posting drafts~

me: *hits a stand still in writing inspiration for story I’m writing*

me to me: … write a new one.

me: but this is like the thirtieth new one.

me to me: I bet you won’t start a new fanfic about this outrageous plot you know that’ll get you more reads than this one.

fuck, like, okay, I’m just gonna be real for a second, I’ve been thinking about cockles so much for the past day after so long going without really thinking about them, and I’ve been leaning heavily if not entirely on the idea of Jensen and Misha having mutual crushes but probably never having acted on it or if they have, having totally repressed it.

but then the clothes sharing comes and smacks me in the face again, and i don’t think I’ve ever looked at it from the perspective of their just being friends with giant crushes on each other, and i have no revelation or great insight here other than to point out how fuckin painful and beautiful and confusing that truly is. Jensen is pretty obviously in love with Misha. I’m headcanoning that he’s majorly repressed that to the point that he doesn’t worry about it anymore. But this boy is in love with Misha and what does he do, he gives Misha his shirt. Twice. I have so many questions about how and why this occurred, but mostly I’m just impressed that this softie had the wherewithal (or just the repression i guess) to witness someone he wants but can’t have in his shirt. I mean i guess if that’s all he can have, he’ll savor it, but it’s just heartbreaking to me.

And that’s not even looking at the Misha side of it, of his wearing Jensen’s shirt when he’s away from him. He has to know what something like that must mean to someone like jensen, but he wears that polo like it’s his favorite shirt.

And also just how and why. Like the circumstances for how Jensen would go about giving his shirt to his friend are eluding me completely if I’m honest, other than his just being a real soft boy.

i’m gonna take a minute to be that angry rude gay all the cishet fanfic writers hate and just come right out and say this – the majority of your portrayals of homophobia are disgusting and disrespectful. a homophobic family/job/school/etc is NOT a plot device to get two sexy gay men to have sexy gay sex, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to have one character baby another and take care of them uwuuu or whatever you freaks get off on. homophobia (especially internalized homophobia) shouldn’t be leading to sex in your stories, and if you’re using it as a way to make two character hook up and everything is perfect and wonderful once they fuck, you need to take a step back and actually figure out what homophobia is.