To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go.
—  Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

cooper was my first slow dance in the basement of my friend’s house. i didn’t know him but he was nice and i liked his blue eyes. john took me out to dinner and the movies and asked if he could kiss me. i let him and it was a good first kiss. joseph was all i could see for four years. i wasted weekends with him and laughed with him and thought i was in love. luke asked me out and texted me and called me babe, then stopped when i told him i was a virgin.

i try, but i can’t sum up patrick in sentences. i’m afraid that if i start i won’t be able to stop until i’ve filled a library. i find old cards and messages he’s written me and my heart swells. i think about the sound of his laugh and realize i’m smiling. it blows my mind, that i can feel this much for a person. still find it hard to believe sometimes that he’s mine. there’s so much distance so much of the time but it’ll always, always be worth it.

2 years ago

at this time, just past midnight, i made a decision that has changed my life and made me happier than i ever thought i could possibly be. it’s not long when compared with the rest of our lives, but it’s been the best 2 years of my life.

i was looking through saved emails the other night and found an email patrick sent to our calc teacher senior year before second semester

Ms. Graff,

Though I’m aware it may even be too late I’d like to make one last appeal before you change our seats permanently for the upcoming third marking period. Though, yes, Alyssa and I already have and currently do sit next to each other I consider our seating a key reason I find any success at all in your class. Alyssa not only helps me with my bad eye site but helps me fix any errors I make and together we solve problems surprisingly fast. I will note that due to my joking nature most of the kids in the class already probably hate me and will not be nearly as eager to help out with my eye site or any problems I come across that I may need student assistance on. Yes you could put me in the front of the class with an eager student but I feel such resources are better placed on someone who doesn’t have an Alyssa Moore to help them. Simply put Alyssa Moore and I work well together even with the occasional brash comment or rude joke we do get the job done more often then not! 

Perhaps you may argue that Alyssa and I joke around quite a bit I promise you we keep it with math first and humor second. In fact almost all of our muttered joking is math related and quite educational! And you’ll find that (minus the midterm which we were supposed to study for together but a stomach flu of mine interrupted and we never got to end up doing it) our grades have not suffered from our pairing together. We have been trustworthy with the exception of one small quiz thing which I take full responsibility for, but you’ll find our homework is always done either separately or conjoined, never copied like others MAY have (I don’t point fingers).

Unfortunately I have more homework to do and will not be able to write out a full and complete rhetoric as much as I’d like so I’m going to give some final facts and hope you consider the Patrick/Alyssa Moore pairing for the third marking period of the 2010-2011 school year.

1) Alyssa suffers from anxiety and will break out in hives if she does not sit next to me which will cause her a lot of social pain.
2) If you seat us next to each other Alyssa and I will buy a puppy and name it after you and raise it to fight fires
3) We do not know sign language so peaceful communication for us in your class will be impossible unless seated RIGHT next to each other
4) Alyssa can do a back flip and will willingly back flip for you in front of everyone (I will somersault)
5) No one else wants to sit next to me I’m not even kidding they all find me annoying and smelly (Alyssa’s sense of smell is skewed so this works out perfectly)
6) I sweat a lot and Alyssa is the only person who can tolerate this

Please keep us in your consideration,

Patrick Vermillion

Head Chairman of Patrick/Alyssa 2010-2011

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
—  Dr. Seuss

casual note to future-self for when you’re feeling insecure: tonight patrick asked you to send him your favorite fall out boy songs so he can listen to them on his plane tomorrow and think of you. (he’s a keeper)