pound the round

“Careful What You Wish For”
Words: 1685
Rating: Explicit, cock warming, creampie, orgasm denial
Also on AO3


“Hey, buddy!  Just checking in to see how everyone’s doing out there,” Jack chirped gleefully into his Echo device.  He happened to be in a fantastic mood and wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to taunt the Vault Hunters.  The bandits suffered a minor loss recently at Hyperion’s Wildlife Exploitation Preserve, but even if it wasn’t much, the fit they had over one stupid animal was enough to make Jack giddy over his victory.

Not to mention, he also happened to be balls deep inside the most perfect ass in all of Helios.  One of the code monkeys caught Jack’s eye after the kid scored an Eridium mine for the company, and instead of spending his bonus on himself, this guy literally gave his right arm for the company.  Since then, he’d been overjoyed to give a hell of a lot more than just his arm.

This kid, Rhys, was one of the few people who had been able to handle anything Jack could dish out.  He’d been given a safe word, but Rhys never used it and always came back for more.

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This is an image of a canon Scout, really, that’s… that’s real.

This is the last concept art before his model was created.

This image shows the Scout model has at least the width of Soldier’s for the shoulders. Soldier, the one who holds a firing rocket launcher without issue every single day taking the kickback in order to fly, and is generally shown as big rough and tough. He does have a smaller waistline, but that’s not actually condemning in and of itself, so much as Soldier seems to have a bit of padding ‘round the middle if you get what I mean.

“But he’s got such skinny arms!”

Motherfucker have you even looked at the art style. EVERYONE HAS SKINNY UPPER ARMS unless they’re portrayed as heavier in weight. See the green? That’s how much skinnier than Demo each arms are. BUT LOOK. SOLDIER’S SCRAWNY. I mean shit, his jacket falls in such a way as to show his upper arms are TEENY. Holy crap. I did not even notice until I did this. Wow. Scout’s arms just look tiny because he’s got his shirt sleeves rolled up and so there’s a sudden visual drop off. That’s it. That’s the explanation. Don’t even look at Spy, his fucking thigh gap alone… Oh, and as a reminder, all three of the aforementioned classes have been shown to have extra weight. That’s muscle AND whatever’s gathered on their arms to match their little pudge bellies. Scout’s not overly skinny, he’s just athletic fit. Those arms aren’t that twiggy despite what people think. That lady commenting on his broken arms in the comic? I’m pretty sure going off this, she’s just an unreliable narrator. He may not be some buff daddy, but wiry and/or athletic =/= weak child-like kid.

These gifs show him not only beating the shit out of a Heavy in the Meet The Scout video, but in the first gif the Heavy gets a hold on the bat, pulls it away from his neck, and Scout yanks it back with a combo of his strength and his weight. He cannot weigh as much as Sasha okay, Sasha is 331 pounds, rounding up. Scout does not weigh 300 pounds. He does however completely overpower someone who regularly lifts that much, with a single yank. That’s, what, over 300 pounds of force, and they’re both yanking in a direction that does not benefit them. Can you imagine how hard he hits with the bat? OH YEAH THE SECOND IMAGE SHOWS US THIS. APPARENTLY SO HARD THAT MISHA BENDS IN HALF BACKWARDS. What, he’s gotta be like 270? 300? Just in terms of weight let alone his muscles? And Scout flipped him backwards from a tense stomach hug position that actually meant he was resisting. Plz m8 that’s some fuckin’ force.

Not to mention in the second he jumps up a typical freighting box like 'hey just wandering up the steps here.' The most common boxcars are 10’-10" to 11’ high. That’s 11’. He just jumped 11’ feet in the air from what is barely a running start. That is give or take 5 inches a 126 Inch leap. To accomplish that you have to leave the ground at a speed of 7.92 m/s vertically no matter how much you weigh. He needed a force of 19,585 Newtons against the ground based on about a weight of 163 pounds to reach that speed assuming he bent his knees at an angle of 60 degrees, which it appears he does. Salt water crocs slam their jaws shut with 3,700 pounds per square inch (psi), or 16,460 newtons, of bite force. A 2008 computer model estimated that a 21-foot (6.5-meter) great white shark would produce nearly 4,000 psi (17,790 newtons) of bite force. A Scout kicks off casually at strengths rivaling the bite of a Great White.

Can we skip the commentary that Scout’s are weak and scrawny yet? Can we? CAN WE FUCKING MOVE ON NOW?

Savior Satan

Lucifer x SoulMate!Reader

Requested by: @I-am-an-outcast

A/n: I took your request by left out the whole journey to find him thing. I kind of got carried away and it took its own course but I hope you like it!

Warnings: Broken bones, a small amount of blood, Luci fluff?

Forever tag list: @Freaksforthewin , @thewinhunter, @cambriacaneatnoodles, @brokennoone , @youtubehelpsmesurvive , @chrisevansthedoritobastard , @winchesters-favorite-girl , @we-know-a-little-about-a-lot @godh8salyssa @dean-baby-Winchester @straightasdeanwinchester@animexchocolate@fabulouslycassie@lizbeth-loves-bobear @nicolesyneah25

The day you were born, your mother knew you would be destined for something great. However, nobody knew what greatness you’d achieve.

At age three you began having dark dreams your therapist claimed to be nightmares. No matter how many times you explained you weren’t afraid of the dream.

By the time you were ten, information had come to you from your parents about a soulmate. Everybody had one. Each person had their own unique pendant that they would receive on their sixteenth birthday. And one day you would meet your significant other who would have the other half.

Age sixteen could come any faster. As promised, your father handed you a small ribbon wrapped white box with a beautiful necklace inside. You would think it would be something cheesy like a half of a broken heart, but it wasn’t.

The outer layer of the half circle was a shinning silver. Inside of it rested a perfect ruby red stone of some sort. Around the edges of the center it was jagged. And you knew that the person you were destined to be with would contain the other half.

By the time you were eighteen you’d been on your own for a year. A brutal car crash had killed both of your parents and you’d been left alone in the hospital on life support. Every doctor around you was beyond certain you wouldn’t live. That you were declared brain dead. What came next shocked even the greatest in the medical industry. You woke up.

There wasn’t a wound to be found on your body. Something…someone had healed you. The very moment you opened your eyes you saw bright red ones burning in a day dream you only wished was real.

“Thank you.” Your voice was only a faint whisper to the unknown man in your head.

At this point in your life you were in your late twenties. Living a very mundane and simple life. That was until the same dreams from your childhood took over your mind. There was a man, holding onto thick metal bars on a cage that was suspended in mid air. Thunder and lightening boomed all around it. A set of beautiful red eyes beamed from inside the locked bars. The sound of a glass window in your apartment shattering snapped you out of your daydream.

A set of three men were now standing before you. Each holding a very sharp yet shiny blade in their hands.

“Who are you?” Your shaky voice called out to those in your home. But none of the strange men answered you. “Get the hell out of my home.” When you spoke there was a defensive tone to your voice.

One of the men laughed at you in a small chuckle. “We take orders from nobody. Certainly not a tainted human.” His foot stepped forward to advance towards you. Naturally you took a step back.

Taking your hands you grabbed onto a bookshelf and flung it over, trying to give you some time to get out the front door. Luckily for you the door was unlocked, making it easier to run out of your invaded home.

In a panic you ran down the hallway as the sound of following feet pounded behind you. As you rounded a corner you were greeted by a sight you least expected to be there. Stairs. All of your balance was lost as you tripped and began to tumble down the hard carpeted steps. Your hand awkwardly got placed underneath you in the fall and an awful cracking sound came from it.

Forty stairs. That’s how many you’d fallen down. By the time you reached the bottom you were cut up, bleeding, and had a bad case of rug burn. Not to mention some broken bones. There was nothing you could do but lie there and await the mean to come near you and take your life.

Just as one took a step down the first stair, a warm feeling came from your usually freezing necklace. Never had it been warm before since the day you’d gotten it. Your mother had told you the closer you got to your soulmate, the warmer it would get. While the farther away, the colder it’d get. Each of the three man burst into a cloud of blue and grey dust. A wave of safety ran over your wounds. No, not safety maybe. This was something else.

A warm flowing sensation tingled your chromosomes and healed you completely. Your arm snapped back into place unexpectedly, causing you to yelp lightly in pain. Without a second thought you ran out of the building.

Confusion and a hint of fear was all you could think. Was there more of these weird assassins waiting for you? Just as the thought crossed your mind a black SUV pulled around a hidden alleyway and began to approach you. Before you could run you were somewhere else.

The walls were cold and dark like everything else. In the front center part of the room was a red throne. All types of different artifacts and old papers were on tables and other surfaces around you. Your body turned to look at the rest of the scenery. Only to your surprise you were jeered by a tall devilishly handsome man.

His hair was of a dirty blond color. And his eyes- they seemed to swallow you whole. You yourself had no idea who this man was, but a strange name lingered on the inside of your lips and seeped through the cracks.

Lucifer?” There was no explanation as to how you knew who he was. The warm feeling coming from your necklace was turned off as you reached out and placed your open crooked palm on his chest.

It was him. Your soulmate. The man you’d only dreamt of in the loneliest of nights.

“You know who I am. I was afraid you wouldn’t.” His voice was much softer than you expected it to be. He never spoke in your dreams.

Slowly you withdrew your hand from his chest. “Of course I know who you are. How could I not?” Like it was an instinct your feet took a step in his direction. He seemed surprised by your actions, raising an eyebrow at you.

“You know who I truly am and yet it doesn’t scare you. Interesting.” His perfect lips pursed only slightly.

“I have no reason to be afraid of you.” Your eyes gazed up into his. “You saved my life on numerous occasions, Lucifer.” Just saying his name made a warm feeling spread in your chest.

Either of his hands reached out and placed themselves gently on your cheeks. Holding you tenderly in his touch. His thumbs began to move in small circles on your skin. Calming you to the core.

“What were those things that tried to kill me?” You continued to look into his eyes which were tender and at peace.

Angels. Winged monkeys.” The calm tone in his voice began to fade as he continued to speak. “They thought they could take you from me.” A familiar red glow took over his natural eye color only for a second, making a small chill go down your skin and trail into your heart.

“Well, angels are dicks. It’s a good thing you aren’t one.” He laughed thinking of the words you just said. “Archangels are different than any normal angel.” You’d read about archangels before. They were absolute and fierce.

“If you choose to stay by my side, I can better protect you from them. Or anybody who decides to come after you.” His hands continued to rest on your cheeks.

You pressed your face into his tender touch.

“Where else would I go?”

Originally posted by lucifersangel6