the signs as ridiculous beatles stories

aries: john pissing in jayne mansfield’s cocktail for revenge after she groped george
taurus: george getting bored when they met elvis and smoking pot with elvis’s roadie
gemini: john firing the beatles official astrologist for telling him he should break up with yoko
cancer: paul getting put in prison for 9 days after ignoring being warned about cannabis laws in japan and straight up bringing half a pound of weed into japan
leo: john refusing to let the beatles voice the vultures in the jungle book and being all like “there’s no way the beatles are singing for micky fucking mouse!”
virgo: paul getting high for the first time and thinking he’d figured out the meaning of life and writing it down and then finding out the next day that he’d just written “there are seven levels”
libra: paul and pete best getting kicked out of hamburg for lighting a condom on fire
scorpio: paul trying to one up mick jagger at mick’s birthday party and slipping the deejay hey jude/revolution and mick getting super pissed
sagittarius: paul dressing in all black and sitting in a corner with a guitar speaking fake french to pick up girls and the song michelle being inspired by that
capricorn:george losing his virginity to a call girl in hamburg and pete best, john, and paul waiting around and clapping for him when he was done
aquarius: the boys dropping acid and john and george following paul in john’s rolls royce down the streets of london shouting “it is pointless to resist! it is pointless to resist!” at 3 AM through the loudspeakers
pisces: john getting nervous and dropping acid before meeting brigitte bardot