pounds-of-weed

the signs as ridiculous beatles stories

aries: john pissing in jayne mansfield’s cocktail for revenge after she groped george
taurus: george getting bored when they met elvis and smoking pot with elvis’s roadie
gemini: john firing the beatles official astrologist for telling him he should break up with yoko
cancer: paul getting put in prison for 9 days after ignoring being warned about cannabis laws in japan and straight up bringing half a pound of weed into japan
leo: john refusing to let the beatles voice the vultures in the jungle book and being all like “there’s no way the beatles are singing for micky fucking mouse!”
virgo: paul getting high for the first time and thinking he’d figured out the meaning of life and writing it down and then finding out the next day that he’d just written “there are seven levels”
libra: paul and pete best getting kicked out of hamburg for lighting a condom on fire
scorpio: paul trying to one up mick jagger at mick’s birthday party and slipping the deejay hey jude/revolution and mick getting super pissed
sagittarius: paul dressing in all black and sitting in a corner with a guitar speaking fake french to pick up girls and the song michelle being inspired by that
capricorn:george losing his virginity to a call girl in hamburg and pete best, john, and paul waiting around and clapping for him when he was done
aquarius: the boys dropping acid and john and george following paul in john’s rolls royce down the streets of london shouting “it is pointless to resist! it is pointless to resist!” at 3 AM through the loudspeakers
pisces: john getting nervous and dropping acid before meeting brigitte bardot

Tree Bros Oneshot

Word count: 1683
Connor and Evan are hanging out with weed and beer and Evan is a lightweight and a very talkative drunk. (Gay)
TW: smoking, weed, alcohol, mentions of depression, anxiety

“I want to get high. Or drunk. Or both” Evan stated bluntly. Him and his friend, Connor were sitting in Connor’s bed, watching tv.

“What?”

“You know how life fucking sucks? Like really fucking sucks with school and anxiety and depression and all that, well it’s being shittier than usual right now and you use weed or alcohol to take the edge off when life is being a bitch, and life is being a bitch so I want something to repress it for a couple hours. It’s ok if you don’t want to give me anything because they’re yours and not mine but I was just wondering and you know what, you don’t have to give me anything, it’s fine I’ll live without it. Sorry for even asking.”

“No dude it’s fine. I got you.” He said as he got up from his spot on his bed. He crossed the room to his closet and shuffled through some clothes and boxes until he found what he needed. He pulled a joint, a black lighter, and two bottles of beer. He lit the joint and handed it to Evan along with one of the beers. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Evan grabbed it gingerly and brought it to his mouth. He breathed in and started coughing immediately.

“That’s normal, you’ll cough for the first couple hits. Then you’ll hopefully get used to it. ”

“Ok.” Silence. “I feel edgy like I’m doing bad things without my mom’s knowledge. Do you always feel like a rebel ‘cause this is cool. We should go rob a bank or steal an old lady’s purse. Something like that!” Evan exclaimed.

“I think someone’s getting too edgy, do I need to take that away from you?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything, if fine!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! I’m 147% sure. Now can you pass the joint?” Evan handed over silently. The two boys sat and drank and smoked and just talked and laughed until everything was gone. Evan was wasted after the one beer and half a joint because he is such lightweight, while Connor was barely tipsy. Evan was giggling in Connor’s bed over how funny the wall looked. 'Damn he looks cute,’ Connor thought.

“Hey Ev, I’m going to the bathroom I’ll be right back. Don’t leave this room, ok?” Evan, who was now laughing uncontrollably, managed to say an ok through his hysteria.

Connor was only gone for two minutes, at the most, but when he came back Evan was sitting on the bed, a different person, as he was yelling at the taller boy.

“AH! Who are you? Get out of my room!” He pointed

“Ev, I’m Connor, and this is my room.” He said slowly crossing over to Evan, trying to assure him that he was ok, but also getting kind of annoyed because this could potentially be a big problem.

“This isn’t your room you’re a liar!”

“What the fuck Evan, it’s Connor. I was gone for two minutes how’d you forget?” Connor was now standing at the edge of the bed next to Evan, who was sitting as far back from Connor as he could.

“You’re not Connor you imposter! But woah. You sorta look like him.” Evan crawled up to the edge of the bed and cradled his hands around the other boy’s face, feeling the features.

“What are you doing?”

“Touching you.”

“Why?”

“Because you look like my friend Connor.”

“Oh do I now?” Connor asked, now playing along with Evan’s drunken state.

“Ya, but you’re not as cute as him.”

Connor blushed, “he’s not that cute.”

“Oh but he is! His hair is long and beautiful and so soft, I could run my hands through it all day. And when he has it up in a bun it’s gorgeous and it makes his face look even better, and his face, oh his face. He doesn’t smile much, but when he does, there crinkles around his mouth that make his smile ten million times more beautiful. He also has the most amazing eyes. The most beautiful things in the world. I could stare into them for hours but I can’t because he’ll think I’m weird. But they’re a pale blue, kinda like the color of faded jeans or the sky, and the right one has a spot of brown in the corner. I don’t think he likes it because whenever it’s brought up he gets a little mad, like he never wanted because it makes him the 'kid with the weird eye’, but I think it makes him different and unique and beautiful.”

“What else do you like about him?” Conner egged Evan’s drunken rambling on to see what else he’d say about him.

“Connor Murphy is nice, and he’s getting better and further away from mean secluded Connor, but nobody cares to see that in him, but they still think of him as old Connor and that makes me mad. I just want Connor to be happy because of all the shit he’s been through, he deserves it. And Connor is also really funny too! His jokes make me laughs hard, that one time milk shot out of my nose. It really hurt, but it was a really good joke. I think it was about Jared. He’s so amazing and he deserves all the love in the world and I love him so much, since the day I met him I felt something for him, but he’ll never reciprocate my affections because he’s probably straight, and even if he liked boys there are better ones than me, so it’s pointless but I can’t let go of it. Just don’t tell him that I said all this because he might get mad and not want to hang out with me anymore or be my best friend and I don’t want that so I’m just going to keep quiet.”

Connor was flabbergasted. Evan, his crush since forever, his unrequited love, just drunkenly admitted his feelings about him. Connor was blushing so hard, he probably looked like a tomato. “You really do like him huh?”

“More than anything.”

Connor blushed harder than ever, and was probably brighter than a tomato. “Wow. I think he likes you too.”

“Really! You think?! No way, you’re lying.”

“He told me.”

“Holy shit.” Evan’s face glowing with his beautiful, radiant, signature Evan Hansen smile. He couldn’t believe it. “Hey, I’m tired, I’m gonna go to bed.” Evan laid down on the bed and instantly feel asleep.

“Holy fuck.” Connor muttered to himself. Evan talks a lot while drunk, but damn, he just admitted his love for Connor freaking Murphy of all people. He looked over at the boy in his bed, his eyes closed and he looked peaceful and adorable. He just wanted to hold him and protect him. Connor put a blanket over Evan’s body and crawled into the spot next to him, but leaving space between them, and fell asleep, smiling.

The next morning, Evan awoke with a pounding headache, reeking of weed, and no recollection of anything after he started drinking and smoking. It took him a minute to realize where he was, in Connor’s room, in Connor’s bed, with his arms around Connor. Shit. Did they sleep together? No, they both still had on their clothes. But Evan was holding a sleeping Connor in his arms. What is he suppose to do, take his arms away, and wake up Connor and have to explain that he had his arms around Connor, or does he stay and have to explain why he was holding the other. Evan decided that he’d do neither and pretend to fall back asleep and deal with it later. He was a minute deep into his plan when he sneezed and woke up the boy in his arms.

“Sorry,” Evan squeaked, unwrapping his arms from the other.

“About what, I just woke up.”

“For waking you and having my arms around you I didn’t even know I did it I woke up like that a-”

“Evan.”

“Ya?”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“100%?”

“110% sure.”

“Thank you, also, sorry to ask, what happened last night, I don’t remember anything.”

“Don’t apologize, but you don’t remember anything?”

“Nothing, the last thing I remember is taking a hit.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Did I do something terrible? Please tell me! From what it looks like I did something bad, please tell me I didn’t do anything bad. ”

“No, you just talked a lot.”

“Oh god, sorry if I said anything embarrassing.”

“No, you just went on and on about how beautiful I was.”

“Did I? That’s embarrassing! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I don’t like like you in a gay way because you’re not my type or anything but I’m not saying that I don’t like you, I like you but not that way.”

Connor was kind of hurt that Evan was denying everything he said. “You said you loved me last night.“

Evan started to panic, but tried his best to not show it. He couldn’t believe he did that. Evan decided he’d never get wasted again. “I didn’t mean it I swear I didn’t I was just out of it. Please don’t hate me.”

“You seemed pretty sure last night. Talking about how beautiful my eyes were and how much you loved my personality while you were holding my face. To me it seemed pretty legit.” Connor tried to see if Evan was was truthful in his drunken moments or not, hoping that Evan really did love him.

"Fuck. I’m sorry. I do really like you a lot and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. I understand if you hate me now and want me to leave I should go r-” Connor smashed their lips together. Evan was so shocked, he forgot to kiss back.

“I love you too Ev.” Connor said after they parted.

Evan was a blushing mess, “Can we do that again?” Connor nodded and connected them again.