posting my mistakes so i can continue to learn

I'm sorry for the drama, but I finally have to address this guys

I’ve been super patient and understanding with this particular 15-16 yo young woman, but today I’ve had enough of her lies. The reason why I say her age is because I know that when you’re young, you may say things that you don’t understand or mean, but I think she’s old enough to know that words have consequences, especially online.

I am addressing the account mahnoorjahan.

I’ve blocked mahnoorjahan because this isn’t an isolated incident, but basically, she constantly talks about me and receives asks about me from anons. The reason I know is because I have followers who see them and they show it to me saying, “look at this person talking about you.” My usual reply is, “just ignore her, I barely know that blog.”

When I started my blog in February, she was one of the first blogs I followed. We had one chat about fan IG accounts and how they screenshotted some of my work and posted it without any credit. The chat was really friendly and she seemed really nice and we became mutuals.

That was when it all went downhill. She started to become the anti blog that she is now and always reblogged posts to start fights, and constantly had drama on her ask box. I unfollowed her because that’s not what I want on my dash.

Today, someone sent me this screenshot:

From what I gather, the anon who posted this clearly doesn’t like me (LOL super obvious), but they also know that mahnoorjahan doesn’t like me either. Therefore, they rant to mahnoorjahan about the Instagram HC. You can find that post here. By reading that post, you can understand the drama which unfolded, and yes, I shouldn’t have been so brash and upset about it to @valamerys but the drama has passed and we haven’t gotten into any trouble since. I am not the one continuously making drama by rehashing things that occurred months ago and adding onto the reblogs this comment:

And because she’s mentioned it, I have sincerely apologised about the Chaol post (here) and have moved on as there is nothing else I can do but learn from my mistakes. I rarely “throw tantrums over everything.”

So, I’m addressing this incident because mahnoorjahan has been saying clear lies about me. If you go through all my history, you will know that there was no “petty bitch fight over petty bitch fight.” If you’ve been following me since February, you will know that I am genuinely nice to people. And yes, I do have hypersexualised content on my blog. It’s no lie and there’s nothing wrong with that to me. If you don’t want to see that content, you don’t have to follow me. However a lot of you have said that you follow me because of this content. SJMs books themselves contain mature content so it’s not like I am making these posts about a G rated series.

I’m also addressing this because I’ve had enough of her reblogging other people’s posts and being quite rude, expressing anti opinions on non-controversial posts. We work hard on creating content for this fandom and it feels shitty reading awful comments. Most of you might not do or say anything because you’re scared of backlash and honestly I am too but someone needs to acknowledge that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable. If any of you have fallen victim to this person (as I know many of you have since I’ve talked to a lot of you), I just want to say that I’m here for you and please don’t believe everything you read online. Come straight to the source, and ask people, before making your judgments.

I don’t want this to get too ugly, but I just wanted to say my side of the story that mahnoorjahan has been saying about me, and to clarify with you guys that what she says about me is not true.

I really hope you guys don’t mind me spamming your dash but I rlly wanna say this because I feel like you guys don’t really know nor do I show it enough… I just wanna give you guys a big thank you. Just the biggest thank you. Your support means everything to me. Every tag every ask, both anon and non anon, every direct message or submission sent in support of my art and me myself and even just the kind thoughts in your mind… just thank you. Thank you for your criticisms and thank you for your praise. Thank you guys for taking the time out of your day to give a second to what I make and what I consider doing. I say often I’ll do things that you request and most of the time never get to it sadly due to busy and issues, but your still here. I bounce from drawing things I like to things just for you guys and your still here. Days will go by without art and your still here. Problems will come up and your still here. I owe you guys my everything. You guys are the reason I wake up and consider moving my body just to spend hours to make something new. You guys are the reason I keep going and doing what it is i love. I get no real support in my household and having you guys makes up so much for that because I know maybe not everyone but you guys care. And that’s all I’ll ever need. Thank you for giving me a chance to grow here. Thank you to those who have been with me since the very beginning and watched me grow. And thank you to those who are still continuing. Thank you. Just thank you. Because if it weren’t for you guys I wouldn’t be drawing still today. I probably would have given up. If it weren’t for you guys I wouldn’t know what it is i want to do later on. I doubt myself and my art constantly. But you guys really help me see past my doubt and allow me to admire it for what I shame it to be. I promise I’ll do my best to continue growing. Learn from my mistakes, and experiment more so that I can keep doing the best I can. I owe you guys everything. I really do. I may not respond to every message (I forget;;; then I get anxious answering messages late) but I read them all and I sure as hell appreciate every single one. Thank you for being here…. just thank you so much..

anonymous asked:

Do you have any writing tips?

Alright, my dude, I’m just going to tell you what advice I found was the most important, helpful, or overall what I found improved my personal writing. 

Listen to your gut. And write for yourself.  

This is so important. If you are writing as if someone is watching over your shoulder, all that is going to do is stunt your growth as a writer and make it harder for you to get the motivation to sit down and write in general. (which we all know is hard in the first place)

So, as you write the first draft, don’t even think about the readers
(yup you read that right) Write as if it will never even be seen by another person.

I can’t tell you how many times I let the fear of judgment control a chapter’s outcome; thinking about what other people might think just makes the whole process stressful, and that doesn’t make for great scenes or character development. 

So, write what you would like to read. Writing what you want, what your gut is telling you to, is going to make for better stories in the end. 
If you are invested and intrigued by your own scenes then your imagination will be able to flow freely, and that always makes for more colorful plot twists and characters. 

Be flexible and willing to change your plan. 

As a writer, when you start a story you have certain things figured out. You might already have a plot line, or maybe you already figured out scenes that are going to happen in order to have the outcome you desire. 

But guess what. Not everything goes according to plan. Characters develop and sometimes they do things that you never intended them to do. 

But that is okay. That is great in fact.

Follow your story, let it lead you. This can be irritating and frustrating at times, because you will have to make changes or even scrap some of the things you wanted to write. But in the end letting the story guide you makes it better, and the flow will feel less forced and more real. 

Don’t write as if whatever is on the page is eternal.  

This is something I still have a lot of trouble with. 

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that your first draft is exactly that, the first draft, out of many, many more to come. 

You need to remember that whatever you write down can be changed, it can be altered, it can be deleted, and it can and will be edited. 

Don’t stress over what it looks like when it is first coming out of your head. It is hard to translate our thoughts and feelings onto a blank page, but just sitting down and actually expressing it will help you to get a frim hold on what you want to see in the second draft. 

Let it be emotional. 

Oh my goodness. This is a lesson that I have just recently let settle into my brain. 

I don’t know if other writers have trouble with this. 

But every time my gut told me “they need to cry and sob in this scene” or “they gotta punch that guy they’re so angry”. I always doubted myself. 
And because of this I would water down the characters emotions, because I didn’t want them to seem overdramatic or out of character. 

Don’t do that. 

Do not water down your character’s emotions. If your gut is telling you that whatever has happened has upset your character to the point of shattering a glass on the tile floor out of their pure anger, write it as you see it!

My feedback became so much better and positive when I finally just allowed myself to write what I wanted. People want emotional outbursts, they wanna see the inner workings of your character, that’s what makes the reader feel. 

So don’t deprive them of that. 

Find your style. Explore.

I started writing fanfiction for this very reason (as I am sure a lot of you have)

If you have read any of my fics than you know they all vary from style, some being angsty and very detailed, to others that are just silly and bouncy. 

Do this. 

Let yourself play around. 

Writing is like music, there are so many things you can do with it. So many things to learn and explore with.  

Try writing in first person, then second, then third. Figure out what narrative you enjoy and thrive with. (for instance, I like all my fanfics to be in third person, but my personal stories are almost always in first person, and I find second person fun to play with when I am bored) 

Playing around like this helps you to figure out what you are good at. Some people are incredible at depicting emotion, while others are so creative with the atmospheric and scenery you feel like you are actually in the story. 
Others are great at dialog and witty come backs, while other’s are very talented at internal thoughts and feelings. 

What are you good at?

Figure it out. 

Write different stories with a goal in mind; what would you like to try playing with in this particular story? Are you good at it? Did you enjoy it? Do you feel you might be able to include more of this in your stories without it causing stress? 

These are all good things to play around with. I’m still doing so, and I have started coming into myself as a writer, and I hope that I will one day completely figure out my own writing style and preference. (though as you grow as a person so will your knowledge and therefore your writing, you are constantly changing)

Be in-depth. 

Give your characters quirks. Give them little habits and things that make them uncomfortable. Try to know your character inside and out, even if you don’t use every detail in the story, knowing them will help you to write them better. 

You may never outright say that your character stims, but mentioning the way they tap their foot, play with their hair, rip up paper into tiny pieces, run their tongue over the roof of their mouth over and over, is still going to give them more character and make your readers like them more. 

And don’t be biased. Let your character have flaws. Perfect characters are not relatable. 
If your gut says they have a bad temper, then let them show their anger. Have them yell and swear at the world, let them punch a wall a break a finger in their dumb rage. 
If your gut is telling you that they wear the same pair of jeans for a week, then let them, talk about how they are starting to stink, talk about how they need to do laundry, but their too lazy, talk about how they make bad life decisions but don’t regret being a slob. 

Let them be human. 

And most of all, JUST SIT DOWN AND DO IT!

Everyone says this and I know it sounds cheesy. 

But this is the most important advice, and in all honesty sometimes the hardest to follow. 

But don’t be afraid to just sit down and write whatever you want. 

Sometimes the thing that you write is going to be horribly awful, not every idea is a winner. 

But it doesn’t matter if you write a 10,000 worded first draft and end up scraping the whole thing, because it just wasn’t what you wanted. Even if you don’t continue on with the idea it is in no way a waste. 

It’s just more practice, just another learning tool. Something that you can take details and bits and pieces of for another story. 

You’re going to make mistakes. You are going to end up hating some of the things you do. But again, that is just exploring and the learning process that we all must go through in order to figure our style out. 

Haters Gonna Hate Part 2

Absolutely PEEING myself. In this video, I admitted to posting under a pseudonym onto a site where quite negative things were being said about me, so I could explain or give more context to a situation. I knew I wouldn’t be taken seriously if I posted as myself so I created a stupid pseudonym based on an old Harry Potter username I once had! Really STUPID thing to do and like I said in the video, i’m a massive twerp and couldn’t be more ashamed and embarrassed of myself for doing so! Lesson learnt. Moved on. 

Well, today, I went back onto that site, (just to have a look, my posting days are LONG gone!) after a couple months of not having even thought about the site …and everyone’s up in arms and CONVINCED that I’ve been posting under several different pseudonyms since then…NONE of which are me and i’m in hysterics! It kind of just proves how badly someone can think of you…for NO reason or reasons they’ve created for themselves that aren’t factual. It kind of made all the hateful, unconstructive things they’ve said in the past lose all credibility in my mind and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders!

I always make sure that when I make a mistake, I don’t make it twice. The whole point of making mistakes is to learn from them so you don’t repeat them and I can be an idiot but I’m definitely not stupid enough to keep posting on a site where the atmosphere is hugely hostile and continues to make me severely unhappy! So, for anyone reading this who is squabbling on that site about who’s me and who isn’t, you kept trying to remind me that “Not everyone is going to like me” which I know only too well. But you guys need to remember that not everyone is going to share your opinion and hate/spurt negativity about me all the time either! I’m not a monster. I’m a person with good and bad in me so sure whilst some may dislike me for mistakes I’ve made which is totally valid, others will like me for the good I’ve done too…which you need to realise is also valid! So, just because someone’s said something vauguely nice about me…doesn’t mean it’s me

But thanks for the giggle! I needed that! 

xxx