One of the most amazing things that can happen is finding someone who sees everything you are and won’t let you be anything less. They see the potential of you. They see endless possibilities. And through their eyes, you start to see yourself the same way. As someone who matters. As someone who can make a difference in this world.

Here ye! Here ye! I hereby proclaim a new symbol in the asexual community I have designed. I call it… the Asexual Seed. It represents the potential of the asexual community or it’s capacity to grow and blossom.
Also, I wanted to design an ace tattoo. I upped the size of it, so the point is to shrink it down so you can’t see how bad my edges are. Anyway, here it is.

Although now that I’m looking at it, I think my brain may have been inspired by Zell’s facial tattoos from FF8…. or something. Not sure… but it definitely reminds me of something.

Just thoughts

Muse. Baggage . Real. Why? Why not?
Unreal. Importance. Victim. Survivor. Poet. Dreamer. Heroine…or just a “notion.”

I’m starting to regret the word “muse”.
What does that word truly imply?
For him. For her . For me. For anyone?Is it just a label for nothing serious or real, just a tool for our imagination, ammunition for writing, a new pigment color for the painters palette.
Or
Are we , to each other some passing phase , only eventual lessons to be learned in the end?

Like , “what can I get out of this person , how can I milk their emotions so that I might come up with something artistically half brilliant .”

But what if that’s all that another person can be, because no one can be saved, and everyone is eventually reduced to the realities of life. What if “musings” are all we really have ?

Only a few have ventured to know , dare to become acquainted with my inner complexities , and understandably it can be such a “turn off ”.

But is that all I am or will ever be?
Don’t they also have their tragedies, there inner demons and darkness ?
Are we here to just pretend ? To forget and numb it until we decide to move on to someone different.

What is a muse ? It’s that word interchangeably used for other terms?
And how do I play into this un-evolving role.

When someone says I am their muse ,to me it’s like saying “This relationship will not go far. It’s really not even a relationship, you’re just someone I’m attracted to a use for inspiration .”

Basically , in context we all “use”
Each other to a degree.

Is that the unsaid rule for every artist , writer , poet , musician and dreamer ?

Well oh fucking well then . Right?

I’m not here , never was , to be someone’s amusement park, some sexual jester , and more than that I am not here for saving or to be seen as one needing a “captain save a ho”.
(But do I do the same? At times? Maybe . Yes, many.)

I think we are all several dimensions deep and more layers that need dissection and at some point we’d like
for things to be different.

Inwardly we all long to be saved.
In reality, we cannot.

Maybe this is why “love” will never agree with me.
Maybe this is why men cannot fall in love with me ,completely . They have there reservations and preconceived ideals and cultural upbringing , or their own baggage that cannot allow for mine.
Sometimes there’s just not enough room or strength, and one sees it easier to journey alone .

Personally I feel I am one sided to their equation.
Much too painfully truthful .
Too “real"and definitely too "human”.
A man’s ego can only hold one side of me or do they feel that I am not strong enough to burden their weight as well.

If that is the case, the reason for my state of being alone and dateless,
then in my conclusion ,

“Love is not worthy of us.”

Wait that’s not my conclusion .

It boils down to this ,and this is what we are trying to communicate to each other but without the use of words .
“Is this person worth my emotion, physical , spiritual , intellectual investment ? Is this person worth my time . Is this person worth it?”

Inwardly I think we all believe this way about potential love.

7 Moments when ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ Saved Me
— 

1.  “Seize the moment, ‘cause tomorrow you might be dead.” - Welcome to the Hellmouth, 1x1

2. “Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.” - Becoming Part 1, 2x21

 3. “Strong is fighting! It’s hard, and it’s painful, and it’s every day. It’s what we have to do.” - Amends, 3x10

4. “You have to be strong … the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live.” - The Gift, 5x22

5. “Life’s not a song. Life isn’t bliss, life is just this. It’s living. You’ll get along. The pain that you feel can only heal by living. You have to go on living. So one of us is living.” - Once More, With Feeling, 6x7

6. “ They’ll never know how tough it is … to be the one who isn’t Chosen, to live so near the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody’s watching me. I saw you last night, and I see you working here today. You’re not special; you’re extraordinary” - Potential, 7x12

7. “When it’s something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they’re lame morons for fighting. But they do. They never… They never quit. And so I guess I will keep fighting, too.” - Chosen, 7x22