I was tagged by @lysergic-saturnine-desert and @petalplush to post the last two selfies on my phone. These are from this month so pretty new! The second one was actually one day after the Ghost ritual in Cologne and moments after I read Alpha’s statement. Eek!
I am too tired to tag anyone rn so whoever wants to do this.. feel free 😂
last night there was a fire at the internet providers office and long story short i am essentially without internet for who knows how long. like the only reason im able to post this at all is because im using a hotspot from a cell phone (whcih is super weak and unbearably slow, so ill probably go offline after posting this)
i dont know how long this will last so dont hold your breath for an update tomorrow. hopefully itll all be fixed before tuesday? but i dont know, sorry. ill keep yall updated best i can
You know, this episode highlighted once more and in many big and small ways why I love Dean as a character so much. Not that I needed any kind of new reminder for why that is but “Regarding Dean” spelled all the reasons out so boldly and beautifully that it just makes me all kinds of emotional.
Because the key aspect about this episode wasn’t that Dean would be happier without some of the memories and the baggage of what he and his family has been through. Sure, their life would have been much easier and much less grim without some of the tragedies they have experienced, but it’s those experiences - good and bad - that made them who they are and that made Dean who he is. Yes, he may have coping mechanisms that’s aren’t all too healthy and he has suffered tremendously and dislikes what he sees when he looks in the mirror at times - but one could argue he prefers that to looking in the mirror and not knowing who is looking back at him at all.
The important thing is that he is still standing and that he knows that all those things that he did and that happened to him should not be erased, because they shaped him, made him who he is. And yes, I’d say made him stronger. Made him a survivor.
And Dean may not have verbalized it that often, but if there was one thing I took away from this episode in neon bright letters it’s that Dean knows that he needs all of his memories - good and bad - to be himself (and yes, even if that sounds contradictory) and to be happy. Because while Dean sure hasn’t had it easy for large stretches of his life, there is one thing that he has always managed to preserve, to save and keep alive: his inner child.
This episode showed that wonderfully and made a huge point about innocence. He may have been forced to grow up way too fast, but he was able to hold on to some of his childlike glee like a safety blanket. Whether it’s him getting excited about a giant slinky, a farting pillow or boldly admitting to loving watching “Finding Nemo” or “Finding Dory” and not feeling self conscious about that (cause there’s nothing to be ashamed of or self conscious about). It’s these small things that speak volumes.
And even though the ending montage was bitter sweet and sad due to how it spelled out the innocence of a lost childhood, Dean’s lost childhood, there is one thing to remember: That childhood, that kid is still well and alive inside of Dean - inside his heart - and sometimes it may need 4 shots of tequila to dare to come out and run free, but ultimately Dean wasn’t hexed when he decided to try and ride a mechanical bull. That was all Dean. No spell. Just a guy having fun and being happy. And so with all of the baggage he has. And frankly, I love Dean exactly for that, for who he is. With all of his flaws, his bad decisions, his darkness but also his vulnerability, his ability to love and his childlike glee.