portal bathroom

Lauren isn’t expecting much from her twenty second birthday. All the important milestones had already passed, all of them leaving her empty handed. No Hogwarts letter had arrived on her eleventh birthday, no mermaid tail had appeared on her thirteenth. The enormously prophetic sixteenth year – the year famously known for having destinies foretold, for being kidnapped by gods, for falling into a ridiculous love triangle – had come and gone with nothing of note. The most magical part of her twenty first birthday had been that’d she’d manage to consume that amount of alcohol without dying

No grand epics begin on the day of someone’s twenty second birthday.

This is because of those unlucky enough to be chosen at this tender age – most don’t ever make it back.

Dead men tell no tales, after all.


(Dead women do. The bones and bubbling corpses of hundreds of daring, unfortunate women are screaming warnings and fury at the next girl to join their ranks of the lost and forgotten.

But no one listens to a woman’s screaming.

No one will listen to your screaming either.

Sorry, dear. )


She wakes up and goes to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

This is a hasty decision, of course, although she does not know it at the time.

This may be her last morning. If she’d known, maybe she would have savored it. Snuggled into her warm sheets, pressed her face into the softness of her pillow, pulled the comforter about her bare shoulders, the most instinctual and simple of comforts.

But then again. Maybe not.

There is also an instinctual, twisted pleasure in ripping off the bandaid.

Keep reading

Episode 17: Give Peas a Chance

Ben: I’m just saying, it’s a new year! Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about the same old subjects. Let’s take out a new lease on life…turn over a new leaf.

Doyle: And I’m just saying, Ben, that if there is a portal leading into my bathroom, and there is, then maybe more people should be aware, man.

Ben: I can’t…I can’t handle this. This is you, Sammy.

Keep reading


Climbing West Face of El Cap

May 18 2017

My partner Leo and I just completed our first El Cap route, The West Face 11c. We are both fairly new long trad routes as we are more bouldering/sport climbers. A week prior, we did our longest route together, the 13 pitch Center of the Universe 11b at the FiFi Buttress.

We woke up at 3am from El Portal, ate a bagel, bathroom break at arch rock, parked at El Cap Meadow and started hiking at 4am. The initial approach was clear up until the end. We got off route and went down too much when we should have stayed closer to the wall. We found the fixed ropes and followed this to a clear view of route start. We arrived to the start at 6am.

Leo led the first pitch and I led the second pitch. The first pitch has a hard slab crux but luckily bolt protected. The 2nd pitch has a strange diagonal finger tip crack with glassy foot holds. We did our best to free climb it but resorted to French freeing the .11 crux moves. On the second pitch, I took a fall on the 10R part. It was a big fall(20ft?) but unhurt. Unfortunately these first 2 pitches took us 3 hours because of trying to free it. Since this was our first attempt, we should have just aided through the hard moves instead of wasting time freeing it.

Pitches 3-5 were easier climbing but were a little run-out so we were careful and didn’t move extremely fast. There were two more hard 11c steep finger crack cruxes at pitch 6 and 7 but they weren’t as difficult as the first two pitches.

After pitch 7, we let another group pass us up since this was the last bolted anchor before the Grand Terrace ledge. They moved through the first 2 pitches much faster than us. We kept pace with them until the last summit pitch.

The remainder of the pitches were easier but still hard a very different feel to Yosemite climbing. The cracks weren’t the smooth granite but a rougher quartz crystals. While cleaning on pitch 9, I dropped a .3 cam.

We got to Thanksgiving ledge around 5:30p. We took a little break here to finish all of our food. Thankfully, it was only easy climbing from here. We followed the route to the left and it was maybe 400 feet of easier sub-5.6 moves to the top.

We got to the top at 8p right when the sun was setting. We put on our approach shoes, packed the rope into the backpack and the adventure was just beginning.

It was our first time on El Cap and we had to get down: Either the 8.5 mile Yosemite Falls Trail or the East Ledges Rappel route.

We went for the East Ledges Rappel route as the party that passed us gave us some tips to stay comfortably close to the ridge line. Unfortunately, we went too high and had to cut back down. We got fairly lost and had to navigate through a maze of trees. With the aid of Internet, we found enough descriptions to locate a Carin trail marker and then with a GPS waypoint, we found rappel anchor. Since it was pitch black, we made sure to double check our rappel setup.

We did the 5 rappels, walked down the Manure Pile and back to the car in El Cap Meadow. It was 1:30am and we finished our first El Cap route!

  • 2000 feet of climbing
  • 1000 feet of hiking
  • 22 hours car to car


  • Bring offset cams, smaller cams
  • Learn where the East Ledges in the daytime ( GPS: 37.73283, -119.62406 ). Do East Buttress first to learn the descent route not in the dark!


  • 70m rope (we could have used a 60m rope)
  • Double set of BD cams: .3 to 3
  • 1 set of nuts
  • ~12 slings and carabiners
  • *Should have brought offset cams and smaller cams
  • 2 32oz water bottles with hydration tablets
  • 2.5L of water in camelbak
  • Beef Jerky
  • Salmon and Bagel
  • PB&J Bagel
  • 5 energy bars

So we finished remodeling my bathroom…

External image

somuchbetterthanthat  asked:

If you're tempted, Irma/Floréal/Louison, - flirting? (can be just two of them if you prefer!)

In which it is really hard to tell if girls are flirting with you or not sometimes.


“Grantaire said he had a friend I had to meet, he didn’t warn me you were so pretty or I would have told him to make it a blind date,” Irma Boissy says the first time Floréal meets her, at the bar at the Corinthe, sliding into the seat next to her and elbowing Grantaire as he sits down too.

“Of course she’s pretty, I make sure all my friends are as beautiful as possible so I have models for my art and a way to make up to the world for my face.”

“Hush, I’m getting compliments,” Floréal tells Grantaire, rolling her eyes at him and then looking at Irma again. She’s very pretty, with an asymmetric haircut Floréal would love to steal and a pattern on her sleeves that looks hand-embroidered. “Maybe even giving them. Keep telling me nice things about myself and we can reconsider the blind date thing.”

“I never should have introduced the two of you,” Grantaire says, off to the side, though he sounds amused more than worried. “I suddenly want to take all of this back.”

“Hush,” Irma tells him, and that makes Floréal like her even more. Sometimes Grantaire has to be told to shut up, it’s a wise person who knows when. “Now, tell me about all these compliments you’re thinking about giving me.”

Keep reading


Under-appreciated Movie of the Day: Lost in Austen (2008)

“Everyone you know… will one day prise your fingers from the raft and watch you drown. It is the way of the world. Everyone, except me.”

A thoroughly modern heroine threatens to ruin one of the world’s greatest literary love stories in this ingenious reinvention of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.

Bored bank worker Amanda Price literally becomes lost in her favorite Austen book after she finds a strange portal in her bathroom and swaps places with its heroine, Elizabeth Bennet. Once she gets entangled in the affairs of the Bennet family and the dashing Mr. Darcy, how can she keep this celebrated romance on track?

[watch online]