porta cabine

Wounds

Aaron isn’t the only one with scars…

The sequel to Scars by @smittenwithsugden

 Inspired by @aarondingel and her lovely head canons.

Thanks Matty (@bluewinseverytime) as always you make everything better. Any mistakes are still mine to make.

It had only been a few weeks since, that monster, Jason had been released and Robert found himself wanting to spend all his time with Aaron. Even more than usual. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his husband, more that he wanted to be there should he be needed.

Robert would never admit it to anyone but hanging out at the scrap-yard, pulling apart old cars was actually a lot of fun for the most part, especially if it meant he got to steal kisses from Aaron, and even more so if they could get the porta-cabin to themselves.

What Robert didn’t expect was for the wrench he was using to slip and the motion to send him falling into the open cavern of the car he’d been working on. He felt his skin tear, not pain but fire blazing up his arm.

“Looks like you’ve lost your touch,” Aaron joked behind him and Robert heard himself chuckle.

Robert hoped it was just a scratch but his palm felt sticky with blood and his skin was clammy, it felt wrong.  He didn’t want to frighten Aaron but a steady drip, drip and the spots forming before his eyes told him he needed to move, to do something and quick.

“Aaron, don’t panic okay?” Robert said in warning, standing up slowly and carefully pulling his arm out of the belly of the car.

He didn’t want to look at it but he forced himself. It looked so much worse than it felt and it felt pretty damn bad. The skin was flayed apart from wrist to elbow and he could feel the blood as it pumped out and down his arm. So, he must have hit an artery then.

Aaron’s face was a white as a sheet and Robert knew it was shock, he tried to get Aaron to sit down but found himself being forced into a chair instead.

Robert tried to remember everything he knew about first-aid while his husband rang for an ambulance. Something about pressure and raising the wound above his head but Robert was struggling to keep his head off his chest, so that might be beyond him right this minute.

Robert knew it was bad when Aaron stripped off his top leaving his husband naked from the waist up, he wrapped it around Robert’s arm. His scars on display, Aaron begged and cursed Robert in the same breath.

“Don’t cry Aaron, it’s just a little scratch,” Robert said, wanting to stop the panic on his husband’s face.

“You were only ever meant to have one Robert,” Aaron said placing his hand over Robert’s chest where the scar of his near death experience resided. “Only one.”

Robert tried to stay awake, he promised Aaron that he’d never leave. Messed up forever he vowed just before he slipped into unconsciousness.

A beep was what woke him.

A heavy weight on his thigh pulled at him dragging him closer to awareness. Robert looked down to find Aaron there looking back at him, hand stoking his leg.

“I didn’t think we would get here in time. It was bad Robert they’re saying possible nerve and muscle damage. The word rehab has been used a lot,” Aaron said his words sounding harsh but Robert knew it was because he was scared. “147 stitches, Robert.”

“Are you okay?” Robert asked feeling the urge to check for himself.

“Robert, yes you idiot,” Aaron replied sitting up, he pressed a kiss to Robert’s forehead and placed a gentle hand on Robert’s chest. “One.” Aaron moved his hand so that it hovered above Robert’s bandaged arm, “Two, just two Robert. Okay?”

Robert reached out with his good arm and tangled their fingers together. “Okay, just two,” he promised, nodding and it sounded a lot like ‘I love you’.

iwillsendapostcard  asked:

Pauline!! Is it cheating if I say that your blog reminds me of the scene in your icon? Probably, but I'm gonna do it anyway ;) Cause it;s such a great scene! How wonderful it is to see Aaron acting on his desires! But the best thing for me is the way in which Robert watches him, trying to be calm, but with WANT written all over his face. There is so much to say about this scene and I know you would talk about it with eloquence and insight <3

AHHH no, no eloquence and insight on my side here. I LOVE this scene so much (it is my icon for a reason, haha) so thank you so much for this! I love that Aaron is the one initiating and I love Robert’s outfit and the way he looks at him and just….

Mistletoe Kisses

Context: Robert only has one Christmas wish but it seems harder than he first thought to actually make it happen.


He didn’t care if it was cliché, he didn’t care that he’d gotten the idea from all the movies, he didn’t care if he’d get teased for it for the rest of his life for it – he wanted to give Aaron a kiss under the mistletoe.

It was a morning in mid-December and Aaron had woken up much earlier than Robert, not a change there then. As he quietly entered the living room he spotted Aaron with his back to him making them cups of coffee, instantly causing a soft smile to form on his face. He had the mistletoe in his hand and approached Aaron holding it behind his back.

“Hey.” He murmured, resting his head on Aaron’s shoulder and wrapping his free arm around Aaron’s front. “Morning.” He continued pressing a small kiss to Aaron’s neck.

“Morning,” Aaron replied smiling at his boyfriend’s touch, “Finally got up then?” He teased, finishing making their cups of coffee.

“Well I would’ve preferred you to have been there when I woke up but,” He flirted, turning Aaron so that he was facing him, “I guess this’ll do.”

He could see the soft smile which had formed on Aaron’s face at his comments and noticed Aaron began leaning in.

“Ah,” Robert interrupted him, leaning back slightly and lifting his mistletoe over their heads, “Merry Christmas.”

“Soft lad.” Aaron laughed before fondly gazing into Roberts eyes.

“Yeah but you love it.” Robert smirked in response.

“Hmmmm.” Aaron continued before once again leaning in to kiss Robert until –

“Oh, he wakes, does he?!” Charity sarcastically remarked walking into the living room, disrupting them before they had a chance to kiss, “You do know that bathroom isn’t going to clean itself Robert, I don’t know what your last slave died of but I’m telling you now you’ll be joining him if you don’t sort it out.”

“Right, I’ll sort it now.” He said turning back to face Aaron and leaned in,

“Robert!” Charity shouted once again when Robert clearly ignored her remark.

“Fine.” He said pulling away from Aaron, handing him the mistletoe before barging past Charity and back upstairs. Fucking Charity.


A few days later Robert had the privilege of picking Liv up from school - his favourite pass time. Today he was planning on picking Aaron up from the scrapyard before going into Hotten and going to the Christmas markets they had on. But when he arrived he saw Aaron heading out of the porta cabin, still in his scrap clothes and covered in dirt.

“Not what I thought you’d be wearing to go into town?” Robert questioned getting out of the car.

“Adam’s gone for special duties with Vic he said so he left me here with a tonne of work to do, don’t think we’ll have time tonight.” Aaron explained, stood at the porta cabin doorway. “Sorry.”

“I’m alright, good luck telling little miss sunshine over there, she’s been telling me for 30 minutes about how crap her day’s been.” Robert said indicating towards the car in which a moody Liv sat.

“Well Adam owes me a day off now though, maybe tomorrow?” Aaron suggested raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah sounds good,” Robert replied before looking above them in the doorway and potting something that made him smirk, “What’s all this about then? Should I be jealous?”

“What do you think? It’s Adam messing about, thinks he’s a comedian.”

“I’m not complaining…” Robert smirked leaning in towards Aaron –

Suddenly a large beep came from the car and both turned around to see Liv sticking her head out the window of the car,

“Oi are you two coming or can you take me home because I’ve got better things to do than sit here watching you two do your own production of love actually.” Classic Liv.

Robert and Aaron both took a sigh, frustrated by their interruption.

“Wish me luck.” Robert huffed as he began walking back towards the car.

“With what?” Aaron asked confusion spread on his face.

“Explaining to the angel Gabriel over there that were not taking her to town anymore.” This caused Aaron to smile at his boyfriend before returning to work as Robert drove back to the pub with Liv.


It was just after the Christingle service in the church and all the villagers had gathered in the pub, once again Robert had found his mistletoe and walked into the busy pub hoping to find Aaron. Walking through from the back door he spotted Aaron sat in the corner with Adam.

He attempted to worm his way through the packed pub to reach his boyfriend and as he did so he caught Aaron’s attention and smiled towards him. Just as he quickly slipped past a loved-up Finn and Kasim, a drunken Tracey and a merry Marlon he was suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Robert!” Kerry? She had clearly had way too much to drink and was throwing her arm around Roberts shoulder still trying to balance on her stool.

“You know it must be weird for you, living here with that lot, at least you’re happy though, cause what else matters? Robert? What else is more important? Nothing. That’s what. Remember that -”

“-yeah couldn’t agree more if you don’t mind – “He interrupted gesturing towards Aaron.

“-Is that mistletoe?! Robert, you shouldn’t have, you can plant one on me anytime.”

“Actually, it’s meant for Aa- “Before he could continue he’d been pulled in roughly by his jumper and was stuck with Kerry’s lips touching his, something he was not enjoying in the slightest and definitely something he wasn’t reciprocating. As soon as he could he pushed her away and got away from her as soon as possible, before looking over at Aaron who he expected to be horrified.

No.

Instead he saw his fiancé sat in the corning crying laughing with Adam at what he had just witnessed. Unsurprisingly, Robert decided to ditch his plan, for some reason he was no longer in the right mood, he couldn’t think why. Instead he headed back into the back room and started wiping Kerry’s lipstick off of his face.


It eventually reached Christmas eve. The pub was ram packed with the villagers, everyone was there, the Dingles, the Bartons, even the Whites were there, everyone apart from Chas and Charity – they were upstairs wrapping a million presents for all the Dingles so they had Robert and Aaron handling the bar from them.

It was approaching midnight soon, they were playing the Christmas songs loud enough for them to be heard from the next village along, the drinks were constantly being given out to people and the room was filled with laughter and cheer – safe to say Robert and Aaron knew how to make it a good night.

“Ayyye it’s nearly Christmas!” Adam shouted, excitement radiating from his face. “30…29…28…” Suddenly the whole room began counting down as if it were new year, Robert pulled Aaron closer to him, feeling happier than he had ever remembered feeling at Christmas and the feeling was mutual for Aaron as well,

“15…14…13…” Seeing everyone in the pub getting along was amazing, the whole village just enjoying Christmas together and feeling a sense of merriment regardless of how much everyone had been through. David, Moira, the Bartons, even Aaron – they had all been stronger this year than they’d ever had to be yet here they were, enjoying life being surrounded by the people they love the most.

“3…2…1! MERRY CHRISTMAS!” The pub exploded into cheers as Adam already began playing more Christmas songs.

Robert and Aaron were still stood together at the back of the bar, Aaron’s arms resting round Roberts neck and Robert’s hands keeping him close by his waist, both looking lovingly into each other’s eyes, realising how this Christmas would be their best yet. Suddenly Robert broke their gaze and looked up which caused Aaron to copy, both spotting the mistletoe hanging above them causing them both to laugh.

Robert returned his focus to Aaron and smiled softly at him,

“Merry Christmas.” He smiled leaning in.

“Merry Christmas.” Aaron replied, closing the gap between them. The kiss was gentle and loving, yet filled with passion in a way only they knew, they were totally engaged in each other’s embrace that they only pulled apart when they heard Adams voice yet again from the other side of the bar.

“Oi lads when you’ve finished I’ll have another pint.” Causing them both to shake their head laughing at the state of Adam and how he happy he was. Robert leant in once more and pressed one more quick kiss on Aaron’s lips before letting him go,

“I’ll let you take this one.”


Written for @lumiereclifford Hope this was okay I haven’t written in a while, let me know what you think and if you want more leave me a prompt/request in my ask Xx

Fools Fall in Love (Trixya 50s AU) 1/8 - Vixen

So this went in a total different direction than I had planned, but I’ll work it out. Hopefully people like it anyway, Im really happy with it tbh, I put a lot of time researching different things for it and hopefully that comes across. Let me know what you think, it makes my day, it really does. Ill be posting outfits and stuff on my main Tumblr here if anyones interested.

So just a wee note “its snowing down south” basically means a womans slip was showing, pretty obvious in context but I thought id mention.

Links -

Trixie’s song Katya’s song

Keep reading

False alarm • Phoebe and Nathan

Jade estava totalmente concentrada na fórmula matemática que tinha em sua frente. Seu cérebro trabalha com calma e precisão quando ouviu um som irritante para caramba. Quando levantou a cabeça para reclamar, viu todos se levantando e ficou um momento em choque, se entender o que estava acontecendo até alguém falara que era o alarme de incêndio. Phoebe tomou conta desesperada, olhando em volta e prendendo os cabelos enquanto pegava o casaco com o celular para sair. Podia ser um treinamento somente, mas também poderia ser alguma coisa que poderia mesmo acabar machucando pessoas. A morena viu algumas meninas entrando no banheiro e não resistiu, entrando junto lá. Ela bateu delicadamente em cada cabine, perguntando se estava ocupada uma a uma. Quando achegou na última, sentiu um empurrão para dentro da cabine, se apoiando na parede para não cair - Estranha! - uma voz feminina disse, batendo a porta da cabine e travando a porta com Phoebe lá dentro. Crianças insuportáveis! A mulher sentia-se sortuda e sem paciência pela idade que tinha, queria dar uma lição nas garotas de como tudo aquilo era infantil e desnecessário. - ME TIREM DAQUI! É O ALARME DE INCÊNDIO! - ela disse um pouco desesperada. Não sabia como sairia dali e realmente estava com medo de que fosse mesmo um incêndio e ela provavelmente morreria ali. - SOCORRO, POR FAVOR! - Phoebe estava tão paranoica que já podia sentir o cheiro da fumaça.

@donovanfirefighter

A Helping Hand

Context: Set in a few weeks/months, Gordon had been locked away for what he has done, Aaron is beginning to move on and is in a much better place. One day he needs a hand and I’m sure you can guess whose willing to help out. Literal fluff because it’s what we all need a bit of!!


Victoria answered the door with reddened cheeks and slightly out of breath.

“Are you alright?” Aaron questioned, confused by why she looked so tired at that time in the morning. “You look a bit knackered.”

“Well if you exclude having to run around this place tidying everything up at last minute whilst trying to get Marlon off my case for the new lunch menu and Andy pestering me to babysit, yeah I’m absolutely right as rain.” She replied storming back into her house before turning back to Aaron. “Sorry, didn’t mean to snap, just a bit ran off me feet. Anyway, what do you want?”

“Nice to see you too.” He replied in a sarcastic tone, “I was just seeing if Adam wanted a lift to the scrapyard?” Aaron shrugged, his hands in his pockets.

“He’s not going to work today, didn’t he tell you? He’s spending the day with Johnny ‘cause Vanessa needs a babysitter or something like that” She said grabbing her coat from the hall, as she did this Aaron noticed Robert coming down the stairs.

“What’s he playing at, he knows how snowed under we are?”

“Sorry, not my problem, if it’s that much of an issue, bring it up with him, I’m his wife, not his PA.” Before Aaron could reply she left through the front door leaving the two boys stood in the hallway.

“Great.” Aaron muttered under his breath.

“What’s up?” Robert questioned, noticing the annoyed expression plastered across Aaron’s face.

“We’ve got this massive job to do today that could’ve gotten us loads of profit but now Adam’s ditched me there’s no chance I’m never gonna get it done in time.”

“Well…I could help?” Robert suggested looking down at his feet, hesitant for Aarons response.

“You? Would you even know where to begin?” Aaron huffed.

“Well yeah I mean, it’s just scrapping, it cant be that complicated I’m sure.” Robert said in his little know-it-all voice.

“I dunno…” Aaron said, still sceptical about the idea.

“Come on, you sound like you need all the help you can get. And if I have to spend another day watching anymore daytime T.V, I swear I’m gonna go insane.” Robert replied, smiling slightly as he noticed Aarons face softening.

“Alright, fine. No messin’ around though, I mean it.” He said sternly, “Come on, I’ll drive.” Aaron said before walking out to his car, Robert trailing not too far behind.

“Yes boss.” Robert smirked.


For a good 5 minutes Aaron had been watching Robert struggle from inside the porta cabin - it was clear Robert had no idea what he was suppose to be doing. Eventually he decided he needed to give him some help, walking outside with a brew in each hand he called over to Robert,

“Ey, Pinocchio, when’s your nose gonna start growing?”

“You what?” Robert replied looking up from the pile of metal, confused by Aaron’s remark.

“It’s just scrapping, it can’t be that complicated.” Aaron mocked Robert’s words from before.

“Oh ha ha, forgot you’re a comedian.” He said taking the brew Aaron offered him. “Why don’t instead of mocking me, you actually do some work yourself? Or are you worried I’m stronger than you.” Robert said with a smirk, looking at Aaron who was grinning slightly back.

“Nah, just don’t wanna burst your little ego you’ve got going for yourself by showing you what a terrible job your doing.” He laughed, earning a slight shove from Robert. “I’m joking, I’ll show you what to do in a minute, I’ll just take these in.” He said taking the now empty mug back off Robert and walking back into the porta cabin leaving Robert smiling to himself.

Once Aaron showed Robert what to do, they got on with the work, sharing the odd laugh and subtle glance every now and then - unsurprisingly they made quite the team. At about six, they had finally finished what they were doing outside, and they each were having a beer in the porta cabin whilst Aaron completed the last bit of paperwork.

“And… Done! Oh my god, if that wasn't a long day’s work then I don’t know what is.” He exclaimed leaning back in his chair.

“Oh, thanks…” Robert murmured.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. Actually, I’ve had a really good day, thank you.” Aaron looked up to Robert, showing him how sincere he was being.

“Don’t be ridiculous, it was my pleasure… Listen I know I blew my chance at us giving it a proper go of things but, I’m really glad we can be mates, you know?” Aaron nodded in agreement. The two men’s eye met in a perfect silence, instantly reminding them of how happy and complete they made each other feel, before it was broken by a notification coming from Robert’s phone.

“We should probably get back, Vic’s wondering where I’ve gotten off to.”

“Yeah. So will me mum come to think of it.” Aaron said standing up from his desk and walking back outside to the car.


“What about now?” Aaron said from behind the bonnet, before Robert tried to get the engine starting, failing once again.

“Nah nothing. if two trained mechanics can’t fix it, we’ve got no chance of getting it moving, looks like we’re gonna have to walk it.” Robert suggested.

“Yeah guess you’re right.” Aaron huffed before setting off to walk home, Robert following to walk beside him. “Oh and for the record, I’m a trained mechanic, you worked in a garage.”

“Difference being?” Robert asked stopping in his tracks and raising his eyebrows but Aaron continued to walk ahead.

“I know what I’m doing.” Aaron said smugly turning back around with a flirty smirk to face Robert. “Come on.” He tilted his head so a now chuckling Robert would walk next to him.


Not once was it awkward between them on their long walk home. They talked about everything and anything, just enjoying each others company - with the occasional flirty remark now and then. It was as if all that was bad in their past was forgotten and they could just live in that moment, without a care in the world. They both knew they loved each other but  for now, that was a secret they kept to themselves. Once they approached the pub, Aaron turned so he was face to face with Robert, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Thanks again for today, you really helped. Well, once you figured out what proper work was you did” The sarcastic tone reappearing in his voice, “Seriously though, it meant a lot.”

“Don’t worry about it, I had a really nice time.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” They stood there looking into each others eyes, gentle smiles on both of their faces.

“Well maybe you could come and help some other time.”

“Maybe.” Robert smirked looking down at the floor, before returning his gaze to Aaron. “Night Aaron.”

“See ya.” Aaron said before turning round to walk through the door as Robert did the same to head back to Vic’s.

“Oh and Robert…” Aaron called causing Robert to turn on his heels. “I wouldn’t be too sure that you’ve completely blown your chance with us.” He said biting his lip and looking Robert quickly up and down before winking and closing the door behind him, leaving a blushing Robert smiling sheepishly to himself in the street.


It’s late at night and I’m sorry if this is crap but what can ya do?

lovemovies23  asked:

prompt about Robert first time bringing flowers to Aaron

Sorry it’s a bit rubbish but hey ho that’s what you get when I write at 1 in the morning:

Flowers.

They’d been an official couple for a weeks now, but it began to dawn on Robert that he was yet to take Aaron on a proper date. Obviously they’d spent countless nights together in the pub drinking but then again they’d done that with Vic and Adam - he wanted to treat his boyfriend.

He left the porta cabin to head off to a meeting in Leeds but as he went to get in his car he spotted Aaron coming back from lunch with Adam.

“Hey.” Robert began, smiling at Aaron, “You’re free tonight aren’t you?”

“Yeah should be, why?”

“Be ready for 6, wear something smart as well.” Robert smirked turning to get in his car before he heard his boyfriend question him.

“What’s so special about tonight?” Aaron asked confused at what Robert was planning.

“Can’t a man treat his boyfriend.” Robert shouted back to him before getting in his car and driving off, leaving a blushing Aaron behind.

“Check you two ey,” Adam began to tease, “can’t a man treat his boyfriend.” He mimicked, earning a playful shove off of Aaron.

“Shut up.” He laughed, walking into the porta cabin trying to hide the smile that was creeping into his face at what the night held.

As soon as he got back from the scrapyard he headed straight upstairs for a shower and got changed into his nicer clothes. After a few minutes of deciding what ‘smart’ meant exactly he opted for his best black jeans and a shirt which he knew was one of Robert’s favourites on him.

“Mum you’re alright to look after Liv tonight aren’t you?” He asked entering the living room.

“Do I have a choice?” She said as she was making a cup of tea.

“Nope.” Aaron said abruptly so his mum couldn’t protest.

“Where you off anyway looking like that?” Chas replied, looking Aaron up and down.

“Looking like what?” Aaron continued obliviously.

“All…fancy.”

“I’m going out with Robert.” He mindlessly replied looking around for his wallet.

“Date, is it?” She smiled, finding it adorable how he’d gotten all dressed up.

“Yeah I guess.” Aaron answered, taking a moment to think as he realised this would be their first ‘official’ date together.

“Well have fun.” She said handing him the wallet he had been looking for for the duration of their conversation.

“Cheers.” He muttered as she left to go into the bar. As soon as she was out of sight he heard a knock at the door.

Opening the back door, his eyes fell upon Robert who was wearing one of his suits, in fact it was one of Aaron’s favourites. It was times like these when Aaron couldn’t believe he was with him.

“You ready?” Robert smiled at him, looking him up and down in admiration, he loved it when Aaron dressed up like this.

“Yeah let me just -” Aaron started before noticing Robert was stood with one hand behind his back, “What’s in your hand?”

“Oh” He said pulling his hand from behind his back and revealing a bunch of flowers, “These? These are for you.” He said handing them to Aaron. “And before you say anything, yes I know it’s tacky, yes I know it’s not your thing and no it’s not a trick. This is our first proper date so I’m making it a special one.”

First proper date. These words caused a smile to form on Aaron’s face, 'When did we get to this point?’ He wondered.

“Thanks,” He said looking down at them, “They’re…beautiful?” He said uncertainly at Robert, not knowing what kind of a reaction Robert wanted.

“That’ll do.” Robert laughed at how awkward Aaron could be. “Come on let’s go.”

“Hold on,” Aaron started, “Let me just go and put these in water or something.” He walked into the kitchen and filled the sink with water, placing the flowers delicately into it.

Even though it was soppy and romantic and a cliché and definitely not something he was used to, he couldn’t help the warm feeling he had inside at Roberts gesture, it was so unusual to him to have someone do anything evenly remotely romantic but here he was, a even though he wouldn’t admit it, a little bit of him really loved the feeling.

On reentering the hallway he leant in to Robert and placed a soft kiss on his lips, taking in how amazing he smelt as he did,

“Thank you.” He whispered as he pulled away, causing Robert to smile gently at him.

“Come on.” He said with joy in his voice, leading Aaron out of the pub to his car so he could drive them to their first proper date.


I hope this was okay, once again sorry for it being a bit shit, I just wanted to write something this weekend x

youtube

Features of portable cabins

Howdy! I don’t think anyone’s ever talked about this before and I think it’s fairly cool and insightful and important!!!!

Basically, for my sixteenth birthday, my grandmother got me this book, entitled Dear Me: A Letter to My Sixteen-Year-Old Self. And I didn’t really think much of it until I got bored and started flipping through it.

It’s basically what it says it is; a letter, from celebrities, to their sixteen-year-old selves. Hugh Jackman is in here, Stephen King, Pattie Boyd, Garth Brooks, Suze Orman, Stan Lee, Trischa Zorn-Hudson, William Shatner, Ricki Lake, Alan Rickman, Sarah Ferguson… and like fifty more people. It’s ridiculous. It’s a wonderful insight on who they are and who they were at sixteen.

So above, basically, is J.K. Rowling’s letter, which you might not be able to see, so here it is:

Dear Jo (16),

I’m forty five. We’re forty five! And, believe me, that is far from the strangest thing that has happened to us.

This must be a lot weirder for you than it is for me; after all, I know you. I also really like you, which you will find impossible to believe, given that you are racked with insecurity and self-loathing. Jo, give yourself a break. You’re not the only one who feels small and inadequate; you’ll realize eventually that everyone is the wizard of Oz. Time spent dreading and regretting really is time wasted (whereas time spent daydreaming, inventing words and writing stories is time very well spent. Keep that up.)

There’s so much I could say to try to prepare you for what I know is coming, both the wonderful and not-so-wonderful. The trouble is that the more I think about it, the more I realize that you need to just plough straight ahead and make all the big mistakes, because out of them will come your greatest blessings. Just know that there has never yet been a situation so awful that we haven’t been able to wring some good out of it (and that is about the proudest statement I’ve ever made in my- sorry, our- life.) Everything you most want will come to you; some of what you most fear will also happen, but the world will keep turning, and you will be fine.

A few pieces of advice that I think I can give, without upsetting the cosmic balance:

  • Bright red, baggy dungarees from Miss Selfridge will be a bad idea, even in 1983.
  • White-blonde hair, while a fantastic look on Debbie Harry, will not work on you.
  • Do not have your ears pierced by a hippy at a music festival. That was one nasty infection.
  • Never bother trying to impress anyone who thinks that other people ought to try and impress them.
  • Stop smoking NOW.
  • Stick up for yourself a bit more.
  • Forgive yourself a lot more.
  • Avoid bass players. All of them.

In a year’s time, one of the best friends of your life will arrive in that porta-cabin they use for the sixth form. You will know him by his Ford Anglia, his love of Elvis and his ability to make you laugh until you are unable to breathe. You might want to persuade him to hang onto the car. It could come in handy for, say, a film.

Never cut short a ‘phone call with your mother. Never forget to say ‘I love you.’

One last thing.

One day, you will not only meet Morrissey, but he will know who you are.

I KNOW!

Underneath she wrote “someday this will make sense to you” with an arrow pointing to the deathy hallows what a sweetie.

I just thought it was kind of important to share. I like to read it sometimes.

I think it’s important to remember some of the things that she wanted to tell herself. I think it’s a lot more personal and relevant than just saying “it gets better.” She truly inspires me.

today may have given me a new favorite Robert moment

That smile of Robert’s today is still killing me! This is Robert Sugden, sex god, trashcan, adulterer, accidental killer, arsonist and general all around douche bag. But that smile on his face when Aaron was standing up there smiling? That was… pure. 

Who would have thought it was even possible for anything about Robert to be pure? But it was, it was so unguarded. There was nothing tainting his heart at that moment. Not his secrets or his guilt or his fears or his insecurities. All he cared about was Aaron and that he was happy. He was so content and proud and in love. The rest of the world wasn’t even registering for him in that moment, it was all about Aaron and seeing the joy on his face.

I have seen it compared to the smile he had when Paddy was teasing Aaron when they were in the porta cabin for the first time. And it was very similar but (for me) with that other smile there was lust and desire also. And today all that was in his eyes was love. He wasn’t thinking “I am so gonna bone you later.” he was just thinking about Aaron and how wonderful this was for him.

It was like watching Aaron just wiped away all of the darkness he has been drowning in lately. He was open and free and nothing was weighing him down. It seems like, because they’re trying to keep the depth of his feelings for Aaron ambiguous, they try to add something a little sneaky or mischievous to his smiles. But today our trashcan was happy to the point of distraction and that makes my heart FEEL THINGS!

I have mixed feelings about getting such an obviously show of affection and love for Aaron. One with no ambiguity what so ever. Knowing what we know about next week, and how drastically their relationship is about to change, makes today seem idk… a little sad. It bums me out a bit that we only get such lovely things when they are about to be ripped away from us.

 Tbh tho that smile was completely worth any pain we have coming. It was a wonderful reminder that that love is in there. It’s not fake and it’s not shallow. He may be an idiot set to make some major mistakes but he is also a man who is very much in love. That isn’t something that just up and vanishes. It’s not something easily destroyed. Today we saw that he is more in love with Aaron than ever, we just have to hold onto that. And hopefully he will too.

Insistente! Pedro tranca Karina no banheiro e volta a pedir a garota em namoro

Com um batom, ele escreve no espelho ‘Perina’, e pede para que a lutadora marque 'sim’ ou 'não’. E aí, será que agora a gata amolece?

Gente, é agora ou nunca! O figura do Pedro (Rafael Vitti) vai apostar todas as suas fichas em um plano, no mínimo inusitado, para conquistar Karina (Isabella Santoni) de vez. Com a ajuda de João (Guilherme Hamacek), ele vai ficar trancado no banheiro feminino da academia com a lutadora e pedir sua esquentadinha em namoro! Isso que se pode chamar de ideia arriscada, não?!

Todos já foram embora da academia, restando apenas Karina e Wallace (Antônio Carlos). Pedro, com seu violão, se esconde em uma cabine do banheiro feminino. Quando Karina entra, João, pelo lado de fora, tranca a porta com uma chave de fenda e coloca uma placa de interdição no local.

Assim que a lutadora abre a porta da cabine, tcha-ram! Se depara com Pedro e seu violão. “Você pode me bater, me matar, me bater de novo quando eu tiver morto, mas cê vai ter que me ouvir”, diz o garoto, que vai direto ao assunto: “Namora comigo, esquentadinha?”.

É óbvio que K fica irritada com a situação, mas Pedro trata de amansar a fera recitando a letra da música que compôs para ela. Como xeque-mate, o garoto pega um batom que achou no chão e escreve no espelho do banheiro “Perina”, fazendo uma caixinha de “sim” e outra de “não”.

E agora, gente? O que será que a esquentadinha vai responder?! Ai, que curiosidadee! Não perca o desfecho dessa cena, que vai ao ar nesta sexta-feira, 26 de setembro. 

Capitulo 47 - FINK (Feelings I Never Know)

(Pov Vanessa)

Meu corpo estava rígido no grosso sobretudo cinza por causa do frio repentino que se instalara na cidade. A ventania bagunçava meus cabelos enquanto eu estava encostada em meu carro, na porta do hotel, com um grande óculos escuro para esconder as lágrimas que insistiam em ir e vir conforme os minutos se passavam. Olhei no relógio novamente e o voo de Clara era em duas horas, meu coração se apertava cada vez mais, até vê-la pelo vidro da porta giratória, encolhida em meu moletom azul enquanto agarrava um outro casaco, logo ela me reconheceu e lançou um sorriso forçado e aflito. Sua mãe, obviamente, vinha atrás, com um olhar soberbo e frio, capaz de congelar todo o oceano com sua falta de sentimentos e incapacidade de reconhecer o amor.

Foi apenas uma questão de minutos para que Sinu se distraísse com alguns papéis e meu pai na recepção para que Clara viesse correndo feito uma criança, me fazendo sorrir com seu jeito apressado na porta giratória, afundando em meus braços logo em seguida

– Eu te amo tanto, Vanessa eu te amo tanto - ela afundou o rosto em meu pescoço e eu apertei seu corpo contra mim

– Eu te amo - afastei-a levemente ainda com um dos braços em sua cintura

– Você vai me buscar, não vai? - ela perguntou com um brilho infantil em seus olhos e eu rossei nosso narizes

– Eu iria até o inferno brigar com o capiroto só pra te pegar de volta - ela soltou uma risada fraca e eu puxei-a contra mim para iniciar um beijo

Eu nunca havia a beijado daquela forma, nós nunca havíamos tido um beijo assim, um beijo desesperado, era como se dependêssemos daquilo, como se nunca mais fôssemos repetir aquilo. E era essa sensação que cortava até o mais íntimo de meu peito. Seus lábios se pressionavam contra o meu sem dó, e sua língua parecia explorar cada canto de minha boca, como se estivéssemos tentando prender o gosto uma da outra. Aos poucos fomos encerrando o beijo, por conta de algumas lágrimas que insistiam em nos atrapalhar, Clara pegou meu rosto nas mãos e sorriu fraco

– Tira esses óculos, por favor, deixa eu ver teus olhos - ela pediu com os olhos lotados de lágrimas

– Eu estou chorando, Clara, você não precisa ver isso

– Deixa eu ver teus olhos antes de ir, eu não quero esquecer a paz que eles me trazem - ela pediu deixando escapar um soluço, então deixei que tirasse meus óculos

Mordi os lábios nervosa, tentando não deixar as lágrimas despencarem de meus olhos, eu nunca fui fraca na frente dela antes, e eu não seria agora

– Eles estão mais intensos hoje - ela disse acariciando minha bochecha e mordendo o canto da boca tentando não chorar – Eu não quero que chore assim, por favor, não chore assim, você vai continuar sua faculdade, vai seguir a sua vida

– O que você está insinuando, Clara? - meus olhos se arregalaram momentaneamente e ela abaixou a cabeça, elevei seu queixo fazendo-a olhar em meus olhos – Eu já falei que vou fazer o que for preciso

– Eu só quero que saiba que não importa o que aconteça, meu coração é seu - ela disse se afundando em lágrimas logo em seguida, apertei seu corpo contra o meu e eu puxei seu pulso esquerdo, fazendo seu olhar voltar para a pulseira

– O meu coração sempre vai estar com você - ela me abraçou forte e eu fechei os olhos querendo aproveitar cada segundo de seu corpo junto ao meu, do seu cheiro doce, suas carícias inocentes, sua respiração descompassada.

Mas tudo que é bom dura pouco e a felicidade dura menos ainda. Um alto pigarro fez com que Clara me afastasse assustada, e assim que abri os olhos me deparei com sua mãe envolta por um sobretudo preto, que lhe dava um ar de superioridade, uma coisa que me fazia querer saltar em seu pescoço e eu tinha a ligeira impressão que ela queria fazer o mesmo, mas o firme braço de meu pai em torno de seu corpo não permitia.

– Vamos, Clara -Sinu disse apressada para Camila, me ignorando completamente

– Eu vou com a Vanessa - ela disse em um fio de voz e sua mãe ameaçou responder

– Vamos todos juntos - Meu pai disse alto antes mesmo de Sinu abrir a boca – Acho que já está ótimo de discussões, não custa nada irmos em um só carro

Sinu bufou mas não protestou, apenas me lançou um olhar de nojo e repreensão que eu ignorei. Clara não ousava tirar as mãos de mim nem por um minuto sequer. Meu pai foi dirigindo, com Sinu no carona deixando eu e Clara no banco de trás.

O caminho transcorria tranquilo já que Sinu resolveu calar a porra da boca, fechar os olhos e ficar esfregando as têmporas, o que dava total liberdade para que eu e Clara ficássemos com os lábios colados, procurando cada vez mais fixar o gosto uma da outra.

Apenas uma coisa estava me incomodando: o fato de meu pai não tirar os olhos do retrovisor, não que eu tivesse vergonha dele mas de dois em dois segundos ele olhava aflito pelo vidro

– Vanessa - ele chamou e eu separei o rosto de Clara rapidamente – Você chamou alguém para vir conosco levar Clara ao aeroporto?

– Eu não chamei ninguém

– Tem certeza?

– Absoluta

Ele não disse mais nada e Clara pareceu não se preocupar, pois afundou o rosto em meu peito. Mas eu fiquei intrigada com a pergunta repentina e acompanhei o olhar de meu pai pelo retrovisor, olhando para a rua atrás de nós, com dois carros que nos acompanhavam

– Você trouxe escolta? - perguntei curiosa

– Estou sem segurança nenhum

Finalmente entendi, estávamos sendo seguidos. Um arrepio tomou conta de meu corpo e eu apertei Clara contra mim, nada vai acontecer.

– Vai ver que eles estão indo para o aeroporto - disse tentando dar um sorriso calmo

– É, vai ver estão

O voo atrasou algumas horas e eu agradecia a Deus por cada minuto prolongado com Clara na sala de espera. A cadeira da sala de espera não era nem um pouco confortável, mas com Clara em meu colo, encolhida contra meu peito, eu não me importava com isso.

– Eu vou ao banheiro - ela disse se espreguiçando em meu colo

– Eu vou com você - eu disse mas meu pai me lançou um olhar em protesto indicando Sinu com a cabeça mesmo assim eu ameacei levantar

– Dá pra você deixar a minha filha respirar? - ela disse entre dentes socando o acento vazio ao seu lado

Engoli seco e olhei pra Clara que me lançou um olhar tranquilo, murmurando que era rapidinho e já voltava. Fechei minhas mãos em punho, eu sei que o aeroporto é o lugar mais seguro do mundo e etc mas o banheiro é muito longe da sala de espera e eu odiava pensar em Clara andando sozinha por aquele enorme lugar sem a minha companhia, ainda mais faltando pouco para me deixar. Meu rosto estava inchado de tanto chorar, mas eu chorava silenciosamente para que Clara não visse, porque eu sabia que se chorasse alto, ela iria sofrer mais.

Encostei minha cabeça na cadeira e fechei os olhos, voltando a abri-los apenas quando três disparos ao longe me despertaram. De súbito levantei da cadeira e me deparei com pessoas correndo em uma enorme gritaria, gente agachada, crianças chorando e os seguranças correndo de um lado para o outro tentando acalmar as pessoas. Mais outro disparo e dessa vez eu também respondi ao impulso de me agachar

– LEVARAM A GAROTA - uma mulher passou correndo e uma corrente elétrica passou pelo meu corpo

Onde estava Clara?

Olhei para os lados e vi meu pai agachado ao lado de Sinu, falando no telefone, provavelmente gritando por seguranças agora, olhei para Sinu desesperada

– Cadê a Camila? - perguntei com a respiração descompassada e ela negou com a cabeça chorando

Ela não sabia onde estava Clara, e Clara não estava ali, ela estava no banheiro. Por quanto tempo eu cochilei?

Eu não tive outra reação a não ser sair correndo em meio a toda a corrente de pessoas que vinham na direção oposta, sentia minhas pernas doerem mas não parei, pude ouvir alguns me chamando de louca e outros me mandando voltar mas não parei até chegar no bando de policiais juntos

– O que você está fazendo aqui? - um deles segurou meus ombros com força me impedindo de continuar até o banheiro

– A minha namorada está aí dentro - disse aflita mas ele cuidadosamente me empurrou para a direção oposta

– Eles já saíram daí, sua namorada não está mais

– Onde eles estão agora? - perguntei sem fôlego então outro policial surge correndo

– Eles fugiram

– Mande uma escolta atrás

Os dois policiais começaram a discutir enquanto eu observava tudo aflita, sem saber em que pensar, girei os calcanhares e aproveitando a falta de atenção do policial e entrei no banheiro quase derrubando a porta que continha três furos de tiro.

– CLARA - gritei com as lágrimas já escorrendo em meu rosto mas não houve resposta

Abri todas as cabines quase arrombando as portas e não havia nada, mas o meu coração gelou ao encontrar na porta da última cabine o casaco branco que Clara segurava com uma mancha de sangue

******************

(Pov Clara)

A forte dor de cabeça me atingiu me fazendo acordar e de uma só vez dar espaço para todas as dores que apareceram em meu corpo. Senti minhas costas doerem apesar do macio colchão em que eu me encontrava. Abri os olhos e meu corpo inteiro se arrepiou.

Eu estava em um quarto escuro, um completo breu e cheiro de remédio. Eu não conhecia aquele lugar.

Tentei me levantar mas só o ato de me sentar na cama fez com que todo o meu corpo doesse, levei uma mão até a cabeça e senti uma atadura. Eu estava ferida? Forcei a memória em um ato nulo de lembrar de algo, o que só fez a minha cabeça doer mais. A única coisa que eu me lembro era Siope entrando no banheiro do aeroporto se aproximando com um pano na mão.

Aeroporto. Eu estava no aeroporto. Então onde eu estou agora?

Meus pensamentos foram interrompidos por uma fresta de luz que vinha da porta que estava sendo aberta, então a luz foi acesa e eu quis rir por perceber a decoração infantil daquilo, parecia um quarto de criança.

– Finalmente a princesa acordou - a voz rouca e grave ecoou pelo quarto e meu queixo caiu ao ver Celo de braços cruzados escorando-se na porta

– Espera, você não é o ex da Vanessa? - perguntei confusa levando minha mão a cabeça novamente e ele riu com escárnio, puxando um banco para sentar-se ao pé da cama

– Você tem boa memória

– O que eu estou fazendo aqui?

– Gostou do quarto? Mandei decorar só pra você - ele abriu um sorriso sedutor e eu arqueei as sobrancelhas

– Eu tenho dezessete, não sete

– Agora você está sobre o meu comando, então tem a idade que eu quiser

– Do que você..

– Deixa eu te contar uma história - ele me interrompeu e por mais que sua voz soasse sombria, seu rosto era calmo como se fôssemos bons amigos – Há dois anos atrás, um garoto muito bonito, com dinheiro, dono de algumas redes dentro da zona leste, estava caminhando na praia com os amigos e viu uma menina. Mas não era uma menina qualquer, porque esse garoto tinha todas as meninas nos seus pés - ele passou a mão pelo cabelo ajeitando o topete que continuou bagunçado – Mas aquela, ela era a menina mais linda que ele já vira, o corpo escultural, os cabelos loiros até a cintura e aqueles olhos, ela parecia uma deusa - suspirei alto de tédio, não precisava pensar muito pra saber de quem ele estava falando – Eu descobri que ela era irmã de um brother meu, um cara novo que comprava minhas mercadorias, eu falei pra ele que suavizava o preço se ele me apresentasse e ele fez, sabe eu conheci a minha princesa e tivemos uma linda história de amor até ela descobrir o que eu fazia e sobre as minhas mercadorias e tal então ela terminou comigo

– Então você é o tal garoto? - perguntei me fazendo de sonsa e ele pigarreou

– É, sou, agora cala a boca e escuta - ele disse fingindo estar bravo me dando um leve tapa no braço e eu ri, ele parecia legal, porque eu estou achando um bandido legal? Acho que bati a cabeça com força – Ela terminou comigo e se assumiu lésbica logo depois, ela pegava todas e que eu saiba só pegou um homem depois de mim, e foi um professor, porque precisava de nota - ele disse rindo e negando com a cabeça me fazendo rir novamente, Vanessa não prestava – E estava tudo bem pra mim, eu não ligava que ela passasse o rodo, pegasse todo mundo, porque no fundo ela não pertencia a ninguém, mas então uma garota mexicana chegou

– Eu sou cubana - disse e ele bufou percebendo que eu já tinha percebido tudo

– Tá, cubana, que seja, você chegou e fez uns feitiços, você fez alguma coisa extraordinária, algo fora do comum que fez com que ela se prendesse a você, assumir você, e isso não me agradou nem um pouco se quer saber, na verdade isso tem sido a razão de todo o meu ódio e raiva - ele disse com um largo sorriso e eu comecei a me perguntar se ele era bipolar ou tinha algum tipo de problemas emocionais

– Foi por isso que você me sequestrou? - disse como se fosse a coisa mais normal do mundo e afinal não tinha outra explicação para eu estar com Celo em um quarto que ele mesmo mandou decorar

– Você é esperta - ele sorriu sombrio novamente – Mas não foi só por isso, seu príncipe está me devendo uma boa grana e eu só solto você quando ele pagar

– Mas porque justo eu? - reclamei como uma criança birrenta e ele resmungou

– Porque quem tem dinheiro é o pai dele, ele não fala com o pai, apenas Vanessa fala então tenho que tirar uma coisa que afete ele e ela - meu corpo se arrepiou novamente e minha respiração começou a acelerar – Mas fica calma, eu não vou machucar você, até cuidei dos seus machucados, te coloquei em um cômodo confortável, estou cuidando até de boas refeições pra você

– Você quer que eu acredite que você não vai me machucar?

– Vanessa nunca iria me perdoar

– Porque você está sendo legal comigo se eu você diz que eu sou o obstáculo entre você e Vanessa?

– Porque você vai convencê-la a voltar pra mim

Capítulo 20

Ruth era uma das poucas colegas que se aproximou de Clara em sua sala. A menina era o estereótipo perfeito da menina certinha: estudiosa, organizada, comportada, comedida nas palavras, nas roupas, uma evangélica tradicional, dessa forma, trazia no rosto sempre um sorriso, disposta a agradar todos, com Clara não era diferente.

Entretanto, sua inflexível formação religiosa, fazia dela também a personificação do conservadorismo, e isso, ficou muito claro para sua colega no dia seguinte ao encontro desta com Vanessa, quando a acompanhou até o banheiro no intervalo do almoço.

– Então Clara, como foi fazer o trabalho com aquela inconseqüente da Vanessa?


– Ah… Foi tranqüilo, conseguimos um bom caso para discussão na próxima aula de IED.


– E ela se comportou?


– Como assim? – Clara perguntou arqueando uma das sobrancelhas.


– Ah… Você sabe o que falam dela… – Ruth ficou sem graça.


– O que falam sobre ela? Que ela é doida? Que não leva o curso a sério? Ou que é pretensiosa e petulante?


– Tudo isso e que ela…


Ruth não escondia o constrangimento em tocar no assunto, ficava reticente sempre que alguma menina saia de uma cabine, só voltou a falar, quando deduziu estar a sós novamente com Clara, o que ela não sabia, era que Vanessa estava em uma das cabines escutando a conversa.


– Que ela é o que Ruth?


– Que ela é… Homossexual. – Disse em tom de segredo. – Ela não te assediou?


Clara ficou pálida. Arregalou os olhos, lavou as mãos pela segunda vez tentando disfarçar o nervosismo pela indagação da colega.


– Ai meu Deus, ela deu em cima de você Clarinha?!


– Não Ruth imagina!


Clara respondeu gesticulando para a moça falar mais baixo.


– Ai que alívio amiga… Fiquei pensando no dia que ela te defendeu lá na sala com a história das fotos, que ela sei lá, fez isso pra te agradar por que estava interessada em você.


– Sério que você pensou isso?


– Eu e o resto da sala.


Clara arqueou as sobrancelhas, experimentando um pavor indescritível de ser rotulada como lésbica entre os colegas de sala.

Pela primeira vez, enxergou com culpa o que sentia por Vanessa, se mortificando interiormente por desejar tanto uma mulher e principalmente por que dar vazão a tal desejo foi a experiência mais prazerosa e intensa que já tivera. Em uma atitude de autodefesa, foi categórica:

– Que absurdo! Ela não me assediou, e mesmo que fizesse isso seria perda de tempo dela, eu lhe daria um chega pra lá, um belo tapa na cara se ela ousasse pelo menos me cantar! Odeio sapatão! Ai que nojo só de imaginar!


Clara sacudiu a cabeça repudiando o pensamento.

Vanessa que não esperava que a moça assumisse o que acontecia entre elas, sentiu-se profundamente decepcionada e ofendida pela demonstração de homofobia hipócrita da moça do interior.

No fundo, tinha esperanças que Clara ao menos lhe defendesse, afirmando que ela não lhe assediara, já que a atração foi recíproca.

Com o intuito de surpreender Ruth e Clara, Vanessa se recompôs rapidamente, selecionou seu sorriso mais sarcástico para disfarçar sua mágoa, e abriu com violência a porta da cabine:


– Ahá! Flagrei as novatas se pegando no banheiro!


Clara e Ruth como se de fato fossem flagradas cometendo algum delito, arregalaram os olhos assustadas.


– Va… Va… Vanessa?! – Clara gaguejou.


– Ai caipira vai ficar complicado pra você viu? Além de jeca você também é gaga?


– Eu pensei que não havia mais ninguém aqui no banheiro… – Ruth falou em tom mais baixo.


– Ah não fiquem tímidas por minha causa! Podem continuar a fazer o que vocês estavam fazendo! – Vanessa ironizou.


– Não estávamos fazendo nada! – Clara falou com a voz trêmula.


– Então perderam tempo! Sozinhas no banheiro… Se vocês toparem a três…


Vanessa se aproximou simulando malícia, apavorando Ruth que caminhou para trás, praticamente subindo pela pia.


– Não seja ridícula Vanessa! – Clara retrucou.


– Ridícula por que, caipira?


– Por que… Por que a gente não faz essas coisas!


A simples aproximação de Vanessa já deixava Clara atordoada, com as pernas trêmulas.


– Que coisas? – Vanessa insistiu agora se aproximando de Clara


– Essas coisas erradas que você faz… – Ruth respondeu nervosa e constrangida.


– As coisas erradas que eu faço as quais você se refere, não são medíocres e destrutivas como o que vocês estavam fazendo aqui nesse banheiro, difamando, exacerbando preconceito, mentindo…


Clara e Ruth ainda mais acanhadas pela lição de moral que estavam recebendo de Vanessa cruzaram os braços e desviaram o olhar para um ponto qualquer do banheiro.


– E não precisa se esquivar de mim, por que agora quem está com nojo de você sou eu.


Vanessa dessa vez disse encarando Clara exteriorizando toda sua raiva e decepção, deu-lhe as costas, e saiu do banheiro deixando as novatas envergonhadas, Clara em especial se martirizava por ter ferido Vanessa com sua covardia e hipocrisia.