posted pic of the shirt before but heres a better one

Just wanted to post some more photos from the marriage equality rally in Melbourne yesterday, and take the chance to tell a couple of stories because there was so much love in my city and I’m so proud of everyone. Long post, sorry, but there’s a bit to cover - ye be warned.

I spotted this cute couple as I walked out of Melbourne Central (a shopping centre and train station all mashed together) and told them they looked fab. Spotted them again and asked for a photo - they were very happy to oblige when all of a sudden the ABC came up asking for an interview, and I took this pic. They were beautiful people.

I’d seen this guy post in the Facebook event just before I left home, and suddenly found myself standing right next to him! We had a quick chat about how many people had arrived and then waxed about how AMAZE it would be if Lady Gaga parachuted in to the masses. Really funny guy and I’m glad to have met him. I swear I’m so much more personable at these things. 

I do love a simple home-made sign. I don’t have a story about this guy, sorry. Actually from here on in it’s all random stories of the day, assume the pics are unrelated.

The Greens senator Janet Rice got her rainbow family on stage while she was talking. Her wife is the Nobel Prize winning climatologist Penny Whetton, and she just happens to be trans. Senator Rice mentioned that in order for a married person to transition they must first divorce their partner. This information drew an audible gasp - fifteen thousand people had just heard this information for the first time and were disgusted.

A timely reminder that marriage equality doesn’t just effect the L and the G.

I spent my time during the speeches standing with the Greens, who I vote for (in the Senate at least) and who gave me a free shirt, so I felt obliged. They’ve been in this fight ever since former prime minister John Howard changed the marriage act - without the need for a plebiscite or survey - so I felt very comfortable chilling with them. I was about to take a photo for them when an organiser came up and announced that Senator Rice was about to do a press conference. They wanted representation in the shot, and as I was standing there and very obviously trans they asked if I wanted to be involved. I’m not a member yet, though, and declined. Besides, I am way too shy for that shit.

There were these two young girls - actually, side note, its amazing how many kids were not only there but openly passionate about the topic of the day - but these two girls couldn’t have been more than seven or eight, and they were leading a cheer as we marched:

One, two, three, four: equality is what we’re for!
Five, six, seven, eight: rainbow families are so great!

They were incredible, and you better believe that people were chanting along with them, these two young cheerleaders who were so full of life and love. 

When the speeches started, the organisers said there were, as I said, about 15,000 people in attendance. Trams were not able to travel on Swanston Street, because people were covering the tram tracks. The lawn and steps leading to the State LIbrary was covered in people, myself included. People stretched down the street and crowded nearby balconies and you couldn’t get out of Melbourne Central on the Swanston St side like, at all.

When we marched, we picked up a lot more people. And I noticed at one point that we covered three entire streets - Latrobe, Elizabeth and Burke - and that doesn’t include the people that had decided to wait on Swanston. By the time everyone got back to the State Library we numbered twenty thousand.

Twenty thousand beautiful, loving, amazing people. It was incredible.

Finally, just a pic of my free shit (and also the free ribbon I received). I had a great time at the rally. More importantly, I’m galvanised. I haven’t campaigned for a political cause since Howard tried to implement an industrial relations bill called WorkChoices, which cost him the 2007 election. I was kinda active then.

Nothing can stop me now.

I’ve signed up to drop leaflets in my neighbourhood. I’m going to as many rallies as I can. I’m going to try and get involved in planning sessions for further action. I’m going to fight for this.

But it’s supremely shitty that Australia even finds itself in this situation.

Back in 2004, as I mentioned, John Howard made changes to the Marriage Act so that the legal definition was exclusively between a man and a woman. This change happened in parliament. Politicians on both sides did not feel the need to formally consult the people before voting unanimously for the change.

In desperation a few years ago (because we queers had gotten very, very loud), then prime minister Tony Abbott (he of the many memes) proposed that if queer people really wanted to get married then they could vote for the right to do so, in a plebiscite. In Australia, if you want to change the Constitution then you hold a referendum, and the result of that is binding on parliament. Marriage, however, is not part of our constitution - furthermore, a plebiscite result does not bind the members of parliament to vote in accordance with the will of the people. It was a delaying tactic, nothing more.

A couple of months ago Minister for Immigration and Horrible Shitty Human Being Peter Dutton proposed a new idea if the plebiscite-enabling legislation was blocked once again by the Senate: a postal survey.

It is, again, non-binding. It’s not compulsory, unlike regular voting. And a survey doesn’t require legislation to acquire the funding. This idea really excited the badly-named Liberals. The expectation was that the No voters, overwhelmingly those who are over 50, would vote in droves while those who would be more inclined to vote Yes would fight each other over ideas of boycotting and have no time to persuade the most powerful group - young people between 18-24 who support marriage equality at a factor of 81% - to post their ballot forms.

That makes the twenty-thousand strong crowd at yesterday’s rally truly astounding. We’re not fighting about boycotts - those that have suggested it have been mostly convinced otherwise. We have all the time in the world to convince young people to vote and in fact the electoral roll has swelled with close to one hundred thousand new enrolments. In a small country like Australia (pop. 24 million) that’s a lot of new potential Yes votes.And queer Melbournians have never felt so much love before, we’re all a bit awed.

We could do with a little help though, especially from those of you who live in a country where marriage equality exists. We don’t need much. We just need you to tell stories. Talk about that big gay wedding you went to last week. Mention how your friends just got engaged and how you’re thrilled for them. Above all, share stories about how the world didn’t end, that people didn’t marry bridges, and that the only thing that really changed was that there is more love being openly celebrated. 

We know that 70% of the country supports marriage equality. We also know that 1 in 5 of those people aren’t sure if they’re going to vote. So a little bit of convincing from internetionals will go a long, long way.

That’s all from me. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I love you all.

And remember: superheroes vote yes!

anonymous asked:

I'm newer to the fandom so maybe I just haven't seen it yet, but I haven't really thought of Harry as a big drinker? I thought that was mostly Louis and his friends.

LISTEN you are missing out, my friend. harry is the sloppiest drunk and it’s beautiful but it’s been suppressed lately because they’ve been pushing the louis! lads! clubbing! stuff for a couple months. but harry! gets! so! sloppy!!

(it’s my head canon that he’s an incredible lightweight but what do i know maybe he drinks like a fish)

here’s a roughly chronological (based on hairstyle) post of the sloppiest pop star of all time THIS IS SO LONG BYE

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Dance Like We’re Making Love (NSFW 18+)

I’m 100% blaming @minhosmeanhoe and @sarcasticallystilinski for this. Together, although unknowingly, the polluted my mind with dirty Dylan thoughts that forced me to write this in like an hour and a half. It’s sickeningly short, but it’s to the point. Also, I want to thank both of these lovely ladies for always being there to fill my mind with fantastic ideas. This did come about because of the new pics of Dylan that have recently surfaced. You can see them here. The song that goes along with this fic is “Dance Like We’re Making Love” by Ciara. Posting twice in one day is a rarity for me but I had to. i’ve also used this gif wayyyy too many times.


Word Count: 1554

Originally posted by hothothotgg

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Today our HUGE Amiami box came and it’s two months of backed up YOI stuff (plus stuff from other series but this post is focusing on just YOI), so here is an absolutely massive loot post. I  think this literally almost doubled our YOI collection.

First off is the Chara-Forme Yuri on Ice Acrylic Strap Collection Vol.3 by Empty! These are all Kiss and Cry themed and in my opinion this is one of the cutest sets they’ve released. Look even Georgi is adorable lol. 

This is the Yuri!!! on Ice Rubber Strap Collection Pair by Movic. There’s actually one non-pair in there as you can see lol. Yes they did remember the ring on the Victuuri one, by the way. Recent merch has been getting better about this, thankfully. I really like this set a lot (especially the bottom two. IDEAL). The only thing I’m not a fan of is how the ‘transparent strap’ style of them washes out the color in their faces a bit so you can’t see their blushes from the original art! 

The  Chara-Forme Yuri on Ice Acrylic Strap Collection Vol.2 by Empty! These are all based on the ED theme. The Yuuri in this set is blessed by angels. I don’t make the rules. It’s just true. 

Yuri!!! on Ice Clear Rubber Strap by Sol International. These are really cute and creative and all the straps have different colored sparkly backgrounds!! The top three are obviously themed to go together (both Yuuri and Victor are singing omg), and Yuuri is talking to a tiny Phichit on the bottom one of him. Also Victor and Yuuri as JOINT HASETSU AMBASSADORS is the best thing I never knew I needed. 

Yuri!!! on Ice Choko Kawa Rubber Strap by Sega. I really like the art in this set. It’s really soft and the thick lines are nice!! Also the skating Yurio has a sweet expression, which is rare but good. 

es Series nino Rubber Strap Collection by Kotobukiya. Chris’s pose is so extra. Haha I don’t have much to say here. They’re cute. 

Yuri!!! on Ice YuraYura Keychain by Bushiroad. For some reason my photos of all of these turned out really poorly, so you get these photos where the ones I’m selling are cut off, which I guess doesn’t really matter. I wonder why they put Yuuri in that promo outfit he never wears in so much stuff. I mean it’s a nice outfit but. Anyway, I ended up really LOVING these. The colors are super bright and the art is adorable!! Also no photos but they’re just as detailed on the back (for example Yurio’s hair is braided in the back on the keychain). 

Yuri!!! on Ice Tojikore Acrylic Keychain Vol.2 by TwinCre. So these are actually keychains, but they came with plastic stands, so you can display them as acrylic stands as well which is the BEST IDEA EVER. I love this so much and I dearly hope more keychain sets do it because it is so clever and handy. @abarero figured out a really, really awesome way to display our excessive amounts of keychains, but even then, this is always going to be better to me than hanging up yet another set of keychains. ANYWAY, every single keychain in this set is a gift; from banquet dancing to katsudon pirozhki to just… all of them. It’s so good. Absolutely one of my top three faves released for the series so far. 

Here’s keychains that came by themselves!

The History Maker Yuuri and the ending theme sparkler Yuuri were ACTUALLY amiami exclusive bonuses that came with the Kiss and Cry keychains and the Ending Theme keychains, but since they packed them separately I forgot to include them in those pictures. Whoops. 

Anyway, the big chibi keychains of Victor, Yuuri, Yurio, JJ, and Otabek are by Avex and they’re chibi versions of the Comiket exclusive release keychains. JJ, Otabek, and Yurio belong to @pantacular. 

Charappuccino Phichit is by Birthday. I actually did have Victor and Yuuri ordered too, but they were a couple of the items that got canceled, and they were out of stock. I actually did manage to find them on another site and have reordered them, but they’re not here yet. This keychain is so precious. 

The Tsumamare Victor and Yuuri are the little keychains hanging by their shirts. They’re by Cospa. They’re so cute and expressive. Especially the Yuuri! 

Bocchi-kun are by ACG and they’re the little tiny pouty keychains. They’re super cute, but I admit I’m a little disappointed by how tiny they are. Though I’m familiar with the line, I’ve never ordered a Bocchi-kun before, so I was unaware of their size. I don’t regret ordering them, and I’d still have gotten them (it’s not like they were pricey), but yeah, small. 

That single Yuuri is a Jelly Charm by ACG. And lastly is the Oshikura Victor by Orange Rouge. This actually came out in January, but I missed ordering it. Victor and Yurio are relatively easy to find, but Yuuri seems to be sold out everywhere, so Victor is having to wait. I did find Yuuri somewhere, but he’s a bit overpriced. It’s not TOO bad though, so I’ll probably go ahead and bite the bullet and get him instead of having to resort to bidding on auctions.  


In front, Love&Life and On Ice Victor and Yuuri cellphone stands from Atelier Magi because they’re great. Behind that, Cospa’s Vkusno! rice bowl. Next to that, Gyugyutto cushion straps of Victor and Yuuri by Bell House (Victor gets katsudon but poor Yuuri doesn’t lol). Behind them, Victor and Yuuri mugs by Gift. And inside the mugs, Victor and Yuuri Nitotan plush by Takara Tomy ARTs (which are super cute and nicely detailed). 

Here’s the inside of the rice bowl:

‘sup from Yuuri

Okay here we go. More non-keychain loot.

The Playful Mind (that’s the brand) collaboration stuff was cute as shit so I picked up some stuff from it. Good stuff, high quality, adorable art. 

There’s two (faux) leather trays, a coin purse, a phone case, and two cord holders. 

Above that is two pass cases of Victor and Yuuri being dapper in suits by A3! There were keychains released by Animega with this art, but they are near IMPOSSIBLE to get, and I’m resigned to the fact that it will never happen, so when I saw these pass cases, I decided to snag them instead. You can use them as keychains, so they essentially serve the same purpose.  

There’s Victor and Yuuri hair clips by Emu, which I’ll actually probably sell because they are big! I thought they’d be little ones judging by the price, but they’re big and I have short hair, so we’ll see about that. Above that is three sets of can badges, all by Movic. Then there’s the super cute 2016-2017 School Calendar, which I’m so pleased stands up on its own. 

Down below is three pens. Two of them are those kitschy ‘floaty’ ones where a figure floats down the pen, in this case it’s Victor and Yuuri ‘skating down’ a rink in the pen. They’re cute. The other one is a really cool, elegant pen themed after Yuuri’s FS outfit. 

Some closer up pics: 


The softe things.

Usually I crop images to just the merchandise but like hell I was going to crop out my cat. Oxford now graces this post with his remarkable presence. 

Makkachin tissue box cover by Avex Pictures. Just as fluffy as all the rumors have foretold. 

Then! The Victor and Yuuri pillowcases by M’s. Extremely soft fabric!! Would recommend for resting head upon. The picture is kind of a bad angle and frankly they BOTH look weird in this photo because of it but… I think, upon seeing it in person, the complaints about Victor’s face are very unwarranted. He actually looks really good and sweet and gentle in person and very much like Victor? The problem is parts of the rest of his body, where the anatomy is wonk (but this is just the pillow, so it’s only shoulders up and you don’t get that). And Yuuri looks great of course.  

ANYWAY, that’s end of this massive post. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I’ll have a sales post up pretty soon.  ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Devil Eyes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary (Request) :(Anon) OMG I saw the Sebastian pic you reblogged, and baaaam an idea popped up haha. Would you write something where Bucky is a mechanic and one time you go there cause your motorcycle broke down and you’ve heard he’s good. So when you get there he’s wearing a muscle Shirt, is all dirty and Looks pretty hot with his metal arm. So after you watch him fix your bike you can’t resist the way he also Looks at you, so it happens that you end up in shower together. Later then he asks you for a proper date? :)

Warnings: Smut. You know the drill. ;)

A/N: I am so sorry to the anon that sent me this weeks ago and it took me FOREVER to write. I’ve been going through some stuff these past few weeks and it was really tough to get focused on my writing. But I promise to all of my followers that I will start posting more often, both reader inserts, and more chapters for Ineffable. I love you guys. <3

This is the photo. 

“So, how long have you been doing this?” You asked, trying not to sound as if you were salivating at the flawless form in front of you trying to fix your motorcycle. His skin was glistening in the strong light he had shining over him, (Or the motorcycle, but no need to get into details) so that he could have proper sight of the structure before him in the dark garage.

           “I don’t know, a couple of months.” He replied, looking up at you for a moment before grabbing for another one of his tools.

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J2 Gold Panel at HousCon17

Now that the panel videos are out (thank you, Crowleys Hellhound @ YouTube!), it’s time to take a look at what happened at the morning panel in Houston.

The general atmosphere of the panel was extremely playful and very relaxed. The J’s were quite openly affectionate - the heart eyes were strong at this convention.

Jensen and Jared show up on stage - but wait, isn’t that some hotter version of Cas? Jensen certainly looks appreciative of the package. (0:57)

Jared feels uncomfortable wearing such small clothes and a fan suggests he’d take them off, so off they go - with style, of course! Jensen provides the stripper music by banging a drum with child-like enthusiasm. (2:43)

Unfortunately the shirt is too small as well…


Here comes the mandatory naughty joke! The J’s are talking about the prison garbs they wore for the episode First Blood. Jared insists on calling them onesies while Jensen calls them coveralls. Jensen thinks babies wear onesies and a baby joke starts. Jared loved the comfy “onesies” and thought he could sleep in them and then Jensen says “It’s two o’clock, time for bottle feeding!” (5:30)

Now, let me explain this a bit. Here’s what Urban Dictionary has as the most popular explanation for the term “milk bottle.”

So, uhh, is Jensen talking about feeding Jared with actual milk, or is there something else behind the joke? Seeing how the J’s seem familiar with every dirty word in the English language and Jared’s reaction to this joke, I’m fairly confident that this was a naughty joke indeed.

This makes me think of all sorts of things and I can tell you that none of them are G-rated.

A fan says she’s gotten her 72-year-old grandmother into Supernatural (and continues with something I can’t distinguish) Jensen asks her “Has she seen this?” (10:30) and continues straight into heart-eyes mode, shaking his head fondly. Pay attention to Jared’s face on the screen behind them! They look at each other with such love.

Jensen is asked about the difference between filming Smallville and Supernatural. Jensen says “The lead (Tom Welling) was bigger and way better looking” to which Jared responds “Don’t be so mean to yourself.. you’re big!” (13:11)

They both seem a little embarrassed by the joke and I might never forget this moment.

I thought this moment deserved its own video clip. Jensen is still talking about Smallville here and says that he (his character) had a really hot girlfriend on that show while in Supernatural he’s stuck with “this hot chick.” (15:19) Notice how he repeats it for what I can only assume is for added effect. Jared doesn’t seem to mind it at all, but waves happily at the audience.

I can only say that the reaction of the audience is disappointing. Had I been there, this would have been the moment where I’d have let out an inhuman screech. The audience squals a little at first and laughs at the repeat. Fandom, I am disappointed in you.

Other great moments from the panel:

  • A fan asks if they get overhelmed at times at 15:34 marker and both of the men give heartfelt responses (gifs)
  • A fan asks if Dean would take advantage of a drunk Sam and… cut his hair. 21:57 (gifs)
  • Jared calls Jensen “Jen” at 30:05 marker (gif)
  • Jared declaring he isn’t wearing any underwear at the very end of the video before quickly making this exit (pic)

I sensed a very clear theme in this panel and that was mutual appreciation. We got to witness an insane amount of heart-eyes moments here - even to the extent where I stopped writing down the markers for those. They were so abundant. Jensen called Jared hot twice, Jared showed appreciation of Jensen’s size… There was a possible blowjob joke? This loveydovey panel came out of nowhere - I had expected to see G in Houston along with some on-stage bearding, but I was surprised in a very nice way.

This panel is definitely be one of my favourite ones in the history of SPN conventions, if not the absolute number one.

PS: Main panel post here.

Bagels and Blondes

Read on AO3!

Bellamy almost wasn’t able to stifle his groan when someone walked into the shop at 5 AM. They were technically open, but very few people actually need bagels before 7, so those first two hours were Bellamy’s time to slowly wake up to the day.

But this little blonde woman just had to ruin it.

She grinned widely at him when she walked in and said a chipper “Good morning!” before looking through the glass at the bagel selection.

She’s the most annoyingly morning-person I’ve ever met, Bellamy thought to himself.

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hobile  asked:

mom i love u and i just read ur jungkook overwatch au??? im dying??? if u could, can u please do the same thing with hoseok? :)

sure ^^ find pro player!jungkook (here

  • mains tracer for most competitive games so he’s considered dps
  • technically when he streams he loVES to play lucio because the character just vibes with him so much,,,,,like when he gets to say LETS BREAK IT DOWN he always gets sO giddy 
  • but also just loves tracer too and as a gift for the fans he wore her jacket and goggles to a fansign event (everyone also wanted to see him in the tight legging but manager namjoon made sure that didn’t happen. bummer.)
  • “cheers love, hoseok is here~ ;)”
  • talks so much in the booth but the team really likes it because he keeps the energy high even if they lose maps like hoseok gets up and dances around the booth and gets yoongi to laugh and taehyung to relax like,,,,he’s the teams spirit tbh
  • but also their downfall. uses their twitter to post embarrassing pics of them sleeping on the plane and stuff
  • you’re actually one of the commentators for a season long competition and so ,,, you and hoseok see a lot of each other
  • and it’s not like you mean to catch each others eye or anything,,,,you know him of course because of his fame but,,,,,,,
  • somehow there seems to be some kind of mutual interest
  • and when the first couple of rounds are over,,,,the commentators get to invite a player up to talk about the victory and ofc the team sends hoseok because who better to talk about their win 
  • and as you’re getting ready,,,,,hoseok mumbles that he’s having trouble with the mic so you go over and help him
  • but you have to fasten it onto the collar of his shirt so you’re quite close and you can basically feel hoseok’s breathing
  • and when you finally clip the mic on you hear him whisper “even prettier up close~” and you blush because,,,,w,,what??? is he talking about you
  • and hoseok catches the tint of red on your skin and he shoots you a grin
  • and as you sit down to start the interview with the other caster you can’t help but keep seeing how hoseok never directly looks at them
  • but keeps nodding and smiling at you
  • and one of the questions is ‘say something to your fans’ and hoseok is like hmmm ok 
  • and he makes finger guns and points it at your heart and goes “he shoots,,,,,he scores~” which is a line of tracers as well
  • and the other caster cracks a joke about how it should have been for the fans and not you and hoseok is like “they’re my fan too, right?”
  • and you’re so embarrassed that you can only nod,,,,using a hand to cover a bit of your face
  • and with the interview over hoseok stands up and makes his way to you and he’s like “i think i need help with my mic again?” and you know he’s lying 
  • but you help him anyway and hoseok before you drop your hands from the mic takes them in his and is like 
  • “did my fanservice work on you?” and you’re like,,,,,,,,,,what if it did? and he’s like wELL then that means i can take you out to dinner after the next round?
  • you pretend to think about it but all hoseok has to do is wink and you’re melted so you’re like ok,,,,,,but wear the tracer jacket
  • and hoseok is like oh? really? and ur like no no hehe but you did look cute
  • and for the first time mister suave jung hoseok is the one blushing hehe

anonymous asked:

"Don't call me jealous he is trying to flirt with you"

“Don’t call me jealous he is trying to flirt with you” I love this one so much!!! Hope you like it!!!

He’s all sweaty,his curls fall on his forehead,but the glow he have on his eyes is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life. You keep looking him at a distance,admiring his profile,the shape of his nose,the way that he blinks when laughing and how he loves to speak with his hands. His eye meet yours and he smile at you,finishing the conversation with the guys and coming to you. You don’t move your eyes from him,from the way he walks,the way he keep smiling.
“I don’t recall you ever this quite after some show.” He says and take your hands with his,intertwining your fingers from both hands into his. “Everything all right?”
“Everything is all right,I’m just admiring you from distance.”
“People say I’m prettier from distance.” He gives you the shoulders making you laugh.
“I don’t know who are them,but I strongly disagree with them! You are much better from where I’m standing.” You lean closer,glueing your chest on his and looking up.
“Them you shouldn’t be that far away like you were.” He slips one of his hand on your waist and the other he places on your face,leaning towards you and kissing you.
“Hey love birds,are we going out or not?” You stop kissing him and he puts his forehead on your,slightly kissing your nose and looking up as you chuckle.
“We meet you at the car Andrew!” The whole group leaves laughing and as soon as the door closes,he kiss you once more. You just realize things are getting more intimacy when his hands slide under your shirt and tries to pull it out.
“Don’t we need to meet them in the car?” You whisper and you can see Shawn taking a deep breath with his eyes closed.
“We do need! One more?” He don’t wait for your answer,just put his lips on yours.
“We really need to go babe!”
“Fine,but you’re the one saying that,not me.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s Andrew,Geoff and Josh. Your phone don’t stop buzzing since they left the room.”
“They know how to kill the mood! Come on,let’s go to the car!” He holds your hand and take his phone from the table,open the door and close again.
“What did you think about today’s show?” He asks looking at you for a second,but then looking back at the phone,answering the guys.
“You were amazing as always. You know who much I love watching you on stage.” He don’t answer,but you can see from the size of his smile,that he loved your answer. He takes your hand to his mouth and kiss your hand and fingers.


At the restaurant,conversation flows naturally and you can’t stop laughing. You knew how much Shawn loves his crews,and after meeting them,you could see why.
“Ok,wait a minute,Y/N,don’t look now,but that guy on the next table can’t stop staring at you!” Geoff says laughing at Shawn’s serious face and you slowly look at your side,seeing who is the guy staring at you.
“He’s probably just looking at Shawn thinking that he might know who Shawn is,but he’s to afraid to ask.” You say looking back at Geoff.
“He really seems to be looking at you Y/n!” Shawn looks once more to the guy,looking uncomfortable.
“Like I care Shawn. Let he look at me,I’m with you.” Shawn gives you a small smile and kiss you temple.
“Okay,wait,we need to take a photo this time!” You take Shawn’s phone from the table and open the camera.“Here Josh,take one please!” You hand his phone to Josh,who adjust the camera to fit everyone and take the photo,handing back to you. “You post or I post?” You ask him looking at the pic.
“You can post this one!”
“Thank you!” You kiss his cheek and unlock his phone,getting into your Instagram and posting it.

After everyone eating,a few leave,but you,Shawn and the guys stayed a little bit more for a few more drinks before getting to the hotel room.
“One more beer and we can go,deal?” Shawn looks at you,as if answering if it was ok,and you just nod.
The waitress hand everyone the new glass of beer,but for Shawn,she hand two glasses.
“I’m,sorry,but I just ordered one!” Shawn tries to hand back to the waitress.
“The other one was payed by an anonymous admire.” Shawn looks at you,who are more confusing then him. All the guys are laughing so hard as you both look around,and suddenly,you realize and start laughing.
“What the fuck is happening? Why are all you guys laughing at?” You can see that he’s a little mad,for not knowing what’s going on.
“Don’t call me jealous babe,but I think he is trying to flirt with you!” You keep laughing and point your head to the guy on the next table.
“THAT’S what I call a plot twist!!” Josh says making you laugh even harder and Shawn blushes 10 times more than usual.


A/N: Finally posted this! Please take note that fics will be posted late due to laptop difficulties. -Admin Uni

Warnings: Smut, 18+ content

“Naaaammjoooonieeeeee” You called out, seeking attention from your busy boyfriend. “Naaaaaamjoooonieeeeeeeee” You repeated, allowing yourself to stress the vowels in his name and let the slight irritation voice itself.

Yet again, his attention was focused on his laptop and listening to whatever he was listening to. You were beginning to become more irked, you haven’t seen him face to face for five million years and he was always sending his horny ass texts like “Baabyyy I misss youuu” or “You don’t know the dirty things I’m going to do to you once I get back” or your favorite: a dick pic followed by “Can’t you come over and suck me off?”. Goddammit Namjoon, if you really meant it you’d be fucking me into next month by now. You were starting to feel slightly neglected, a little offended that he’s putting all this work in front of you. You were sure that if you collapsed and died, he

wouldn’t notice the thud your body would make and continue working.You were needy, after eternity without any physical affection he’s here and ignoring you for work? You were having none of that bullshit.

Suddenly, an idea popped in your head. You raced upstairs and shut the door to your shared room when he was even there. You peeled off your cozy sweats and replaced them with something much more appealing. You had recently decided that you were going to spoil yourself, and that led to buying piles upon piles of lingerie. You were pretty sure that you’d be broke if you didn’t have Namjoon. But he wasn’t there to control you, and that was more reasons that he should pay more attention to you. You slid the panties and garter on with ease, and clipped the intricate matching bra as well. You pulled the stockings on and clipped them to the garter and glimpsed at your reflection. Namjoon better like what he sees or you were going to scream, those screams not being of pleasure. You took off the ponytail and watched your hair cascade and fall down to its length. You finally did your makeup in a sultry way, not holding back.

You sauntered down the stairs, proud of your work. There was Namjoon, still furiously working. So devoted to his work, if only he could devote that much attention to you. You smirked lightly and came close to his face.

“Namjoonie..” You stated his name seductively, making sure you came off more appealing than normal.

Namjoon finally looked up from his damned work and took a glance at you. He finally set his laptop aside and took out his earbuds to take in the sight in front of him.

You slithered onto his lap and began rocking your hips in a steady rhythm. Namjoon rested his hands on your ass, looking up expectantly at you. You simply bit your lip and began to trail your hands along his torso, chest and his delicious collarbone.

“Baby..what are you doing? You know that daddy’s busy” Namjoon replied darkly.

You let out no response and just hummed and lifted the hem of his shirt and slid the useless piece of clothing off. You proceeded to kiss along his jawline and suck on the flesh of his neck, marking him as yours. Your actions came to an abrupt end when you sensed yourself being picked up off his lap and carried into the bedroom. You yelped in a high pitched voice as you were effortlessly tossed onto the soft sheets of the bed.

“Baby, what did I tell you about bothering daddy when he’s working” He questioned with authority.

“To not to..but daddy. I need you. Please?” You responded innocently.

“But you broke a rule, babygirl. You need to be punished. You know better than that. Now. On my lap” He commanded, taking a seat and gesturing to his lap.

You huffed and bent over his lap, wiggling your ass to a small extent to tease him a bit. Namjoon simply rubbed your ass gingerly before placing a harsh slap on your cheek. He kept repeating the motion of rubbing the area lightly before spanking you, alternating between the paddle and his hands. You squirmed, and kicked out your legs as a reaction to the stinging sensation. Namjoon chuckled quietly at your action before sitting you up on his lap again.

“Now, are you going to behave like a good little girl or is daddy going to have to discipline you more?”

“Hmmm…no. I like being punished by you, daddy.”

Namjoon growled and flung you onto your back. In one swift motion, your bra was being ripped off of you. The next thing you knew, you were being fastened to the headboard with the ribbons. You pouted as the silk tie went from his hands, and made its way to cover your eyes. Namjoon peeled off the laced garter and panties, leaving you bare and vulnerable to his lustful wishes.

You heard footsteps venture into the closet, with several objects being placed onto the nightstand beside you.

“Such a dirty like being punished, don’t you, you little slut?”

He was only met with silence as he began to ruthlessly attack your neck with harsh bites and suckles that were going to leave a noticeable purple color the next day. You tilted your head back, enjoying the sensation of his mouth, and the overall dominance beginning to present itself. His glorious mouth started to leave a line, lingering on the attacked place before trailing down to your breasts. You started to breathe heavily as he took one into his mouth and kneaded one roughly with his large hand. You bit back your moans while he toyed around with the rosy buds, biting and sucking on one, while the other was being pinched and rolled between his fingers.

“N-Namjoon” You breathlessly said between pants.

Again, your reactions were met with a deep yet quiet laugh and simply proceeded to trail his hands and mouth down your navel to your soaking core. You were positive that your wetness was slowly dripping down your thigh and onto the bed beneath you, ruining the sheets.

“Oh? What’s this? The only thing I did was tongue your tits for a few minutes and you’re already this wet?”

“Sh-shut up and just pleasure me already, daddy!”

“I don’t think’re still being punished, remember princess?”

You let out an exasperated groan and lifted your hips, hoping he’d finally just let you release by now. Instead, Namjoon just rubbed your clit, while teasing your slit. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he began to suck on your swollen clit while pushing a digit inside of you. He picked up the pace and begun to suck harder before going at an agonizing rate again. You knew exactly what this fucker was doing with you, and he sure as hell knew that you didn’t like one little bit. You cried out as small vibrations began to pulsate through your body, Namjoon knew you were close. And he decided to toy with it, switching on your vibrator to the lowest setting and thrusting it into you. You began to moan uncontrollably, out of the pleasure coursing through your veins and the vibrator oh so teasingly bringing you to your release but not quite.

“Babygirl..I can tell that your close. But don’t cum yet, or you’ll only get punished more.” Namjoon dangerously warned.

You had enough of this merciless teasing, you ignored his caution and climaxed, releasing onto the vibrator.

“Baby, what did I tell you about cumming? You’re really going to get it now.”

You smirked, not knowing what was going to come next but still smirked out of anticipation. You cried out in surprise though, as the riding crop was being brought down onto the sensitive bundle of nerves on your thigh. You then felt the tail of the whip crackle onto the valley between your breasts. Namjoon knew you were sensitive there and only decided to toy with you even more. Unawaringly, the vibrator was turned onto a higher setting, being thrusted at a quicker pace.

“You wanted to cum this badly? Go ahead, sweetheart. See what it’ll get you into” Namjoon teased, amusing himself from your visible frustration.

You felt a sucking pressure being applied to your clit once again as the vibrator was taken out and replaced by two long and slender fingers. You didn’t even know how many times you came by now, the only thing you knew was that you needed him inside you. You released one more time, before the fingers and tongue were taken away from your aching core.

“Hmm..are you ready for daddy now? Are you ready for your pretty little core to take all of daddy’s cock and finally let me fuck you? Answer me, babygirl.” Namjoon commanded, pulling your head close to his.

“Fuck, daddy. I don’t give a shit anymore, just please fuck me already! You’ve teased me for too fucking long, I need your cock so fucking badly!” You irritatedly exclaimed.

“Fine. But first..” The silken tie and the ribbons fell away and you were being forced onto your knees. Your head was being pushed down to Namjoon’s pulsating member. You reluctantly took all of him into your mouth, and eventually throat. You didn’t get why he didn’t have you ride him, but you obliged, willing to do as he wished for you to do. You bobbed your head in a slow pace, hollowing your cheeks. Namjoon began groaning and thrusting into your throat, fucking your mouth. He then quickly pulled out from your throat and tossed you back onto the bed. The mattress shifted underneath his weight, as he climbed on top of you.

“I think you’re ready for daddy’s cock. Are you now, babygirl? Are you ready to melt under daddy’s voice as he pleasures you, finally letting you cum all over his cock? Is that what my dirty little babygirl wants?”

“Daddy please..stop teasing and fuck me.”

You got into his favorite position, onto your stomach with your ass up. You yelped and cried out as without warning, Namjoon slammed into you. He began to pound into you with so much force, that you had to grip the sheets until your knuckles turned white to keep from flying forward. Your moaning was uncontrollable now, the sensory overload and the pleasure was too much for you to take. You could have sworn you were seeing stars, you were on cloud nine now. Namjoon’s filthy words were only helping you to achieve your heavenly climax, you were going to release sooner than you thought. Your words were turned to unintelligible vowels, moans turned to screams. The only word that could be made out was “Namjoon”. You then tightened around Namjoon, screamed out that dirty name of his, and released all over his aching member. Namjoon soon climaxed after you, with several grunts and an elongated groan.

The both of you collapsed onto the bed after your mind blowing orgasm and looked lovingly into each other’s eyes.

“Hey babe? I’m sorry for ignoring you. But..I was writing a song for you. I wanted it to be the best, but I didn’t realise that I was neglecting you.” Nams sheepishly scratched his neck, smiling dorkishly, those damn cute dimples appearing.

“Just don’t do it again. Unless you want me to do what I just did again.” You replied, masking your flattery and excitement.

“Babe, if I’m going to get you into that lingerie and you grinding all over my lap, I’m sure as hell going to do it again”

You rolled your eyes and smacked his arm, proceeding to fall asleep cradled snugly into his arms.

bad first dates | kim jaehwan

(image credit)

sungwoon | jaehwan | minhyun

  • one day you get a message saying you’ve won an all-day express pass to an amusement park and at first you think it’s a scam
  • but your friends assure you that it’s real 
  • you’re the only one in your friend group not dating or in a relationship and they signed you up for a singles raffle 
  • so it’s also???? a date???
  • but of course you’re going because you’ve never been to an amusement park before plus it’s free
  • when you get to the entrance early in the morning, the amusement park employee greets you with a chirpy smile
  • “please take pictures and post them on social media with the appropriate tags!!!!!!” 
  • you’re looking around and your date is nowhere to be found but right when you’re about to enter, he arrives
  • he looks a bit like a cute goat, his ears sticking out from the side of his head
  • you’re already judging his bright-printed-shirt-and-checkered-long-sleeved-polo look a lil bit
  • you introduce yourself politely enough, and when it’s his turn it’s like a switch has turned on
  • “kim jaehwan, but you can call me vi-sho bc i’m a visual shock”
  • “but really, call me jaehwan”
  • “or you can call me ‘the most good-looking and talented boy you could have gone here with'” 
  • and you roll your eyes
  • loRDT this is gonna be a long day
  • you snap a pic at the entrance and post it to your twitter with the hashtag to get the employee off your back
  • (you also send it to your friends on kkt with the message “i hate u all”)
  • but he’s game to try everything just like you are, which is exciting??? plus you don’t care what you look like in front of him
  • while you’re walking to the first rollercoaster you’re going to ride, you hear him hum under his breath and think of how you could make today more fun
  • “yah, jaehwan, i dare you to start singing in the middle of that crowd”
  • he’s got one hell of a voice!!!
  • tbh you feel your insides melt a lil
  • but you take a vid and post it dutifully
  • “vi-sho, when you’re famous you’d better thank me” 
  • you get on the rollercoaster and you’re??? a lil scared because it’s your first time
  • when you near the loop you hear jaehwan take a deep breath
  • you were anxious but you’ve completely forgotten about it bc JAEHWAN WTF HAHA
  • after that it’s your turn to do a dumb thing
  • he dares you to go around the carousel ride like you’re seeing everything for the first time
  • and you bring out your best impressions
  • (he likes the pokemon ones the best)
  • when he’s done posting it you line up for the haunted house
  • you’re clutching his hand really tightly and staying really close to him
  • but jaehwan alternates between laughing like a madman and saying the ghosts are cute
  • you dare him to ask the next one out 
  • and he approaches the nurse with a big bite mark on their neck and asks if they’d go out with him
  • the nurse widens their eyes and yells 
  • “NO!!!!!!”
  • and you’re giggling like mad and teasing him about it the rest of the way
  • “god jaehwan even the dead won’t date you"
  • you decide to go to the water ride and just your luck, your side gets splashed
  • he waggles his eyebrows at your wet white shirt but lends you his checkered polo anyway
  • it’s uncomfortable though so you decide to buy a shirt from the souvenir shop to change into
  • jaehwan doesn’t want to be left out so he gets a matching one
  • “now we’re a couple!! you’re cute,” he says without shame
  • and you’re just about to smile when he adds
  • “but i’m the cutest” 
  • the date can’t end without y’all going to the ferris wheel because it’s quintessential!!!
  • and you take a dumb “couple pic” together
  • then take a couple of dramatic shots in the dying light of day
  • “make sure to get my best angle,” jaehwan says, making a face that has you nearly dropping your phone while laughing
  • (you don’t think you’ve laughed more in your life)
  • really though the sunset is beautiful 
  • and after a few moments of looking out at the sky you both get introspective and talk about the future
  • you’re in your last year of university but you still don’t know what you want to do with your life
  • and he’s a struggling artist, working two jobs and training and singing in between
  • you wish each other well and make a pinky promise to keep fighting for your dreams at the top of the ferris wheel
  • and you spend the rest of it leaning your head on his shoulder and looking through the pictures of the day together
  • he brings you home and walks you to your door
  • and you give him a kiss on the cheek before you go 
  • “today was fun”
  • and he looks???? shy???? for the first time today
  • and jaehwan grins before nodding
  • when you wake up the next day you get a message 
  • and it’s an ugly af zoomed-in pic of jaehwan’s face from your lil brother’s buddy woojin
  • “jaehwan wants to talk to u pls kkt him” 
  • and your phone buzzes with a call 
  • it’s jaehwan, of course
  • and at first it’s awkward 
  • but then he starts to sing rly loudly to fill the silence and you laugh
  • you save his contact as ‘visual goat’ and agree to meet up soon
  • you go through your social media bc you didn’t get a chance to do so last night
  • so you didn’t see your twitter thread blow the fuck up 
  • you’re scrolling through the replies and the posts
  • and wtf??? is that a fanfic about you???
My experience at the HVFF

This is going to be a very long post about my experience at the HVFF (sorry for my terrible English).

So, when we arrived, on our left, we saw Milo Ventimiglia and we almost fainted in front of him because we didn’t expect to see him so close to the entrance lol Infact we were shocked when we saw John Barrowman few seconds later on our right too haha

Then my friends and I went immediately to Robin’s stand and when we saw him we all freaked out -damn, he’s so good looking and he seems like 28, not 39 :O- So we stood right next to him (not in the queue) and when he saw us he waved and smiled at us (his smile is so bright and cute, I almost melted).

Then I met Em, Julia (@robinllordtaylor) and Jen (@christopherpaulcolfers) and they’re absolutely adorable ;-; I’m so happy that I’ve finally met them -I love you so much girls!

Then we all went to Robin’s photo-op and when I saw him I asked him if we could hug and he said ‘Of course, sweetie!’ and he smiled again. So I picked up my bags and I showed my hand to my friend -because I was literally shaking- and Dickie (Robin’s husband) saw me and he laughed -lol I was sooo embarrassed!

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Arrow Dodge Challenge

Request: This wasn’t requested.

Pairing: Tyler Scheid x Reader

Summary: You’re filming the ‘Arrow Dodge Challenge’ with the whole crew and things don’t go exactly as planned.

Warnings: Very mild injuries and swearing.

Word count: 779

A/N: I’ve been getting major Tyler feels because of @post-stripper-anon (all her writing is wonderful, even though they’re only headcanons, but that somehow makes me like it even more..? It’s mostly Tyler + nsfw, so if you like either I recommend you check her out; 10/10) and I was watching the arrow dodge challenge and after seeing Ethan being shot with the arrows I came up with this and I literally stopped mid-video to write this. Also, I got 2 ideas for this and I kinda want to do both so I split it into 2 endings whoops. So basically while you read this I’ll be writing the other 2 parts and will upload them as soon as I can.

(You can find the two alternate endings at the bottom of the post)

My Masterlist

Originally posted by everythingtythan

Arrow Dodge Challenge

“Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome to the “Arrow Dodge Challenge”. I’m here with Bob, Wade, Ethan,” Mark said, going down the line of people set out in front of him. “ Tyler, and his lovely girlfriend, who you may or may not know from previous videos, Y/N.”

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The Other Woman

Anon Request: Sebastian and the reader are dating for a few months and he goes to a party alone with his friends and his ex is there and they talk and some papz take pics, reader see and get jealous

Warnings: angst, jealousy, language, fluffy end

A Buzzfeed notification caused (Y/N)’s phone to spasm against the desk, serving as a distraction. She groaned and gently rested her head against the table top and closed her eyes. Unfortunately, since her boss was out of town and the assistant was in charge, her co-workers decided to try and pull the wool over the assistant’s eyes only to have it backfire, requiring the whole office to stay after work to fix the mistakes made by trying to pull a fast one on their temporary boss. Closing time had come and gone and the last time (Y/N) checked the time, the clock was slowly ticking past eleven pm. Hoping the newest Buzzfeed link was to an entertaining quiz or something to take her mind off the exhaustion overcoming her, she opened her phone and clicked the notification.

Stan and Leviana Together Again? We Have the Scoop

At first, the post seemed to be complete lunacy; (Y/N) scoffed at the photo and tried to convince herself that the tabloids are just taking old photos of Sebastian and his ex and reposting them with fake news attached to it. Slowly, the haze of disbelief disappeared and she could see clearly through the haze of sleepy vision and denial that the photo was real.

The more, (Y/N) looked at the photo, the more her rage boiled against her chest. She had only been with Sebastian for a few months but their friendship went back much longer. Margarita pretended to tolerate Sebastian’s friendship with (Y/N) but she never liked the girl. Despite being much younger, not famous, and pretty much a nobody compared to herself, Margarita felt threatened by the connection Sebastian shared with (Y/N) despite it being completely platonic at the time.

(Y/N) was well aware of the tension between her and Margarita despite never knowing why. She had never intended her friendship with Sebastian to turn into something more, but as he and Margarita began to drift apart, Sebastian found himself getting closer to (Y/N), Even after the couple had split, tabloids continued to spread the story of the alluring other woman in Sebastian’s life who stole him from Margarita. Despite being completely innocent of any adultery, the accounts of her being a home wrecker were a lot for her and Sebastian to overcome, but this was too much.

Her sly smirk, the way she draped her arm around his neck and possessively laid herself into him practically screamed for media attention and it drove (Y/N) crazy. One of the most important stipulations to agreeing to be in a relationship with Sebastian so soon after his breakup was that he could ensure he was over Margarita and now here he was, at a party with her while his girlfriend was having to work late.

(Y/N) clenched her fist to where her nails dug into the palms of her hands, desperately trying to distract herself from the massive knot raising in her throat. As she swallowed, holding back her angry tears, she started to read the article.

Leviana and Stan were spotted together for the first time in five months at an exclusive, private party. Fans will remember nearly half a year ago there were reports about a mystery woman Stan had begun sneaking around with plotting to tear the couple apart, but after being dormant for some time, the Russian and Romanian actors are back. Despite leaving the party in separate vehicles, sources close to the actors say they are happier and closer than ever. Glad to see there’s no home wrecker to be concerned with anymore.

(Y/N) clutched her phone tightly before tossing it in her bag and getting up to leave. She hurried through the office, down to the street and hailed a cab. In a strong and obviously angry voice, she gave the cabbie Sebastian’s address and tried to steady her breathing to keep him from seeing her shaking from rage.

As soon as she arrived, she shoved her key into his locks and barged into the apartment. Upon doing so she thought that she probably should have knocked just incase the tabloid rumors were partially true and he had Margarita somewhere in the apartment. Confused and thinking someone was breaking in, Sebastian rushed toward the front door in a t-shirt and boxers.

“(Y/N)?” he asked while looking at the visibly shaken woman across the room from him.

“Shut up!” she demanded while pulling out her phone and shoving the photo in his face. “What the fuck is this?” When Sebastian glanced to the ground instead of meeting (Y/N)’s eyes, her voice got louder. “Tell me this isn’t what I fucking think it is!”

“It’s not what you think it is, (Y/N),” he said softly. 

“Then what the hell is it?” she shouted as tears started to fall slowly. He was quiet and refused to meet her eyes–a sure fire sign of his guilt. “Tell me what the hell is going on and don’t you dare lie to me, Sebastian Christopher.” He knew then just how angry (Y/N) must have been. When they first got to be friends he told her about how he wanted to change his name when he first moved to America and when they had their first fight as a couple, she accidentally called him Sebastian Christopher. Since then he assume it was his designated middle name by her for when she was angry.

“I swear to you, nothing happened! We were talking and catching up and then the cameras just ambushed us and she-”

“And she threw herself at you?” (Y/N) asked in a tone of accusing disbelief.

“Yes,” he sighed while taking a few steps closer to the teary eyed woman In front of him.

“You’re going to have to do better than that, Stan,” she grumbled.

“I promise you, nothing happened,” he said softly against her head while taking her in his arms only to have her slither away from his grasp.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” (Y/N) asked weakly. As Sebastian saw the transition between anger and insecurity flash through (Y/N)’s expression, he reached for her again.

“Of course not, (Y/N),” he sighed as he pulled her to his chest. “I told you that bridge was burnt, love, and I can keep telling you it, but you have to believe me before anything changes. If you don’t believe me you’re just going to keep thinking something is there that isn’t.” Sebastian rested his hand against the back of (Y/N)’s neck and whispered her favorite phrase into her ear, “Te iubesc păpușă.” Softly and muffled through his shirt, he could hear his favorite phrase flow from her lips and her hot breath through the t-shirt.

“I love you.”

It Burns

Welp. @sessomesmaru looks like you’re the Thing to break my dry spell.
This is inspired by a GORGEOUS piece of artwork done by sess, as well as some words from @the-female-gaymer during the stream of said art (once the pic itself is released im gonna edit this post and include the link).

Here we go.



Read it here on AO3 (if you do PLEASE come back and reblog the post, otherwise it stagnates and im a Sad)

TW: Alcoholism, minor blood/knife inclusion

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anonymous asked:

Have you seen the last pic Sam/MM by popsugar. His hand on her shoulder is weird. Why does she hold her bag, if you are really tightly embraced, then you wear the bag on the other side. Something is again wrong with the pic. Did they expect the photographer?

Oh, I imagine they expected that photographer. That’s a paparazzo pic if it’s put up by Popsugar. And pap pics are generally not the candid surreptitious shots they pretend to be- they are arranged for by a publicist and then published for publicity purposes, usually to back up a marketing strategy for a celebrity. So I imagine they were not only aware of the photographer, but were also aware of the image that the pics would need to be used to represent: in this case A happy Couple enjoying some down time in NYC and completely unaware that they are being candidly photographed. That’s what it looks like from far away anyway.
But look a bit closer and things don’t look so close, or natural, about this pose. And a pose it is too; they are supposed to be caught in the moment of waiting to cross an intersection but they are standing too close to make any movement across the street possible as it would be very hard to walk with her standing as close and in contact with him as she is. So they have obviously altered their pose as they stood there from however it was when they arrived at that place. That’s the first tell that they might be posing. And then there is his hand; his left arm is around behind her shoulders but is so loose as to leave his left hand just over her shoulder near her neck where it is then falling downwards without touching her That is very odd. If he was truly returning the embrace she is suggesting by having her right arm behind his back then it would be most natural for him to have a bit of a grip of either the point of her shoulder so he could pull her close as he often does with Cait when they stand close like this, or at least grip the top of her shoulder or even let the full weight of his hand fall onto it. But he is doing none of those- instead his hand is rather stiffly floating just above her with the fingers held straight so as to avoid any touch with the hand- only his wrist is touching her as it crosses over her shoulder. And this isn’t a case of that hand simply being relaxed either- when a hand is in a relaxed state the fingers and thumb have a natural curl to them which is conspicuously absent here. It looks to me like he’s again avoiding any intimate sort of touch with that hand by holding the fingers so unnaturally straight as they are here. So it’s not that they are standing so close because he pulled her in as they stood there- he’s showing no signal from that left arm or hand to suggest that, and any move to close the gap would have come from her but his arm has not reciprocated in any way- it is still avoiding by keeping that left hand away from her and from any possibility of making any possessive or guiding movements with it. And both are also not looking at each other, or speaking to each other, or interacting with each other at all. Both are staring straight ahead: Sam with an expression of perhaps resolve, MM looking, a bit pensive or worried. Certainly not giving the impression that they are lost in each other- more that each is lost in his or her own, not particularly happy, thoughts. So much for the happy couple out on the town. Neither looks very happy to me or at ease physically here in this pose.
MM does have a small cross body bag with her but it is worn more in the front as would be proper in the city to keep it as secure as possible and in her free left hand she grasps her phone. Nothing really remarkable there. But Sam will have to do something with that jacket before they hustle across that street. That’s a rather awkward way to hold your jacket when you are walking, or preparing to walk, and especially if your other arm is also going to be prevented from moving by that shoulder draped pose over MM’s shoulder. That’s how you hold a jacket when you are standing still- and to me that’s another tell that this is more a deliberate pose than it is a moment of a couple caught walking down the street.

A further reason to suspect a set up paparazzi shot is that this pic looks to have been done the same day as the professional fan pic done of Sam on the 9th or 10th of September. He was wearing the same shirt and jacket and the sunglasses were in his collar. Now Sam doesn’t get in fan shots unless he is wanting fan shots. He is very good at disappearing when he wants to so when he does get a shot done, esp by these pro fans who haunt known celeb spotting areas you can bet it’s because he was ready for a pic. He has only had the one encounter on the street in his whole time in NYC and I don’t think it’s coincidence that he’s wearing the same clothes as the pap pic. I think they were done the same day (Saturday or Sunday according to the fan) right before he left for (I think) Budapest for work and missed the premiere night because he was flying. The rest of the time he’s been private and not a single fan pic to be seen- I think because he’s been going about with someone he doesn’t want to get in the camera lens. And that’s obviously not MM- she’s ok to have in public photos with him the pap pic proves that! So the day he’s out to have these pap shots done there is no reason to avoid the professional fans either- and it’s also a good way to get a firm date for the pap shot too unless sam is woefully short of outfits, and I hardly think that is the case.

MM then turned up in France on the 14th after either staying in NYC for a few more days with her friend or maybe on to London for a bit- who knows, it’s anyone’s guess. But she had her last post from France on the 18th and was back in NYC for the appearance at the concert on the 21st, right before Sam had to fly out for MPC which she did not attend.
It looks to me like this pap pic may have got delayed a bit to make better impact. When it was likely taken on the 9th There had already been the recent pic of Sam and MM at the gallery and another at the escape room- both from premiere week, and then the one from the concert gave us a pic of them from last week after spending likely almost two weeks apart whist he worked and maybe hung out back in NYC whilst MM was in France. So another pic would be nice this week to help cement the image of these two spending lots of time together- but if no events were handy to trot them out at for this week, or Sam has other plans that prevent any trotting about with MM this week then why not use a pic from the reserves and maybe cover up for a bit of time when they aren’t getting any pics out because they really aren’t doing anything together outside of the pics? That’s my take on it anyway.

But pap pics are usually not singles, anon, they likely would have shot other shots that day, maybe a bit of lunch at an outdoor cafe action- that’s a favourite pap scenario, or some walking down the street holding hands- another favourite. Time will tell I suppose what else they shot that day- I am sure we will see more from this session or another one in future. Just remember that if it is paparazzi that it’s also not candid. It’s there to market something.

Unknown Number

Summary: Dan decides to have a little fun when he starts receiving dirty texts from an unknown number. It’s all fun and games, but he’ll never guess who he is actually texting.

Word Count: 1630

Warnings: Glorious sexting smut

A/N: This is the first smut phanfic I’ve ever written so I hope it wasn’t too cringey. Excuse me while I go hide in the corner and pray my mother never finds my Tumblr.

The night was winding to a close in the Dan and Phil flat. Phil had retired to his room and Dan remained on the sofa in his infamous browsing position. All was normal in the household, but not for long. It was half past three when Dan received the text. He was contemplating going to bed until he read what the unknown number had written:

Hey sexy. You still awake?

Dan had no idea who the text could be from. He would ask his best mate Phil if he knew the number, but he was certain that Phil was probably somewhere off in unicorn lion dreamland by now. Dan quickly typed a reply:

Who is this? How did you get this number?

He instantly started to panic. The thought of his actual cell phone number getting out for the whole world to see was all too much for Dan. The anonymous number soon replied:

Doesn’t matter. All that really matters is how good I could make you feel.

This was creepy. Too creepy. Dan didn’t like where this was going. Dan typed his reply:

Idk who you are but I’m blocking you. Goodbye.

He should have blocked the number right then and there. He knew he should have, but he didn’t. For reasons unbeknownst to him, he decided to wait.

It’s okay, Dan. I’m not a phangirl. Just a guy who wants to show you a good time.

Dan read the text again and again. He would be lying if he said part of him wasn’t a little curious. Dan replied://

Not interested.

After several minutes with no reply he decided that he had successfully gotten rid of the person. He continued scrolling Tumblr. He was just about to reblog a Kanye GIF when his phone buzzed again:

Are you sure? Because I think I could change your mind ;)

Dan’s face was painted with a cocky grin as he sent his reply:

Oh really?

After sending it he realized that it sounded a little less like sarcasm and a little more like a challenge. Either way he was kind of excited to see their response. His phone buzzed and he couldn’t believe what was on his screen. Dan’s face was plastered with shock as he had unmistakably received a dick pic from the unknown number. He wanted to block the number and delete the texts all together, but he couldn’t look away. He felt himself getting hard as he scanned his eyes over the stranger’s cock. Usually Dan would have had better judgment, but the growing member in his pants argued that there was no harm in playing along with the stranger’s games, at least for another message or two to hear what they had to say. Dan typed his response:

Is that really you?

The stranger replied:

Why, do you like what you see?

Dan typed:

Depends on if you’re a stalker or a crazy fangirl

Their reply:

Trust me, love, it’s a safe bet that I’m not

Dan smiled at the response. The stranger seemed so genuine and real, but he had to be sure. He just couldn’t risk it otherwise. Dan responded with a request:

Need a pic with your face in it then

The stranger quickly replied:

Not going to happen just yet

Dan knew it couldn’t be that easy. He wracked his brain for an idea. He remembered seeing posts about online dating and to have the person send a pic holding up a piece of paper with your name to avoid getting catfished. He supposed this was really no different.

Write my name on your hand and wrap it around your cock for me

He couldn’t believe that he had just typed that sentence to a random stranger. He knew if it really was a fan, it would be all over Tumblr by morning. He pushed his nerves aside and took a glance at the new photo he received of the mysterious stranger. Sure enough, it was Dan’s name written on a ghostly pale hand, wrapped around the same cock he had seen in the picture before.

The stranger typed:

Sorry it’s written upside down. Couldn’t quite get the angle right.

Dan replied:

You have a really nice cock, by the way

The stranger replied:

I do and you’d be sucking it if you were here.

Dan said:

Oh would I be?

The stranger:

Yep. Right before I put it in that tight little ass of yours

This conversation was getting out of control but Dan didn’t care. His cock was getting painfully hard and was in dire need of attention. He didn’t even bother to go back to his bedroom. It was late, he knew Phil was probably not going to be getting up anytime soon. He unzipped his pants and took his throbbing length in his hand. He was so caught up in pleasing himself that he forgot to send a reply. His phone soon buzzed with a message from his new friend.

The stranger:

What’s the matter, Danny? Too busy touching yourself

Dan’s left hand was occupied at the moment, so he used his non-dominant hand and struggled to type a reply:

zre u?

The stranger:

I’ll take that as a yes. Care to send me a pic?

Now, Dan knew that it was probably not the greatest idea to send a random stranger a picture of his dick, but in that moment he really didn’t care. He wasn’t ready for the conversation to end yet. He touched himself with his right hand and used his left to find the perfect angle to show his length off to his mysterious new texting buddy. He hit send and waiting for a reply.

The stranger:

Fuck, you are so hot.

Dan replied:

What would you do to me?

The stranger:

I’d start by sucking that hard cock of yours.

Dan replied:

And then?

The stranger:

Maybe if you were a good little boy I’d rim you before I fucked you

Dan felt himself getting closer and closer. He put his phone down so he could give his cock the full attention that it deserved. He saw the words flash across his screen.

The stranger:

So close…

Dan reached for his phone and typed a quick reply:

Me too

The stranger:

Cum for me, Daniel

Dan reached for the phone with his available hand. Reading the text sent him over the edge. He came hard into his hand, writhing beneath his own touch. He took a moment to catch his breath before snapping a pic of his cum soaked shirt as evidence for his new little friend. Moments later Dan received a picture in reply. It was a bare stomach with milky white skin, covered in an equally white substance.

The stranger:

See what you do to me?

Dan laid back on the sofa and slowly started to come back to his senses. He sent one final text to the stranger.


How did you get this number anyway?

Dan waited a few minutes and then gave up. He figured that he would probably never know who the stranger with the nice cock was, and decided to write it off as a fun little one-time experience. He deleted the messages, but chose not to block the number, just in case the stranger was ever up for a good time again. Dan returned to his room and stripped himself down to his boxers. He heard no noise or signs that Phil was still awake through the paper thin walls, which was a relief. He would have died from embarrassment if Phil would have heard the noises he was making earlier in the lounge. Dan fell asleep quickly, feeling satisfied from the night’s encounter.

Dan woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. He could hear the shower running. Phil was already awake and starting the day, as usual. He put on a fresh pair of boxers and pulled on a clean black t-shirt. He didn’t bother to squeeze into a pair of skinny jeans, and decided his mario boxers would suffice for this morning, as it was just him and Phil today. He walked into the kitchen and retrieved a bowl for his cereal. Dan searched for his favorite box of cereal everywhere, but he couldn’t seem to find it. Soon after Dan began his search, Phil entered the room with a towel around his shoulders covering his Pokemon t-shirt and a pair of blue plaid boxers on his lower half.

“Phil, have you seen my cereal?” Dan asked as he turned to face Phil. When Dan’s cereal went missing, Phil was usually always the one to blame.

“Yeah, Dan. It’s right here.” Phil answered. He reached across the counter and retrieved the box from a tesco bag. Dan’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. He couldn’t believe that he saw. In faded sharpie and familiar big bold letters the word DAN was smudged on Phil’s right hand. Dan froze in panic. He was unable to move and his tongue was unable to speak. Phil handed Dan the box of cereal and he couldn’t take his eyes off the name scribbled on Phil’s hand.

“Thanks” Dan mumbled. It was all he could manage to stutter out. His panic seemed to go unnoticed by Phil, who was preoccupied by pouring himself a bowl of his own cereal.

“You slept late today. What were you up to last night?” Phil asked with a smirk. Dan tried to pretend he didn’t notice the evidence on Phil’s hand.

“You know, just the usual.” Dan said with a nervous laugh. He wanted to ignore the situation, but he had to ask, “What about you?”

“Oh, I went to bed early. I was really worn out.”

Read the sequel here

The Joker x Pregnant Reader 2

Well, it happened and that’s all there is to it. Cross your fingers and hope for the best. At least he didn’t try to kill you…yet.    T__T

Read Part 1 here:

“Oh, wow…this is going to be an amazing night,” you manage to utter, letting your body collapse on top of the Joker’s, starting to unbutton his shirt while kissing him.

“Anything I can do to keep my Pumpkin happy,” he snickers, panting with desire. “God, I really missed you”. His blue eyes look for yours and then you both stop for a few seconds, gazing at each other.

“You were gone like, for two days  J, ” you smile, teasing him.

“Yeah, and I missed you. You didn’t miss me?!” he frowns, biting your neck line, making sure to leave a few marks.

“Well…it was so nice and quiet…”you start telling him when you suddenly feel the pinches go down all over your body and he finally violently gropes you, satisfied he made you squeal.

“Why are you misbehaving, hmm?” he growls, pulling down on your skirt.

“You know why, baby” you wink, quickly jumping off him, backing out towards the wall.

“Hey, get back in bed, Kitten!”

“Noooope,” you lick your lips, starting to undress. “You come over here.”

“Ohhh… my naughty little minx. Daddy likes!” he purrs, getting out of the bed and slowly walking towards you, tossing his now unbuttoned shirt on the floor.

Suddenly, you can hear Emma’s cry coming from her room.

The Joker freezes for a moment, panicked, then before you can move, he is very fast in trapping you against the wall. His knee goes in between your legs and his hands on the sides of your head, grinding his silver grill in annoyance.

“You’re not going anywhere!”

“J, she’s crying, probably had a nightmare,” you chuckle, amused he’s behaving like this (again).

“NO, I need you!” He’s pushing himself against you even harder.

“Come on, baby, let me go,” you plead, struggling against his body.

“No, you have to pay attention to ME!”

Crying intensifies.

“I have to go, she won’t stop,” you beg, kissing him softly and trying to look as disappointed as you can.

“You’re mine, I don’t like to share. I saw you first,” he mutters, knowing the battle is already lost.

That doesn’t sound childish at all.

“You’re 39, she’s not even 2. I think you have a better chance of surviving this…yes..?” you try to reason with him and he’s sulking.

He takes a deep breath, pouting:

“Remind me again why we have a kid, Y/N.”

“Because we couldn’t let my beauty, brains, charm, awesomeness and your…amazing cheekbones go to waste.”

“Ha! Funny…” he whispers with a sarcastic tone, finally releasing you from his little trap. “I’ll go get her.”

“Awww, you’re such a good dad, J , “ you mock, watching him walk funny towards the door. “Your sacrifice will be remembered in the years to come.”

“Yeah, whatever!”


Emma is now in your bed, cuddled on top of the Joker, sucking on her thumb with her eyes closed while he keeps on caressing her hair. You take a picture of the cute moment. Your phone is full of thousands of pics you snap all the time when J is being sweet with her. Considering everything, he’s actually a good parent. At first you watched him like a hawk, of course, but he never tried to hurt her or anything, even if he creates such a fuss over the little things that happen on a daily basis. You swear: sometimes you feel like you have two kids.


Morning time and you fumble around the kitchen while J is watching Emma, reading her a story. You hear him talk so you stop and listen.

“…and while they were trying to escape, boom!!! Huge explosion, blood everywhere,” he claps his hands and she laughs with her little mouse voice.

“B’ood da’y?” (she can’t really say “daddy”, but there are a few times when she manages to say it clearly).

“Yes, lots of it, all over!” She can’t really understand, but he makes her laugh with his dramatic gestures.

“J, what are you telling her?!” you shout from the kitchen.

“Well, Princess, whoever wrote this garbage for kids should be killed. I had to add something to spice it up, it’s atrocious.”

“J, stop telling her stuff like that, she’s just a baby!” you ask, shaking your head in disapproval and going back to rearranging the kitchen.


“It always puzzles me: don’t I look intimidating? Why isn’t Emma afraid of me?”

“ She takes after her mom,” you answer, rolling your eyes at the obvious reason.


“SHE TAKES AFTER HER MOM!” you yell louder, chuckling.

“I heard you the first time, I just thought you won’t have the guts to repeat that.”

“Ha, ha that would be the day!” you puff, opening the fridge.

The Joker tickles Emma, speaking in a low voice:

“See what I have to deal with? Mommy’s feisty, but I love it. When you grow up, don’t be sassy to daddy, ok? I already have one pain in the ass.“ She sits quietly in his lap, trying yet again to peel his J and the star tattoos on his face, thinking they are stickers.  

He didn’t notice you standing in front of the desk now, arms crossed and eyebrows lifted, staring him down. He lifts his eyes and sees the expression on your face:

“Oh, hey Y/N… Dammit, am I sleeping on the couch tonight?”

“You’re getting close, baby” you scoff, going back to your work.

Some time passed and you don’t hear anything anymore. You go to see what’s going on and you see J widely grinning, with a bunch of personalized stickers on his face and your daughter peeling them. (A while ago, he ordered lots of identical stickers with his J and star tattoo so she can enjoy taking them off.) You think it’s adorable and snap another pic.

“You’re such a good girl,” he kisses her forehead, enjoying she’s preoccupied with something so he can take a look at Gotham’s map on his desk. “I always say that to mommy too when I…”

“J, what the hell?! Shut it down!”

He snickers, winking and roaring in your direction.

The knock in the door stops the little rant you were about to give him.

“Cooooome innnn,” the Joker playfully drags the words, squeaking, earning a laugh and a kiss on the cheek from his daughter that he’s absolutely thrilled about.

Frost comes in and Emma becomes so impatient that J has to put her down. She runs to him, grabbing his leg and reaching for him. You notice The Joker doesn’t look happy at all right now and you go and sit in his lap as fast as you can, firmly holding his right hand on your leg and putting his left one around your waist.

“F’ostyyyy, up… up!” He pics her up and she shyly places her tiny arms around his neck, hugging him.

“Hey there, Em,” Frost smiles, holding her tight to his chest.

“That’s my kid…” he mumbles in your ear, getting pissed. He tries to get up but you hold him down.

“Steady, J ” you smile, stroking his green hair, finding it funny he is always so possessive.

“She’s my little Princess, mine!” he moves around in the chair, uncomfortable.

“Yes, baby, everything is yours and yours alone, ok? She likes him and he’s good to her, I told you before there’s no harm in it, “ you kiss his temple while he’s fuming.

“Boss,” Jonny tries to start the conversation but stops when he sees the Joker looking away, averting his eyes on purpose.

“Ummm… Y/N, you’re coming with us tonight, right?”

“Oh, yes, I want those diamonds so bad. It’s said they are huggeee!!” you squirm, happy that you can wear them soon.


Mister J went into his office to look over the bank’s plans for your raid tonight. He will stay home with Emma but wants to make sure everything will be ok for you. He marks the exits with a black marker, drawing a line over the entry point. Some explosives should do the work. And the diamonds are right…here-marked with an “X”. Music starts blasting in the penthouse and he sighs, annoyed. How is he supposed to concentrate?! He gets up and opens the door, wanting to complain and tell you to turn it down, when what’s going on in the living room stops him. You swing your body to the beat and Emma is in front of you, trying to imitate your moves, looking completely adorable as she tries so hard to follow what you do. You just laugh and look so happy that the Joker catches himself standing in the doorway, a smile forming in the corner of his mouth. He takes out his cell and starts recording you two. If one of these days he gets killed, he wants the cops, the SWAT team or Batsy to find this on him, watch it and know that The Clown Prince of Crime had it all, on his own terms, and didn’t give a damn about what anyone thinks.


“Achoo!” her little sneeze makes you turn around from your current task: making sure you have everything you need for tonight’s heist. The Joker’s green shirt is full of yogurt which he was feeding her when she sneezed. Emma starts giggling and you follow.

“Really kid? On daddy’s Prada shirt?” he crinkles his nose, looking at the fabric to assess the damage. “And you, Kitten, are setting up a bad example. Why are you laughing?”

“Because it’s FUNNY; I’ll get you another shirt, hold on,” you continue to snicker as you go to the master bedroom.

“I get no respect around here anymore,” he frowns, tilting his head, trying to stay mad but can’t contain his smile hearing his daughter cracking up. She can’t stop giggling.

“Wha’? You’re getting a kick from doing something you’re not supposed to?… That’s my girl, you’re definitely my kid.” He feels such pride building inside his chest. He cups her face, squeezing her cheeks and kissing them all over.

Definitely? Like in there’s any doubt Emma wouldn’t be yours, hmmm?” you narrow your eyes, smacking your lips, not very pleased, tossing the new shirt at him. He hates it when you sneak up on him and you always catch him at the right moment, talking nonsense.“Wanna repeat that to me, MISTER J?” Oops, you’re using Mister J when you’re really pissed and he knows it. But you’ve been so moody lately anyway.


You’ve put Emma to bed and you are done preparing for the robbery tonight. After everything is done, you go in the living room and sit by him on the couch. He’s watching the news, quiet for the last hour, which is unlike him. You lean your head on his legs, wrapping your arms around his knees.

“What’s wrong, handsome?” you ask while he starts combing your hair with his fingers, paying attention to the TV.

“Do you think Emma’s… ok?” he suddenly starts the conversation.

“Yeah, she’s fine; I just put her to bed.”

“That’s not what I meant” he cuts you off and you know what he’s aiming at. “You know I’m… different and…”

Insane…” you start the sentence.

“Did you just call me insane?!” he pulls your hair and you gasp.

“…ly awesome, let me finish, jeez. That hurt.”

He yanks your hair again, and you punch his abs, not too hard.

“Relax baby, she’s fine. We’re fine, all right? We managed so far, didn’t we?”

He seems distracted and starts caressing your hair again. You suddenly realize it, jumping up so fast you knock down the remote out of his hand.

“J, she’s asleep!”

He gives you a confused glare.

“She’s asleep! Let’s go, me and you!” You pull him up, dragging him after you.

“Ohhhh,” he finally gets it and a huge smirk creeps on his face. “Shit, we wasted some precious minutes.” He stops you and lifts you up, carrying you in the bedroom bridal style.

Operation Mission Impossible was a total success. Hooray! *NO interruptions*


You tiptoe inside the penthouse, silently closing the door behind you. You hold the huge box in your hands, full of the diamonds you wanted so badly. Now they are yours and it makes you so pleased. Tonight’s heist went incredibly well and you are in a good mood. Where are your sunshines? You go to Emma’s bedroom to find her cuddling with her dad under her pink blanket. An “awww” escapes your lips and you take a picture, the millionth one now. It’s definitely heartwarming. You know who else needs to see this? you think, since you’re in such a happy place for the moment. Batsy. Since you’re not sleepy, you are going to finally do what you’ve planned for a while.


The Bat notices the sky light lit for him and he rushes to the spot, thinking Gordon has some kind of emergency. There is nobody on the top of the building except something that seems like a photo album surrounded by knives. There is a note on top of it:” For Batsy, from Mrs. J” and the mark of your pink lipstick kissing the paper. Bruce Wayne is intrigued. He opens the photo album and his face changes from one expression to another. What is the meaning of this?! Pics of the Joker and his daughter immortalized in different cute, adorable, mundane, NORMAL moments.

This must be a bad joke and for sure photo shopped, he thinks, mad he wasted his time, but he still takes the album with him. Once back to his Bat Cave, he analyzes every single one of his little presents with all the gadgets he has and surprisingly, they are genuine. Wow, how come? How is it possible that’s the Joker he always chases after?! He seems so…ordinary.

He has to admit you two have a very, very cute little girl. He flips through the pages, choosing his favorite picture where Emma is smiling playing with her dad. He draws horns and a mustache on the Joker’s face, then frames the pic and puts it on one of the shelves. You will probably never get to see it, but there’s a picture of your daughter and partner in crime right inside the Bat Cave.


You found out the big news today and you can’t wait to share.

J is in his office, planning to crush the Wayne Industry party happening next week. He is filled with excitement and has a few good ideas on how it’s all going to play.

You kick the door open, running in his lap, tossing his papers all over, and before he protests you kiss him deeply, take his hand and put it on your abdomen:


“…   …  No way… …!” he gasps, speechless for once.“Oh my God, Kitten, really? Really? Like, for reals?” he can’t hide his joy anymore as his hand presses harder on your tummy.

“Yes, baby, for reals” you let out a small scream, excited to the max.

“Wowww, are  you going to be super mean to me since we have twins in there? Double the amount?”

“Most likely,” you giggle, knowing it’s true.

“Oh, goody, I can’t wait, you know I love it when you’re mean to me.”
You lift your shoulders, entertained:

“Whatever rocks your boat, J .”

He keeps on rambling on:

“I so love it when you feel like killing me and I wanna strangle you for it.”

“You’re such an incurable romantic baby,” you moan, getting turn on by his words.

“I know, right? When am I not romantic?”

“Shut up and kiss me,” you demand, biting his ear.


**You are definitely very emotional with this pregnancy.  You just broke one of your nails while loading a gun and started crying instantly.

“What’s wrong, Princess?” J stops loading his own gun, looking at you with concern.

“I.. broke…my ..naaaiiill,” you sniffle, not being able to control your tears, showing him the carnage.

Uh-oh, emergency situation again, the Joker sighs, taking your hand.

“You want me to kiss it so you feel better?”

“I’m not… 5 years old, J,…ok?” you stutter, whimpering, but in the same time nodding yes. He kisses your broken nail and surprisingly it feels better instantly and you stop crying.

“That felt good, thanks,” you smile now, wiping your tears and going back to what you were doing like nothing happened.

Mister J closes his eyes, satisfied he pleased his Pumpkin and avoided catastrophe.

** You have weird cravings.

“Babbyyyy, I want popcorn and pickles, can you go get that for me? Pleaseeeeee” you whine, agitated he’s not moving out of bed yet.

“Kitten, ask Frost. Give him a call, he’s downstairs. I’m beat.”

“I want you to get it. It’s your fault: you knocked me up, you’re responsible!!!” you yelp, starting to cry again.

“Daddy is going, ok? Stop crying, Pumpkin.”

He gets out of bed and stops before he opens the door.

“You better be meaner to me when I come back!”

“OK, I will, I promise,” you say through tears, smiling in the same time.

Men, this is going to be so much fun, J thinks, excited you’ll treat him like trash and he’s going to enjoy it so much. He’s probably the only one around with that kind of kink. Lucky you.

Also read- MASTERLIST:

text meme 2/∞

i’ve been collecting funny/cute texts & texts from texts from last night for about 2 years. they’ve been sitting in a word document for a long time so with all the text memes i’ve been seeing around, i decided to take all the texts i’ve saved and make a meme with them bc why not. there’s a bit of everything bellow: fluff, silliness, nsfw, angst, etc etc

[text] Thanks for the pic It’s going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I’m in a meeting with your father.

[text] I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I’m glowing in the dark, there’s fog everywhere, and now I’m wearing a sombrero because apparently it’s silly hat night. I never want to leave. 

[text] She had a group on her phone called “great fucks”. I was in it. It’s almost like making the forbes list

[text] should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?

[text] You look good in that new shirt.

[text] I’ve been thinking about you all day.

[text]  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to “Transform already!!!!”.. yeah, I’d say you were pretty wasted.

[text]  I just got this text “hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused.”

[text]  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for “eating Henry”

[text]  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] 

[text] I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

[text] He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

[text]  You’re the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I’m ok.

[text] College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

[text] Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.

[text] You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?

[text] In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she’s going…

[text] I’m bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico

[text] You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people’s legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.

[text] You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, “did it open?”

[text] Geez don’t go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out. 

[text] I was wondering why the cops were making such a big deal then I realized I was naked

[text] The stripper told you to sort your life out    

[text] Everyone was so shocked to hear that she was a virgin they were speechless. I said I could cure that problem for her and we hooked up. It was that simple.

[text] she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as “bathroom blowjob”

[text] Be still, my beating vagina.

[text] I believe some people would call last night an orgy.

[text] The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It’s a nice shirt.

[text] I just walked thrugh the woods having a conversation with every spider I saw in it’s web. They all have English accents. I’m drunk and this weed is incredible!

[text] I’m not sure who’s apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal… 

[text] I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said “pretend i’m your pet dinosaur” so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

[text] omg bring my wallet when you come get me tonight. i’m buying a fucking giraffe.

[text] Is it a good thing or a bad thing when you wake up naked with two naked guys in your bed, while holding glow-in-the-dark toy dinosaurs in your hands, and listening to the lion king soundtrack?

[text] She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love

[text] A little alcohol is good for the soul! Fuck Chicken soup, I’m going to write a book called “hard liquor for the soul” It’s going to be a best seller.

[text] This is NO TIME for pants!

[text] Why did you just messaged me and saying you’re praying for me… 

[text] you’re the one who came to me for relationship advice !

[text] I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?

[text] Are cops allowed to hit on you if they’re in uniform?! Serious question.

[text] I hope you get stoned and think that you’re a seal in shark infested waters

[text] I can’t believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget

[text] My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.

[text] Just walked by a girl saying to her friend “honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him”

[text] Well if you don’t want to be kicked out before last call don’t I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don’t call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo “princess”

[text] Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid… Figured you would approve

[text] I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn’t drink tequila.

[text] I’m gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.

[text] I think “we’ve never met sober” is a great relationship to have with someone

[text] Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we’re pretty tight.

[text] An d I’d rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?

[text] I want my tombstone to read “making poor life decisions since 1993”


[text] He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.


[text] I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing. 

[text] You introduced yourself and she said “wow that’s a long name” and you went “yeah well you should see my dick.”

[text] He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.

[text] Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.

[text] Summers almost over and we haven’t golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let’s do all three in one day, no particular order.

[text] Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I’m sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.

[text] Don’t do this to me right now. 

[text] The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?

[text] I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate’s horrid nudes alone crosses that line.

[text] I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate

[text] ugh I gave you morning sex and you don’t even text me back for my bagel order

[text] Don’t have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections

[text] You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.

[text] There’s going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!

[text] Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I’m glad there’s someone out there that’s just as fat at heart as we are.

[text] You broke into someone’s house and stole a pan of lasagna.

[text] So two questions…why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.

[text] I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is “i’m tequila” 

[text] Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog…

[text] you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up…you’re an amazing drunk

[text] You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

[text] Is it bad that we’re talking like nothing happened?

[text] I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

[text] You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.

[text] i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night

[text] I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning

[text] I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

[text] I was so fucking worried.

[text] my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it

[text] Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn’t cooperate. Nearly died. 

[text] I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..

[text] let’s just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex

[text] I’m 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night

[text] You almost died !!!

@urisistable wrote this amazingly beautiful fluffy piece for me when I was feeling low a few days ago and I totally forgot to post it! So here it is, give her all the cred for it <3 <3

A/N: Here’s some fluffy, comforting B. I’ve sent along pics of the outfit he wears during said fluff. 💕💕💕

Brendon grips onto the steering wheel with one hand, adjusting his glasses with the other as he squints through the darkness. For the last 45 minutes it’s been a pretty constant downpour, and normally he would have stayed in the city overnight for his meeting early the next morning, but the last text he’d received from you made his stomach drop and he knew he had to get home to you.

“I don’t feel right,” you texted to him sometime a bit after dinner.

“Why? What’s the matter babe?” he replied but you never answered back. He read your text over and over and after an hour and several calls, he was nervous.

At the last stop light before arriving to your apartment, he taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “Come on… oh come ON!” he yells at the light anxiously, his forearms tensing as he rocks his body in his seat. Finally the light turns green and he steps hard on the gas through the intersection.

When he pulls into your driveway, he frowns and jumps out of the car quickly. There aren’t any lights on, so maybe you’ve just gone to bed? Not even a single light in the bedroom when you should be reading about this time makes his heart just race faster. 

Unlocking the door, he steps inside and pulls off his fogged-over glasses. He’s completely drenched, and his dark blue button down shirt is clinging to his body. That’s the very least of his concern at the moment though.

“Babe?” he calls, tossing his keys and glasses onto the side table. His wet shoes squeak across the hardwood floor in the dark. “Where are you angel?” his voice getting higher with each time he calls out for you.

He peaks in the kitchen and front room, flipping on lights. Finally he comes to the bathroom and lets out a deep sigh, pressing his hands up high on the door frame, steadying himself.

“Brendon?” you mew softly. You look so small, holding onto the edge of the bath, your wet hair all down in your face. The reflection from two candles lit on the sink are the only light reflected in the water.

He runs his fingers through his his black hair, pushing it away from his forehead and comes down onto his knees beside you on the floor. His cold hand clasps over yours pawing over the edge. His brows are lifted and his big brown eyes are full of concern. “Are you okay, baby? Are you hurt?” His cool touch moves from your hand to your knee and thigh, lifted up out of the bubbles. 

“I’m not hurt,” you tell him softly and he sighs deep, stroking your wet hair and then caressing his fingertips along your jaw.

He lifts up just a moment to flick on the soft overhead nightlight so he can see you a little better. When he comes back down onto his knees, his heart sinks in his chest. “But angel, you’ve been crying?” he says softly, caressing over your tear stained cheeks with the back of his fingers.

You nod and can’t help but start to tear up again. His brows lift in the center and the corner of his full lips twitch. It kills him inside to ever see you aching. Reaching out for him, your fingertips touch his bare skin inside his open collar and he leans down to wrap you up into his arms.

In a sudden burst of anger, feeling your body trembling even under the water, he growls suddenly, “Who did this? Who hurt my baby girl?”

“No, it’s not that,”  you tell him softly, pulling away just enough so you can look up into his dark eyes. You don’t much want to get into the details. You’re just so thankful he’s there with you. You’re thankful he doesn’t ask any more questions either because you’re not sure you have too many tears left in your body after the day you’ve had, nor do you have the energy to talk him down from his anger.

“I just… need you,” you add, hugging onto his neck. He leans in close again, nuzzling into your shoulder, his forearms wrapped around your lower back practically pulling you up out of the bath into him.

“You have me, angel,” comes his deep voice after a moment. “You have all of me.”

You coo softly, pressing your lips to his neck, sighing deep along with him. You always loved how he holds you so close when you’re anxious or upset, and helps you breathe deep and remember who you are to him. Pushing your fingers into the back of his hair, you realize his skin is incredibly cold next to yours.

“You’re cold, my love,” you whisper to him, watching him pull his soaked shirt away from his chest. His trembles from the cold wet clothes clinging to his body.

The corner of his mouth lifts a little as he glances down at himself. “I guess it’s a little rainy tonight and I didn’t have time to grab an umbrella. I just needed to get to you… to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh my sweetheart,” you breathe at his admission, caressing his cheek, drawing him down to you so you can place soft kisses over his full lips. His lips part and he breathes into you, stroking his fingertips up your arms and into your hair, cradling your head lovingly in his hands. When you hear a soft little moan come from his parted lips, you smile against him. “Do you want to get in with me and warm up a little?”

Without another word, he kisses you again and starts unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it off of his shoulders. He reaches down and undoes his near black pants, lifting up from his knees quickly. His mouth only leaves yours for a second as he stands up and pushes down his pants and shorts, stepping out of them and his shoes. You rest your head on your arm, watching his perfect pale skin come into view. He tries to cover himself with his forearm as he steps into the hot water with you, but it’s very clear touching you has gotten him worked up.

Settling down across from you, he reaches out for you and you float over to him, stretching your legs out long along his. Your tits flatten out against his chest as he settles back and cuddles you onto is chest, resting your head just under his chin. You rest your hand gently against his bare chest, tracing your fingertips along his collarbone, letting the warm water run down his skin. He closes his eyes and rocks his head back, sighing deeply.

After several long moments, he cuddles you extra close and kisses your forehead, stroking his now warm hand over your hair. “Is there anything I can do for you, baby girl? You know, to make it feel better?” he asks softly. You can hear his voice resonating in his chest.

“This,” you answer honestly, rubbing your cheek against him, “this is everything to me.”

He nods, stroking your bare back soothingly. “No more of this going it alone stuff, okay? Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it in the morning, together.”

You sigh softly, feeling sleepy from the warm and his soothing hands all over your body. “Together…” you repeat hazily.

He smiles, slipping his hand under your hair, tracing his fingers around your throat gently, making you moan because he just knows how much you love the sensation. You purr, arching a little into his hand, “You have all of me.”

His mouth finds yours and you give him sweet, soft, suckling kisses that make his chest and stomach tense up. “Fuck, I love you,” he moans when you finally part for breath.

You brush your lips to his. “Take me to bed and show me how much?”

“Always, baby girl,” he says between kisses, before he lifts you up and takes you to bed.