I think, for me, the thing to take comfort in is that because of Jay and everything she was, the Tomlinson-Deakin’s are wonderful, caring, strong people who love each other deeply. And it’s because of her that they will have the strength to get through this. Together.

The Trinitarian  Horned God

I have to share a proclamation I wrote and I want to hear your thoughts. I am trying to summarize my beliefs and I started writing a prayer. I have begun to explore the concept of the horned god in 3 archetypes that have arisen through my personal journey. All of these Gods are simultaneously separate and one because I subscribe to a more unitarian/henotheistic approach.

(THE RAM/GOAT)Pan/Cernunnos/Freyr- The God who revels in Duality.  He is the life and death of the world.  He exists as a perfect expression of both extremes in the dichotomy.  Night/Day Winter/Summer Life/Death Day/Night

(THE BULL)Dionysus/Osiris/Shiva - The Great Figure of Transformation and Liminiality. He is the God that blurs the hard lines between the worlds revealing the gray in a world of black and white.  He passes through death and breaks its shackles showing that it can be conquered.

(THE STAG)Jesus/the Buddha - A figure who rather than existing with in the dichotomy or blending it, shatters it completely.  They are the figures who destroy death rather than passing through it.  They are compassion and they forego the physical in favor of a pure connection to the Divine despite the fact that they are present in the lives of men.  

None are more important than the other.  Each reveals truth each require worship and respect but they are all One.

Crowned in Horn and Halo, God of heaven and earth, ever shining ever growing:

Shine o ram guide me through the wilds!   

He whose voice echoes through the hills and trees
He whose roar inspires passion and fear
He whose spring congress grants life to all things

Shine o Bull break my shackles!  

He who breaks fetters of mind and body
He whose wisdom flows like wine and honey
He who passes through death to dance again

Shine o stag lead me to unending life!  

He who speaks in thunderous whispers of love
He whose resurrection cleanses the world
He who by the hand leads us to the garden

I really am looking for critique to make it flow and I am curious as to what you think. Im working on metering it better but this is my start. 

When you remember me, it means you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are. It means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us. It means that if we meet again, you will know me. It means that even after I die, you can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.

Frederick Buechner

Reversing the pronouns of this somehow-reassuring quote, it becomes everything I want to say to those I love and have lost:

“When I remember you, it means I have carried something of who you are with me, that you have left some mark of who you are on who I am. It means that I can summon you back to my mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us. It means that if we meet again, I will know you. It means that even after you die, I can still see your face and hear your voice and speak to you in my heart.”

Brain Surgery Day & Last update on Ash

Here is one more letter that I don’t even know how to begin.
I pray that this goes around all the walls of Tumblr an that everyone prays for Ash. Please tell your Friends to pray for him as well. 
These long days are going to be so hard on me. All this waiting an knowing nothing. This whole day that hes been in isolation where they prepare him I keep checking my phone thinking hes going to message me but he wont for awhile.

I’m still hanging in here you all. I’ve seen your messages an posts.
The first day of quietness is here. I’ve dreaded this day for so long.
Surgery days tomorrow. They start it at Midnight ET (8am where he’s at) 12-10-2016 an it goes up to 18 hours.
He’s got two vital tumors that’s got to come out. He is so tired but he told me hes going to fight to win for me.
He’s gonna make it. I believe the Fathers gonna bring him through this. He’s gonna beat this. Take care of Ash Lord Jesus, Give him the strength and all to get through this.

 I was in the middle of a prayer for him last night after not hearing from him for hours. He told me he had passed out twice, but the nurses never left his side.
He came out with a blue hand because I told him to hold on to something before he did. He felt like he was falling. Anyways. I said was your ears or something burning? I was legit asking God just then to wake you up to take care of you. That I thought he passed out because I was talking to him. All these things, and that my heart had been flying. My pulse rate hit 95 last night. It really felt like it was gonna come out.

Asj said he seen two flashes an it felt like somebody was whispering to him. He wanted to know if I was ok. I couldn’t lie to him. I will never. I told him I was nervous. He kept telling me there’s no need to be. 

Keep praying y'all. Pray for Ash. Pray for his Family especially his Mom.
We will call her Momma M, and Tony his Best Friend. He tried to make it but his plane doesnt make it till next Saturday (17th) I know hes so upset.  

“Dont worry Everythings gonna be alrigh.t”


 I am now out of words. I dont know what to say now. All im able to do now is cry. Good thing is you know our tears.
I pray for these Nurses and Doctors. I pray for steady an healing hands.
I pray for a healing and recovery. I trust you Father God. All things are possible through you. I leave Ash in your hands. I know you will take good care of him through this and help him get through all of it. I have so much faith in you Jesus. He’s made it this far he can finish an win this battle. Let him beat this brain cancer where he can tell his story. Maybe through all of this he can help someone thats facing this someday. Because he will know what all has happened to him an how he got through it all.
Let your will be done God. You are the God of Love, Comfort an healing,
Be all that we need in these coming days. Help him to fight an not give up!
In Jesus mighty name I pray. 

One day at a time. Lets do this.. COME ON ASH! YOU CAN DO IT!!

Oh wise Ibis
Lord of letters
Who speaks and it becomes
Give N the power to speak ma'at
Let their words be ever effective
Like yours that endure forever
May they pass any and all tests
With your guidance and grace
Praise to you great scribe!
Djehuty the thrice great one
Knower of all

A quick history lesson: Iranian, Mehdi Dibaj was arrested in 1983 for converting to Christianity 40 years earlier.

During his 9 years in an Iranian prison he wrote to his son:

“I am prepared for the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, not only to remain in prison but to give my life in His service as well.”

In 1994 Mehdi was sentenced to execution. However, there was a great international outcry and prayer. Suddenly, on January 16, 1995, the Teheran government released Mehdi from prison and denied sentencing him to death. Even TIME magazine reported the release under the title “Answered Prayer”.

But six months after he was set free, Mehdi was discovered martyred by a group of vigilantes.

Today, the Iranian church is one of the fastest growing churches in the world.