posts of one


names get carved in the red oak tree
of the ones who stay and the ones who leave

i’m just still not over it

everything jake and amy have ever done has led to this point

every argument and competition and case theyve solved and glances across their desks and nights at the bar

the first time they met and the first time jake realized he liked amy and the first time he told her and her confusion afterwards because she liked him too and how awful the timing was and how they accidentally had to admit what they liked about the other and kiss not once but twice to keep up their cover

how they killed a captain and almost broke up but came together but then they almost were forced to break up again but jake fought for them after just a six day relationship

when jake bought that mattress and when they first said i love you and when they first moved in together and when amy was terrified her promotion would hurt their relationship they just grew closer together each time after every milestone they passed they just fell more in love

after being separated for six months and reuniting and how awkward it was but how they fit back together again and being separated again for eight weeks and surviving that trauma together and taking care of each other

and all the little things like the glances and the touches and the kisses and the dates and the movie nights and ordering takeout and playing taylor swift and falling asleep next to each other and waking up together and going to work together and spending every second just so in awe of the person theyre sharing their life with

i can’t go back and watch them without knowing how everything leads to this one moment, how everything leads to the rest of their lives together, how theyre only going to grow closer

Me trying to work out what’s happening on my activity page

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“You don’t get to come back and apologize after -what?- ten years?” Louis was livid and Harry knew he had every right to be.

“I didn’t plan this,” Harry tried to explain. “I didn’t know I’d see you.” He had hoped, but he hadn’t planned the meeting. If he had, it would be under different circumstances and he would have made sure Louis knew and wanted to see him too. “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“Fuck you,” Louis said, spitting every word, voice dripping with venom. “You’re not sorry, you’re just saying that. If you were sorry, you’d have returned to our home ten years ago.”

Our home. Something about the way Louis used that phrase made Harry break. Fuck, it was their home, their life and Harry gave it all up for no good reason.

“I don’t know why you’re here and not somewhere else, living your awesome life with your awesome friends. You’re not welcome here anymore,” Louis kept ranting and Harry let him. “You should have stayed to your new, rich fucking neighborhood. But wait, it’s not new, it’s been ten years since you fucking left me, left our friends, and you disappeared. You’re a sad excuse of a human being, I fucking hate-”

“Don’t say you hate me,” Harry whispered calmly. He couldn’t bear to hear these words.

“I hate you,” Louis said anyway, aiming his words towards Harry’s heart, intending to hurt him. “I fucking hate you more than anyone. I wish I’d never met you.”

Harry could feel his tears running down his cheeks, but he couldn’t control it. How stupid he had been, going back there? Why hadn’t he trust his logic? Why did let curiosity and his need to remember take over? Harry stood there and received slap after slap of hate without a protest.

Louis stopped talking and stared at Harry with mad eyes and uneven breath, a break of sweat on his forehead, despite the cold weather. Harry didn’t know what to say that would be the right thing. There wasn’t a right thing probably, anything would be wrong. He trusted his instinct and said the only thing he could think of, even if he knew that Louis would be livid for saying it.

“I’ve missed you every day of these ten years we’ve been apart,” Harry whispered and braced himself for another backlash.

Louis launched at him and grabbed him by the collar, pushing him on the wall. Harry didn’t try to fight him off, even the violent contact was better than anything Harry had felt, since the last time he and Louis touched. He expected a punch or an array of slurs, but what he’d never expect was for Louis to kiss him, fiercely, like he was taking revenge for all the years Harry had deprived them of any contact. Harry had never felt his heart more alive in his life. Louis pulled away, but Harry couldn’t allow him to do so. He let out a whine and chased Louis’ lips, like it was a normal thing, kissing, like the last time they did it was just the day before.

Louis gave in as much as Harry did, and that was the beginning of slipping back to the past.