Da Declaration of Independence: A Transcription
IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.
Da unanimous Declaration of tha thirteen united Statez of America,
When up in tha Course of human events, it becomes necessary fo’ one playas ta dissolve tha ballistical bandz which have connected dem wit another, n’ ta assume among tha powerz of tha earth, tha separate n’ equal station ta which tha Lawz of Nature n’ of Naturez Dogg entitle them, a thugged-out decent respect ta tha opinionz of mankind requires dat they should declare tha causes which impel dem ta tha separation.
Our thugged-out asses hold these truths ta be self-evident, dat all pimps is pimped equal, dat they is endowed by they Creator wit certain unalienable Rights, dat among these is Life, Liberty n’ tha pursuit of Happiness.–That ta secure these rights, Governments is instituted among Men, derivin they just powers from tha consent of tha governed, –That whenever any Form of Posse becomes destructizzle of these ends, it is tha Right of tha Muthafuckas ta alta or ta abolish it, n’ ta institute freshly smoked up Government, layin its foundation on such principlez n’ organizin its powers up in such form, as ta dem shall seem most likely ta effect they Safety n’ Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate dat Governments long established should not be chizzled fo’ light n’ transient causes; n’ accordingly all experience hath shewn, dat mankind is mo’ disposed ta suffer, while evils is sufferable, than ta right theyselves by abolishin tha forms ta which they is accustomed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But when a long-ass train of abuses n’ usurpations, pursuin invariably tha same Object evinces a thugged-out design ta reduce dem under absolute Despotism, it is they right, it is they duty, ta throw off such Government, n’ ta provide freshly smoked up Guardz fo’ they future security.–Such has been tha patient sufferizzle of these Colonies; n’ such is now tha necessitizzle which constrains dem ta alta they forma Systemz of Government. Da history of tha present Mackdaddy of Great Britain be a history of repeated fuck-ups n’ usurpations, all havin up in direct object tha establishment of a absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted ta a cold-ass lil candid ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Dude has refused his Assent ta Laws, da most thugged-out wholesome n’ necessary fo’ tha hood good.
Dude has forbidden his Governors ta pass Lawz of immediate n’ pressin importance, unless suspended up in they operation till his Assent should be obtained; n’ when so suspended, dat schmoooove muthafucka has utterly neglected ta git all up in ta em.
Dude has refused ta pass other Laws fo’ tha accommodation of big-ass districtz of people, unless dem playas would relinquish tha right of Representation up in tha Legislature, a right inestimable ta dem n’ formidable ta tyrants only.
Dude has called together legislatizzle bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, n’ distant from tha depository of they hood Records, fo’ tha sole purpose of fatiguin dem tha fuck into compliizzle wit his crazy-ass measures.
Dude has dissolved Representatizzle Houses repeatedly, fo’ opposin wit manly firmnizz his crazy-ass muthafuckin invasions on tha muthafuckin rightz of tha people.
Dude has refused fo’ a long-ass time, afta such dissolutions, ta cause others ta be erected; whereby tha Legislatizzle powers, incapable of Annihilation, have moonwalked back ta tha Muthafuckas at big-ass fo’ they exercise; tha State remainin up in tha mean time exposed ta all tha dangerz of invasion from without, n’ convulsions within.
Dude has endeavoured ta prevent tha population of these States; fo’ dat purpose obstructin tha Laws fo’ Naturalization of Foreigners; refusin ta pass others ta encourage they migrations hither, n’ raisin tha conditionz of freshly smoked up Appropriationz of Lands.
Dude has obstructed tha Administration of Justice, by refusin his Assent ta Laws fo’ establishin Judiciary powers.
Dude has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, fo’ tha tenure of they offices, n’ tha amount n’ payment of they salaries.
Dude has erected a multitude of New Offices, n’ busted hither swarmz of Officers ta harrass our people, n’ smoke up they substance.
Dude has kept among us, up in timez of peace, Standin Armies without tha Consent of our legislatures.
Dude has affected ta render tha Military independent of n’ superior ta tha Civil power.
Dude has combined wit others ta subject our asses ta a jurisdiction foreign ta our constipation, n’ unacknowledged by our laws; givin his Assent ta they Actz of pretended Legislation:
For Quarterin big-ass bodiez of armed troops among us:
For protectin them, by a mock Trial, from punishment fo’ any Murdaz which they should commit on tha Inhabitantz of these States:
For cuttin off our Trade wit all partz of tha ghetto:
For imposin Taxes on our asses without our Consent:
For deprivin our asses up in nuff cases, of tha benefitz of Trial by Jury:
For transportin our asses beyond Seas ta be tried fo’ pretended offences
For abolishin tha free System of Gangsta Laws up in a neighbourin Province, establishin therein a Arbitrary posse, n’ enlargin its Boundaries so as ta render it at once a example n’ fit instrument fo’ introducin tha same absolute rule tha fuck into these Colonies:
For takin away our Charters, abolishin our most valuable Laws, n’ alterin fundamentally tha Formz of our Governments:
For suspendin our own Legislatures, n’ declarin theyselves invested wit juice ta legislate fo’ our asses up in all cases whatsoever.
Dude has abdicated Posse here, by declarin our asses outta his Protection n’ wagin Battle against us.
Dude has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, n’ destroyed tha livez of our people.
Dude be at dis time transportin big-ass Armiez of foreign Mercenaries ta compleat tha workz of dirtnap, desolation n’ tyranny, already begun wit circumstancez of Wackty & perfidy scarcely paralleled up in da most thugged-out barbarous ages, n’ straight-up unworthy tha Head of a cold-ass lil civilized nation.
Dude has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captizzle on tha high Seas ta bear Arms against they Country, ta become tha executionerz of they playaz n’ Brethren, or ta fall theyselves by they Hands.
Dude has buckwild domestic insurrections amongst us, n’ has endeavoured ta brang on tha inhabitantz of our frontiers, tha merciless Indian Cabbages, whose known rule of warfare, be a undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes n’ conditions.
In every last muthafuckin stage of these Oppressions Our thugged-out asses have Petitioned fo’ Redress up in da most thugged-out humble terms: Our repeated Petitions done been answered only by repeated injury fo’ realz. A Pimp whose characta is thus marked by every last muthafuckin act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit ta be tha rula of a gangbangin’ free people.
Nor have We been wantin up in attentions ta our Brittish brethren. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. Our thugged-out asses have warned dem from time ta time of attempts by they legislature ta extend a unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. Our thugged-out asses have reminded dem of tha circumstancez of our emigration n’ settlement here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin’ thru fo'sho. Our thugged-out asses have appealed ta they natizzle justice n’ magnanimity, n’ our crazy asses have conjured dem by tha tizzlez of our common kindred ta disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections n’ correspondence. They too done been deaf ta tha voice of justice n’ of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce up in tha necessity, which denounces our Separation, n’ hold them, as our crazy asses hold tha rest of mankind, Enemies up in War, up in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, tha Representativez of tha united Statez of America, up in General Congress, Assembled, appealin ta tha Supreme Judge of tha ghetto fo’ tha rectitude of our intentions, do, up in tha Name, n’ by Authoritizzle of tha phat Muthafuckaz of these Colonies, solemnly publish n’ declare, That these United Colonies are, n’ of Right ought ta be Jacked n’ Independent States; dat they is Absolved from all Allegiizzle ta tha British Crown, n’ dat all ballistical connection between dem n’ tha State of Great Britain, be n’ ought ta be straight-up dissolved; n’ dat as Jacked n’ Independent States, they have full Juice ta levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, n’ ta do all other Acts n’ Things which Independent States may of right do fo’ realz. And fo’ tha support of dis Declaration, wit a gangbangin’ firm reliizzle on tha protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge ta each other our Lives, our Fortunes n’ our sacred Honor.