Relax - Baekhyun

Originally posted by sehyeols

     “Ah, I can’t do this anymore!”

     There was rage hidden behind your tone; heat was rising from your seated position, and touching the root of your mouth. Your hands were quick to launch the pen that was in your hand, across the home. As the thud her echoed throughout the silent place, what could be heard was a pause of a TV, followed by beckoning footsteps. It only took a minute for your boyfriend to make his way down the hall and poke his head out from behind the pillar. 

  “Is.. everything okay in here?” There was a sign of worry that carried through his hands, but also a sense of humor hidden behind his tone. 

  Your eyes followed the direction of his voice, landing on the male that was just a few steps away. A source of a chill was soon to carry up his spine, when your cold, icy, blazing eyes landed on the likes of him. He gulped as a soft smile fell onto his features. “Want a hug?”

  “Baekhyun, I’m not in the mood. Cut the jokes.” 

   Telling him exactly how you were feeling, wasn’t anything you had to do. As long as he had been around, he could read your emotion just by glancing at your face. It was a specialty he had after being together for a year now. Over the course of you two being together, there would be occasional times where you would stress, have mental break downs and even beat yourself up on outcomes that had nothing to do with you. Baekhyun hated it, with a passion. He hated going to your place and listen to you complain about all the work that you had to get done, complain about how rough your boss was on you, and even now, he hated it much more.

  There would be times where you didn’t want to be bothered and it would sometimes even get to Baekhyun as a whole. He would usually leave you to your struggle and have you deal with it your way, but not today. He was going to bother you, no matter how much you glare at him or give him the silent treatment. Taking up the open space right beside you, he leaned forward on his knees, propping his elbows onto of them, as his face was just inches away from yours.

  “What’s bothering you, my Ice Queen?”

  At that moment, you wanted to be alone, wanting to calculate through your thoughts but unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be that way. Baekhyun always made those simple things, impossible. You couldn’t even stay mad at him, knowing that he was just trying to be the good boyfriend that he is. “My boss is having me do all this paperwork in ONE night, and if it’s not done by tomorrow.. I can possibly lose my job.”

  “What an asshole!”

   A look of shock was expressed, when hearing the swear word leave from your innocent boyfriend’s mouth. “Sorry.” He briefly said afterwards, when feeling your eyes burn through the side of his head. “I can’t finish all this paperwork by tonight, but I need this job.”

  Baekhyun watched as your leg twitched with each movement, and the way you would raise your hand up to rub at your sore neck, every once in a while. There were bags hoisted under your eyes, which could easily be the solution to your lost of sleep. He didn’t bother to tell you to take at least a catnap, knowing that you wouldn’t even listen.

  “You know what, maybe I should quit..”

  Oh no. There were lots of things that Baekhyun could list about you, but one of them were definitely not one of a quiter. That could never be. Not with you, anyway. “Babe, look-”

  He reached out in front of you, closing the laptop at a slow rate. His left hand, going to push back the notepad that was near the end of the table, as his right took in your hand by surprise. The contact that was being issued was something that could never be initiative, because of your nature and his busy schedule. If it had to be explained and directly spoken of, the two never had the chance to do things that couples would do.

  At the very least, Baekhyun didn’t work as much as he use to but you were still the busy person that you was when the two of you first met. A chaste kiss would be made every now and then, and even sometimes a little bit of cuddling when the two would coincidentally fall asleep near each other, once in a while but it was nothing more than that. You were actually quite surprised when he didn’t decide to break up with you. It was even as though that the more you two avoided one another, the more he fell into comfort with you. You didn’t want things to be as they were but it couldn’t have been helped and there wasn’t a path that you wanted to choose from.

   Shifting slightly, to be pulled up to the comfort of Baekhyun, you were met with confusion. His hands were holding onto your smaller ones, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back side of your hand. It was warm, comforting, and everlasting. It was kind of weird, and unusual but at the same time, it was worth while. Your eyes traveled from the soothing nature of his thumbs, panning at the warm look in his eyes. He had a soft smile plastered on his face, as he searched through the envies of your eyes, before softly saying,


    At any given time, that would be something that would cause you to flip but when it left from his mouth, it was more of a warm reassurance. It was almost as though you had walked through a variety of an over escalated feel of ecstasy, another portal that was completely different from the nightmare that you were experiencing— matter of fact, you couldn’t even remember what the nightmare was about of why it was taking a huge affect on you. 


  Snapping out of the heavy daze that was keeping you isolated, your mind was wavered when the boy’s smile grew even wider. “Wow, did that really work? I wish I would have done this nine months ago!”

   Even in a serious situation, he still found a way to make things a little easy, and even made the atmosphere be reminded that there were always good sides to everything that made life hard. His outgoing nature and reassuring care was enough to bring you to a sense of understanding. He was the only one who truly cared. Even when you were being a snappy bitch and giving him a hard time of living the way he wanted, he never left your side. When you ignored his texts, his calls, his needing of hanging out, he still sat by your side, despite all of that. You loved him for that, you really did, and there would have been nothing in the world that would ever change your feelings for him.


   His facial expression was suddenly turned to a hope of want and a challenge of understanding her more and more. “Hm?”

  “I love you, I truly do.”

   His eyes searched the reps of yours as he tried to find the common understanding of seriousness that was behind your words. He had never heard you use the ‘L’ word and it was even uncommon for you to have some sort of affection when it came to him. 

  “Y-you.. love me?” He was impressed, amazed and astonished with the work of art that was being made. The look of happiness that was founded on his face, caused you to smile from ear to ear. To see him happy, was one of your work’s desire. You were already thinking solely on how to show him the love that you been holding back, afraid to be hurt by anybody with a clear look of punishment. You even did the one thing that you weren’t always use to doing, which was picking up a magazine and reading statuses and articles on the definition of a perfect couple. Baekhyun had done everything he could, to show that he was serious, so why couldn’t you do the same thing?

   Grabbing a hold of your bottom lip, with your top row of teeth, you nervously looked down at your hands. “What’s wrong? Did I mess up? Should I try it again?” Baekhyun was beginning to get worried, thinking that what he did was wrong and out of league and that he shouldn’t have initiated anything as careless as that, even when you were experiencing an emotion shock. 


  The stern tone was enough to stop him from his questions and panicking and even calm him down to the point where the only place he looked, was in your eyes. “I want to.. take this relationship to another level.”

  “You want to actually sit in the same room as me?”

   You could tell it was joke, but even so, it had a deeper meaning to it and it was one that could easily be thought of, because of the way you were acting and the way things just played out to be. “Sorry.”

  “No no, I was kidding, I wasn’t trying to-”

  “I’m sorry.”

   Your eyes began to water and the look of worry began to warm throughout Baekhyun’s face, as he got lost in the depths of time. Despite with the situation that has been crawling between the two, it was nothing that could change the way he felt about you. His love was just as strong and to him, that’s all that ever really mattered. Despite the slight misunderstandings between you two. Though there were times where he wish he could do more. To hold you, kiss you, breathe you but it wasn’t anything that he dwelled on because he wanted to come off, as respectful. 

  Though, in the current moment, everything seemed just about right. The moment, the feeling, everything felt right, there was nothing that could possibly do much more than change the way everything was being notified as. Without second warnings, his hands were masked at your face, holding you as though it was a mission. When his lips ghosted over the path of your own, it was as though you were experiencing something that was way more stressful than work itself, it was intimacy. Something that you never even bothered to deal with, but there could always be a beginning to something.

  Pushing yourself forward, you allowed his soft lips to wander through the open of yours. It was slow, passionate, meaningful but as the time went by, it was beginning to move past the stage of meaning. The kiss got rougher, more urgent and things were beginning to pick up a pace of needing. The next moment, your back was met with the leather underneath you and Baekhyun was propped above you. He was panting, from the exotic level of kissing. 

  “Are you sure about this?” He asked, with a hint of care.

  A simple nod was all he needed, before he leaned back down and took in your lips with one sweep. This time, there was more tongue involved and more touching. His hands roamed down your side, down the smooth surface of your legs and making it’s way back up to hitch up the base of your gown. 

    His mouth prodded your lips, asking for permission to skid past the passage of blockage, which you gladly accepted. His tongue roamed places that you never could have thought that could be surfaced through. A light moan was immediately swallowed through coverage of Baekhyun’s mouth. His bottom was moving in circular motion, again your lower area, having you surprised with what you were feeling. Baekhyun could even truthfully admit that the moment that was being processed, was something that he long waited for, but chose to hold back. 

   The hardness that poked out, was enough to have you staring up at Baekhyun with questioning being. “B-baek?”

  “Hm?” He hummed, his mouth working at your neck, sucking and biting with a hint of tendency. His tongue would dart out every now and then, to have a taste of the meal that was laid out in front of him, that was rightfully his. Another moan was reciprocated from you but this one actually being heard.

 “I feel something.”

 Your confusing choice of words, was enough to have him pausing in his stead and giving you a look of mislead. “Huh?”

 Leaving from a the warmth of his eyes, your eyes traveled down to the space between your bodies as he was soon to follow in your lead of judgement. When catching glimpse of what was really bothering you, he sighed allowing a smile to crawl it’s way on your features. “It’s a called a boner, babe.” 

  It was a surprise to you, of the way everything was playing out and to the instant of what you were getting yourself into. “Did it feel weird?”

  Come to think of it, it didn’t seem to bother you in the way that things would usually bug you. It felt kind of good, in a way that you wanted more. “Not really..”

  To hear your response as something else other than the vulgar language that you would usually use when he got too attached and clingy, he was taken back by the gesture. A small tug was formed at the corner of his lips, as he slightly did the movement once again. “So you like when I do.. this?” When his bottom half came in contact with you, it was almost like a new urge of need hit you like a bolt of lightening. Your top row of teeth, came into strong contact with your bottom lip as Baekhyun continued to grind his lower half into your body.

  “Baekhyun..” You breathed, hearing him groan slightly, as his mouth reconnected to the side of your neck, putting the final touches on his piece of art. “Oh my..” You stood steady deep breaths, trying to keep a calm mind and peaceful soul towards the pleasure that was being felt throughout your body. Baekhyun took his slow time to slide his hand down the side of your leg, sending goosebumps throughout your body. He moved it towards the center of your underwear, sliding his hand up and down the fabric. You were quick to pull away from the male, giving him a warning glare. “Relax.” How could you possibly go against him when he was being soothing and promising with everything that he was saying? 

   Allowing him to continue what he first initiated, his hand slid down the entrance of your underwear, rubbing over your area, as you moaned out loud. A hand was quick to retreat to your mouth as he smirked, willingly. “No no, let it be heard. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

  Taking hint of the note that was spoken out to you, the energy that was raising through your body, was finally being able to roam loose. His fingers prodded at the area and used his index finger to spread your lips, and rub your clit. That one flick enough to have you a moving mess as she repeated the step, over and over.

  Seeing you all laid out under him, was just the thing to needed to grow impatient. “God, you are so wet.”

  “Yah, don’t say things like that. It’s weird, and I will beat the-”

  “Yeah yeah, I love you too.”

  A smile was pulled to the surface of your face, actually glad to have someone like Baekhyun around. It always felt good to actually know that someone care and wanted you around. It was just difficult to show the care, when life was always in the way. His hand slid down to your hole, pushing his middle finger into the opening. It was a weird stretch, as the next thing you felt was the pressure that was entering you from below. Your mouth fell open in amazement as Baekhyun lips had captured your mouth in one swift movement, swallowing your moans as a whole. The vibration of your lips setting off against his, was the point that Baekhyun knew that he couldn’t take anymore waiting. Pushing his self up, he sat on his hind legs quickly dealing with the strain that was going to be the death of him. His hands quickly worked at his belt, kicking off his pants and tossing his underwear with it. 

  Watching in astonishment, you never even noticed the thing he had in between his legs, counting back to the times where you guys were cuddled up to one another.  The look in his eyes, was enough to calm you done and soothe you and have you knowing that nothing was going to happen to you and that everything was going to be alright.

  His hands were patiently patched at your hip as he gave you a confirmation look. A small nod you did was the green light for him to slowly slide your underwear down your legs and allowing it to fall into the pile that consisted of his pants and boxers. He pushed your skirt up, allowing for your bottom half to be in full view. There was a slight glint in his eyes, mesmerized by the way you were in full sight to him. Scooting closer to you, he grabbed both of your legs, wrapping them around his waist as he lined his throbbing member up to your expectant hole. The tip rubbing up and down your lips, leaving you with slight pants leaving your mouth.

  “Tell me when it’s becoming too much for you, okay?” 

   Laying your head back against the couch, you closed your eyes and braced yourself for the new adventure that was about to take place. Baekhyun carefully laid his hand on your stomach, moving his hips forwards to slide in you at a slow pace. Trying his best to not hurt you and do nothing but have you feel the relaxation that he planned. It wasn’t hurting, and you were actually relieved that you weren’t feeling any of the pain, that most girls experienced. You had read lots of articles before on girl’s first times and it was nothing as they explained. Maybe it was because of the slickness that you were producing and the gentleness that was being used on you and—

  “Holy shit!” 

   Your language had surprised Baekhyun as he stopped moving. His eyes searched your face for an explanation that would clearly help him comprehend what was going on. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

   You couldn’t even muster up the courage to tell the male exactly how you were feeling, as a single tear slipped down your cheek. “K-keep going.” The soft whisper had Baekhyun second guessing as he gulped and continued to push past the barrier that was keeping him out. At a slow pace, he began to rock his hips back and forth, creating a steady pace. It was painful, something that you couldn’t even bother to imagine, though after just a few more thrust, it began to subside and nothing for pleasure could be felt. 


  Baekhyun groaned with every thrust, as his hands were rested beside your head as he looked down at the space between your bodies and watched how he entered and exited you. The side alone was enough to have you raging on to continue, turning him on even more. “Babe..” He groaned, looking down in your eyes as one of his hands reached to pull the fabric of your shirt up just enough that he had the ability to fondle your boobs through your lace bra. It only took another few minutes for you to be a moaning mess under him. Another side that he had never even thought of before, was showing, and he didn’t even complain. The profanity, and engaging words, caught him off guard. Oh my god, yes, don’t stop

  When you felt him pull away all together, you sighed as he turned you over on your hands and knees, and pulled your hips in the direction of his. Your head was propped up on the arm rest, as he slowly slid back into you. 

  It was almost as though the current position was more satisfying then the last. Your toes curled and you almost shouted by the mixed emotions you were feeling. He thrust at a high rate and further altitude as his hands were tightly gripping your sides, slamming you back into him. The sound of your skin slapping together, echoed throughout the quiet apartment, leaving you to moaning out even louder than before. He began to pant, and his eyes began to water from the pleasure that was surging through his veins. 

   “Oh god, you got tight.”

   “I-i feel weird!”

    Baekhyun knew what was to come next, as he picked up the pace, “Come!” For the first time in forever, you listened to a command that someone had told you to do, as your released around him, having him call out your name in shock. He pulled out, as he sat back on the couch, with his head hanging off the back, trying to recollect his voice. You laid in the same spot for a minute before turning to look at the male. “Baek?”

  He raised his head and smiled widely at you before pulling your face towards him. He kissed you lovingly as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Are you feeling better?” You nodded slightly, as your leg brushed against something, that was below you. Your eyes lowered to Baekhyun’s abdomen area, taking in the hint of his friend. “But I see you aren’t alright. You didn’t come?”


  Taking a deep breath, you suddenly got off the couch and dropped down in front of Baek. His eyes widened as he gave you a worried look, “What are you doing?”

  A smile tugged at your lips, as you winked. 

   “Just relax.”

~ Admin Rosa


I’m home alone again on a Friday night while Sir is off with Bones. They’re going to a birthday bar event for a co-worker of mine (and former co-worker of Sir’s). When we were each invited a couple weeks ago, Sir emailed me and said he wanted to go and if it was too late for me he could take someone else. I hadn’t seen the event description when I got his message, but I instantly didn’t want to go.

He didn’t understand why I was hurt by what he said. Um, well, I don’t even know about the event and you’re already offering to ditch me for someone else? Yes, that could be why my feelings are hurt.

Whatever. I’m actually glad to have a little me time right now.

(cue a text from Sir saying he’s on his way home…like what happened last time I was looking forward to me time!).

I’ve got a night out at The Troubadour tomorrow. If you’re in LA and want to see a show, meet me there. I don’t know the musician performing, but my old roomie is into him. Reeve Carney? 

Sunday morning, Sir has a job and The Geek is coming over. He texted yesterday about getting together and if he hadn’t agreed to come here, I might have bailed on him. I’m not going to drive 20+ miles each way to have ok sex and head home in under 2 hours. I know I should just tell him I’m not into this. I mean, it’s fine when I see him, but I’m really not into the effort.

In completely different news…work is busy…and stressful. There’s this thing happening with the NIH budget, where the <gag> president wants to cut F&A rates to 10%. This would effectively ruin research programs at universities across the country. And the scariest part? The HHS Secretary and OMB Director can agree on the cut without action from congress. I was in a meeting today and they were saying that, if this were to happen, we’d have to make decisions about which research programs to support. I was in a room full of faculty, but I was also thinking that administrative units like mine would surely have to be slashed.

Being that I’m the main income for my family, the possibility of losing my job is terrifying. I may be over-reacting, but the message from the Council on Government Relations and the Association of American Universities is that it *is* time to panic.

And on that happy note…have a great weekend everyone!

then hang em high or not at all

oh you know I’m no good

at court ordered goodbyes.

I could lose my job in two weeks.

I’ve worked at the HMV in Harrods since October 22nd 2007. 

It doesn’t feel like a workplace a lot of the time. I have close friends there; I have people there who helped me come out of my queer shell and explore that side of me. I have confidantes, people I trust. I am open about my mental health there and the management have been incredible and accommodating about it. My manager changed my shifts so I could get my first season ticket. A lot of the staff have left that I started with but a lot of them I keep in touch with.

We’re closing down. Not because we’re not profitable, but because Harrods wanted us to either go, or just sell Technology items. We don’t have money from iPads and docks and such; we make money on peripherals, and games. Our lease was up, so we decided to go.  

Now the positions available are either a) too many hours, or b) not enough hours, or c) too far away. The most viable move I will lose £320 a month. I won’t be able to survive on what’s left. 

As well as all that, I’m worried about moving to another shop where my mental health will be discriminated against. I will be starting twice weekly therapy come Easter which would be scary enough in my current position with my current work team. 

So that’s work stress, and health stress.

There’s university stress, too. I don’t want that to fuck up because of all this.

Three things.

Now the lovely cherry on the cake. There’s a guy. And I think I am falling for him, again, but I can’t read him right now, and I don’t know what he wants. We were nearly something, then something was jammed in the gears and rolled the machine backwards. We started talking again only in November, and every time we hug or talk I get this stupid sharp pain in my chest. 

What’s the deal with you two?

I wish I could answer that question but truth be told, I don’t even know. I don’t know what we are, if we can be anything, if we can ever be in a position of trust with each other again.

All I know is that he drives me crazy. That he’s gotten into my head and goddamnit, isn’t leaving. 

I think sooner rather than later I’m just going to tell him straight out that I still feel how I did back then. Then it’s really his choice. If he wants to be friends, we’ll do that. If he wants to go back to that place and go from there, then that’s cool.

If he wants to walk away entirely, that’s his choice too.

basically a lot right now is out of my control.