post presidents' day president marathon

#16: Abraham Lincoln

  • Born in a log cabin.
  • His morning exercise regimen consisted of running for miles while carrying two giant logs on each shoulder. 
  • Nicest guy ever.
  • …And he was really funny.
  • Really fucking tall.
  • He was 6'4"
  • Buff as fuck under that suit.
  • Extremely well read.
  • The supreme master of sarcasm.
  • Grew his beard out because a girl he liked said he’d look cool with it.
  • During a debate when one of his opponents called him two-faced he responded by saying “If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?
  • Was a bigger Atheist than Jefferson.
  • Was tough as fuck.
  • As a child he was kicked in the head by a horse and then he just kinda walked it off.
  • Was a very skilled wrestler.
  • Won the support of a notorious street gang by out wrestling their leader.
  • Upon seeing one of his supporters being attacked at a rally, Abe quickly jumped into the crowd, grabbed the attacker, lifted him over his head, and threw him onto a building.
  • Got so many death threats that he kept all of them in a file in his desk labeled "Assassinations.”
  • FUCK JOHN WILKES BOOTH!