postgrad adventures 123

hey guys i just sent 2 requests for letters of rec and THAT IS A bIG DEAL BC I FINALLY DID THE THING

i still need to send at least one more (or think of more if one of the two i already asked can’t do it?? i hope i dont have to tho bc these two i worked the most with) but i need to think a bit more on that

“Although this is an unpaid internship that does not lead to permanent employment, [… something about experience etc etc]”

-viscerally angry with whoever invented (unpaid) internships and the fact that it is allowed-

how do you put ‘i am in my early 20s and therefore grew up with computers and the internet so i am able to adapt to learning how to use a new system or program even if i dont have previous experience with it because i am not old and i can do more than make a pie graph on microsoft excel’ in a resume

this is where i’m at now -

  • applied to two jobs
  • that breaks the applying-to-things ice so now i feel less blugugug about applying to other things
  • thinking about registering for a first aid/CPR/AED thing so i can get certified bc i figure working in health, that that would be a good thing to have (i couldn’t apply to one thing cuz you needed to be first aid and cpr certified and mine expired way back sometime in high school lol.. aed just cuz most first aid/cpr things also seem to come with aed and it can’t hurt)
  • feeling better than the day before yesterday

On a positive note -

I’ve drafted my email to the SDSU MSW person the admissions brochure thing says to direct questions to. I’ll read it over and send it after I shower. So I’ll be one step closer to figuring out stuff. :)

In any case, I should probably make an account for SOPHAS and start that universal app for MPH.

things i wanna do

  • get into grad school or get a solid job and eventually go to grad school
  • MAKe thINGS omfg i just wanna make things like crafty thigns i have materials now actually i just need to make things -cries-
  • make $$$ or get into school somewhere not here or both –> have my own place (loosely defined - can still live with roommates) omfg
  • get my life together tbh, basically
  • define my personal problems and work on them lol… these character flaws rly need some work

new attitude: just submit things bc the worst that can happen is that they either don’t respond (=you’re not getting it) or they respond saying “sorry, [some version of saying that you’re no longer being considered for this position]” in which case you’ll never have to interact w them again

and you’ll only ever have to further interact with them/actually talk to people if they think you’re good enough to move onto the interview stage, at which point you can accept that they must like you somewhat, so it will be easier

IT CAN ONLY BE GOOD

-MOTIVATES SELF-

-KEEPS POLISHING RESUME-

-GETS READY TO SUBMIT SOME JOB APPS-

one more whiny post with a little more substance, this is the last one and i’ll sleep i promise

like i’ve thought so many times something along the lines of “no one’s telling me what to do.” and i KNOW part of adulthood is facing the challenge of figuring things out and how to get things done and all that. i get that, but please, everyone needs help and guidance.. but i have no idea where to get it? the stuff i want to do for grad school or like any of the jobs i’d like to try to get into - that’s not stuff my parents have any experience with or know about and i feel like none of my friends know stuff either (problems of most of the friends you actually talk to being your own age, instead of older, i guess) for this stuff specifically and i have one friend who is kind of doing the same thing (but her background is much different than mine, so she has more public health experience) and i never really built any relationships with my professors at all (except the one who did the honors seminar/mentored me on my thesis) and “all i have” is a ba in sociology (which i know is SOMETHING and i know its a representation of my HARD WORK etc but I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO GO ANYWHERE). I know I have my invovlement in the free health clinic and my strong desire to stick with this general field that will keep me going and keep me trying and my like, idk, conviction? desire? want? to help people but like. idk how to MAKE that into something that is “useful” or that can actually help anyone or how to get myself into a position where i can at least get some job other than this retail one which i really need to switch out for another or at least get another part time job to go with it

i should get a new job

that’s what i should dedicated my ‘doing something’ time to now, i guess. now i can really concentrate on that since my cc classes are done

big sigh life is hard etc

well positive - now that i finished all my classes, i have 12 early education units which is good enough for some jobs involving working with children so at least i can apply to those jobs too

seems i’m doing that grad school thing for real now almost ??? UCs are out of question now bc i waited so long and such a short time frame isn’t good to ask profs for letters of rec, even if i was able to hammer out a good personal statement in that time lol.

but as of now I’m planning on applying to a few CSUs for MPH (SDSU specifically for the concurrent MPH/MSW program) and to Boston University for MSW (they have a MPH/MSW dual degree program where you start in one school and then apply to the other & they recommend you do the MSW part first)

everything frustrates me and i want to live on my own

i don’t even want to go to grad school anymore

unfortunate

i need to start seriously job searching again and applying to things, i guess i’ll keep it within the county for now since i’m still not 100% sure what i’m doing, if things change, i’ll widen the search

had my ‘teaching in a diverse society’ class tonight and i think it’s gonna go well. the professor seems cool and my classmates seem overall nice and they mostly say things that actually contribute to the discussions so that’ll make class fun at least

i needa go get a tb test soon

ugh I’ve thought so much about whether or not i should try for doing early education units so i can work with kids as one potential starting job option and like idk! bc part of me wants to focus on trying to get this public health thing happening soMEHOW. but also a lot of jobs i’m looking at (when i search for “health”, I mean) actually also includes stuff that has to do with having units/certification/etc for working with kids. and i dont know what im doing with my life lol

If I could get a job that I like that is like what would be a Real Job to me (as in, in the field i actually want to be in, like.. public health.. or some health-related nonprofit or something) and pays enough money for at least me to live on on my own (as in, just paying my own rent + other living expenses. it could just be renting a room/sharing an apartment). Like something that would legitimate not having to go to grad school/not needing to apply to grad school. That would be amazing. I know I wrote one thought out in three terrible fragments but whatever. I don’t know what to do and I’m so mad that there’s no one who can give me Real Advice and I just wanna be a brat about the fact that there is no one who can but apparently I’m too much of an adult to let myself do that right now.