harry potter rates by mention of ducks
  • philosophers stone: (5) the dursleys duck hagrid’s letters which is amazing and I hope that creased parchment gave them paper cuts. children duck from peeves on several occasions, and chaser pucey ducks two bludgers. glad Hogwarts students are agile but if i were a mum receiving these letters from home I’d have questions. (5/10)
  • chamber of secrets: harry ducks under a table to keep people from seeing him laughing. joy because harry is actually laughing. someone ducks molly’s soapy frying pan, which i hope is a metaphor but probably isn’t. harry ducks as hagrid tries to pat his shoulder again. ron ducks and vomits slugs, the babe. four random evasive ducking maneuvers. wizards are dodge af. i do not duck this much in my real life. bonus for the only movie add on that matters: “What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?” what were /you using for, Arthur? (8/10)
  • prisoner of azkaban: jo’s editor clearly got cottoned on because the we only have three duck mentions. ducking beneath diggory (it starts). harry randomly ducks. and a warning: duck, angelina that's a bludger. (1/10)
  • goblet of fire: (13) ducking in and out of tents and to avoid awkward social situations. ‘I don’t think there can be any ducking out at this stage’ which is utter bullshit. i’d be asking for the terms and conditions and finding out exactly what would be worse than facing a dragon??? krum is on multiple occasions described as duck-footed, which i take to mean literally and you can’t stop me. (3/10)
  • order of the phoenix: wondering if 'duck' is code for 'fuck' because it's mentioned a lot (23 times) and jk’s editor wouldn’t let her swear. harry ducks his abusive uncle more than once. sirius /ducks bellatrix's jet of red light, but only one. every single adult ducks out of their responsibility in effectively helping traumatized harry james potter. (-10/10)
  • half blood prince: FAVE: herbert chortley, junior minister, loses his quackers and impersonates a duck. he will spend the rest of his life believing he's a duck, which is...the dream. harry ducks under and out from the cloak so he can relentlessly stalk draco malfoy. lots of ducking under arms and under tables and ducking and running. (9/10. for herb)
  • deathly hallows: shout out to the experimental charms committee for accidentally-on-purpose creating a poisonous duck. wizarding galleons at their finest??? harry would not duck out of, excuse me while i sob, going to meet voldemort, not when he knew it was in his power to stop it. (4/10 but only because harry lives)
  • bonus: Lego Harry Potter, Ducklifors Jinx turns anything into a duck. (10/10)

Turn That Frown Upside Down

Young Argus Filch was not a “smiler”

He didn’t smile for presents.

He didn’t smile for a night on the town.

He didn’t even smile for babies…

He almost smiled at funerals.

No, Young Argus Filch never smiled…

Until the day he met her…

That fateful day… Argus Filch finally found a reason to smile.

And he called that reason… Mrs. Norris. 

(( OOC: Credit to Ash for giving me the idea for this thread! XD @wallyscags-patronus

Completely Bashful and Flustered (NEWT X READER)

Originally posted by kylos

Anonymous asks:  What would you think about doing a Newt x reader fic where he accidentally walks in on her changing and then gets flustered, and Queenie picks up on it, then there’s cuddling and sweetness? Or something along those lines, anyway. Thank you! :)

WARNINGS: so much fluff you might die. Read with caution. Brief talks about being seen in a slip. So scandalous. PS- when I say slip, I mean like a dress slip, not a skirt slip.


It had been a long day. You had been working your tail off, only to go back to Queenie and Tina’s house to a complete mess. It had been raining all day, and water had begun to leak into the house. One would think, living with a bunch of wizards, that they could clean it up rather fast. They were able to clean it up rather fast, but tempers had risen. Tina was yelling at Queenie and Queenie was yelling back. Newt had basically hid in his suitcase, avoiding the line of fire.

You yourself were sulking and rather upset. You were soaking wet, and you were feeling down by the weather.

Queenie had locked herself in her room and Tina was storming around, fixing things up and repairing things along the way.

“I need to change,” You said moodily, glaring into space.

Tina frowned and said, “Not in my room, I’m tired of everything getting soaked. Dress in Queenie’s room.”

Normally you and Tina shared her room, since the two of you got along so well. Even though boys were technically not allowed, they had no problem carrying Newt in and out of the house in his suitcase. He had nowhere else to go, and you were perfectly fine with that. Because you liked him. Like a little bit. Smidge. Nothing serious.

“Queenie’s angry,” You said flatly, crossing your arms and tapping your foot impatiently. You pushed back some of your drenched hair, and tried to count to ten before blowing up and screaming.

Tina sighed in frustration. “Dress in Newt’s room,” she suggested. She adjusted the lamp and set the flatiron ironing out clothes.

Your face turned red. “Excuse me?” You hoped Tina didn’t see just how red your face was.

“Newt isn’t going to get out of his suitcase, so just do it quickly,” Tina said impatiently, she pressed her lips and then walked briskly to her room. “I’m taking a bath.”

You blinked and licked your lips. Clutching your clothes, you slowly made your way to Newt’s room. You were freaking out. This was wrong on so many different levels, but you were tired and just wanted to be in warm clothes.

Newt’s room was surprisingly clean. He barely spent time in his actual room, he spent most of his time and nights in his suitcase.

You prayed silently that he wouldn’t come out of the suitcase. You slipped off your skirt and your shirt and were about to take off your slip when you heard Newt say, “Is someone in my roo—” The words died away on his lips, as you turned around and to your horror, Newt’s head was popping out of the suitcase.

Your face flushed about five billion different colors. “Auhhh,” Was all that came out of your mouth, as you stood there, IN YOUR SLIP. IN FRONT OF NEWT.

Newt’s face was blank, then turned a shockingly bright pink. “Oh good heavens,” He stuttered, averting his eyes. “I, uh, um…!” His face was so red, and he was trying so hard to look everywhere but at you. “I must have left a cake in the oven!” He blurted, and his head vanished.

You stood there, still in complete horror. What. Just. Happened. Oh. My. Gosh. What. What. What. Your mind silently screamed swear words, as you ran out of the room, carrying your clothes with you. How embarrassing and shameful!


That night at dinner was unusually quiet. Queenie and Tina had seem to make up and were a lot more peaceful. Tina left the apartment to eat out with some fellow workers and it was just you, Newt, and Queenie tonight.

You refused to look at Newt. Newt was twitching and fidgeting with his silverware, occasionally glancing up at you, his face scarlet. Now and then he’d look up at the ceiling and lick his lips, a look of complete worry flushed over his face.

Queenie looked at Newt and said, “Are you alright, Newt?”

Newt shot her a pleading look. His hands were twitching as he tried to steady them. “P-perfectly alpight—I mean alright… s-something like that. Just thinking. Dragons. Beasts…” his voice trailed off.

What you didn’t know was how hard Newt was trying to distract himself by thinking of beasts. Queenie wasn’t buying anything. “Why, Newt! You shameful man! You’ve seen something, haven’t you?” Queenie teased, smiling mischievously.

Newt blinked hard several times. He hastily said in a timid tone, “More mash potatoes, Y/N?!”

You looked confused. Completely embarrassed and almost humiliated. “Queenie, what are you doing?” You asked cautiously, completely confused like normal.

Newt swallowed hard and gave Queenie another pleading look. “Dragon flies are a most certainly amazing type of dragon! Every wonder why we call the insect dragon flies? I have an essay on that if you want to read it!” Newt bellowed loudly, his hand fidgeting and picking at his fingers.

“Now now Newt!” Queenie chided softly, giving Newt a lazy look. “Don’t hide it, you thought Y/N looked ravishing—”

“I DO BELIEVE I LEFT A CAKE IN THE OVEN!” Newt shouted over the startled Queenie, his face scrunched up. He pushed himself away from the table, only to fall off the chair. He hastily picked himself up and ran blindly to his room. But he ran into a wall. After that he galloped away to his safe haven, his suitcase.

You then remembered Queenie’s ability to read minds. Your faced flushed, as Queenie turned her attention onto you. “It’s amazing how a guy can completely lose his mind when he sees a girl in a slip,” She said innocently. She patted your hand gently, as if that was support to comfort you.

“I can’t believe what happened…” You squeaked, burying your head into your hands. You felt like you were going to cry.

Queenie sensed your distress and said in an actual soothing tone, “Honey, I didn’t mean to make you upset! Why don’t you go talk to Newt and smooth things over?”

You were apprehensive at first, but somehow Queenie managed to talk you into it. You walked to Newt’s room and knocked softly. No answer. Naturally, Newt wasn’t in the room, he was in his suitcase. You climbed down and called out, “Newt?”

Newt was working on a small project thing, when he saw you enter the little shed like room, his face went scarlet again and he knocked over whatever he was working on. He hastily went to the ground and picked it up, only to stand up and bang his head on the counter. “Blast!” He cried out, clutching at his head.

You ran to Newt and helped him up. Newt seemed to notice that you were touching him and were looking at him with doe like eyes. That made him go into another fit of being completely and totally flustered. “I—uh!” he mumbled, jumping a little aback. “Yeah! I love nifflers! They’re quite charming little creatures once you—”

“Newt, it’s okay. It’s not that embarrassing,” You interrupted, taking his hands in yours.

He looked a little startled, but didn’t take his hands out of yours. “I-I bet—beg your pardon?” Newt stuttered, looking into your eyes. His face was still a red, and his eyes kept darting away from yours occasionally.

You laughed. He could be incredibly adorable at times. More like all the time. “It’s funny if you think about it! Think how classic it was!” You joked, winking at him.

Newt began to swing your hands back and forth. “Classic, you say?” He mused, swinging your hands a little harder and higher every time.

You nodded. Then an evil idea came to your mind. You truly were a horrible person. Really horrible. But you couldn’t help it, Newt was so attractive when he was bumbling and blushing and completely bashfully flustered. “Did you really think I looked ravishing in my slip?” You asked innocently, looking up into the hazel eyes of the now blushing Newt.

“Did—did I mention I love nifflers?”

THE END! 

Remus: Okay, let me try this again. “Black Friday” is just a day where everything is really cheap
Sirius: No, no, no. Moons. Its called Black Friday. If it wasn’t about me they could have used any different color. But they used “Black.” Black, Moons! 
James: He’s got a point, Remus
Remus:
Remus: okay let mE TRY THIS ONE MORE TIME

“Once the holidays had started, Ron and Harry were having too good a time to think much about Flamel. They had the dormitory to themselves and the common room was far emptier than usual, so they were able to get the good armchairs by the fire. They sat by the hour eating anything they could spear on a toasting fork - bread, crumpets, marshmallows - and plotting ways of getting Malfoy expelled, which were fun to talk about even if they wouldn’t work.”
-
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone