Please fire me. The power went out at work today, and my boss asked me if I could fix it. I thought he was joking—apparently he was serious. I’m a part-time secretary.  He’s a member of MENSA with a PhD.  

One time all the power in the school went out and all the other classes just hung out in the dark and goofed off. But come on, band practice is never canceled, no matter what. So of course we went outside, what else would we do? Not play? Ha, you make me laugh.

Imagine there’s a power outage, but since the sun is finally up, at least you can now read.  Loki barges into your apartment, bored out of his mind, and he sits next to you on the sofa, but you are so absorbed into the book you hardly notice.  His usual antics don’t get your attention, so he leans over and starts reading the text out loud.  You shift so he can’t see the book anymore, but he apparently memorized the page and keep reciting the lines you haven’t gotten to yet.  Eventually he slips a rose made from ice down the spine of the book as a peace offering. 

The Signs In A Power Outage

Aries: Tries to find a flashlight and angrily runs into wall

Taurus: Sits In the darkness telling random stories

Gemini: Can’t decide if they like the peace or hate it

Cancer: Just happens to have a stash of flashlights incase this were to happen

Leo: Annoyed at the world because they can’t do ANYTHING without the light

Virgo: Tries to fix the lights but fails and just stares tiredly at the people complaining

Libra: Co-hosts flashlight party with Sagittarius, invites the whole neighborhood

Scorpio: Gets away from everybody to be alone and enjoy the darkness

Sagittarius: flashlight party

Capricorn: Provides everything you need: flashlights, water, food, generators…they got everything

Aquarius: Scares everybody by sneaking up on them

Pisces: Needs somebody with them 24/7

Hi everyone! The city my town is in recently had a city-wide blackout while I was studying, and I didn’t know what to do during that time. After it came back on, I thought up some ways to stay productive even when the lights are out!

  1. Don’t Panic: Panicking will do you no good. If it is daylight out and the power goes out, that’s no big deal! Take the time to use the natural light, especially if it is warm outside. If not, just throw some extra layers on and get back to work! There’s no time to be lazy. If it is night and the power goes out, turn on a flashlight or set out candles (if your university allows for candles). Some flashlights can include your phone light, and actual flashlight, or opening up Microsoft Word and leaving a blank document on at full brightness. If even a little bit of light will make you panic less, please do so!
  2. Breathe: Breathing will help with any anxiety you might face after the initial shock of the lights do go out. 
  3. If the power out is extended, make sure you have enough water and canned food. This is so important. Even if you’re on a diet, your fridge is not going to last forever, so you’re going to need stuff you can just open up quick and eat cold. 
  4. If you decide that you don’t want to study anymore, no one is going to blame you! You’re perfectly entitled to a break, even after a long day.
  5. Make sure you have lots of blankets! It’s cold right now, so you’re gonna need lots of warmth to keep you going when the heat is off. 

That’s all I’ve really got at the moment! Hopefully, this helps some of you out!

Tonight I’m having to suffer through one of the most terrible thunderstorms storms ever. And normally I very much enjoy the comfort of rain and the sound of satan’s roaring asshole. But this one really hit the spot. TMI warning. I was about to go unleash one of the largest and most uncomfortable dumps I’d ever had from this satisfying steak dinner we had the night before. Ooooh boy. I was sooo ready to just flush it out of my system. And then lights out. The power went bye bye. like Gee, thanks Atlanta. Won’t even let me do business in peace. So now I have to hold in a digested three pounder for god knows how much longer in the heat of a dim candlelit room because let’s be honest. No one wants to shit in the fucking dark.