pound of bacon

  • Bel: Hey, I've been watching cartoons downstairs and haven't been grocery shopping in a while, could you make me dinner?
  • Fran: I got stuff for stir-fry.
  • Bel: What else is on the menu?
  • Fran: Searched the fridge, found some "go fuck yourself" in the back.
  • Bel: Sounds fattening.
  • Fran: I heard it's a pretty lean meal. And thin. Also, flaccid.
  • Bel: I don't like your customer service, I'm taking my business elsewhere. Captain, can you bring me food?
  • Squalo: I have whiskey and a half-pound of bacon. I don't live well.
  • Bel, several minutes later: I walked to Chick-fil-A. WALKED. Like a PEASANT.
  • Fran: Actually, Chick-fil-A sounds pretty good right now.
  • Squalo: Voi, will you bring Chick-fil-A to me?
  • Fran: Yeah, the Captain and I need two Number Ones.
  • Bel: You want me to take a shit on your doorsteps. Got it.
  • Fran: No, that would be a number two.

my favorite part of babysitting is when a kid catches me eating something and im like “if you dont tell anyone you saw me eat an entire thing of bananas you can say a swear when im here”

kids fucking love to say swear words they could catch me eating a pound of uncooked bacon and wouldn’t say fuck all to anybody as long as i let them say ass 

theyre the easiest set of people to bribe ever 

Oh my, Darling~

Do you hear that? It couldn’t be! Your tummy is grumbling! You must be starving! I can’t have that now, not in this kitchen. Have some chips dear, I’ll make you a sandwich. How does a grilled cheese with bacon and extra cheese sound? How about I fry up the whole pound of bacon and let you eat it while you wait. A hungry feedee, impossible- you should be stuffed at all times! When you’re done with your buttery sandwich, I have cheesecake for dessert. But you’ ve got to eat all of your vegetables, and potato chips certainly count as vegetables, they’re made of potatoes after all. I want you to finish the whole bag of chips, then you can stuff your face with this cheesecake! It’s dripping with strawberry pie filling and melted chocolate, two of my favorite deliciously sweet things. I’m not sure you can finish such a rich dessert,

but then again, you are SO hungry~

Jazz and Groceries

Continuing the self-insert-verse! Because we all need some cheerful escapism right now. 

Or, the one in which Autobot over-protectiveness meets its match, and Jazz is embarassed in a parking lot.

There’s something about ordering at the butcher’s counter at a grocery store that makes you feel like a Real Adult, and plus, my local grocery store often has better prices at the butcher’s counter. Which is great, because one of my few sins is the amount I spend on food.

“Anything else?”

“A pound of the double-smoked bacon, please.” The guy behind the counter and I shared the grin of the unapologetic bacon lover.

“Great stuff.”

“God yes.” Okay, the double-smoked bacon wasn’t that economical but it was good. There’s no point in being unhealthy if you don’t really enjoy it.

Bee-deep.

I accepted the brown paper packages I’d ordered, gave the guy another grin and polite farewell, and went to look at the veggies. Again. I was making up my mind about the bok-choi, which were expensive, but the cheap ones were another 20 minutes of driving away, at the international market.

Bee-deep. I frowned down at my phone and pulled it out. Text from Jazz. How much longer u going to b in there?

I grinned at the texts, their mash-up of complete sentences and text speech typical of a Cybertronian texting. They tried text speech, couldn’t quite get the hang of it.

Bee-deep.

Seriously.

Bee-deep.

I am SO BORED.

Keep reading

This afternoon, T made burgers. I fried an entire pound of bacon so they could be bacon cheeseburgers. Then I sliced the kaiser rolls, buttered them, and put them on the grill to toast.
Awesome.
So I think I might finally get around to baking my cookies now. Wish me luck.


For those of you who are new:

From 2006-2010, I lived alone and cooked every day. I had a complete nervous breakdown in 2013, and I haven’t cooked at all since then, not anything more complicated than boxed macaroni and cheese, really. Maybe meatloaf, once or twice. I can count the times I’ve done omelettes on one hand.

I haven’t baked cookies or made french toast since 2010. 2010 has since been identified as an Event in my bipolar cycle.

I am hesitant but excited.


Also, I haven’t taught myself a new skill in a while, but I spent four hours Friday night working on teaching myself pre-algebra. It was fun. It was interesting. @forablueeyedmiracle asked me questions about what I was doing, but they were more advanced than what I was working on, so I told them to “stop giving me maths spoilers,” and then exclaimed when what they had said was the very next lesson. It was fun! They were so supportive! 

I failed algebra in university, back in 2001. Entering university has since been identified as an Event in my bipolar cycle.

It was one of two classes I ever failed in my entire life.

The other was when I failed out of teaching classes in 2013, in the midst of my nervous breakdown.


Recovery is hard. Recovery is slow. Recovery, in many cases, in my case, is never ending.

I’m trying. 

5

Meet the burrito-filled bacon pizza burrito. Yes, that’s right: Some gluttonous/stoned genius managed to wrap two pounds of bacon and three chipotle burritos within a large cheese pizza. The pizza burrito then is topped with more cheese and baked to form the most insane munchie of all time.

2

Happy Saturday❥

Not Much going on in our house today, I feel as if the girls know its the weekend lol, I woke up to Eleanor down the hallway in her crib screaming “AMAH! OWW” lol oww for “out” and it was like 6:40 Am shes never up this early shes a sleeper for sure, she could sleep all day, n i pray the new baby likes to sleep too lol but back to my morning, I made like 2 pounds of bacon, pancakes and eggs and they ate and instantly went to play, and here it is 8:07 and they are already into 2 bumps and bruises lol sisters eh? also I never posed the photos of the photos we took earlier this week and ill post those later today, happy Saturday everyone!

6

Dragging your ass out of bed through a rougher-than-usual commute to get to your surprisingly cancelled 9am class can be forgiven when it leads to discovering gems such as La Bonbonniere.

Tucked away in the West Village, this fairly priced, delicious, cash only, “no bullshit” paradise was just the safe haven go-to we needed from school. Editing to the menus is done by hand written sticky notes, not re-printing.  The only decorations on the walls are approvals by a ton of famous people and numerous awards the diner has won, deservingly so. Most of the time, no pretty much ALL of the time, I don’t want a “razzle dazzle” tacky-ass “retro” or chic overpriced NYC diner. I want a DELICIOUS stack of fresh pancakes that come with a pound of bacon on top that doesn’t cost $80. Thanks for being there for us, La Bonbonniere. We love you.

one time a guy ran a red light and my dad ran into him and when my dad got out of his car to see if the guy was ok he pulled a knife on my dad and then ran into the forest, then the police showed up and were like ‘that was the bacon bandit ! He just stole a pound of bacon from the shop down the street!’

Behold: the greatest finger food in the world.

1) Take mini-hot dogs/cocktail dogs and a pound of bacon.
2) Cut bacon strips into ¼ pieces, and wrap one around each dog. Secure with a toothpick.
3) Arrange on a baking pan (not a baking sheet). Cover liberally with dark brown sugar.
4) Bake at 350 for 30 minutes, flipping halfway.
5) Enjoy your candy-coated bacon-wrapped meat treats on a stick.

anonymous asked:

Cooking question: live alone, work 70+hrs a week, what would you put together quickly after a long day working and studying and you just need some comfort?

Hey! I love “comfort” food, it’s the reason I’m as soft as I am. Just can’t give it up. At times, taking the time on a Sunday to prep for these things helps with a busy schedule. 

Comfort at it’s finest. Fried chicken, homemade breadcrumbs, sliced chicken breasts breaded and cooked in oil. Home made tartar sauce and ketchup for dipping.

Burgers and dutch fries: Slice the potatoes, fry them up in veg oil, meanwhile broil or grill hamburger. Slice tomatoes, avocado, lettuce and onions up. Slap it into a bun of your choice ( mine was a loaf I made).


Yes yes yes yes. I love bacon. 

Brussels, & Bacon: 1 pound of diced bacon, use the remaining bacon grease to caramelized diced onions, in another pot steam a bunch of brussels sprouts (just barely, undercook a tad) mix onions and sprouts in bacon grease. Bake a russet potato in the oven, pile the bacon/onion/brussels sprout mixture into the freshly baked potato. enjoy. 

Crisp & clean. I love salad, sometimes I just crave ‘em. Call me crazy. 

 Big old salad of mixed butter lettuce and romaine with toppings: red cabbage, avocado, cauliflower cucumber, and red pepper.  Salad dressing home made: olive oil, balsamic vinegar, white wine vinegar, flax seed oil and salt & pepper. Throw some roasted chicken on there and enjoy.

My famous among friends Chili. Proof below some photo of a batch I made at my parent’s place a couple years back. 1 pound of ground beef, 1 can dark red kidney beans, i can diced tomatoes, 1 can crushed tomatoes, 1 can chick peas, 1 orange pepper, 1 red pepper, 1 green pepper, 1 zucchini, 1 yellow squash, 1 yellow onion, 1 package of white mushrooms. Spice with red chili flakes to taste and preference. 

BREAD. Go’on with your bad self and bake up a batch, takes about an hour and a half. 

First “welcome to town” present from a patient! 

I think I’m gonna do juuuust fine here. 

Back story: the girls in the office told me we have a patient they call the “bacon man” who runs a pork processing place. They have asked him for bacon a hundred times and he never brings them any. He happened to come in today and I shook his hand and said, “oh YOU’RE the bacon man! You and I need to be friends!” And boom, a grocery bag o’ pork goodies showed up at the office an hour later.