Interesting characters I’ve met at the animal shelter
Large, muscular, motorcycle man looking for his tiny Pomeranian. Found, exceedingly fluffy.
Suit-and-tie dad who drove up in a shiny car with fancy rims, looking for his tiny black pug. Found, pug named Goliath.
Woman came in looking for a cat. Asked what it looked like, she said, “Her name is Luna.” Does she have a collar? “I don’t know.” Long or short hair? “I don’t know.” How long has she been missing? “I’m not sure.” Do you know what she looks like? “Her name is Luna…” Turns out it was her son’s cat, and he was out of town. She thought it might have been a little brown cat. She knew it had a microchip, so I went and dug through the books until I found one we’d passed no less than 3 times. It had a note on the paperwork that the mother would be coming in to pick up the cat, yet she failed to mention that to us. The cat was grey calico, btw. Also, the cat’s name was Liberty.
Animal Control Officer who stops by at least once a week to pet the bunnies.
Latina lady who brought us the corn snake her son had left her when he moved. She tried to act sad about surrendering it, but failed miserably.
Gay Deaf couple looking for their cat. Found one they thought might be theirs. Argued for several minutes about whether their cat was a fixed male or a female. Conclusion: it was fixed male, and it was, in fact, their cat.
Small, stocky white dad in cargo shorts, tall, heavily pregnant but otherwise slender black mom in a fancy sun dress, 6 hyperactive biracial children. They came in to find their lost dog, almost left with their dog and 3 rabbits. Dad convinced them the dog would eat the rabbits if they got them. The dog, for her part, was a tubby, ancient thing who couldn’t catch a rabbit if she tried. Mom and I had a good conversation about how rats are actually really clean and very loving. She looked like she didn’t believe me.
Two late-teenage girls looking for their puggle. Found, named Chewie. When they spotted him, he started making this weird screaming noise and they copied him enthusiastically.
Tiny lady animal control officer who scares the pants off one of one of our guys. She threatens to snap him in half (jokingly), and despite the fact that she’s shorter than him (and he’s not very tall, himself), and he also routinely lifts several hundred pounds of food and kitty litter, he actually believes her.
Tall skinny animal control officer man who once accidentally stepped on the foot of a front-desk worker’s dog, and the dog never forgot. ACO routinely works to secure aggressive animals but is terrified of Zuko (the dog), because Zuko remembers him and hates his guts. Zuko also happens to be tiny and slightly overweight, and has never bit any living thing in his life.
Little old lady was looking to adopt a cat. Left with a giant hound dog instead.
I’m sure I’ll get more as time goes on, but these are the ones that made me chuckle so far.
a writing prompt please? victuuri grocery shop au!! ;D
s/o to @forovnix and everyone on the discord chat, and also @targetretales because we’re completely yoinking the setup of that blog for this hilarity
Things that Happened to Me Today at History Maker Market, by Viktor Nikiforov
-A man came to my counter with thirteen bunches of bananas. Thirteen. I think he is living in a maths problem. I didn’t have the heart to inform him, though.
-I gave a set of stickers to three triplets named after figure skating jumps. They were quite delighted by my offering and proceeded to stick them all over their faces. This never fails to bring me joy.
-A lady came in with killer cheekbones and a glare full of daggers. She asked me where the deli is, and I pointed her towards Chris. No one better to help her than the master of meats, of course. However, after she left, Chris’s only remark about her was “mark me down as scared and horny”. I concur with this observation.
-A little girl came skipping down aisle five in a dress that I can only describe as “floating fairytale princess dream explosion”. I want this dress more than anything else in the world right now.
-Yuri Plisetsky, who once bought twelve pounds of kitty litter from this very store, is in charge of samples today. I made the mistake of laughing at his hair net and now he refuses to let me sample the microwaveable wontons that he’s giving out. I feel excluded.
-A man asked me on my break if I wanted to buy some shoes. I was tempted, until I noticed that the samples he offered were Prada knockoffs, and I felt so utterly betrayed that I walked off without another word.
-Had a very intense discussion with a young boy about the outcome of a shark versus bear cage fight. He argued for the shark, so I had to defend the bear’s honour. I am not sure who was the victor by the end, as his mother pulled him away as soon as I finished her checkout.
-A teenage girl came through my counter with mentos and Coke. I suspect I know what her plans are for the rest of the day, and I applaud her.
-Finally, the absolute highlight of my day: a cute young man walked into the store at around 4 in the afternoon. He had on a t-shirt reading “Touchbook” and a set of jeans so sinful that I could have sworn they were painted onto his perfect, perfect butt. He asked me where the dairy was. I said that his “butter half was right here”, and he laughed. I am certain that when he laughs, angels are born. Alas, I was not at the counter so I could not do his checkout. But I did check him out whenever I walked past him.
Hi, my name is Grey. Those pictures up there are of my cats, ZuZu and Kissa. Say hello! ZuZu is the calico, and Kissa is the one covered in junk food (sorry, that’s the best picture I have of him). Now, on to why this is super important.
I’m moving soon, from Huntington, West Virginia all the way to Cedar Rapids, Iowa. And I can only take one of my cats with me. My fiancé and I are moving into an apartment in Cedar Rapids with a mutual friend, and this apartment will only allow us two cats, and one cat already lives there. Our lease is only for six months, after that we plan to move into a new place where we can house all three of our cats. Until then, I desperately need someone to watch one of my cats until I can come and get them again!
Here’s a little bit of info on my cats, for anyone who needs to know.
ZuZu is a seven year old female. She’s been spayed, so no need to worry about that. She’s a little crotchety and doesn’t like people very much. She also doesn’t like other animals, but she will tolerate them. She doesn’t like to be touched, and she’s generally a nervous wreck. She is litter trained.
Kissa is a one year old male, who has NOT been neutered. He is very friendly and loves people. He is also quite large, weighing in at 10 pounds of kitty (although most of it is fluff). He is needy when it comes to affection, and also needs to be let outside at least once a day (so no busy streets, please!) He is litter trained.
If you live in the Cedar Rapids area (or within an hour’s drive away!) and can watch one of my cats, or knows someone who can watch one of them, please message me (@princelithuania) or my fiancé (@spdterezi)! Thank you so much!