s the only one who can’t use a weapon, but he’s strong as heck and can climb anything. More importantly, why would you hurt my precious giant? This giant monster baby has been through enough, if he doesn’t beat you up, I will.

Van Rook: Depends

He has tons of experience but he’s not always at his best. If you catch him on an off day it’ll at least be entertaining. Lean towards no if you can’t make a fist or he’s having a really good day, but otherwise go for it.

Epsilon: Do It

Please fight him. Who cares if you lose, it will be so very satisfying. You can at least make fun of him while you’re fighting I promise it’ll be worth it. Fight Him.

Munya: No

Unless you have superpowers or a magic weapon You Will Lose.

Argost: Risky

The guy’s got a ton of tricks up his sleeves, so it’s pretty risky but for all I know you have a super strong sense of justice or just wanna take a crack at him. If all else fails, you can try to distract him with a Golden Girls rerun mid battle for an advantage. Up to You but prepare to die in a creative way with lots of dramatic speeches.

The autumn leaves crunched under sneakers as they excitedly talked over each other, planning their strategies of attack should they find the urban legend they were hunting. A double knuckle sandwich, a well aimed slingshot, and a goofy sounding eldritch incantation were all top contending ideas for how to stop the beast.