tbh if kinksters are so upset about me kinkshaming, why don’t they just ignore it? I mean I’m an adult posting from the privacy of my own home and it’s not like I’m bringing it into public. Why focus on something that makes you upset?
Sharing this for any babies who feel like they just can’t shake those extra pounds. I went through a really rough patch in life last year and I let my body go. I’m 5 foot five and I went from 170 pounds to 150. I’m still far from where I want to be at the end of this weight-loss journey but I know I am miles from where I started. I’m not sure how long I will keep this post up for privacy reasons but I hope it gives someone out there the push they need. 💕🤗
Y'all school is stressing me out I started breaking out and I got my period two weeks early. I’m taking three AP classes and the rest are honors 😓 so I decided to treat myself to a nice ass bag that I bought for lifting🤑 but I won’t be posting it for privacy reasons. But YOU GUYS. THIS BAG IS EVERYTHING. HOLY SHIT. THE AMOUNT OF CRAP I CAN SHOVE IN IT WITHOUT MAKING A DENT IS AMAZING 😩😩 I’m in love 😍. And yesterday I decided to tell my best friend about lifting and I think she wants in too 😂 we’re going to lifting besties❤️ she’s the best I swear.
✨Stores💖: Ulta (my main bitch), Lush, The Body Shop, Vans, American Eagle
You guys the SAs in Lush and The body shop were so nice and didn’t even suspect me lol they gave me so many samples so I felt bad (not really) 😂
Since I’ve already been talking about it a lot tonight, I might as well go for my full rant post. I’ve seen multiple times antis claiming that it would be impossible for Harry and Louis to go out to dinner in public and not have it being broadcast the the world and that makes me shake my head every time as someone who has both worked at and been to the kind of discreet places where they might go including industry events and even some not-so-high-end places where celebs do tend to pop up from time to time. It’s going to be long because when I get tying I can’t stop.
If you follow me, you’ve already seen my story here about the high end restaurant I used to work at. It was the type of place that got celebs all the time. One R&B singer in particular had her own table there and let me tell you what a pain it was if she came in last minute and someone was already sitting there. A certainly celeb known for constantly being papped all the time used to also come in pretty much every time she was in NY and not ONCE was she papped there. Actually, I don’t think I ever saw a single paparazzi taking photos of the restaurant entrance the entire time I worked there…which is funny because it’s very close to Sirius Satellite Radio where paps used to hang out a lot to catch musicians coming in and out of the building, yet never came to the restaurant. People would have been fired if they mentioned anything on social media. Hell, even now I feel uncomfortable posting this stuff even though I haven’t worked there in almost two years, I’m not naming names, and my blog is fairly anonymous.
As for places I’ve been to, just a couple weeks ago I was at a members only place where Harry has been known to go and sitting in my direct line of sight was an actress I admire. Did I take her picture? Did I see anyone else taking her picture? Did I post it on social media? No. Why? Because I didn’t want to embarrass myself or my friend I was there with who is a member nor did I want to get kicked out and again, embarrass myself and my friend who was a member.
Industry parties? Same thing. People who go to these things are either in the industry (obviously) or guests of people who are. I don’t care how low your position is, no one wants to risk their job or their friends’ jobs. The industry is very small. If it gets out that you were the person that dropped the gossip, you’re taking an awfully big risk. Plus, everyone wants to play it cool. No one wants to seem like being in the presence of this or that celebrity is a big deal. You pretend it happens to you all the time.
The places I”ve seen the most gossip, however? Surprisingly not the high end secretive-type places, but dive bars where no one really gives a fuck. One time in particular, I was at a bar when a very married celebrity fucked a guy in the the bathroom. I was really pissed because there was only one working bathroom at the time and I had to pee SO BAD. I also found out that night that that wasn’t the first time he had done that and no one around me was surprised. Did I post this on social media? Absolutely not. Did I tell my friends? Totally.
And that brings me to my next point. I’ve seen people say (and have actually had friends say to me IRL when I was young and naive and stupidly trying to get them to join fandom) that if they were actually a couple, people would talk. Uhhh hi, hello, hey there. What do you think “receipts” are? People DO talk. Do I believe everything that comes across my dash? Of course not. But I do believe certain ones, not to mention I’ve heard one mini one myself that i”ve mentioned here before. It doesn’t directly point to H&L as a couple, but definitely supports it.
Another thing to keep in mind, the people that go to/work at these places may have absolutely no idea who Harry and Louis are nor do they CARE. One time, I spent an entire evening with the son of a very famous man (who has been papped with his father before) and called him the wrong name all night long and even introduced him to people using the wrong name. He never corrected me once. Needless to say, when I got home to discover my mistake, I was BEYOND embarrassed when I found out. My point is, even though he has been in tabloids, I still had no idea who he was. If I had seen H&L at any of these places 2 years ago my reaction would have been simply “huh. Guess that Harry guy from that boyband is into dudes. cool.” I don’t think I would have been able to pick Louis out of a line up. This might be different now after all the babygate coverage, but even still the people who frequent these places aren’t necessarily up on their celebrity gossip. They might know a name in passing, but probably couldn’t put a face to a name. People need to take their fandom glasses off from time to time and realize that the places they would go do not cater to their fan demographic.
Also- what do people think they’re doing when they go out in public? Do they really expect them to be making out while their food gets cold?
Now look, I know. This is all anecdotal evidence. I can’t “prove” anything. I’m sure plenty of people will come back with exceptions to everything i’ve just typed out, but I at least wanted to share my personal experience(s). It is totally, absolutely possible for Harry and Louis to go out as a couple and not have it broadcast over the cover of every tabloid.
The Symbolism, Tools, And Methodology of Magickal Lockdown and Warding
I am going to discuss the symbolism of locks, and how they can be used magickally, as well as the theory behind locking things down via magick. I will also look at why this might be necessary. In short, I’m discussing privacy and safety within a magickal context, and how a person can go “on lockdown” to increase their privacy.
This post is a consolidation of information collected in my notebook directly following the trip, but just prior to everyone falling ill. I would rather not go into why I was researching this or what I did with the information, but suffice to say, it was a money issue that was ultimately resolved, in part via what I’ll be talking about here. Anyways, here goes.
Basic Symbolism and Associations
Nobody really knows when locks were invented, but we’ve always had a need for them. Not everyone is benevolent, and there’s the necessity of keeping out those who wish us harm, thus keeping ourselves and our belongings safe.
The thing is, locks are symbolic rather than merely practically. For this reason, symbolic locks will be effective magickally, though magickal methods of “locking” should not be used as a direct substitute for physical locks, and ideally, the two would be used in tandem.
A physical lock that is actually used would be a more powerful conduit for magickal locking due to the symbolism of the thing constantly being reinforced via practical use. In this way, even non-magicians can create something resembling magickal wards simply by repeated use of locks.
We lock to maintain silence and secrecy. This has always seemed like a vaguely Saturnian practice. Locks are restriction made tangible, and remembering to maintain a locked situation (by locking and unlocking it when necessary) requires a modicum of discipline, which is definitely an aspect of Saturnian forces. Locks are often associated with maturity within societal custom; children receive keys to various locks at various stages of development. This solidifies the Saturnian association, as well.
A locked object is in darkness, symbolic or otherwise. There is an element of peril and death, as well. Keys may be lost, or the object within a locked context may be forgotten. And, really? If something, anything, remains in a locked situation for too long, it might as well be dead, if only symbolically. It ceases to interact with the world and form connections.
Connections are Mercurial in nature, and Mercury is associated with air, hence this is both true metaphysically as well as physically. I mean, think about it. If you truly and fully lock something alive away, it’ll slowly die of lack of air. And, something that isn’t alive in the traditional sense might as well die of lack of air, too, insofar as it loses its connection to the world.
Since that which exists behind a lock is secret, after a fashion, it can easily be mentally conflated (and in a useful way) with the mysteries of any given tradition, particularly if they are oath bound. Having a locked area that you open frequently is a symbolic penetration of the mysteries. This is similar to how, during the communion portion of the Gnostic Mass, the celebrant is required to symbolically “cross” the Abyss by stepping towards the altar (Kether) - it’s a preparation for the actual Crossing.
Locked areas are also analogous to the womb, because, once full and sealed, they keep out danger and can be an area of “germination” if properly tended. Thus, as a burgeoning magician, it is particularly advantageous to keep your diary in a locked situation. This is obviously practical, but also magickal. It keeps the seeds of your Attainment safe. Perhaps more importantly, though, the locked space’s similarity to the womb promotes gestation and transformation. This no doubt makes for growth spiritually. Naturally, though, a seed must be watered, so keep your magick consistent and opened regularly - otherwise, it will die, as noted, from lack of connection to you
Specific Magickal Warding With Locks
Again, it is extremely useful to keep magickal diaries and other tools in a locked environment, regardless of your living situation. A lot of people live alone and nobody else ever sees these objects, but I still believe it advantageous to have them “locked,” either physically or magickally, and ideally, both. It’s very rare to find a practical, usable notebook with a working physical lock on it - I realize this. Symbolic locks, though, can be just as effective magickally. Many notebooks feature a clasp, and this is a good start. If your notebook does not, one could easily be made by hand with all kinds of things. You could just tie a ribbon around it, even!
Given that a lot of people reading this are obsessed with the net and computers, it’s reasonable of me to guess that many might not even have a physical diary to do this with. Instead, you might keep all your notes on your computer. Naturally, passwords are thus important, but I don’t recommend using a password with obvious magickal significance, because it would be easily guessed by someone who knows you or anything about the occult.
Nevertheless, a savvy person can augment their actual passwords with a sort of symbolic password that is used alongside the actual one. Creativity is the key here. An “analog” password could be a song fragment, poem, or, better yet, a memory. Even a tertiary symbol representing flow and breaking down barriers (Mercury or Uranus, respectively), would work. I do this.
When I go to enter my password on my computer, I often visualize or, if I’m in a certain mood, draw a sigil representing these things, while also typing in my actual password. When I close my computer or shut it down, I draw a symbol representing restriction and barriers upon it.
Secondary Techniques: Vigilance, Etc.
Naturally, even if you use all the above methods, you’re going to need to add other techniques to increase their usefulness. For example, lets say you’re using a purely magickal lockdown mechanism - how do you know if the lock has been broken? This is important to know. Whereas a physical lock will have signs of having been picked or, y'know, destroyed, how do you tell with a magickal ward?
One way to tell if a magickal ward has been breached is as follows. Obtain something that is associated with you, but which isn’t crucial or magickal in and of itself, nor particularly precious. For me, I used a hair band. Cut or break the object in half, but with the intent (which is crucial) of maintaining a strong connection between the two halves, as if they were parted lovers poised to reunite. Perhaps some kind of love oil would even help with this, as the lovers analogy is pretty apt.
Place one piece of the object within the locked space, and carry the other on your person at all times. if your wards on the locked space are working, you should easily be able to forget that you’re carrying the object. Why? Though not exactly broken, the connection is dampened severely by the wards. If someone breaches the wards, the connection between the two halves will suddenly return to full strength and you will quickly become aware of it happening. You’ll suddenly remember that you’re carrying the half of the object. Thus, you know that a breach has occurred. This worked for me several times.
It’s important to regularly break through your own locks or wards, though, because as I’ve said, there can be a symbolic death of the contents if you don’t. As to how often you need to do this, well, it’s highly dependent on what the warded or locked area contains. A box of heirlooms might not need to be “unlocked” quite as much as your journal or magickal tools. Use your own discretion. This is partially why I fell out of journalling at one point after being unable to access the journal for an extended period (two weeks). I personally got a feel, later on, for when things were “going stale” when I opened the warded areas, and modified things accordingly.
It’s a good practice to keep the area locked or warded after the objects have been removed and it is empty, as well. This will reinforce the wards, even though they’re not necessarily protecting anything at that point. It goes back to the old idea of repeated motions having more symbolic and magickal effects than one-off actions.
Don’t ignore modern methods/symbols of secrecy and safety when choosing your wards. I packed my giveaway box with bubble wrap, though this wasn’t necessary. The stuff I was giving away wasn’t such that it’d get damaged via being put through the mail normally. I just associate bubble wrap with safety in that context, and, of course, I wanted to keep the contents safe. That may seem like a silly thing to do, but it made me feel better, and of course, things arrived safely. I didn’t feel comfortable warding it otherwise or in traditional magickal ways, due to consent issues and the fact that I was sending it to another person, whom I’d never met.
One thing to consider: safety and secrecy are distinct and very different at times. There are situations where safety and secrecy aren’t compatible. If there’s crime going on, you don’t want it to stay secret, for example. Revealing dangerous secrets is the first step to fixing the problem. For example, if some creep is following you around or otherwise harassing you, it’s best to go to a public area and make as many people as possible aware of what’s happening
Still, in the modern world, secrecy can be the fastest route to safety in many situations. And yes, a lot of the above advice willwork equally well for non-magickal things. I mean, I’m sure all of you can imagine why a person would want to hide something. Yes, yes, there are people who say that you shouldn’t be doing anything that you would need to hide, but that’s a horrible statement that flies in the face of everything known about human psychology and history. Hence, I thought I’d post this, give people some advice.
Upcoming is a shorter, but hopefully useful post about specifically hiding magickal practice and witchcraft, so stay tuned. It contains a lot of practical mundane advice as well as magickal exercises.
So to begin the reason I was able to meet Bobby was because of my best friend, whom I will refer to as Y in this post for her own privacy. A little background about her, her family and Bobby’s family are very close and have known each other for a while. Her family and Bobby’s family live very close together so they see each other often. Y went to school together with Bobby until he moved to Korea his sophomore year of high school to become a YG trainee.
(WARNING: THERE IS SOME CURSING BELOW)
Y and I had planned on eating together on Saturday. Since Saturday was Bobby’s last day here though she wanted to make sure that I was able to meet him. He didn’t have enough time for lunch so we decided to go get snocream instead. She is the sweetest girl ever, she told me afterwards how she “was so scared that he wouldn’t have time to go out cause she really wanted me to see him.” So I got to snocream and went on the bus to meet Y and Bobby’s cousin, who I will refer to as JH. For the record, Y, JH, Bobby and I are all the same age. JH, Y, and I ordered our snocream and then went out to the car to wait cause it would take about 30 mins for our order to be ready.
I got in the car and the first thing I see is Bobby just curled up like a ball in the passenger seat which I thought was really funny. Y introduced me by saying “Ya Bobby this is my friend Madeline” so he turned around to say “annyeonghaseyo” and bowed his head at me before turning around. Y replied at him saying “she’s not korean” so he turned around and said hello instead haha. Before I got there apparently Y was telling Bobby how I was coming to eat snocream with them. Bobby asked “is she my fan?” and Y lied to him saying “no she has no idea who you are” to mess with him LOL. So when I got in the car he had no idea that I was his fan.
Since JH, Y, and I are all college students we talked about school and stuff. Y and I were telling JH that he should come visit us at our school and come to a party sometime. We proceeded to talk about drinking and such and Bobby said that he doesn’t like drinking cause he doesn’t like the taste. I told Bobby that I could change that if he came to visit Y and I at school and he laughed and smiled at him. According to Y, Bobby’s always wanted to come visit her at school to see what college is like but he never has enough time when he comes to the US. Also since he usually comes in December/January, Y and I are usually on winter break. I talked to Bobby and JH about Y’s drinking habits since they’ve never seen her drunk. I told them about she get’s really emotional and cries when she’s drunk which they thought was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing. I showed them some pictures of her when she got really drunk and just some funny pictures of her in general which made them laugh. AND HE TOUCHED MY PHONE LIKE 3 TIMES, I was honestly freaking out internally. Anyways, the pictures weren’t the most attractive photos of her but Bobby and JH kept saying in korean to her that she’s the prettiest girl they’ve ever seen. Bobby even said that Y is prettier than Beyonce which was really nice and funny LOL.
While we were waiting Bobby kept saying how it was really hot in the car. The windows were fogging up from the heat so he start playing around and writing on the glass. First he wrote his signature on the windshield. After that he started playing around with the sun roof. JH, Y, and I were talking until we noticed he was up to something cause Bobby and Y’s younger brother couldn’t stop laughing. We looked up and they were drawing dicks on the sunroof glass. We all said that the dick they drew looked so small and sad so Bobby said he would draw a better one, He proceeded to draw the weirdest looking dick I have ever seen in my life. The dick he drew looked like a rounded edge upside-down triangle. After he was done all of us just burst out laughing saying what the fuck kind of dick is that. He got hot again so he would kept opening the car door to cool down. Eventually he decided to just get out and walk around the parking lot. At one point he randomly started dancing which was cute.
A few minutes later we decided to go check on our order. So we all went on the bus to get our snocream before going back to the car to eat. Bobby had the honeydew flavor at first so when JH asked him how it was Bobby said it was a little too sweet for his taste. JH was nice enough to trade his taro with Bobby’s honeydew though. Bobby liked the taro better than the Honeydew. He started complaining about how it was cold now and kept putting his hands in this weird position cause they were cold from holding the snocream. After we finished eating we were trying to clean up all the cups and stack them together. They made Y’s younger brother do it cause he’s the maknae of the group haha. When he was trying to figure out how to do it Bobby told him to scoop the contents of one out into the other cup and called him a dumb (insert curse word here) in Korean as a joke which made everyone laugh hahaha.
Y and I got out of the car to throw away the cups. Y told Bobby to get out of the car to take a picture with me which he was confused about. Meanwhile I was starting my car and connected my phone to the audio system, my car started playing I Like 2 Party by Jay Park. He got out of Y’s car and heard the music playing and said something to Y about the music. I couldn’t hear exactly what he said but I definitely heard him ask something about Park Jaebum. Y told me that he was surprised because he didn’t know I was into kpop since Y didn’t tell him. So Y finally told him that I like kpop and that I was a fan of his and he said that he liked my shirt hehehe. You have no idea how happy I am that I wore that shirt on Saturday LOL. So I took a couple pictures with him before saying thank you and I told him he smelled good which made him smile at me haha. I’m a very straightforward person so I will say whatever’s on my mind so that’s why I said that to Bobby. Y came over and I hugged her for a while and saying goodbye and how I would miss her cause I probably won’t see her until I go back to school. Y kept saying “anajwo” to Bobby so he would give me a hug but I didn’t make a move and neither did he so it was just awkward haha. I waved goodbye to her and when I got to my car door I looked up at Bobby, who was looking at me, so I smiled and waved while he did the same back and ugh can I just say how adorable he was when he waved at me.
Looking back I kind of regret not wishing him a safe trip back or that I look forward to his debut or something more fan like since he knew by that point that I was a fan haha. But for those of you wondering his English is good, he has not problems speaking English. He spoke mostly Korean though because I was the only non-Korean of the group so I’m sure he was more comfortable speaking Korean. He’s just a regular teenager honestly. He’s funny, dorky, chill, and nice. He’s very good looking in real life. Every time he smiled, my heart melted though cause he was way too adorable. It was nice to see the side of him that isn’t super bad ass rapper Bobby. Now that I have experienced both sides of him though it’s kind of hard to imagine how they are same person. Bobby can be a regular dorky guy or he can be this incredibly charismatic idol. I think we all forget about how all these idols are just regular human beings sometimes.
Honestly I’m still stunned that I was able to meet him. Y always reassured me that she would make sure I met Bobby whenever he came to the US but I honestly never thought it would actually happen. I got so excited when she told me he was coming to the US. But after he arrived she wasn’t sure if I would be able to meet him for other reasons which I was a bit disappointed about I’m not going to lie. I tried to keep a positive outlook though, that there would be other opportunities to meet him cause I don’t like to be negative. But Friday night when I was texting her she was saying how she was trying to text him to see if he was free during the day on Saturday. She texted me the plan Saturday morning and no lie I was freaking out internally all the way to meet them. I couldn’t stop thinking about what would I say and what I should and should not say.
Now that it’s actually happened and I’ve met my #1 bias, I am so grateful and I realized how lucky I truly am. This is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity that I was presented with and I’ll never be able to forget it. I’m so eternally grateful to my best friend for making it happen for me cause she knows how big of a Bobby fan I am even though she hates to hear about it haha. I think I’ve told her 3 times since I last saw her about how much I love her and how grateful I am for her being my best friend. So if you are reading this Y, although I doubt you would read all this shit, I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH <3
But yeah that’s about it, if you still have any questions please don’t hesitate to send me an ask! I’m sorry it was so long but if I don’t write everything down I’m afraid that I will forget about it. I hope you all enjoyed hearing about my personal experience!