being inspired by the post about the woman throwing her coffee at the
teenage prankster i want to share my story of sweet beverage revenge.
So one day me and my girlfriend were driving back from the mall (shes
in driver seat) cue mid 60s asshole. She was waiting to turn left and a
nanosecond after she was open to turn mid 60s asshole lays on his horn
and starts waving his hand out his window. My GF decided to wait even
longer since we are in no rush (pre revenge).
Mid 60s asshole proceeded to cut of my girlfriend twice both times
coming dangerously close to us. My GF had recently been in a wreck and
was still nervous driving so she was freaking out. Luck has it we pull
up to light next to him. I roll down my window and motion from him to
roll his down window. I was planning on being civil but before i could
say anything he opened the conversation with “you need to teach that
fucking bitch to drive” and spit his gum at me.
Without hesitation i grabed the blue slushy i had been drinking
earlier took the lid off and tossed the remains right in his face. His
face filled with black hate. He tried to get of his car and grab me i
guess but light changed and we drove away while he was still stand there
cursing us while cars lined up behind him.
Needless to say it was the best 4 dollars i had ever spent on a slushy.
In the pre-production stage of Revenge of the Sith, George Lucas originally considered shooting Padmé’s funeral on Isola Bella,
one of the Borromean Islands of Lago Maggiore in northern Italy, but later opted for a digital set. Isola Bella is famous for its sumptuous Baroque palace, along with a luxuriant Italian-style garden, which reaches a height of 37 metres and is laid out on ten terraces.
Headcanon: After reading the new comic, “Junkenstein’s Revenge,” I believe that Gabriel was originally going to an art school to study fashion, as it was his passion, but was drafted during the Omnic Crisis.
So sometimes I talk to my friends about Star Wars and promise to totally email them that fic I was talking about. And then I generally forget. This time I remembered, and I figured it might be of interest to other fans too.
These particular fics happen to be gen with passing mention of canon pairings.
So, okay, take the usual TimeTravelFixit plot and give it to Kylo Ren - for a Kylo Ren value of “fixit”. Post-Bespin Vader wakes up in Kylo Ren’s body and gets to enjoy having functioning legs as well as Luke’s unconditional love. Meanwhile, Kylo Ren gets to live out his most cherished dream: Being Vader. Sorta.
So Kylo Ren is earnestly doing the Empire-true-believer version of “You’ve gotta believe me! I’m the only one who can Set Right What Once Went Wrong!” and being a total failboat at being Vader, while Vader gets to enjoy Luke’s love and a functioning body while incidentally probably TOTALLY ruining Kylo Ren’s reputation with the First Order - not that Vader cares. It is glorious.
TFA-era Luke ends up in the Clone Wars and honestly just wants to make things better for everybody and possibly fix history. The Temple-trained Jedi are weirded out by this massively powerful eclectically-trained ball of sweetness and light. Obi-Wan definitely assumes he’s Anakin’s weird old deadbeat dad.
Anon asked: hi! can you write an imagine where the reader and anakin don’t like each other and in the middle of a really heated fight and then they kiss? you can end it however you’d like
A/N: I feel like I wrote the reader with some Sith leanings, but also the dark side is fun and we’re only human. Post-Phantom Menace, Pre-Revenge of the Sith. Also, vaguely NSFW towards the end I guess??? Nothing explicit.
You don’t know what it is, but there’s something incredibly therapeutic about beating your enemy to a pulp. You’d decided that Anakin’s face taped to a punching bag would have to suffice as he was never around due to your highly conflicting schedules, however when you did get the chance to ‘reunite’ as it were, you couldn’t deny the sense of satisfaction that came with being able to punch him in person.
Perhaps ‘punching’ wasn’t the correct term, it was more like ‘highly skilled martial arts involving lightsabers’, but it’s the murderous intent that counts.
Well, not exactly murderous, you were training to be a Jedi after all, though your word-choices hadn’t been the best of late, but it wasn’t your fault. Anakin’s very presence seemed to put you on edge, aggravate you; you simply didn’t have the patience to be witty.
Mace Windu and Obi-Wan Kenobi had been called urgently to attend a Jedi matter on Coruscant, however they seemed to enjoy spectating yourself and Anakin as the two of you sparred together, all bitter words and quick insults, the Jedi Masters simply suggesting tactics that seemed to fall on deaf ears. Anakin’s grin was smug as he easily parried your blows, it was a grin you had grown to loathe - or as close to loathe as a Jedi could safely get. That being said, neither Obi-Wan nor Windu were particularly interested in filing a report as to why their padawan was sliced in half during a training exercise, and as such, you had only been allowed to use the Youngling’s training sabres.
The two of you had always been at odds, both convinced that the other was overconfident and snide, blind to your own flaws. Differences aside, there were no two so well matched in both skill and stubbornness; to admit defeat was unthinkable, which of course lead to the pair of you duelling well past what was necessary, bordering of self destructive at times, despite the weak training sabres, there was something to be said for the way you traded witty quips with the frequency of physical blows, often with just as much impact.
“Alright, that’s enough.” Like a switch had been hit, you feel yourself stand to attention at Master Windu’s words, bringing you out of your fighting trance and side stepping Anakin to make your way over to your teacher.
“Really?” You could hear Anakin behind you, exasperated. “You’re just going to give up like that?” There was something akin to laughter in his voice and you almost took his bait. Almost. It was a test. It was always a test with him. Dormant lightsaber in your hand, you turned to face him, meeting his challenging smirk with one of your own. You knew Master Windu wouldn’t stop you, he had made it abundantly clear that he would rather you learn from your mistakes than try to prevent the inevitable. All that remained was your decision.
Fight or flight?
“I suppose I’m just the better padawan.” You responded, loftily.
Windu indulges your childish behaviour with an eyeroll as the two of you leave, the sounds of Anakin’s complaining following behind you until he’s shut down by an exasperated Obi-Wan. You’re somewhat grateful that it was your first and only meeting during this brief interlude upon Coruscant. Master Windu’s meeting was adjourned that night and you found yourself aboard his shuttle the following morning, headed to one of the Outer Rim planets… You think that you should really be paying more attention, and Windu seems to agree as he tells you the exact same thing when you finally ask him.
Weeks pass before you find yourself back in the training room with Anakin; a Jedi Council meeting saw both Master Windu and Obi-Wan return with yourself and Anakin in tow, so to find him alone in the training room in the early hours of the morning is surprising, but not out of the realm of possibility. You don’t exchange pleasantries as much as it is a snide comment and it’s not long before you’re swept up by a sense of deja vu, facing off in the training room.
Sparring wasn’t high on your priorities during your free time, however any opportunity to mildly injure Anakin was an opportunity you wouldn’t pass up. Despite the fact that you had the upper hand consistently for the past hour, Anakin didn’t seem particularly bothered. While his blaise nature often frustrated you, right now it didn’t even seem to matter. The real problem was Anakin’s constant running commentary. He jumped sporadically from one topic to the next, not giving thought to his actual words, but what he lacked in consistency, he frustratingly made up for in coherency, chatting smugly, knowing full well it distracted you.
“You see, the way to differentiate Podracers is-” His air of superiority was well deserved in this area, but it didn’t stop you from being annoyed.
“You know that doesn’t have any relevance!” Punctuating your annoyed cry with a swipe from your sabre, you manage to catch his shoulder and the he stumbles back, the two of you breathing heavily from the exertions. “Do you ever shut up?” You groaned, exasperated.
“Not usually.” He smirked, he was teasing you. Of course he was. Asshole.
“Well maybe if you did, you could actually win.” You sniped back, tone faux-sweet, before opening your mouth once more to get in a further insult. There was a foreign thrill that came with the way Anakin regarded you with a wary stare. You were sick of always being the one to back down from these confrontations. “Chosen one, my ass. You couldn’t hit the wide end of a luggabeast if your life depended on it.” His face twisted into something bitter and you allowed yourself a silent victory. It felt almost scandalous going against the Jedi Code in such a manner, purposefully angering a fellow Jedi, but sometimes you just had to antagonise Anakin. He deserved it. Probably.
Even with training lightsabers, the ensuing battle was one of the most fraught of your life, dodging and ducking and weaving; the training lightsabers did little more than sting, but now, being hit with something that resembled consistency, it made finding your rhythm all the more difficult.
In that moment, you were both beings of pure intensity and determination, no banter, no distractions, and you could see, for once, just how gifted he really was. His movements were far more graceful than you would have expected, and his use of the the Force was subtle, unnoticeable to the untrained eye, but you knew he was using it to manipulate your actions to keep you off balance, keep you guessing.
It’s with a jolt that you find yourself pressed against the training room wall, Anakin’s metal arm pressing into your collarbone and throat. It’s not enough to choke you, but it is enough to hurt when you try to squirm away..
“Do not,” his voice was dangerously calm, level as he spoke, “underestimate me.” His blue eyes stared into yours and for a moment you could have sworn they flashed gold, but you weren’t sure why. His usual flippant nature so sharply contrasted this sudden commanding aura that it left you squirming in discomfort. The thing that cause you the most discomfort was how much you enjoyed this side of him, and how very far from the Jedi’s usual code of conduct it was.
He was waiting for a response while you allowed your gaze roam across his face, taking in emotion, this persona he seemed to have adapted to so quickly. Impatient, in a word, and you thought it was an emotion he wore well. Or rather, you liked that you were the one who made him impatient. Frustrated. There was something more there, a need that he seemed to be unable to express. Another challenge. All that remained was your decision.
Fight or flight?
The smile on your face as you loosen your grip on your sabre was almost predatory.
It’s so not the reaction he was expecting that it causes him to loosen his grip on you in surprise. He can feel you smile into the kiss. It’s rough, desperate, as if you’re trying to claw your way to victory through the kiss alone. He considers letting you. He wondered if it would be worth it, to concede defeat right there and then. He finds he can’t do it, that he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to stop kissing you and he wonders if this is what it was all leading up to, if all of your fighting had really been worth it. He doesn’t care. All that matters now is this -is your lips on his -is you.
To live in this moment is better than to be brought out of it, especially not by something so little as your training sabres falling to the floor, hands pulling each other closer, as close as you dared.
“Don’t even think about it.” He mutters. He knows you’re thinking of biting him lip hard enough to draw blood, just to show that you can. He’s offered another challenge, doens’t he know? Hasn’t he realised that you’re not backing out, not tonight. You bite anyway, but not enough to bleed.
You know what the only dinosaur to eat anyone in the original King Kong is? An apatosaurus, which, if you may remember, is the dinosaur that was voted Least Likely To Eat Flesh in its Jurassic High School Class of Oh Shit It’s A Fucking Comet yearbook. And it does more damage than any other animal in that movie, eating people in the swamp, and then chasing a dude down specifically to defeat its basic biological instincts and eat him, too. We had a lot of weird opinions in 1933, but you’d have to go out of your way to put a tyrannosaurus, a giant snake, and a pteranodon into your movie, and then say “Scrap all of our former plans, boys. Give me that long-necked fella. That sucker looks mean.”
One Million Years B.C. pits man not only against the allure of Raquel Welch’s Mesozoic lingerie, but against a sea turtle that is apparently getting pre-emptive revenge for all the soda can rings that will eventually invade its descendants’ homes. There’s no other way to justify that kind of action. When sea turtles are attacking you, maybe it’s time to rethink some shit.
In Unknown Island, both the main villain of the movie and the biggest dinosaur in the land are killed by a rampaging “giant sloth.”
Got to make a prehistoric movie, but creatively drained from figuring out all the non-dinosaurs you’re gonna use? Throw in a giant plant,
or something vaguely plant-esque.
What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know why we keep having all of these conversations about the deadliest dinosaurs when we’re probably going to end up being consumed by a large snail, or a weirdly antagonistic rock.
Just thought I’d add a few things, considering I thought that post on Cersei was the worst written thing I’ve ever churned out.
I’ll basically just add this lovely video from Alt Shift X. I don’t necessarily agree with his conclusions, but he hits the right marks I also feel. I certainly identify with Arya, possibly the most of anyone in the book series. I often have liked some of the changes in the show, I do like that she’s cupbearer to Tywin Lannister and enjoy the writing in those scenes. I do not see Tywin not looking further into her identity, since he figures her out as a highborn girl. But whatever, it’s like Brienne not finding her when all she had to do was follow the sound of The Hound screaming, “KILL ME!!!” repeatedly. (Honestly, Brienne and Pod, I realize she has to get to Braavos, but how do you miss that? Same with Tywin, he can’t take her hostage, they were still sort of on book then.)
And who can resist show!Arya and Sandor on their adventures? Actually, those are some of the mainstays of the show. The best quotes, some of the best scenes (I certainly, as Alt Shift X goes over here, also identify with Sandor Clegane, and part of that is because they are similar when you get down to it).
My only real complaint? Arya has to, on the show, become “cool”. Not the traumatized, often frantic or depressed child she is. She doesn’t just cooly walk up to Polliver and calmly repeat dialogue from another episode while calmly stabbing him in the throat with Needle (The Tickler in the books, but same basic situation). She goes frantic. She’s hysterical (see also Daenerys book vs. show). There is a hole in her where her heart used to be. It doesn’t get better, it doesn’t go away. This theme of the hole where her family lived in her soul, her heart, the emptiness and loss of self, it’s tragic. Completely. Epic tragedy. Traumatized and not Sansa, she is quiet. She’s more Stark than Tully. Except she has lost her identity as a Stark, she’s lost her other Starks–her pack. She is the lone wolf, surviving when the pack has been killed. She can’t make it to The Wall to find Jon, and if she’d made it there instead of the weird dojo she can’t get along with the rules of, she’d have just seen him stabbed and who knows what would have happened to her. Maybe she’ll get there and see him alive again in the books, I certainly hope so. Maybe the hole can be filled again. But don’t leave the hole, refuse to really show it and make her motivation as empty as Lady Stoneheart’s is in the books, which IS pure, undead, loss of self revenge killing.
So, show!Arya has no ability as a warg. She doesn’t have a connection to Nymeria, and she’s not traumatized, not particularly, aside from brief views into her psyche (scene with Lady Crane, describing her own emotions while about Ned being killed while pretending to talk of Cersei’s emotions–”…..I have to go, my father is waiting for me”, cue going to get Needle again). She’s truly a lone wolf, but kind of a weird sociopathic one on some kind of Tarantino-esque revenge training mission. She is stripped of her humanity. Does she get it back by telling The Kindly Man/Not-Jaqen/whoever the hell he is that she is ARYA STARK OF WINTERFELL after carving off the Waif’s face? She remembers who she is…..only to finally get back to Westeros (with some borrowed face, maybe THOBAW are totally cool with this??) for some Hot Pie level baking (of more people she managed to kill off screen…..don’t steal Frey Pies from us, please…..ok, you did…) and an orgasmic looking revenge kill of Argus Filch. I mean Walder Frey. It’s so off book it may as well cross universes.
I miss the girl with holes all through her. The traumatized girl who can perhaps be made whole again. I don’t think she’ll die, as in the video, but you never know. I just miss our book Arya, for all that her adventures with Sandor Clegane were more fun in the show. But can the showrunners not learn that complex and tortured characters are worth bringing to the screen? That ratings don’t have to come from them all being heartless and cold? It has worked with tortured Jon Snow, after all. And they can’t have failed to have noticed, oh, I don’t know, Breaking Bad? I didn’t notice their ratings plummeting when the story involved tortured but well written characters eating breakfast for several minutes of an episode, so don’t give me that “it doesn’t move the STORY along” crap.
Give me an Arya as tortured as she’s supposed to be internally. Let us watch her struggle. Not just physically. Let her be a warg. Let her have wolf dreams. Let her be a warg while she’s blind. It’s not like that’s not an interesting facet to her character. Let her revenge kills pre-Braavos be frenzied, mad episodes of rage that they are in the books. Let her be confused and not always understand what the adults are saying. Let her be filled with holes where her heart should be, and let her learn how to fill them without becoming a weird Kill Bill 3: The Lone Wolf Kills Like Hannibal Lecter. I realize she’s sort of there by Braavos, but not because she’s Hannibal Lecter, she’s still traumatized! Which, I guess, just ain’t cool for HBO lately. But make no mistake, this is Arya Stark for Dummies, the Benioff and Weiss version. Dumbed down shock value schlock.
I really ask so little. (And don’t get me started on how adaptations always should be accepted without criticism, because for some reason that only seems to apply to Game of Thrones and mostly show fans. OK, also people who accept Peter Jackson’s occasional abominations and some Jane Austen works. Otherwise, people are free to critique away without condemnation.)