You say authoritarian socialism is impossible, but then what would you call the USSR or similar states?
tbh you’re misunderstanding me. my point is that socialism can’t be anything but libertarian. even the most violent revolutionary form of socialism can be justified by and situated within libertarianism, even the most “authoritarian”-seeming socialist practice is a response to power dynamics that make it an essentially libertarian project. that obviously isn’t to say there aren’t non-socialist responses as well that might be considered authoritarian, but that genuine socialism in my mind can’t be considered authoritarian in any meaningful sense without a good amount of decontextualization and ahistorical nonsense.
i’ve talked about this a bit before but you can actually justify a revolutionary socialism with the non-aggression principle if you put it in these terms and undermine the arguments of “libertarian” capitalists, which is the reverse impossibility, as capitalism is inherently authoritarian and cannot be anything but authoritarian.
nobody “allows” themselves to be abused, you think abusers are waiting for the fucking permission? they’re not waiting for anything they’ll jump at any chance to abuse and then fucking pretend nothing even happened! or that the victims deserved it by just existing! victims have a lot of better things to do than to make sure that in their entire lives nobody gets the chance to abuse them, and it’s impossible too because abusers generate those chances, they make sure the chances are there, they make sure victims are unable to escape or even realize that abuse is going on! victims are victims precisely because they get no control over what’s going on! nobody sure as hell asks them for permission! It’s insane to blame victims for merely existing in a hostile environment where all their energy and time is spent on desperately trying to protect themselves! blame abusers for being predatory opportunist hateful narcissistic pieces of shit and generating that kind of inhumane environment!
I see a lot of confusion and irregularity over
what abuse is, and what it’s not, if it can or can’t be present at the same
time as love and if it can be done accidentally and without intention so I’ll try
to clear it up.
Abuse is treating another human being as less
than, causing them long term emotional, physical and psychological damage, often
will leave them physically and/or emotionally wounded and traumatized, and this is happening in environment
and power dynamics from which victim cannot escape. It’s done for gain,
benefit, pleasure, satisfaction, as a coping method, as an outlet, due to
superiority complex, due to lack of care and humanity, you could say it’s due
to lack of intelligence, but that goes back to lack of care because people who care
about not hurting others will work to gain knowledge of how to not hurt them.
not be happening at the same time as love. Abuse is the very opposite of love.
Abuse is hatred. You’re being treated as a less of a human being. That is not
the state of being loved.
Abuse is either on purpose, or due to lack of care
weather a person is being abused or not, and you can easily say that person
doesn’t care on purpose. If they don’t give a shit weather they hurt you or
not, you can easily say they hurt you on purpose, if they were willing to take
on the risk that you’re hurting and decided that was a risk they could easily
take, it’s on purpose.
A person can be trapped in long term abuse in
many various ways, some of them are simply being a part of an abusive family,
being a part of abusive environment such as school or a job place, being part of
a toxic community or a cult, being part of an abusive relationship or
friendship, being groomed into believing abuse is love, being groomed into
recognizing abusive behaviour as normal and acceptable, being socialized into not
turning back on abusers out of fear, guilt or trauma bonding, being socialized
in a way that disables them to call out abuse and makes them deeply believe
they should be enduring it and that it’s somehow their fault, being raised in
circumstances in which they had to fear for their life if they tried to fight
for their rights. Each of these is inescapable for victims, that is the most
important point, abuse is something one cannot just turn their back on and walk
away from, it takes enormous effort and energy to break free, and often victims
can’t put together that kind of miracle.
Abuse from early on (child abuse, toxic
socialization, grooming) can end up trapping person into many abusive
environments, and it’s not something the abuse survivor can avoid. For example,
a person who is taught from early on that they’re supposed to take huge amounts
of abuse, that all the abuse is their fault and they deserved it, and that
they’re always to stay loyal to abusers and support them no matter what, will
not be able to escape future predatory abusers, they will end up trauma bonding
to them and accepting them as friends and partners, often without even
realizing they’re abused, even when the damage done to them starts destroying
them (development of depression, anxiety, cptsd, avpd, low self esteem, eating
disorders, chronic pain, paranoia, flashbacks, etc), it will be extremely
painful and terrifying to acknowledge they’re being abused. Abusers often make
sure to also trap their victims into financial dependence (family,
relationship, marriage, job partnership, living together, social isolation) or
into severe guilt, shame or fear for thinking of abandoning them to the point
where it feels unimaginable to victims, so even if they realize the damage is
coming from abuse, they will have extremely hard time escaping the abuser and
Now let me explain what abuse is not:
a person not putting your needs before of their
own (it’s possible to acknowledge you’re a human being and to treat you as such
without prioritizing your needs above one’s own)
a person ending their mutual relationship with
you (in abusive situation, entire relationship would be exploitative, one sided
and painful, victim would end up giving much more than they’re getting, and
abuser would suck them dry and push them into an awful and vulnerable state
before finally abandoning them to crush their self worth)
a person unable/unwilling to help with your
symptoms. (in abusive situation, abuser would use victim’s symptoms to cause
guilt/shame and to shut the victim up, it would be used as a blackmail and as a
reason to prove victim as “the toxic one”, or a “burden”
and would be used to manipulate the victim into compliance. it’s possible to
acknowledge that someone’s symptoms are more than another can handle without
dehumanizing the one struggling.)
inability to show endless support,
availability, presence and comfort to you (nobody is a resource or a service to
you. however, if they offer all this at the start, keep doing it until you’re
hooked, and then suddenly withdraw all of it and only give it in small drops,
just so you would stick around and give them whatever they want to you, then
it’s abuse, because they’re leveraging kindness to keep you trapped and
believing that one day they’ll be supportive again)
a person unwilling to make up to you everything
you missed out on in life. (nobody should ask you to do this for them either.
nobody but abusers can take responsibility for what they’ve done to victims,
and nobody else should be held responsible to make it all up. some people might
want to make up for some of it, and those are great. but nobody can demand it.)
a person unwilling to take you lashing out at
a person unwilling to communicate with you or
enter a relationship with you.
a person pointing out how your actions affected
and hurt them. (truthfully)
a person saying “no” to you.
a person refusing to regard you as an
a person refusing to be put down or humiliated
a person refusing to do what you want them to
a person unwilling to pretend they’re not hurt
by you so you wouldn’t have to feel guilty.
a person refusing to be controlled in any way
or form by you
a person not willing to trust you
a person keeping their distance from you
Of course, even as things as “unwilling to
help you with symptoms” and “unwilling to make some things up to
you” aren’t abuse, they could hurt, and you have the right to keep
yourself away from anything that hurts you, it doesn’t have to be abuse.
Abusive mindset could be described as one that
is predatory, opportunist, and entitled to everything they can get out of
others, by force or otherwise, the one which beliefs firmly that others
“owe” them or that they are deserving of punishment and pain for
merely existing the way they are. This mindset allows them to dehumanize other human beings and to see them as less than human, to consider them toys, resources, property, slaves, punching bags, so they feel self righteous about treating them as such.
Abuse is heavily supported by numerous social
constructs and cultural beliefs, and abusers use all of these to
“prove” to the victim they’re right, must be regarded as authority
and superior to them, or treated with extreme kindness, support and
unconditional love regardless of how cruel they are. At the same time, they
turn all these constructs against the victim, to prove how the victim has no
value or importance, or is deserving of pain and abuse. All of these are lies.
A human being cannot be superior to another human being, and can not have the
right to control another in any situation.
Hola ur blog is so cool and I think it's really cool you like to help people. I'm a bit confused on what power is in a circuit and it's relationship to current, resistance, and voltage... can you help explain? Tysm!!
The Hydraulic Analogy
There are a couple of times especially in engineering where it is easier to think of DC electric circuits in terms of hydraulic circuits and vice versa. And I think in this case it might help you as well.
Current: The amount of water flowing through a section of a pipe over time
Voltage: The difference in pressure between two points in the water circuit.
Resistance: Narrow constrictions offer high resistance and every pipe like every other wire offers resistance to the flow of water.
Power: It is the rate at which the energy stored in the water is used to drive a mechanical device like a water wheel.
Think of it like this: How fast the wheel is going to spin is dependent on the amount of water hitting it (current) and how much pushing this quantity of water does (voltage).
(pressure = force applied / area)
Hope this helps and I am glad that you are finding the blog to be useful. Cheers!
(This post is about synastry. May also apply to Venus signs. All planets count, but the malefics [Mars, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto] will lots of need work. As always, there can be exceptions depending on the rest of the chart.)
Aries moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 1st house. It fulfills their need for competition, confrontation, validation, camaraderie, openness, excitement, liveliness, and encouragement.
Taurus moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 2nd house. It fulfills their need for indulgence, pampering, leisure, homemaking, patience, dependability, shared values, and pragmatism.
Gemini moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 3rd house. It fulfills their need for intrigue, conversation, humor, silliness, teasing, communication, wit, a mental bond, and gossip.
Cancer moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 4th house. It fulfills their need for comfort, nurturance, privacy, sympathy, closeness, familiarity, safety, rapport, sensitivity, and stability.
Leo moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 5th house. It fulfills their need for passion, entertainment, delight, creativity, attention, affection, romance, creativity, and gratification.
Virgo moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 6th house. It fulfills their need for care, help, appreciation, relief, teamwork, support, selflessness, acknowledgement, and being listened to.
Libra moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 7th house. It fulfills their need for an other half, completion, balance, juxtaposition, self-discovery, being complemented, and being understood.
Scorpio moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 8th house. It fulfills their need for depth, intensity, passion, mystery, power dynamics, intimacy, extreme connection, and being discovered.
Sagittarius moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 9th house. It fulfills their need for adventure, recklessness, openness, abundant possibilities, and philosophical/intellectual stimulation.
Capricorn moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 10th house. It fulfills their need for recognition, being believed in, motivation, fortification, progress, and worldly presence/impact.
Aquarius moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 11th house. It fulfills their need for community, friendship, unity, purpose, acknowledgement of potential, hope, faith, and mutual goals.
Pisces moons should be in relationships with people who have planets that fall in their 12th house. It fulfills their need for spiritual union, magic, fantasy, illusion (or disillusion), contact with the soul, revelation, and self-analysis.
Men, especially cis straight white men, saying “what if it was the other way around huh?” with literally zero concept of power dynamics or historical context is one of the most boring things in existence
“I prefer intelligence to beauty” doesn’t make you deep, you’re literally just replacing one ill-defined social standard based on the interests of the privileged, with another.
Both ideas are social constructs and they’re both being defined by the same white supremacist, classist, ableist cisheteropatriarchy.
When people think about what it means to be intelligent, we largely imagine the kinds of intelligence likely to be found in wealthy abled white cishet men, discounting the contributions of anyone else, with notable exceptions who are praised for their resemblance to those same powerful white men - just as when people think of beauty we’re trained to think of a white wealthy thin abled cis woman, and anyone else can only be beautiful by resembling that narrow ideal.
“What does it mean to be intelligent?” is a question with as infinitely many answers as “What does it mean to be beautiful?” but they’re both shrunk into tiny narrowly-defined boxes in order to be used as tools for maintaining power. Both constructs should be aggressively questioned and reimagined in order to become something other than weapons against those who do not hold social power.
Rosy, how do you think opinions on Cl would change if L had been male? I've posted here before about how I'm bisexual and Asian so Bellarke actually resonates w/me a lot more than Cl. Ppl love Cl for representation but I can't help but feel that if L had been male, the abusive nature of that relationship would've been way more obvious to ppl and it wouldn't have been heralded as glorious by antis. i mean L literally talked C down so many times and told her how she should lead, obviously that is
obviously that would’ve been really sexist if L had been male…but why is it not seen as problematic at all when L is female? It’s still condescending as hell and upsetting. at least to me it is.
If L had been male it would have immediately been seen as a stereotypical male dominating relationship. It would have had lots of fans still. It would have had very DIFFERENT fans, probably. People like that dynamic. I do not.
We would have had a lot more feminists calling it out as problematic. But because of the wlw question, there was a new element to value within the representation. I personally believe that abuse is an issue in both m/f and wlw relationships, so to me this is not about lgbt, but about understanding abuse. But for many people, the lgbt representation was more important than any question of power inequality or psychological abuse, so that took precedence over any other problematic issues. They simply saw it as more important and so invalidated anyone who tried to bring up the abuse issues.
Please note. I never actually said that no one should ship CL or it was wrong or was bad. I said that it triggered me and I recognized my own abusive relationship in it. And I think we should ALWAYS consider whether relationships we see on screen are healthy. Because there are too many relationships in film and tv and stories that are glamorized and dramatized and made into romantic ideals that are NOT healthy. And it doesn’t matter what gender the partners are.
I regularly imagine characters with alternate genders because it shines a light on their gender dynamics and interactions and the whole “romance” question and power issues and all sorts of things that we don’t recognize because they are expected within M/F relationships.
Switching or swapping genders in a relationship makes us look at the way the characters interact and how power flows between characters in a way we don’t notice in our generally misogynistic and heteronormative society.
It is a mental exercise that challenges our expectations and assumptions about the way people and characters should act and enlightens our own understanding of our society.
ps. i researched and I still don’t know if i got the terminology right. gender switch/swap? i don’t think i want to use gender bend, that doesn’t seem right. correction welcome.
ship what you want even if it includes unhealthy dynamics you wouldn’t support irl because at the end of the day fiction is an ok place to explore dark themes, just acknowledge certain aspects are dark, don’t glamorize them.
Do you think that people on the aromantic/asexual spectrums should be included in the lgbtq+ acronym and lgbt celebrations like pride month, even if they are cisgender and don't experience same sex attraction?
Totally! In my eyes, the LGBTQ+ community includes people who don’t necessarily identify with what mainstream culture deems to be the standard for sexual attraction, gender, sexual orientation, gender expression, etc - while still healthy & consensual without inappropriate power dynamics, etc.
During my “Chosen Family: Stories of Queer Resilience” series, I had so many great conversations that I’m excited to share about how we need to work better as a community to be inclusive to communities - and almost always, the first step has been listening to people who belong to those communities. If there are better ways I can celebrate aromantic/asexual people, I’m all ears!! I’d love to someday do an entire video about those communities & give them a chance to speak for themselves on my channel. <3
“You need to stop pining after people you haven’t even spoken to,” Lydia says one day, probably because Derek—er, Mr. Hale, their boss—has just stepped through the front door of the cafe where they’re having lunch, and Stiles has trailed off mid-word to watch him walk up to the counter. In Stiles’ defense, he’s never seen Mr. Hale outside of the office before, let alone Mr. Hale wearing a leather jacket over his dress shirt. God, and Stiles thought the tailored suits were bad enough…
“Uh, I have too spoken to him,” Stiles says indignantly, tearing his eyes away from Derek’s broad back across the room. “One day I was coming out of the break room and I almost walked right into him and he said, ‘Excuse me,’ so then I said, ‘Oops,’ and he smiled at me. Kind of. A little bit. I mean, I interpreted it as a smile. There was some prolonged eye contact.”
Lydia abruptly stops stirring her fat-free latte to stare at him—one of those Oh god, it’s worse than I thought kind of looks. “That’s it?”
“ Need. Want. Desire. ” He shrugged. “ You and I both know what it is like to have immense power. And we also know what it is like to be truly powerless.” He lifted his hands. “ Not this kind of feeble restraint. You know what I mean: true and utter powerlessness. Whether it be the kind we have inflicted upon each other, or the kind that they ”—his hands clenched involuntarily—“ deal in so masterfully. I will do whatever I must to never feel that powerless again. And you are the same. ” (Eona, Alison Goodman )