posting this bc i'm done working on it i'm tired of it!!!

im sorry im really salty right now but i have to go on a gd rant bc im????

  • this fandom is so violently against thinking outside the lovesquare it’s crazy. go through every ship you can think of, count the amount of content in the tags for each, and then come back to me if you don’t believe me
  • like first off let’s start with the f/f ships
    • by far the most popular two are julerose and chlolya, a.k.a. ships that don’t include mari and don’t mess with the lovesquare
    • and before you pull the whole “oh but their dynamic is better”
    • chlonette and chlolya are both rivals to lovers ships in their simplest form. so why is chlolya more popular?
    • alyanette and julerose are both friends to lovers ships in their simplest form. so why is julerose more popular?
    • it takes clawing through alyanette, chlonette, lilanette, etc. tags to find content, meanwhile chlolya and julerose are everywhere bc they’re “safe ships”
  • m/m ships! 
    • this one’s even funnier bc mlm ships in this fandom are practically nonexistent
    • the most “popular” ones are adrinino and adrinath, but guess why you barely see content for them?
    • the only reason they’re more popular than kim/max is bc they either involve the main characters, or they involve nath (the only background character that people seem to give a shit about for reasons unknown????)
  • oh and it gets better bc let’s talk about het ships that don’t get any love
    • i’ve seen marinath used so damn often as a means to an end for lovesquare shippers. like if i had a dollar for every time i saw marinath used as a way for adrien to be jealous/confess his feelings, i could buy a fucking condo
    • nino x marinette? alya x adrien? no?
    • yeah. figured. kinda makes the lovesquare impossible, right?
  • the best part about this is that when you check which pairings get useless comments tagged on about ‘oh are you guys serious?’ ‘yeah but they’re just friends?’ ‘this pairing would never work’ and ‘x person loves y so they can’t possibly like z,’ do you know which ones you’ll see more often than not?
    • pairings that include adrien or marinette

im tired of seeing people be dismissive of alyanette, adrinino, and ninette. i’m tired of having to literally claw through the tags for chlonette or lilanette. im tired of seeing artists and writers get tens of thousands of notes on their lovesquare art and struggle to get 200 notes on art with pairings that disrupt the lovesquare. 

it’s disheartening. it’s annoying. it’s isolating. and it feels like a lot of people don’t even care so i guess im done


replied to your



i’m so excited for the day donna moss holds her…

I approve of this post, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Because Donna *would*

listen if they set up a parallel for anyone to inherit jed’s legacy, it’s either charlie young or donna moss and listen charlie as donna’s vp

donna, who made almost the exact same analogy as the president did when talking about economies–josh originally laughing at her diet analogy of all things in moderation–that is, until the president says almost the exact same thing, but using different language. Donna, who came up with the idea of nominating both christopher mullreedy and evelyn baker lang to the court and it worked, who can take issues and explain them in terms the everday american can still understand, without fully taking away the nuance and complexities–but she’s not richie, she’s not just “10 words or less,” and she can still easily absorb information like a sponge.

She’s constantly giving fun facts about what’s going on yes (just like Jed) but it’s also from what she learns from politics as well–she knew the filibuster rules intimately, despite the fact that at the time her only foray into the world of politics was as the deputy chief of staff’s assistant, with no one else including the President knowing the rules.

there’s also the fact that when josh was shot, back in season 2, he was out of commission for months and yet? when he got back? there was no one at his desk, there was no replacement. CJ Cregg was gone for like a day and as the Chief of Staff and you had Toby saying on national tv she was going to swat at suicide bombers with her purse. You know who was probably running that office?

Donna Moss.

CJ Cregg, who was making 500,000 a year in Hollywood, tells Donna that Josh is never going to find someone as good as she was. CJ has experience with assistants ok. This is the White House–do you know how many applicants there would be to be Josh Lyman’s assistant (that old friend of Donna’s said it: that’s like a Master’s degree in public policy. Season 3 Donna was considered valuable enough that she thought her starting salary was their entire budget). In like a year she rapidly improves as well, becoming indispensable to the Bob Russell campaign. (listen we don’t talk about the chicken suit moment ok. Bartlet rode his bicycle in a tree. This is her bicycle accident alright)

“ Every time we think we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we’re reminded that that capacity may well be limitless.”

And there’s that line when they got stuck behind in Iowa from Jed Bartlet, President of the United States: “300 IQ points between them, they can’t find their way home. I swear to God, If Donna wasn’t there they’d have to buy a house.”

And keep in mind Donna probably had extremely limited experience before coming to the Bartlet for America campaign. She didn’t have a college degree, and was at best going from temp job to temp job. And even comparing her to the other assistants, except maybe Margaret and Mrs. Landingham, who’s probably been with Leo and in politics for years, she became brilliant at her job.

So much of Donna’s outward appearance is wrapped up in the pretty smile and the blonde hair and the oh shucks wholesome, Midwestern farm girl image that people don’t realize behind that is a razor sharp wit, someone who is ruthlessly compeent, possesses a brilliant mind that is so overwhelmingly observant–she sees everything (you know who noticed there was something wrong with Josh first, right before he got diagnosed with PTSD? Not his best friends, not his boss, not his surrogate father–Donna), and someone who could eat you alive if she wanted.

And every single task Josh has ever given to Donna, she’s done it–Josh. This isn’t CJ or Sam or hell even Toby. This Josh “Mr Secret Plan to fight inflation” Lyman. Do you know how many idiotic and seemingly impossible tasks he’s probably given her. Do you.

”If you were in an accident I wouldn’t stop for a beer”
“If you were in an accident i wouldn’t stop for red lights” Donna would eviscerate anyone who hurt who she cared about –and now, unlike when she was “just” an assistant, she has the means as well now.

You want to talk to me about the two Bartlets? What about the two Donnas?

anonymous asked:

archaeology au???? i'm currently writing a shallura fantasy au in which shiro meets allura because he's an arch nerd so I'm listening

oh boy oh boy oK LISTEN

(ok sorry i’m adding a readmore. this got long. beware y’all this is ENTIRELY self-indulgent, like, 100%, and i don’t expect anyone else to enjoy it.)

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Sleepy confession

So for the first time ever I decided after some pushing to post something I wrote. I wrote this for someone when she was sad aka cute Sugakookie yas. She told me to tho.

Please tell me if you liked it, maybe? Bc this is the first time and insecure. 

“Y-Yoongi hyung?” Yoongi hears Jeongguk say from the doorway in his room. “Are you awake?“ 

Yoongi, still half asleep, wasn’t in the mood to say anything so he pretends he didn’t hear, but Jeongguk doesn’t leave. A minute later Yoongi hears footsteps coming his way and feels someone sitting on the side of his bed. He could feel Jeongguk’s stare on him. 

He is ripped out of his thoughts when he feels Jeongguk’s hand cup his cheek. Jeongguk takes a deep breath and then Yoongi feels something on his forehead, Jeongguks soft lips. He had kissed him on his forehead. Yoongi’s thoughts are on speed, he can’t believe it. Why would Jeongguk, a bandmate, friend, the maknae kiss him. Kisses aren’t given in the group, it’s weird and awkward, only done on TV shows when they really have to. Before Yoongi can decide if he would keep faking he’s asleep or not Jeongguk has already left leaving Yoongi to think about what happened. 

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Defense/Analysis of Cosima Niehaus in every season (including 4)

Heck yeah! Cosima! My favorite clone (perhaps rivaled only by Mika). She won my heart way back in season 1, though Delphine will always be my favorite character no matter what, because I absolutely loved her enthusiastic curiosity. That was one of my favorite things about her, the fact that she was so endlessly curious and knew a lot about various subjects, not just biology. She was driven by an insatiable need to know, and it was so wonderful seeing her get passionate and animated about everything in the world. She saw being a clone as cool, she saw the chance to study their own unique biology as the opportunity of a lifetime. She was so adorkably optimistic and curious.

But she’s also so so flawed.

And before I start, I want to say that I was really tempted to write and finish this essay before 4x07, but a friend of mine told me to hold off and wait for the next episode.

Even in season 1, Cosima’s treatment of Delphine was not so fantastic. It’s a lot easier to understand and empathize with her reasons since most of the audience didn’t trust Delphine either, and Cosima lashing out at her was warranted because she felt betrayed by the fact that Delphine had told Dr. Leekie about them all behind her back. Going on to Delphine though, I always felt it hard to distrust her, because she was always so honest in her bodily expressions. She always tried to make eye contact with Cosima, she looked at her face, and crouched down at eye level. But again, Cosima not trusting her was warranted because there was tension around Delphine, which a lot of the audience experienced as well. Delphine’s ‘betrayal’ (her calling Dr. Leekie about Cosima’s notes) was arguably the turning point of Cosima realizing that this whole clone thing wasn’t the cute and fun scientific endeavor she had first made it out to be. This was later solidified by Cosima realizing she was the first in the group to start displaying symptoms of the illness, and was suddenly faced with the fact that there was a giant clock on her life now. While I often make the argument that Delphine openly loved Cosima more than Cosima openly loved her, which I do think to be true, I also think Cosima inwardly loved (loves) Delphine just as much as Delphine loves her, even though she can be seriously terrible at showing it. Delphine was the first person Cosima ever told that she was sick, she didn’t even tell anyone else until later in season 2. She told Delphine, even though she spent most of episode 10 trying to be closed off and reserved from Delphine. But at the end, when they find out they’re property, Cosima finds herself in an emotionally comprised situation. Here, next to her, the woman she doesn’t fully trust (but can’t help but love), and faced with the reality of the fact that they’re intellectual property, as well as the fact that she’s dying, she lets her in and trusts her a little. Because she needs to trust someone. Even in the previous episode, episode 9, she says to Delphine “I wanted to trust you”. Cosima really really wanted to let her in, but that kernel of distrust in season one kind of grows inside of Cosima each time she feels betrayed, and remains manifested throughout the three complete seasons. But yet, Cosima still feels vulnerable enough to let her in. Because as much as Cosima may not admit it, she needs Delphine, because Delphine is not only her intellectual equal, but also the only one who can give Cosima that physically comforting aspect.

Which brings me to season two, where Delphine becomes even more of a softy for Cosima, going to great lengths to keep her safe and guiltily going behind her back to interact with Dr. Leekie in order to, again, keep her safe (and healthy). There are some weird parts in this season that send off some bizarre signals, though. In episode 8, after Cosima realizes how dire her situation is and gets high with Delphine, Delphine tells her she loves her. And Cosima responds with “you can’t just love me, you have to love all of us”, and threatens to ruin Delphine if she ever betrays them again. To which Delphine laughs, because Cosima actually thinks Delphine cares about her career still when all Delphine cares about is Cosima’s wellbeing. Now, what Cosima said seems harsh, and I often bring it up when I’m referring to Cosima as the less caring/affectionate/openly loving one in the relationship, but also, when you look at it from a different perspective, it’s heartbreaking for a reason other than 'oh it was mean to Delphine, who’s just trying her hardest’. When Cosima gets her high, its after she realizes how dire her situation is. She knows she’s dying, she knows she might not have much time. And she also knows Delphine is a brilliant scientist, and Cosima also loves her sisters very much. While it came out a little harsh, I really think that what Cosima was trying to say was “if I die please continue to help them”. When Cosima said that Delphine has to love them all, it means that she needs her to help them as much as she’s helping Cosima herself. They were both still high, everyone is different in how pot affects them (I just get mellow and feel my mood improve, but my buddy gets way outta whack and he starts seeing the world as through a fishbowl), so it probably came out a little awkwardly, and Cosima couldn’t fully articulate what she meant. But Delphine understood. She understood, and seriously followed through (especially apparent in season 3, which I’ll get to in a bit). At the end of season 2, Cosima actually even almost dies, making her request to Delphine two episodes prior even more haunting. Cosima was about to die, but she saw Delphine. And the vision she saw of Delphine, Delphine who was being banished to Frankfurt by the higher ups, was of Delphine saying “don’t be afraid, I’ll never leave you”. Symbolically, in season three, there came the quote by Shay, who said “I have a theory before we leave this life, we see what we love, I mean like pit of the soul can’t live without it love. And if it’s strong enough, sometimes we find our way back.” Cosima, while reserved and awkward and extremely bad at showing it or handling it sometimes, loves Delphine down to the pit of her soul. She saw Delphine before she almost died, and Delphine kept her anchored to life and she was able to hold on. And we end that, of course, with Kira’s innocent enough question of “Did the puppy follow the explorer the whole way?” Delphine, of course, being the puppy, and Cosima being the curious and insatiable explorer.

And then season 3.

Which was kind of a clusterfuck, but I can see the reason to Cosima’s decisions. I’m gonna go over a small Shay defense in this part (even though there’s not much to say) as well as Cosima’s.

Delphine came back from Frankfurt totally steely and intense. She started closing herself off and becoming infinitely more reserved, a total 180 from her yelling emotionally at Rachel “If she dies without me, it is personal!” - Delphine doesn’t act out in so passionate a manner anymore, she’s steeled herself to act as a solid support system for Cosima and her sisters.

And to act as a solid support system, and effectively help the main characters, she breaks up with Cosima. Breaking up with her meant she could dedicate her time to helping Cosima, as well as distance herself from her. Again, Delphine’s one motivation through the seasons has been helping Cosima. She loves and cares about Cosima more than her own damn life, to the point of extreme self-sacrificial tendencies. But this thought post isn’t about that.

When Delphine breaks up with her, Cosima trembles. Her lower lip is trembling, her eyes are filled with tears. Even earlier on in the episode when Felix gets a call from Sarah, Cosima immediately asks if there’s any word on Delphine. And when Delphine comes to meet her, Cosima is so elated. She breaks out into a megawatt grin and melts into her arms, whispering into Delphine that she’s so happy she’s back. And when Delphine says she only has a minute, Cosima steps back and disappointedly says “oh, okay. Just a minute?” But of course, Delphine is there with a heavy heart to break up with her. But Cosima, still holding out hope and still desperately in love with her, tearfully and with a tremble in her voice says she loves her. But Delphine brushes past that and says something about work, because this is hard enough for her without Cosima saying things like that.

No matter the motive, can you imagine how much that hurt Cosima? I’m not saying Delphine was wrong for breaking up with her, but sometimes the things we do to save the people we love can’t help but hurt them. And that must’ve placed a huge crack in Cosima’s heart. Especially since she had so recently almost died, and her vision of Delphine was what kept her alive. That scene was so heartbreaking, and the amount of damage it must’ve done on Cosima would have been excruciating, while she was probably already internally grappling with that sudden shock and fear of almost dying. The desperation and heartbreak apparent on Cosima’s face when she said “I love you”; that tilt of her eyebrows, the tremble of her lips. Cosima, out of so many of the other clones, has this incredibly honest display of sadness. While her actions, and her words, and everything else about her may get wonky sometimes, her expressions are blatantly honest.

Moving on, Felix notices she’s pining. Rightfully so, Delphine was the love of her life and she can’t be with her anymore. So he gets her up, says some generic friend stuff like “blah, blah, she was a bitch, blah blah, dating app, blah blah”, which Delphine was not a bitch Delphine was trying her hardest, but even though the main cast had been giving her the cold shoulder for the past few seasons as well, I can see where he was coming from there. Cosima is arguably the saddest one out of the whole bunch, and that includes Helena. Helena is the loneliest, definitely, but Cosima is the saddest. (In season three, even, Kira implies this when she talks about what she can feel in each of the clones.) And so Felix hooks her up with this dating app, and thats when Cosima meets Shay.

Oh, Shay.

I will honestly defend Shay to my grave, as well. Cosima (even though I am sometimes critical of her), Delphine, and Shay I will ardently defend. Shay is just a well meaning, sweet-natured girl that was looking for a date. Shay does NOT deserve any of what goes on around her in season 3, that poor girl gets thrust smack dab in the middle of Cosima and Delphine’s drama and she didn’t deserve that. She seems sketchy, with the whole “who’s Sarah?” and hiding the fact that she was in the military, but it turned out to be a red herring anyway.

When they first meet, Cosima totally bumbles her way through their first meeting, almost instantly bringing up Delphine when she starts talking to Shay. At first, it seems kind of awkward and like they’d clash, since Shay is a very spiritual person and works in holistic healing/spritual counsel. But honestly, I think Cosima was drawn to that in this season. Cosima came off as awkward when she met Shay the first time, but it seemed like she was really relishing the chance to talk to someone away from all the dark science of the clone conspiracy going on. And remember, Cosima is DYING. She had just had her heart grievously broken, and up til now still hadn’t told anyone about her near death experience. While as a hard scientist, she may not have really believed in the spiritual aspect of Shay’s profession, she may have found comfort in it anyway whether it be from the fact that Shay believed in it, that the aesthetic and atmosphere of it was soothing, or even that Shay also worked in nutrition may have helped as well. (I mean, in season 4 we find out that Cosima likes spirulina in her smoothie, so…)

And Shay is sweet. Undeniably, she is sweet. She’s sweet, and she’s affectionate. She walks Cosima through the meet up, even comforting her with an awkward date story. When Cosima takes her back to Felix’s place, Shay is giving her a massage, and even asks Cosima if she wants to talk about the breakup. Just having someone offer to listen, be there as even a little support in this whole mess of a hidden thing Cosima has herself mixed up in, must be so comforting. It adds some sense of normalcy to the hectic disaster that is Cosima’s life. Shay already comes off as a very physical person. She’s into the whole healing aspect of her profession, and holistic healing involves a lot of the Mind Body Spirit style. Again, Cosima is dying. Sexual contact, sexual intercourse, being touched affectionately or intimately or intensely… any number of those things can make you feel alive again. So soon after almost dying, Cosima must be craving a sensation of feeling alive, and Shay is the only one around her that can provide that for her, since Delphine has denied herself to her.

But Cosima starts skipping work, starts doing shifty things like not giving her pee up when Delphine is genuinely just trying to help her. While a lot of the things she does and how she reacts to Delphine could be argued that they’re done out of spite, I feel like they’re also done out of a sense of shame and panic. Cosima, who is DYING, and almost DIED, still hasn’t told anyone about her almost dying. Maybe, she doesn’t want anyone to know just how weak she is, or maybe she herself doesn’t want to know how weak she is. Even before Delphine broke up with her, when Delphine was showing concern over her physical health, Cosima asked her to stop. Cosima doesn’t want to be reminded of her own mortality. Shay could very well almost be likened to an addiction in season 3. Cosima has a need to sate the feeling of being alive, and being with Shay gives her that. Logically, she knows she should stop, as seen when Cosima was going to take things slow, but chemically she needs that and rather than take it slow, falls back into Shay’s arms and bed. Shay, who doesn’t know Cosima is dying, treats her like a normal, healthy person. Imagine how painful it must be for Cosima, seeing the faces of her friends and former lover and seeing worry and pity. How painful it must be for her, hiding the fact that she almost died, still struggling to get over Delphine, and being reminded of her mortality not just by her body, but by the reactions of those closest to her. Cosima acting out in season three can arguably be attributed to her feeling trapped and frightened. She used to think it was cool, the whole clone thing, and then she started dying. That sense of wonder and enthusiam and excitement and hopefulness has been slowly sapped of her every single season and replaced with exhaustion and fear and despair and heartbreak. Cosima probably feels a sense of alienation in comparison to the rest of the characters. She’s the only one so far that’s actively dying, and none of the other characters can relate to that.

When Delphine comes personally to Shay’s house, done out of worry because Cosima is still a brilliant scientist and needs to show up because she’s dying and needs to find a cure, Cosima probably feels threatened. Shay’s home has become a sort of safe space for Cosima, a little sanctuary to escape to where none of the other characters come to. None of the weird science or weird drama bleeds through the walls of Shay’s home. And when Delphine comes into that safe space, it takes a little bit of the magic away for Cosima, and she needs a deeper level of comfort, so she tells Shay about her health issue and starts bleeding in the bath. Shay, of course, is immediately there at her side to remain a physical support as well as emotional.

Cosima, in season 3, is running away.

A body in motion, stays in motion.

On some subconscious level, Cosima must be hoping that if she keeps running away from these things then she’ll escape it somehow. So she acts out, and does some stupid shit. Like bringing Shay to the Dyad. At this point, Shay herself is some sort of a safe space for her as well, so she kind of cancels out some of the scariness of Cosima’s reality. Shay becomes this sort of idealized fantasy for Cosima, where Shay is a concept of sanctuary and is used as a blanket of protection for Cosima’s fear. I really think that her relationship with Shay showed some insight into how much of a sad and fearful person Cosima really is. Like when Sarah and Cosima have that Skype chat, and Cosima doesn’t give much information about her whereabouts or about Shay, but does tell Sarah “it’s what I need right now”.

Shay, ends up being the first person Cosima references her almost dying too, though she keeps it vague. Shay is a spiritual person, something so detached from the hard science of Cosima’s life. That’s probably one of the reasons why she mentions it, because of that spiritual aspect that could reach inside her and comfort a wounded spot on her heart. The hard science of that near death experience would not be as comforting. It would be logical, cold, it wouldn’t take into account a 'soul’ of a person or how they felt about it. Science is the cold hard truth. Spirituality, is a warm embrace of potential truth. Something more centered in human thought and something that could lend comfort far more than the science could. And that brings us to Shay’s quote, a piece of deeply metaphorical lyric in terms of Cosima and Delphine’s relationship.

“I have a theory before we leave this life, we see what we love, I mean like pit of the soul can’t live without it love. And if it’s strong enough, sometimes we find our way back.”

Cosima, lying on the ground in Shay’s home, has some of the happiness drain from her eyes. That moment, the only person she’s thinking about is Delphine. The only person she’s truly wanted this whole season is Delphine, but she can’t have her. So she settles for someone that can provide a different kind of comfort.

And Cosima, when confronted with Delphine in her office, tells her to let her go if she won’t be with her. There are some grievous errors in communication this seasons between these two. Delphine, who’s doing everything she can and sacrificing her mental health and her physical health and her literal entire life to help her, has tried to push Cosima into a zone where she responds to her with logical help rather than emotion. And Cosima, doesn’t understand this because she’s so blinded by pain, by sadness, by despair, and by this overwhelming feeling of alienation and trappedness. In that moment, when they’re actually arguing and talking just a bit about their feelings, Cosima tells her that she almost died, says that it would’ve been so easy for her to slip away and that she only came back for her. Cosima loves her, so desperately and she’s craved her affection for the whole season. Cosima, who’s logical brain has become influenced both by the poetic spirituality of Shay and her own near death, didn’t believe that Delphine would believe that kind of thing, because Cosima didn’t. They’re both in the hard sciences, but their love for each other crosses boundaries and spans across great lengths. Delphine, who sacrificed literally every piece of herself for Cosima, and Cosima who hung onto life only because of Delphine.

But Cosima still quits the Dyad, because of that feeling of trappedness. By this time there has been an increasing sense of worry in her that this will be the rest of her life. Anything she does there might not even help her. Nothing has worked so far, so why would it suddenly now? And she feels trapped.

And Delphine has put that kernel of doubt about Shay inside of her, the kernel caused by the fact that Shay never revealed she was in the military. Her sanctuary, her safe space in Shay has become tainted by doubt, and more subtly tainted in the fact that Shay is starting to worry over her too. Shay checks her forehead before Cosima leaves her home, and Cosima isn’t having that. The combination of Cosima’s knowledge of her being in the military and Shay’s knowledge of Cosima’s sickness have ruined this idealized paradise Cosima built for herself to run away to when the emotional noise of the dark world around her grew too loud.

So she panics, and she goes to Delphine. She tells her things she hasn’t been telling her for the entire season, things that Delphine could’ve helped with. She admits out loud to Delphine that she messed up, and its because she’s been trying to run away from all this. She voices her concerns out loud to Delphine, knowing full well Delphine will probably do something about this, realizing and hoping in that moment that Delphine who’d always provided her support and protection would be able to somehow fix everything. But even that was a mistake, and she calls Delphine in the middle of threatening Shay, and the look on Delphine’s face just looks so… dead. While Delphine may have gone through this season having steeled herself off, she still threatened an innocent girl. Delphine is a character with a lot of heart, who’d do anything for Cosima. But Shay was innocent, and that must’ve stunned and hurt Delphine, who suddenly allowed her emotional dam to break in the culminating episode of season 3. Delphine went to Shay, in the next episode, saying she knows what she did was unforgivable. Delphine who swallows her feelings and wants Shay to take care of Cosima while she’s gone, because Delphine isn’t blind. She knows how sad Cosima is, she knows how much she needs someone.

Delphine and Cosima, despite their mistakes and how much they miscommunicate with each other, both have so much heart. Their emotions are turned up to eleven. Delphine feels guilty, and so does Cosima. Cosima dragged Shay into their drama, and she apologizes, but also voices her doubt which is a mistake.

Shay calls her the fuck out. Everything Shay says to her in episode 10 is a reference to every way Cosima has acted out incorrectly in season 3. She calls her a liar, says she has no idea who she is. Shay wants to though, because Shay is sweet. Shay, even though she was threatened and brought into the drama betwen Cosima and Delphine, is still willing to learn and to understand. But Cosima can’t tell her. Shay was… a fantasy. Something for Cosima to run away to.

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” - Phillip K. Dick

The darkly scientific underground is Cosima’s reality. And she can’t be hovering between two words, because one doesn’t exist to her. However much she might want to run away, she can’t. Season 3 was all about Cosima trying to run away, but being unable to. A lot of people argue that Cosima’s character in season 3 would be construed as bad writing, but I just think its heartbreaking because season 3 is about the ill-fated romance between Cosima, who wants to run away from that dark world that makes her feel trapped and can’t talk to anyone about it, and Delphine who silently put her own self in the middle of it just to save Cosima.

And at the end of the season finale, Delphine goes to her. Cosima invites her to the dinner, but Delphine doesn’t go in because the clock is ticking on her life, and she knows she’s not invited. Cosima may love her, but the rest do not.

And there’s a mirrored repeat of the first episode of the season.

Episode 3x01 Cosima; “oh, okay. Just a minute?”

Episode 3x10 Cosima; “Not even for a minute?”

Its a mirror image of the first episode. And like a mirror, its flipped. Delphine comes for a moment, and leaves despite Cosima’s questions. Though in episode one, it’s a not a request. In the first episode it’s more of a question of why she’s leaving her, but in the tenth episode its more of a request for her to stay. And Cosima apologizes. She acknowledges the fact that she forced Delphine to make difficult choices, and that she blamed them for the outcome. While Delphine deserves more than an at-face apology, Cosima truly doesn’t know the lengths that Delphine has gone for her, and Cosima has no time to truly express her regret to her because Delphine, just like the first episode, leaves. And she doesn’t come back. And Cosima never knew, because Delphine was her protector. Delphine shielded her from the inky black heart of this dark world they found themselves in by placing herself right in the centre and absorbing all of that darkness. Because Delphine loves her. The look in Cosima’s eyes, when Delphine touches her cheeks and is brought to tears, is of such innocent confusion. There’s a heaviness to Delphine’s actions and eyes that Cosima doesn’t recognize. And Delphine leaves her, her final words to her being “give your sisters all my love”. That kiss, the final kiss and Cosima’s apology, gave Delphine the strength to walk to her own execution.

And she leaves Cosima, who’s confused and stunned into silence by the weight of the look in Delphine’s eyes.

Which brings us to our current season.

When we first see Cosima again, she’s in a new location, hiding in her own little marijuana crop and staring dazedly up at the ceiling. There’s a marked lack of light and happiness in her eyes, a sort of hollow confusion that remained after Delphine left into the night and never returned.

And while a lot of people have mentioned that she doesn’t mention Delphine much until episode 4x06, I feel like that’s because Cosima’s trying to steel herself much in the same way Delphine was in season 3. Cosima has seen how much things mess up when she tries to run away, so she suppresses them and shoves them down, pouring her heart into science and work. The only one she opens up to slightly with her concerns is Mrs. S, who remains a comforting motherly figure to the main characters. She asks her to tell her that Delphine is alive, not needing proof but just need someone to say it out loud. I don’t think she’s looking for proof right then, but there’s this seed of worry and she needs to hear someone else acknowledge her. What she gets is a hug, and some words of comfort, but it’s not what Cosima wanted. It’s not what she needed to hear right then, and after that she’s… probably kind of scared that someone else might react the same way because what she needed was to hear someone else say she’s alive and she didn’t get that.

And we don’t even hear Delphine’s in junction with Cosima until episode 6, when Cosima gives Evie that data and sequenced genome.

The same episode that Cosima called Delphine her soul mate. Now, here’s where I think the Shay influence showed through. I cannot see season 1 Cosima call Delphine her soul mate. I can’t even see season 2 Cosima as her soul mate. But that… poetic humanity of Shay’s spirituality seems to have rubbed off on Cosima. Something about Shay’s dead, spot on words about Cosima’s near death experience stunned Cosima. With everything Cosima’s seen, Delphine really is and always will be the one for her. And Cosima finally knows it.

And that data… that data was data Delphine helped her with. They’ve been working together since season 1, and that data was the only thing Cosima had left of her. That was the only thing she had left of her, and Evie robs her of it. Evie breaks Cosima, out in the middle of nowhere, and crushes her by looking her in the eye and telling her Delphine is dead.

Cosima breaks.

And that break is obvious in last nights episode.

Oh my god, 4x07, what an emotional ride. We needed to see it though. Every season has been slowly culminating into a fine point of Cosima being ruined on the inside. Cosima has gone through such a dramatic set of changes since the first season. In season 1 she was an optimistic, enthusiastic, hopeful character. And as the seasons have gone by, she’s become sadder and sadder. Kira’s words being heavy implications of Cosima being the most sad out of them all.
And that episode starts out with Cosima bitingly saying that her lab partner is dead. She apologized to Scott, but I really don’t think her comment was meant to hurt Scott.

It was meant to hurt herself.

Cosima caused herself intentional pain by saying that. And jesus, the end of the episode… She just… The idea of Delphine being dead made Cosima lose her will to live entirely. We’ve seen Delphine be ready and willing to die for Cosima, Delphine who was a tragic hero, and now we’ve seen Cosima be ready and willing to die because of Delphine. Cosima legitimately thought she was better off dead than alive.

“She’s at the end of her rope, Felix. She blames herself for Kendall, and she blames herself for Delphine.”

All that built up sadness and fear and heartbreak suddenly manifested in a massive sunburst of self hatred within Cosima. That scene, with Cosima trembling and covered in blood, Cosima was trying to will her nerves down as she was preparing to die. People who want to live don’t lock their friends out to do something EXTREMELY dangerous.

Cosima’s voice when she answers her phone, she’s trembling so hard and trying to will her voice into normalcy. And when Felix says he has information about Delphine, the sound of Cosima’s voice when she respond back just… It sounds like there’s a wad stuck in her throat. It so low and trembly, it even takes her a few seconds to respond because she has to force the words out because of how emotional she is. And Cosima just… When Felix tells her that Delphine is alive she sits there stunned for a moment, her lip trembling and covered in blood, and she drops the maggot and suddenly cracks. She breaks and starts sobbing and gets covered in blood, and tears, and sweat, and snot and just… she curls the phone up to her face, holding onto it like a lifeline. Holding onto the little device in which she heard that Delphine is alive. Delphine, the person she loves most on the entire planet. Delphine, the person she loves so much she lost her entire will to live when she found out she was dead. We’ve seen so many grandiose displays of affection and love from Delphine, but jesus… While being heartbreaking and tragic the fact Cosima not only lost the will to live, but also gained the desperate desire to die because of the fact that Delphine was dead just… is provably a representation of how much Cosima loves Delphine. The only thing that stood between Cosima and death was a last minute phone call from Felix telling her that Delphine was alive.

And that brings up that quote from Shay, again.

“I have a theory before we leave this life, we see what we love, I mean like pit of the soul can’t live without it love. And if it’s strong enough, sometimes we find our way back.”

Cosima can’t live without Delphine, and you can believe that the one thing Cosima saw reflected in her eyes as she was about to put that bot in her mouth were images of Delphine. Shay’s words were so eerily spot on in their foreshadowing. Cosima Niehaus cannot live without Delphine Cormier, and the only thing that gave her enough strength to keep breathing was the knowledge of Delphine being alive.

Over the years I’ve just grown to love the relationship between these two even more, and I can say, without a doubt that the romantic relationship between Delphine Cormier and Cosima Niehaus is one of the most beautiful and profound and tragic and deeply moving relationships I have ever seen.

And I really and truly do believe the strength of their love has the ability to cross great lengths and distances.

anonymous asked:

I'm so behind on my studies it's gotten to the point where I'm unmotivated to catch up and I get depressed thinking about all the work I have to catch up on and thinking I'm gonna fail these classes 😭 any advice?

Girl i’m gonna give you one of the greatest pieces of advice you’re ever gonna get in your life, so take a deep breath and relax :) are you ready? 

TURN TO DISCIPLINE! Look around you and you see most people looking for motivation, looking at motivation to help them accomplish a task. But the successful people? The people who GET. STUFF. DONE.?? They have discipline.

Motivation is doing something u need to do when you feel like it. Discipline is doing something you need to do even when you don’t feel like it.

Not saying that motivation isn’t great and necessary. It is! It will help you achieve your long term goal. But for short term, it’s like the play boy next door. Motivation is flimsy, unreliable, it can’t commit to a long term relationship (with success). It’ll hook up with you for a night and be gone the next morning without a trace.

So rely on discipline. Motivation will come and go naturally, discipline and will power will not. But they are the things that will GET. STUFF. DONE.

Furthermore, they’re like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger it gets. So apply it to every area of your life. Eg. When i go to the gym and say i will do A, B, C, if i get super tired after B, i will still do C, even if its half heartedly - its the fact that i had the discipline to follow through with a commitment that’s important (ofc if i won’t do it if it’s unsafe for my health). Like this, apply discipline to even the smaller areas of your life.

One method i like to use is the ‘one, two, three’ method. We procrastinate sometimes bc we overthink things and convince us that we don’t REALLY need to do that thing now. Basically,
1. Think about the thing to do. U know the thing now?
2. Count to three
3. START! (Starting is half the battle)

One thing that also helped me was instead of saying ‘i don’t have time’, i replaced it with 'i don’t want to’. Also, how you approach it is also important. Take a step back and look at the big picture. What do you have to do? The best thing to do right now is turn to your syllabus, or make a list yourself. Now divide these into small chunks and attack these each and every day. I remember in school i would do 10 minutes of each subject a day on top of my homework. It really helped me stay on top of my subjects. Like this, just do a little each day if you can afford to.

Finally, your teachers are there to help you. Turn to them for advice, go to them for help. I’m sure most teachers would be happy to help. remember, your good grade will look good for them too!

Anyway, i hope this helped! I know this isn’t my usual nicety reply but its an attempt to be more motivating (haha). Good luck with everything :) also i really recommend you check out my tags 'ask’ and 'organisation’ and maybe 'discipline’. I wasn’t able to condense a lot of the info here. Adios! Thank you for the ask ^^

oceandrlve  asked:

can you pleASE one day write simmons describing fitz in colours bc i am DEAD after reading ur latest post ok i want to cry your writing is sO beautiful! also i feel like too few people write from the perspective of simmons absolutely adoring fitz, but always portraying the reverse. i'd just love to see some URSOINCREDIBLEIWOULDDOANYTHINGFORU love from jemma, ya feel?

Green [noun]

The place from your childhood: your mum’s makeshift garden on the fire escape. The cactus she bought for your twelfth birthday and placed on your father’s coffin. A post-it of clumsy words. Be strong, lion heart. You dream in emerald and still cry when you sleep sometimes.    

The place that sets me free: your shoebox living room of pine and burning wood on a Christmas morning. My sweater your mum knits that matches your own. Her eyes glow with crystallized hope, and we all start afresh with the promise of spring.

The place we both call ours: a lab that flies and a tiny cactus by your workstation. Arduous nights and the homeliness of your arms.

Orange [noun]

The birth of dawn: you in your bright and rumpled t-shirt, eyes at half-mast, chasing the tail-end of scattered dreams as you drop sugar into my tea.

The end of dusk: loose sunbeams caught in the sweat on your brow. Tired half-smiles and your whisper in my hair like smoke. The day is done. Let me be there till you fall asleep. We’re alright. We’re alright, you and I.

The living in between: your breathless laughter on a sun-drenched midday pouring honey-slow into my heart, and I idly wonder how effortless it must be to fall in love with your light.

Violet [noun]

The fragile lie: battered hulls, broken helm, blood pulsing underneath my bruise like a slow death, trying to stay afloat awaiting the blissfulness of sinking. How have you been? I’m fine. Let’s get back to work. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

The enduring truth: I’d do it all over again for you. The bitter cold, the loneliness, my bursting blood vessels. I was never much of a masochist, but you are the most beautiful twinge of pain, so this is what’s true:  I’d choose violet. I’d choose you.

(Part 1: Yellow, blue, red, and the rule of complementary colors)