pre hell dean

The hand on his shoulder is heavy, weighing him down and Dean is still muttering worthless little lies as if it would just make this whole thing go away. That Sam would turn around and be a good little bitch and sit back down on the bed, awaiting Dean’s next command.

But it wasn’t Sam who took demands. No. It was Dean who sold his body to whoever was willing to pay a couple of twenties. Dean was the bitch to every guy who’s every used him.

Sam punches Dean. Hard. His fist doesn’t even register the fact that he hit bone only that his knuckles were now speckled with red and Dean stumbled backwards a couple of steps, hand going up to his nose, blood dripping through his fingers. He was shocked, face twisted in some sort of disbelief like he still couldn’t quite believe that Sam actually hit him. But the only evidence that he needed was the blood dripping down his face and the amount that was covering Sam’s fist.

Dean cleared his throat, standing up right now, arms down by his side, blood spilling freely now. “If you want to hit me, hit me. Beat me up. Hurt me. I won’t fight back. And if you want to leave, then the doors right there. But I’m doing this so you won’t have to after I’m gone. I’m trying toast you up with the life that you never had.”

Something in Sam’s heart twist as he stares at his brother, a dull aches now pulsing through his still clenched fist.

Dean just sounded tired. Honest to god tired. Broken and battered, a fighter who sees the end of the battle and just doesn’t have it in them anymore to keep their hands up.

Everything in Dean’s voice is pleading without begging. He’s pleading with Sam to let him do this one thing for him. This one final thing for his baby brother. This is the only thing that he can do for him.

He can give Sam his car so he’ll have a roof over his head and he’ll sell his body so Sam will have money to put food in his stomach.

Sam reached out towards his brother and ignores the way that Dean flinched ever so slightly, still expecting another hit that he’s probably convinced himself that he deserves. But Sam doesn’t hit Dean again. Instead he puts his hands on either side of Dean’s shoulders, yanking Dean towards him, bringing their bodies impossibly close.

“I’m not leaving you, Dean. Not when you need me the most.” And Dean does this think where it’s like he’s rolling his eyes, mouth twitching like he wants to object to what Sam was saying but a look from Sam keeps him from saying anything at all. “You’re all that I’ve got, Dean, and you’re selling it like some low grade hooker.”

Dean scoffed. “Come on, man, we both know that I’m not some low grade hooker. You gotta pay top dollar if you want a piece of this ass.” His mouth quirks into something that could resemble a smile but Sam could see right through that cocky facade.

Dean was selling himself to greasy hair truck drivers because he knew that they wouldn’t ask questions. Five minutes in a bathroom and a couple twenties later, they would part their separate ways, ready to be back out on the road.

“You’re all I’ve got, man.” Sam repeats. “And you belong to me. You’re not going to give you body away anymore, okay? It belongs to me now. Understand?”

Dean opens his mouth this time, eyes wide with defiance as he tried to back out of Sam’s hold but Sam only digs his finger deeper into Dean’s shoulders, leaving crescent shaped bruises behind. The first mark of many to come.

“You’ve always belonged to me, Dean and I’ve always belonged to you and no one for any amount of money is going to take that away from us.”

17/365

Lily Sunders Gives Me Hope. Or, How Supernatural Has Upped Its Gender Game Beyond Vigilante Villainesses & Single Man Tears.

@elizabethrobertajones, I think I get a medal for the longest titles to my meta. I imagine something where the name of the medal doesn’t fit on it.

I have to admit, initially, I was at a loss for this week’s challenge of The Great Meta Scavenger Hunt, which asked to draw parallels between “Folsom Prison Blues” and “Love Hurts.” But then, 12x10. The gift that keeps on giving. Now, I could talk about Cas’s female vessel, but then this meta would rival War and Peace in word count. Because I have a lot of feelings about that.

No, I have to say, outside of all the Destiel things in that episode, which I enjoyed (ha - enjoyed. Try “was so deeply in the thrall of I literally couldn’t sleep Thursday night,”) I am just a little bit in love with Lily Sunders.

Not just because I have a thing for redheads with eyepatches (I do), but because she is such a refreshing female MoTW. In that - let’s be honest - she’s not much of a monster at all. Continuing season 12′s impressive track record of being able to cultivate compelling villains (I will soon write about how the BMoL are the most interesting thing to happen to Supernatural in years), she is not wholly innocent nor wholly evil.

Originally posted by bagginshield

I say that this is refreshing because - in the past - the evil female has all too often been one note. Sure, we have recurring characters like Meg and Ruby and Abaddon and Rowena who defy that - but there has never been quite so much character development in a single episode for a villainess … potentially ever?

Rewatching “Folsom Prison Blues” and “Love Hurts” solidified those feelings. Because Nurse Glockner and Sonja are the sort of MoTW that I hate. One-dimensional women with their own agendas who need to be stopped. Ones with a penchant for punishing men. Ones who can be mocked for their motives being “practically feminist” and offed by the Winchesters without any protest.

(I’m not even going to touch any of the Amara stuff in “Love Hurts,” because blegh - I really didn’t like the Dean “pining” for Amara stuff).

What excites me about Supernatural as we wade through the middle of its twelfth season is how much it has grown up as a show. How it has continuously matured, alongside the Winchesters. 

OKAY, so back to the episodes at hand. I’m hinting at the fact that women both occupy pretty boring positions within these episodes. We have cold-hearted bitches like Nurse Glockner and Sonja. We have victims like Melissa and Staci. We have ill-advised cameos from characters like Amara. But we also have a nearly nine year gap in the life of Dean Winchester.

Because the guy that does this in “Folsom Prison Blues”…

Originally posted by adoringjensen

is literally pulling into the Too Tired Motel in “Love Hurts.”

Originally posted by yourfavoritedirector

So the question is: what is Dean too tired of?

Keep reading

Probably one of the most heartbreaking...

…things about going back to the early seasons of SPN - and with early I mean S1 to S3 - and rewatching episodes is looking at Dean. Looking at Dean and who he was and and how he carried himself pre Hell. Of course Dean has suffered through more traumas and losses at that stage already than anyone can imagine and he had the scars to prove them - emotional and physical ones alike. But despite all that. Despite having lost his mother and father and his childhood in one night, growing up knowing there were monsters out there, never feeling he was enough or worth sticking around for, despite all that Dean still had so much life in his eyes, had such innocence in a way, had a slight rhythm to his walk. And it just hurts so much to know that so much of that has disappeared after he went to Hell, was tortured for decades and lost himself. It is understandable it happened that way, but man it is tragic and just endlessly sad every time when you take a look at how haunted and later on empty and hardened Dean’s eyes have become from S4 onwards (applause to Jensen for portraying this as beautifully as he did). Because I just want, I need, Dean to heal, to smile and maybe also finally see himself as worthy and deserving of love. Because if there is one person who deserves all the good in the world, all the hugs and cuddles and happiness and time to heal, it is Dean Winchester. A scared boy hiding in a grown man’s body. A guy who always fights with his heart in his hands and now literally (like so many times before, but never as head on as in the S11 finale) not only used but turned his entire body into a weapon to protect the ones he loves (and the entire world) even if it meant his death.

Edit: Whoops I confused centuries with decades when talking about Dean’s hell time. *sigh* This is what happens when english isn’t your mother tongue. Fixed it now though.

But can we take a moment to imagine pre-Hell Dean meeting Castiel, Angel of the Lord?

How Castiel would come in with lightning, sparks, and cosmic dust. He would appear in a flutter of wings and a crack of thunder. He would look each Winchester over and know that they were important people. Castiel would fix Dean with eyes that had galaxies inside and just say, “Hello Dean,” in the voice that is as deep as the Marianas Trench. 

Dean would feel the world quake beneath his feet and demons would flee before this Heavenly Grace. 

Wings would cast a shadow across the Impala while the sky lit up with electricity. And let me tell you a thing…

Pre-Hell Dean would find him fucking hot ʘ‿ʘ

anonymous asked:

I'm curious as to your opinion (and others') about the reason behind the state of Castiel's wings. I had thought, based on how it was presented, that other angels' wings got all singed and bare because of the fall from heaven, since it showed them burning while falling, and in one case, burning wings literally detached from an angel. Plus, the next title card was the bare wings that were still burning/smouldering, ... (1/5)

(2/5)which to me, emphasized that this damage had been caused by the fall, not the spell, as some kind of physical side effect of being kicked out of heaven. But, at the time of the fall, Cas was already human, so he was unaffected by the fall (and insulated from the spell). Then, I could see how, with stolen grace he might have taken on the wings of the angel whose grace he took, or somehow had lesser wings because he wasn’t at full power (which was why he couldn’t fly, even if we …

(3/5) never saw his wings then), but I kind of thought it was a possibility that when he got his own grace back, he’d get his full wings back, since he never had them burned off in the fall. It seemed like a cool possibility that he could be the only angel who still had wings/could fly. I kind of miss the angels (especially Cas) randomly flapping in, or responding whenever Dean prayed. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cas driving too, but still. So is it supposed to be that …

(Four got eaten somewhere!!!!)

(5/5)Also, I’m a few episodes behind (although I generally know what’s going on and don’t mind spoilers), so if this was addressed, don’t mind my rambling! But anyway, I felt like asking someone. So, thoughts? (PS How does the rest of the world coherently fit their headcannons into only 500 characters???)

Wow, first of all, hot damn you put a lot of thought into this. Has it kept you awake at night? Sometimes plot holes will do this to me too. 

The way I saw it, and this is just me brainstorming here, is that Cas is kind of like Gadreel in this way. Remember when Gadreel was occupying Sam and he stood up and his wings were all shot to hell? 

I would even say that Gadreel’s wings looked worse than Castiel’s. 

Never mind, I take that back. Neither one of their wings are looking all that great. 

And it might be your theory (the part that I got, anyway fuck tumblr’s messaging system). It might be when they fell their wings got all jacked up. 

BUT

What I think it was was that Gadreel had been in prison for so long and he had grieved for so long, that he had lost so much and he was so alone that his wings were a manifestation of his emotional/mental state. 

And you might be saying to yourself, “Whoa, Melissa. Cas wasn’t locked away forever in some angel prison. Why are his wings just as worse off?” 

Well. 

Cas is alone. Cas has been alone. Except for seasons four and five (and really I could be persuaded on season 5) the writers have often had Cas alone. We, as a fandom, know this. Yeah, he’s a critical part of Team Free Will, but that doesn’t mean that we get him in there as much as we want him to be. 

So, like, ok. You still with me?

Pre-pulling-Dean-from-Hell, Cas was a Captain of his garrison, which if we are going by human terms can be anywhere between 5,000-5,500 angels strong. Dude, that’s a lot of freaking angels to be in charge of. But he was with his family, his friends, he had a job, a clear mission, a defined position in his life.

Then along comes Dean-freaking-Winchester and Cas “gives up an army” for the guy. 

(via)

He gets torn from everything he’s know for all eternity and now… here we are. Going by my guess, if his wings are a manifestation of what he has felt, is still feeling, is it any wonder they are torn and broken?

(As for how everyone gets their head canons in less than 500 characters, it takes practice to break down the most painful parts of what you think is going on. Or the fluffiest parts. Depends on who you are asking.)