potatoes = taters

Tater? Didn’t know he was bi until he met Ransom

just, listen to me. I figured out I was bi when I caught myself staring at my oldest friend’s cleavage. Like, I was 17. Sometimes you don’t figure out you’re bi, because, you know, heteronormativity and all that, you tell yourself, I like the opposite gender and this fascination for my own gender are friendships/admiration/whatever.

So bi Tater who never even thought he was bi until that Haus party where he met Jack’s old team, and, well, he knew how to appreciate beauty in all its forms but, no one was pretty like Ransom. NO ONE. Tater just couldn’t stop staring.

At one point in the evening, he grabs Jack by the arm, eyes lost.

‘Zimmbonni. You made coming out to us last month, yes?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Now is my turn. This is me coming out. To you.’

‘Oh? Oh! It’s great, Tater, thank you for-’

‘I have known for last five minutes.’

‘…Really?’

‘Yes. Your friend Ransom too pretty. I not straight anymore.’

‘…It doesn’t really work like that-’

‘Too pretty for me to stay straight.’

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🥔Tater Tots🥔 

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The Signs as Types of Potatoes
  • Aries: Tater Tots
  • Taurus: Curly Fries
  • Gemini: Waffle Fries
  • Cancer: Mashed
  • Leo: French Fries
  • Virgo: Baked
  • Libra: Hashbrowns
  • Scorpio: Tornado Fries
  • Sagittarius: Sautéd
  • Capricorn: Home Fries
  • Aquarius: Potato Chips
  • Pisces: Raw Potato
just southern™ things

-the accent

-all’a’y’all, y’all’d’ve, combining those two somehow, and good luck trying to sound normal if the word has an I in it

-LAWD have MERcY 

-when you have non-southern friends who hear your accent for the first time and them telling you it’s cute

-everyone freaks out about looking nice for church

-that one part of your family that nobody likes bc they refuse to acknowledge ain’t is a word

-going up North and having your soul sucked out of you through the straw bc of the tea

-”Can I get a sweet tea?” “Oh do you mean iced tea (:”

-”get the groceries out of the buggy”

-when someone mentions how out it is outside and everyone is like “it’s one of them y a n k e e s”

-kids driving tractors on the roads

-”I have a job over the summer.” “Oh, cool! Where do you work?” “The tobacco fields.”

-When you live in a small town and the only restaurant around is fucking Bojangles

-When your blood pressure is low and you’re given sweet tea until you can get to food

-if you think there is enough sugar in the tea, you’re wrong. put more

-Potatoes are taters 

-”pull up yeR BRITCHES

-the teenage boys in highschool are always bragging about their coon hounds

-if you ain’t got moonshine are you even southern???

-Before he Cheats by Carrie Underwood

-When it snows all school is out for y e a r s

-don’t backtalk ya mama, ever

-^^southern wrath

-”I’ll pray for you!!!!!!”

-hurricane/tornado season

-if you don’t refer to elders as sir/ma’am be prepared for a speech

-everyone goes further south over the summer, think you can’t go anymore? wrong. keep going

-myrtle beach

-farms literally everywhere

-sitting outside with your family/friends in the evening listening to the crickets/bullfrogs/animals and smelling the honeysuckles as a soft breeze cools everything down

-^ while drinking tea

-homemade meals

feel free to add on

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Check Please cast as funny moments from Family Feud

Steve Harvey explaining the experience of having a prostate exam to the Frogs sitting in the front row of the audience.

Steve Harvey: “What does your husband do when he runs out of clean underwear?” Lardo: “He wears a pair of mine.” *High fives Shitty*

Steve Harvey: “Which of the seven dwarves is your partner most like in bed?” Dex and Nurse facing off, just looking at each other and shaking their heads

Jack as that guy who can’t state his perfectly normal job title without sounding shifty.

Steve Harvey: “What is something that gets passed around?” Shitty: “A joint.” Bitty: “A collection basket at church.”

Steve Harvey: “What is something a burglar wouldn’t want to see if he breaks into your house?” Holster: “NAKED GRANDMA”

Steve Harvey: “What is somthing a man says is bigger now than it was when he was sixteen?” Ransom: “His penis.” Steve: “Couldn’t you have said dingaling? Schlong?” Ransom: “I used the medical term.”

Farmer as the producer laughing her ass off when Steve Harvey admits that he named his penis “Russel the Wonder Muscle”

Chowder as the most heartwarming contestant who tells Steve that he’s crossed two things off his bucket list, being on the show and meeting Steve. 

Steve Harvey: “What is a word that starts with ‘pot’?” Tater: “’Potato!’”

Kent Parson as the contestant who, after being asked what he does for a living, yells, “I’m single!” an starts to dance.