pre game rituals are the best

Does Ellen have an equivalent to “Oprah’s Favorite Things?” Let’s say she does, and lets say that she has Tater and Jack on her show for XYZ Reason (perhaps they win the Stanley Cup?). 

The boys are asked the standard hockey questions which means they get asked, about their pre-game rituals (I know almost nothing about hockey so I am going to pretend this is a standard question) and Tater starts gushing about how Jack had introduced the team-wide pre-game PB&J ritual, the success of which stems from his connection to the best jam known to man. Tater maybe even goes so far as to say that this jam had no small part in getting them to (and through) that final game. 

It might even go as far as a cooking segment where Jack and Tater walk Ellen through the sacred PB&J ritual and RIP Bitty when Ellen pretty much starts crying over how good the jam is on National Television. 

There may or may not be a “Look under your seat for your own personal jar!” moment, where some audience members in awe of such an Emotional Response to food, crack those suckers open right then and there for a taste. A fight over a jar of strawberry may or may not happen in Aisle 8. 

And there may be a moment a day later when Bitty has a minor meltdown because his phone keeps crashing with Twitter/Instagram DMs for jam orders. 

And thus the first brick of Eric Richard Bittle’s Food Empire is laid. 

In honor of the Olympics…


  • Shiro is a beach volleyball player.
  • Lance is a swimmer.
  • Keith is a gymnast.
  • Hunk doing weight-lifting
  • Pidge is an archer and one of the youngest in the games.
  • Allura competing in the women’s all-around gymnastics, and Coran is her coach.
  • Keith hanging out at the practice pool because he’s thirsty and watching Lance swim and oh no he’s hot
  • He feels really un-patriotic for rooting for the hot guy and not his own country, but he does it anyway (in his head, of course).
  • No one expects Pidge to win any of their events because they’re a child, but, surprisingly, they come in first place.
  • Allura is very flexible and is best at the balance beam.
  • Keith doing parallel bars and asking Allura to practice with him because she’s pretty much the best out there.
  • She does it, since she’s super nice (and they aren’t competing against each other) and she cheers for him at his competition.
  • He tries hard to make her proud
  • Hunk just completely annihilating the competition
  • Lance nick-naming Pidge “Katniss Everdeen”
  • Shiro getting a bloody nose from getting hit in the face at full force with a volleyball, but finishing the game anyway.
  • Lance having a really strange pre-game ritual of eating an orange slice 45 minute before the game, talking to a picture of his mom and saying that he’ll make her proud, complimenting himself in the mirror, and putting/taking off his goggles 3 times.
  • Allura’s team’s leotards are super sparkly and she looks like a beautiful goddess
  • “You can’t date someone from a different country’s team.”
  • “Fucking witness me”
  • Asexual Shiro “They don’t call me an ace for nothing” (get it??? like… like a good serve-)
  • Lance hits his head on the side of the pool often when he doesn’t pay attention
Be Careful – Ben Hutton

Originally posted by baehutton

A/N: Hello hockey fans! or anyone reading this imagine!! Sorry this took so long to post, I wanted to post it yesterday but I thought I could do better and tried to rewrite the entire thing. I’m not very confident in this one but I’m not completely disgusted by it so I’m sharing it with you guys! Thank you too whoever sent this in (Hutts is low key the love of my life). I really hope you guys like this one, and I am working on more of the request that were sent in so if yours wasn’t posted yet, it’s being written now. Request, asks, and messages are open… Lemme know what you think!. Until the next time I post ✌️️ 

Anon Request: Can you write an Ben Hutton imagine where you’re close friends and you’re low key in love with him but you haven’t told him yet so when he gets injured in a game you run to the locker room and you two get in an argument about how he should’ve of been more careful and then you yell and say how you love him. 

 Warnings: Swearing 


There were a lot of things you never expected to do in life, not in an ‘I’m a failure’ kind of way, more of a ‘That’s not exactly me’ kind of way. You never thought you’d move to Vancouver, or find a hockey-loving best friend who lets you sleep on his couch when you get stood up. But you stepped out of your comfort zone and did. You settled in the beautiful city of Vancouver where you met your best friend of almost 6 years, Ben Hutton.

Growing up, you always had a soft spot for the Canucks and when Ben found out about this he got you tickets to every home game. He also started a new pre-game ritual which included picking you up before games, and karaoke in the car. He claims it’s lucky and who were you to argue with a superstitious hockey player.

Tonight, the Vancouver Canucks were taking on the Boston Bruins, the team you hated the most. And just like before every game, Ben picked you up on his way over to the Roger. You sat in the passenger seat looking out the window at the familiar sights of Vancouver while getting lost in your thoughts.

Recently, the only thing that’s been on your mind was Ben. All of a sudden, every little thing he does makes your heart skip a beat, and you don’t know why. You confided in your friend (Y/F/N), your sister, and a close co-worker who all said the same thing: You were in love with Ben.

You denied that; Ben was your best friend… and it was totally cliche to fall in love with your best friend. But the more you pondered the thought of loving Ben, the more you saw that it might be true. You couldn’t deny the fact that your heart sped up a little when you saw him, or that yur stomach filled with butterflies when he complimented you, or-

“…Earth to (Y/N)! Do you copy?” Ben said as he waved his hand in front of your face, snapping his fingers a few times to get your attention. You quickly turned your head to look over at Ben who was turning to look at you, and not the road.

“Put your other hand on the wheel, and pay attention to the road, you lunatic,” you teased. Ben chuckled and did as you said, putting both hands on the wheel and focusing back on the road.

“You ok?” Benn asked.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” you asked.

“I don’t know, you just weren’t singing with me,” Ben said.

“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about the things I have to do when I go back to work tomorrow,” you lied.

“Don’t worry about that now, focus on me mucking things up on the ice,” Ben said as he pulled in the parking lot of the Rogers Arena.

“Ben, you are not a player that ‘mucks’ things up. You’re the fluffy ball that giggles on the bench,” you said.

“I am not,” Ben pouted like a child.

“Whatever you say, fluffy,” you said. Ben pulled up next to the front doors where he usually drpped you off before games.

“Get out,” he said with a laugh. Damn that boy for having the cutest laugh ever!

“Alright, I’m leaving,” you said. You opened the door to the truck and gathered your things from the floor and cup holders. Ben grabbed onto your arm and stopped you.

“I’ll meet you in the hallway after the game?” Ben asked. His cheeks were growing red as he smiled at you.

“I’ll be there,” you said. Ben let go of you and you slipped your backpack on and slid out of the truck. Before closing the door, you looked up at Ben. “Hey, fluffy. Don’t muck things ok? The Bruins play rough and I don’t need you getting hurt. Do us both a favor, and be careful out there.”

“Will do, (Y/N)!” Ben said, flashing you one of his famous smiles.

“See you later, Hutts.” You closed the truck door and made your way into the arena along with the other Canuck fans.

The Bruins were your least favorite team and for a good reason. You always thought they played dirty and your point was proven during tonight’s game.

The crowd went silent as Hutts remained down on the ice after the whistle was blown. As soon as you saw Zdeno Chara take Hutts into the boards you were on your feet. You knew it was bound to happen, Hutts had been trying to run Chara all night, you just didn’t expect it to end this brutal.

The trainer ran out onto the ice as soon as he was allowed to. One of the Sedin twins was escorting him across the ice so he didn’t slip. Minutes later, the crowd erupted into a loud cheer as Hutts got to his feet. A sigh of relief escaped your lips.

Thankfully Hutts was able to skate off with the help of his teammates. He kept his head down as his teammates skated him to the door, then he staggered back to the locker room with the trainer trailing close behind him. You grabbed your bag from the ground and took off for the locker room with 17 minutes remaining in the second period.

You hurriedly pushed through hoards of people while digging in your bag for the pass Ben had given you at the start of the season. Before the security guard at the doors could stop you and ask for your 'locker room access pass’, you slammed it against his chest and walked past him, pushing the doors open.

From there, you sprinted to the locker room and went inside without stopping to think about anyone else being inside. Luckily, it was only Hutts that was in the room. He was sitting in his stall with his head in his hands. His pads were on the floor in front of him, and the room was silent, but that was about to change.

“What the hell was that?” you asked. Ben jumped slightly and looked up at you, quickly getting to his feet. You stopped a couple of feet away from him, folding your arms over your chest.

“I got hit from behind but it’s no big deal. The doctor took a look at me already and he said I’ll be fine to go back and play the third period,” Ben said.

“That’s great and all, but what were you thinking?!” you raised your voice at Ben. In the 6 years that you and Ben have been friends, you guys have only been in two serious arguments.

“What do you mean? I was just doing what I always do out on the ice,” Ben said. He was the more leveled headed person in the friendship, it took more to get him to raise his voice.

“What you did was dumb and reckless and-”

“Oh, yeah (Y/N). I just decided to throw myself into the boards!” Ben said sarcastically.

“That’s not what I’m fucking saying!”

“Then what are you saying?!” Ben asked.

“Who in their right mind would go after the biggest guy on the ice! That was the stupidest thing you have ever done by far. Chara could have seriously hurt you!” You shouted. Most of your anger had vanished, and now turned to worry.

“I’m just doing my job,” Ben said. “And why do you even care?!”

“Because, Ben! I love you! I’ve loved you for almost four years now!” you blurted out. Ben’s face softened immediately. “I hate seeing you get hurt because there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Why haven’t you said anything before?” Ben asked.

“Falling in love with your best friend is the most cliché thing ever and only ever works out in movies. And I didn’t wanna make things awkward between us, I didn’t wanna throw away the 6 years of friendship we’ve had,” you said. Ben laughed while shaking his head at you.

“(Y/N), we’ve done a lot of weird shit together… Nothing will ever make things between us awkward,” Ben said. He stepped over his equipment and took his hands in yours. “And did you ever think that I just might love you too?”

“No… I was to worried about being shot down and losing you as a best friend,” you said.

Instead of verbally responding, Ben gently placed his lips on yours in a passionate kiss.

“You will never lose me, (Y/N),” Ben mumbled against your lips.

Some headcanons based on @nomorelonelydays‘ Actor!Sid AU she’s been playing around with. Consider:

  • Theater Actor!Sid after he retires from hockey.
  • And he starts out with just like the local theater seen in Pittsburgh
  • and starts out with like roles with a few lines
  • but Sid of course Sid wants to be the best
  • so he keeps honing is craft through workshops and stuff like that
  • And Geno is obvs the best stage husband
  • Sid still has “pre-game” rituals to prepare for a show
  • Geno helping Sid practice lines and being incredibly dorky while doing it
  • Geno in the front row on opening night for all the opening nights
  • and will always have a bouquet ready
  •  Geno is always the loudest cheerleader in the audience (duh)
  • Geno doesn’t watch every show, but when he’s not there, he always makes sure to FaceTime Sid at like 10 mins before showtime to tell him to break a leg
  • During intermission, Geno would have sent a video of him and their son saying goodnight to Sid.

That’s all I can think of atm. Lol. Feel free to add. :))



If you haven’t heard about the Etrian Odyssey series before, I’m disappointed, but not really surprised; it’s a pretty niche series for Nintendo handhelds made by Atlus, and let’s be real, the internet rarely ever really pays attention to Atlus unless someone even thinks about their Purse Sonar games or whatever they’re called. But then, if you are a fan of Purse Sonar and you’ve played the series’ 3DS spin-off, Purse Sonar Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth, then CONGRATUMALATIONS YOU’RE ALREADY FAMILIAR WITH THE GAMEPLAY OF ETRIAN ODYSSEY HOORAY

(Purse Sonar: a spin-off from Atlus’ She Mecha’d Me Tensely series that quickly overtook its predecessor in sheer popularity. idk what it’s about, TVs? teddy bears? steak? fortune tellers? dancing? the title leads me to believe psychic kleptomaniacs but who knows)

But ETRIAN ODYSSEY. The gist of the series is that you create your own guild of explorers from several different character classes (ever wanted to play a game with a queer disabled woc as the protagonist? now you can!), throw them into a formation of five, and hurl them into the pit of despair that is the Yggdrasil Labyrinth. Initially your goal is simply to become a guild of renowned explorers logging the monsters and items that lurk within the labyrinth, and sure, it starts off green and gorgeous and fun enough, but quicker than you can say “Ariadne Thread” you’re dealing with body horror, genocide, possession, moral relativism, the end of the world as we know it, you’ve hit your 157th full-party wipeout at the hands of Bambi’s evil cousin today alone, and you don’t know when you started crying??

Oh, and did I mention that you have to make your labyrinth map yourself? That’s kinda important.

Etrian Odyssey 2 Untold: The Fafnir Knight is a remake of the series’ second game, Etrian Odyssey II: Heroes of Lagaard. As was the case with Etrian Odyssey Untold: The Millennium Girl, a remake of the series’ first game, the main focus of the game is a brand-new Story Mode, eschewing the character creation for a pre-set party of five new characters–but in exchange, you get voice acting, animated cutscenes, an extra dungeon to explore, a much more dedicated plot, AND MORE.

EO2U’s Story Mode (which is the basis for the demo) puts you in the shoes of the Fafnir, an orphaned explorer who lives at the Midgard Library, making you a giant nerd. You and your best friend Yuri Lowenthal Flavio are called upon to be bodyguards for a princess who has to travel to the Ginnungagap ruins to perform an ancient ritual–a bit out of the ordinary, since the royal guards of High Lagaard should be up to the task, but whatever, it gets you out of Nerd HQ. While said princess, Arianna, is an even bigger nerd than both of you combined, her first reaction to Bambi’s evil cousin, slayer of swaths of even the most prepared adventurers, is to gush about how delicious he would taste.

As you travel with her and she proves that she actually is surprisingly hard-core, you run across the tiny stoic nerd Chloe and her lazy bum surrogate dad Bertrand, who are looking to make a quick buck in the very ruins you’re traversing for the ritual. Naturally you team up when you’re ambushed by a monster and they join your party permanently afterwards, but HOLY CRAP JUST BEFORE THEN YOU HEAR SOME WEIRD COCKAMAMIE AND SUDDENLY GAIN THE POWER TO TRANSFORM INTO AN UNHOLY BATTLE DEMON. LIKE SO.



So the demo takes you through the first…hour? two hours? of the game, and you can transfer your progress to the full game, even though the demo imposes a level cap of 10 and a Grimoire Stone inventory cap of 99 (out of a possible FOUR HUNDRED). Hitting that cap isn’t likely to be much of a problem unless you try to get a ton of Grimoires; you don’t unlock the ability to equip them until the tail end of the demo, whereas you’re probably going to hit level 10 as the demo wraps up. Grimoire Stones, for the uninitiated, are items you can equip that can grant you new skills or weapon abilities, or power up existing skills. The game gives you a few to start with, and then as you battle, the stones have a chance to “split off” and create new stones with your own skills, or even the skills of enemies!

And on the subject of Grimoire Stones HOLY WOW THEY FEEL MUCH BETTER THAN IN THE MILLENNIUM GIRL SO FAR. YOU CAN EQUIP MORE THAN ONE (only up to two in the demo though) AND THEY’RE SO MUCH SIMPLER. Skill Trees are also improved in that leveling up a skill sufficiently, in addition to unlocking a new skill, will also automatically add one point to that skill! And maps will update with things as you unlock them, such as highlighted secret tunnels (SECRET TUNNELLLLL), opened treasure chests, etc. The Millennium Girl’s guildkeeper system also returns with a variation–rather than having a mansion to yourself with a maid to provide for your needs, you help a woman named Regina (who is a nerd for food) with the development of a café, finding ingredients and decoding recipes for meals that will grant you different bonuses when you enter the labyrinth next! All in all, the mechanics all feel very streamlined from previous titles in the series!




…so yeah.


Theater Asks
  • 1. What was the first show you were in?
  • 2. What was the first show you saw?
  • 3. Musicals or straight plays?
  • 4. Favorite classic musical?
  • 5. Most overdone musical?
  • 6. Most boring Shakespeare play?
  • 7. Top 3 dream roles?
  • 8. What show would you direct and why?
  • 9. Favorite song to perform?
  • 10. Favorite theater game?
  • 11. Any traditions?
  • 12. Are you superstitious?
  • 13. One role you can't play you would love to?
  • 14. Worst hairstyle you've had for a part?
  • 15. Best makeup you've had for a play?
  • 16. Most stressful dance routinue?
  • 17. Your go-to monologue?
  • 18. Least favorite pre-show ritual?
  • 19. What character from a TV show or movie running would you want to play?
  • 20. What theater classes have you taken, if any?
  • 21. Describe you best improv moment on stage?
  • 22. Scariest thing to happen on stage?
  • 23. Do you enjoy community theater?
  • 24. How old were you when you started acting?
  • 25. What was your most recent role and how did you feel about it?
  • 26. Best scene partner?
  • 27. Worst scene partner?
  • 28. Do you enjoy being in the ensemble?
  • 29. Have you ever been an understudy and if so, for what role(s)?
  • 30. What made you decide you wanted to act?
  • 31. Are you planning on keeping theater in your life and if so, how?
  • 32. Ask your own question.
How to Wake Up Early for School:

- ok so if you are anything like me you have the sleeping habits of the common North American Opossum, or (also like me) you might even suffer from Insomnia. Well kids why don’t you come sit around the campfire so I can sing y’all a lil ditty about my cure to terrible sleep habits -

Schedule: Ok so at the end of the summer especially and near big tests and stressful times my sleep schedule is shit. So I’ve found that the best way to keep my brain doing the blushy smile emoji is to resort to my fourth grade bedtime. yep. throw in the towel at 8:30/9:00. And going to bed this early gives you time to really take care of yourself. You don’t totally have to hit the pillow then, take a shower so you don’t have to worry about it in the morning, moisturize your skin and maybe have some herbal refreshments. I’ll cover  that more later.

Tools: So. for me personally I have a whole “pre-game ritual” to prepare me not only for a good night’s sleep but to ensure I wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow. Here is a list of tips and products that help me.

  • As soon as I head to bed I pick out tomorrow’s outfit, gym outfit, and make sure everything is in my backpack, it lessens stress in the morning.
  • SHOWAHHHHH. I always shower at night. always have, always will. I hate waking up in the morning only to have to get drenched in water. (I prefer a more subtle approach to my waking up routine).
  • Moisturize yo face. Make ur skin :). Maybe even try out some special nighttime skin serums.
  • Melatonin. OOOOK so. I have clinical insomnia so I take an off-brand melatonin supplement for that as well as to calm me down from my anxiety attacks (which doesn’t work for everybody btw) If you don’t want to take pills or meds or whatever to help you fall asleep then don’t. That’s chill man, u do u. Just to inform you though, melatonin is a hormone naturally created in our bodies and if you can’t sleep then you might just be running low on it and a pill MIGHT be the boost ur body needs. If you have insomnia then your body straight up does not make nearly enough melatonin and I recommend at least having a conversation with your doctor about it.
  • TEAAAAA! alrighty so if you reeeally don’t want to take a supplement for sleep then maybe try relaxing herbal teas. Personally Chamomile grosses me out and I can’t stand it but they have just regular old teas in the supermarket that send signals to ur brain to slow down.
  • Music. I have to listen to music to fall asleep. I use the app 8tracks for my nighttime jams (its also an app) its an amazing app where people make and share all sorts of playlists for all sorts of situations and genres and artists and songs and albums and basically anything. My favorite types of playlists are indie that include Arctic Monkeys, the Kooks, Bad Suns, the 1975 and all that fun stuff mostly because it has a really calming downbeat.
  • Alarms. So I used to only rely on the alarm that came with IOS but, as always, my unconcious self found a way to turn off the alarm, not just snooze it, without waking me up. But then I stumbled upon a lovely app called SleepTimer. This app is amazing, what is does is the phone stays under your fitted sheet while you sleep and documents your sleep patterns, like when your in your deepest sleep and when you’re just on the verge of waking up and you give it a half hour timeframe of when you need to wake up and the app wakes you up when you are in your lightest stages of sleep and then makes you rate your sleep experience and even plays white noise or calming sounds while you fall asleep.

Most Important: You really have to want to wake up in the morning. Think about what you want to do the next day before you fall asleep so you have something for your brain to wake up for (like how you’d just magically always wake up early every christmas morning or easter if you’re catholic when you were a kid)

a kiss like a featherlight touch

In which Daichi is fluent in Michimiya-speak and still manages to be an idiot, much to Suga’s ever-lasting frustration.

A DaiYui fic from the POV of our favorite Captain Oblivious. Written for Day Two of Haikyuu Rare Pair Week. Prompt: Distance/Language. Rating: G for copious amounts of fluff. Words: 2,200. Many thanks to michichans for the beta & the kind words. ^^

Also found on AO3.

Keep reading

 @khamalas​ posted saying “does parse also watch those bts clips or?” and I think the clear answer is yes. Because what good is having essentially a mini documentary about your ex ? ex best-friend? ex maybe if you don’t watch it.

So he watches them alone in his empty apartment with his cat and expects to be mad about everything he couldn’t have had but thats not what happens. 


  • He learns stuff about Jack through the videos that he didn’t know because they have both grown up and Kent hasn’t talked to him enough in recent years to know them. 
  • He learns that Jacks pre game rituals are no longer the same, that he smiles differently now and Kent almost doesn’t recognise him until he laughs and then its the exact same as the way he use to when they were together.
  • He watches the mini games they play and Jacks still a sore looser even after all these years.
  • They do a trivia quiz and Jack is only marginally better at pop culture than he was 6 years ago, but since when is Zimms so good at history. Kent swears Jack never paid more attention in history than he did in high school but maybe that was just another thing he missed.
  • They do a gift wrapping challenge for christmas and all Kent can think about is all the horribly wrapped gifts he got through juniors and how it turns out that Jack got lots of parts of his life together but not that part. 
  • He learns that Jack still tapes his stick the exact same way that they made up together in juniors, the same way Kent still does as well. 
  • Slowly but surely Kent fills in the gaps about what he didn’t know about Jack, that he was a history major, that he once flipped a table over a board game, and waged war on a rival sports teams house. That his best friend goes to law school, and that his proudest moment from collage was walking across the stage to receive his diploma.
  • Jacks exactly the same but entirely different and over time Kent comes to realise that this Jack isn’t the Jack he fell in love with when he was 16 and maybe its for the better but it still hurts to know that Jacks not his.

Eventually Kent realises that he’s not the boy Kent loved when he was young, but maybe Kent can let him go if he knows there’s no going back now

An Interview With Michael Cera And Kieran Culkin As They Play “Mario Kart”

BuzzFeed caught up with Broadway’s newest stars, Michael Cera and Kieran Culkin, where the real-life best friends are making their debut in Kenny Lonergan’s This Is Our Youth. Before hitting the stage at the Cort Theatre, we chatted with the duo during their pre-show ritual — playing a heated game of Mario Kart — where we talked video games and life on the Great White Way, and a whole lot about Nintendo.

The rules: Michael and Kieran must play four rounds of the Mushroom Cup — Luigi Raceway, Moo Moo Farm, Koopa Troopa Beach, and Kalimari Dessert — all while yielding questions about their show, their friendship and a slew of questions about Mario Kart 64. The equipment: the Nintendo 64 currently residing in their shared dressing room inside the Court Theater. Winner gets bragging rights, loser must answer painfully awkward “Would You Rather” questions. Let’s see how they did! 

First things first: do you two really play Nintendo 64 every night before showtime?

Michael Cera: Nearly.

Then let’s get to it. Who’s your favorite Mario Kart character?

Kieran Culkin: Oh, come on, Luigi.

MC: I use Wario even though my father was Luigi.

KC: It’s true.

Who’s the most annoying character in the game?

KC: Wario when he’s being controlled by Michael.

What’s your favorite Mario Kart level?

KC: Wario Stadium.

MC: The most popular level around here is the Rainbow Road.

KC: Oh yeah.

MC: Which is really fun. But no, Wario Stadium is really great and I like the beach. I just like to soak up the rays.

KC: You’re also really good at the beach. You always win at the beach.

MC: Thank you.

What’s the crappiest item to get in an item box?

MC: A single banana doesn’t do much good.

KC: Also the fake item.

So what’s the best item?

MC: Lightning is great. The ghost is great.

KC: The star.

MC: The star is kinda good.

KC: The star is the best because it defends against the lightning —

MC: — but so does the ghost. And you can take away someone’s lightning.

KC: Yeah, but the star also makes you drive faster. It’s basically like having a boost for 10 seconds where you can kind of cross … like what I’m about to do right now. I’m cutting across and also impervious.

MC: This is funny, like, we’re treating this like it’s a new game. We’re talking about it like it’s some new thing.

KC: But! There’s still debatable things [about it], like, “What’s the best weapon?” and I think for sure the star. Oh, I got the lightning too, that’s great. The Bowser shell is great too.

Be honest. Do you find Princess Peach to be attractive?

MC: Obnoxious.

KC: Obnoxious, but attractive, yeah. I’d hit that.

Which character would you like to have as your roommate?

KC: Luigi.

MC: Why?

KC: I just think we’d get along. He’s pretty cool.

MC: I think Luigi’s masturbation schedule would really conflict with yours. You’d go to the bathroom and he’d be like, “I’m in here!”

KC: Yeah, maybe. But I’d respect it. I’d have to respect that he’d need to, um, jerk it a little. We’d come up with a system, like a bulletin board or something.

MC: Isn’t he kind of neurotic?

KC: Yeah, you’re right. Well, are we talking about who I’d be friends with or roommates with?

MC: Roommates.

KC: I’d be able to live in a much nicer place if I lived with Princess Peach.

MC: I’d live with Mario. Just cause he’s, like, the guy. You could be like, “I live with Mario” and people would be like [impressed].

KC: Mario can pay the rent. He’d be obnoxious, though. He’d be like, “Use the coaster, woohoo!”

Round 1 tally: Wario (Michael), 1st place; Luigi (Kieran) 2nd place.

MC: We really better get some free Nintendo stuff for this.

KC: I’d like to say for the record that Mario Kart 8 is an amazing fucking game. Have you played the Wii U version yet? You haven’t?

MC: You’re livin’ in the past.

KC: I was doing this until I got that game and it made me buy a Wii U. Now I’ve gotten really shitty at this version because that one is so goddamn good.

MC: My mastery of this game makes me feel like I’m a typist or something.

Do you think your characters would have played Mario Kart if it existed in their day?

KC: [To Michael] Oh, you would’ve. Warren would’ve.

MC: Yeah, I would say.

KC: I don’t think Dennis would’ve.

MC: You don’t think he’d get really competitive with it?

KC: It’s like that thing, then if I started losing I would totally be like, “Yeah, Warren’s really amazing at Mario Kart.”

MC: Yeah.

KC: Like that fucking matters.

MC: Yeah, take that to the bank.

Why did you guys decide to do this play?

MC: Why? I just really liked the play, to be honest.

KC: I’ve been pressing it for like 12 years. I got to do a version of it 12 years ago and I’ve been wanting to do it again since. I don’t exactly know why, it’s just great.

Are there any ’80s bands that you still listen to?

MC: David Bowie. Tears for Fears is great.


What’s your favorite ’80s cartoon?

MC: The Real Ghostbusters.

KC: Oh, that’s good. Thundercats.

MC: That’s ’80s?

KC: Yeah, ‘87 I think or something like that.

Favorite Brat Pack movie?

KC: The Breakfast Club.

MC: Am I going to hit myself with my own green shell?

KC: Oh, that’s the end?

MC: That’s the end, baby.

KC: You motherfucker.

MC: That’s it.

KC: I thought it was the end of the second lap.

MC: It was the lap that counted.

KC: Damnit.

MC: Breakfast Club was great, Sixteen Candles is really good. Ferris Bueller is really good.

KC: Ferris Bueller is great, that would be a close second for me.

Round 1 tally: Wario (Michael), 1st place; Luigi (Kieran) 3rd place.

What video games did you play as a kid?

MC: Super Mario 3. Gyromite.

KC: Gyromite’s great.

MC: Super Mario 3 I got into but —

KC:Solomon’s Key! That’s a new one. I never played that growing up, you introduced me to it.

MC: I had Solomon’s Key. It’s great.

KC: I never knew it existed for regular NES. So good.

MC: It’s intense.

KC: I grew up right in that fuckin’ sweet spot of Nintendo. I was born in ‘82, so by the time it was a household thing I was about 6, which was perfect for when new games came out.

MC: Duck Hunt.

KC: Contra. Castlevania.

MC: Ninja Turtles.

KC: Castlevania is my favorite Nintendo game.

M: See, Michael tends to use the sand bar when he doesn’t have the boost, which, he’s about to use the boost now so… Motherfucker.

What would be in your own suitcase of important childhood toys?

KC: The Thundercats Nintendo game.

MC: I had some Ghostbusters.

KC: Wrestling toys.

MC: I had the Martian Manny, is that his name? This green guy who was fantastic. I found him on the road.

KC: You did it without the boost! You motherfucker.

MC: Yeah, I did it without the boost. With, without — the important thing is to pull ahead.

KC: God, you are such an asshole.

Round 3 tally: Wario (Michael), 1st place; Luigi (Kieran) 2nd place.

Since your characters in the play seem to, have you ever actually hung out on the Upper West Side?

KC: I grew up on the Upper West Side.

MC: I’ve been up there. Yes, I have.

How realistic were the sets? Were your characters turning off and on the lights to the apartment and playing records or did it just look that way?

MC: It’s all a bit of movie magic.

KC: Well, you know, the turnstile, it moves.

The stage’s New York City apartment is hyperrealistic. Have you ever lived in a one-bedroom apartment like that here?

MC: I have not.

KC: It looks exactly like my friend’s apartment.

MC: I had a friend that lived in a studio apartment with a pull-down bed and it was disgusting. It was the kind of the place where you rent by the month that you live in and treat it like a hotel. You’ve got dishes and stuff. And one time he made a pot of Dinty Moore stew and he dropped it on the carpet and and he was just went, “Eh, whatever.” And it was just there for the rest of the time he lived there.

KC: Really?

MC: Then he just moved out. He was like, “Oh, they’ll figure it out.”

Your characters in this show have many vices. If you had to pick for yourself between weed, booze, or cigarettes, which would you pick?

KC: Definitely not cigarettes. That’s immediately eliminated.

MC: I choose weed. It’s the least harmful of all three.

KC: It is the least harmful but I like booze too much. Booze.

MC: Oh god, the train!

KC: Did you get hit by the train? This is, like, your level too.

MC: It’s not over.

What one food can Michael not live without?

KC: Hold on. I can think of this…

MC: Dude, I’ve TOLD you what food I can’t live without.

KC: Oh, bacon.

Which one of you can go longer without showering?

KC: Michael’s got some B.O.

MC: And I have a very inactive lifestyle.

KC: That’s true. So do I, though.

MC: It takes a lot to generate B.O. for me.

Which one of you is more likely to break on stage?

KC: We’ve done a couple times, but always evenly.

MC: Yeah, it’s [true]. We kind of keep our cool.

KC: If one of us breaks, we both break.

MC: If Peach takes away my perfect Grand Prix…I’m not gonna be able to stay cool.

If you two were to do another play again, do you have any idea what it would be?

KC: Something by Kenny Lonergan.

MC: Yeah, that would be great. … Wait, she pulled right ahead! Where is she? Oh, there she is.

MC: She’s dead now!

Would you ever consider doing a musical?

MC: Uh, no.

KC: I don’t know how to sing.

MC: OK, now it all comes down to what Kieran gets right here.

KC: Well, I could have turned this into something useful but this bitch just passed me so I’m going to get second place.

MC: Awesome.

Round 4 tally: Wario (Michael), 1st place; Luigi (Kieran) 2nd place.

KC: Whoa, almost! You almost got me with that shell.

MC: Really? That would have been a great finish.

KC: You got first all four times. I got second, second, third, second.


Final tally: Wario (Michael), 36; Luigi (Kieran) 21.

Kieran, since you lost you’re now subjected to two round of “Would You Rather.” So: would you rather sweat mayonnaise or poop a softball?

KC: Oh, poop a softball! That’s easy.

MC: No, it’s not that easy. You’re not really thinking about the anal stretching.

KC: You can get really drunk, and you go to the hospital and shit out a softball…

MC: So you can define the terms and conditions of this [game]?

KC: OK. So I’ll go to the hospital. It’ll be like the worst day of my life and when my wife eventually has kids she’ll be like, “You don’t know what this is like!” I’ll be like, “Yes I do. I shat a softball.”

MC: What about your softball-sized asshole for the rest of your life?

Final round: Would you rather be sexually attracted to fruit or have Cheeto dust on your fingers for the rest of your life?

Both, in unison: Sexually attracted to fruit.

MC: It’s everywhere.

KC: Yeah, but still, when I’m alone and nobody’s around I find a pomegranate…

MC: You’re not, like, uncontrollable, right? You don’t have, like, I Have to Have Sex With Fruit Tourettes? Where you, like, see a banana and lose your cool.

KC: And so what if I’m sexually attracted to fruit? If I wanna fuck a pineapple — actually, I don’t know why I said a pineapple. That would be the worst.


From BuzzFeed: An Interview With Michael Cera And Kieran Culkin As They Play “Mario Kart”

BuzzFeed caught up with Broadway’s newest stars, Michael Cera and Kieran Culkin, where the real-life best friends are making their debut in Kenny Lonergan’s This Is Our Youth. Before hitting the stage at the Cort Theatre, we chatted with the duo during their pre-show ritual — playing a heated game of Mario Kart — where we talked video games and life on the Great White Way, and a whole lot about Nintendo.