porch people


Think: December, soft light, gunshots, and a song
you can hear but don’t know where it’s coming from.

Someone says: “You got it wrong. Innocence is bullshit
and useless. When he says stay gold he means stay gentle.

That’s the real fight.” Camille yells from the edge when
I sink to the bottom, says: “Stop trying to scare me.”

I want to live at the bottom of the lake. I don’t want to
watch you turn rough. I don’t want you to watch me.

The little kids chase lightning bugs in the field. The
big kids are behind the barn learning how to grow up.

Barefoot and tender-mouthed and shaky-kneed, reaching
for things they don’t understand. January: standing barelegged

on the front porch. Someone says: PEOPLE DON’T ROT,
THEY HARDEN. You exist like nothing has ever touched

you. Where did you learn how to do that?

You aren't getting away Scott free after pissing on my car

This story takes place at 1am today.

I’d just gotten home from working my 5th 12 hour work day and started to unwind with a bottle of wine and a show (the Eric Andre show) in the living room with my girlfriend. (I should note the door to the patio is about 10 feet directly in front of the sofa. And I live on the 4th floor in an apartment building.)

I begin to hear loud voices but it’s 1am on a Saturday night on a busy street, not out of place. However I decided to go on to the porch to people watch. I see five drunk 16/17 year old kids getting out of a truck parked directly in front of my car. There appears to be maybe 4-5 inches of space between my car and theirs.

Everyone seems to crowd around my front bumper laughing and are staring at my car, at first I thought they’d hit it, but then I notice the driver of the truck is pissing on my car. I hear him say to his friends “sucks for whoever owns this car” and pisses on the handle. So I shout back “that’d be me” they didnt look my way so I assumed they didn’t hear me. Then he quickly finishes and they start running toward the lobby so I yell “cheers mate” and he yells back a “cheers bud.”

I decided I needed to have revenge. So I grabbed a condom and filled it with conditioner. I then wrote a note that said “piss on my car? Enjoy my cum :)”

I delicately placed the note under their blade and took the condom and threw it full force at the windshield causing a glorious splatter. I then moved my car underground to make sure they couldn’t retaliate.

I woke up bright and early this morning and drank tea on my porch for an hour and a half just to be there to witness them see my work. The driver audibly yelled “what the fuck” and looked up to my porch. I raised my mug and yelled back a “cheers bud”. And then returned inside to watch The Eric Andre Show (the show is fucking awesome)


Especially black ones. It’s Halloween season. Just yesterday, my boyfriend came home to a killed black kitten on his porch. Some sick, twisted people steal cats (usually black ones) to kill/sacrifice/torture for good fortune/protection. Keep your kitty indoors this month. Save a life, be responsible. (If you don’t believe me contact your local pet store, they will confirm this is a thing)

opinons on front porch step

so i’m sure you all know what happened to front porch step and why people started hating him a while back, but he just released some new music and also a weird apology story about how he found God or something so the question is are you going to listen to his new music? buy it? shit on him forever and ever?

It wasn’t often that Melissa showed her physically violent side. She usually was just a big talker, but she could hold her own. Just five minutes ago, she was minding her own business, sitting on her porch and watching people. But when someone from her class walked up and started running her mouth, Melissa went ape shit and started throwing punches, which landed the girl on the ground and Melissa on top of her, hitting away. She was someone she thought she could trust and thought she was a good friend, but she was clearly wrong about that. Just as she was about to throw another punch, she was abruptly lifted off of the other girl. “Let me go!” She screamed, trying to get out of their grip.

People who know about Waverly and Nicole:

  1. Waverly and Nicole (that’s the important part at the end of the day).
  2. Xavier Dolls.
  3. Doc Holliday.
  4. Champ.
  5. Nicole’s boss (because of Champ (he so totally deserved that punch)).
  6. The entire zombified town of Purgatory.
  7. Willa Earp (aka the girl I don’t know how to feel about because: evil, but brainwashed, but made Waverly’s life hell before being kidnapped and brainwashed).
  8. Probably all the Revenants.

People who don’t know about Waverly and Nicole:

  1. Wynonna ‘The Oblivious’ Earp.

Conclusion - 

By this point there’s only one way I want this to go:

Wynonna finds out. Scrunches up her eyebrows. Goes ‘huh’. Shakes her head and moves on. And then later, at the end of the episode, hugs Waverly and goes on about how she’s happy that Wave’s happy. And maybe after that pays a visit to Officer Haught that goes something like this:

From the shadows of Haught’s office.

“So you’re dating my baby sister.” Says Wynonna.

Nicole stubs her toe and stumbles as she’s turning around, cursing.

Wynonna steps out into the light and in a very serious voice: “You treat her right and we’ll have no-”

“You have powdered sugar on your nose.” (because that’s a joke that CAN be used twice).

“Damn donuts.” She sighs and wipes it away. Then looks Nicole up and down. “You won’t hurt her.”

A statement, not a question, like she’s suddenly realizing it herself. And then grins. “I heard you punched Champ in the face. Tell me it felt good. I bet it felt good. I’ve been wanting to do it since I came back to town.”

“Yeah it was.” Nicole grins back.

“Awesome.” and Wyonna goes for a fist-bump.

And then a moment of awkward but companionable silence.

“Want to grab a drink?” they both say at once to break it.

The Signs as Elderly People

Aries- The one Still bickering with their partner

Taurus- The one talking to a mailbox

Gemini- The one that still has a young personality, cracking jokes

Cancer- The one with many grandchildren

Leo- The one who goes on field trips with their grand kids

Virgo- The one sitting on the porch making fun of people walking by

Libra- The one that goes to senior club every week

Scorpio- The one that is still plotting revenge for something that happened forty years ago

Sagittarius- The one that goes to the race track to bet on the horses

Capricorn- The one who’s almost 70 and still working

Aquarius- The one that always says “when I was your age”

Pisces- The one that visits their partner’s grave every week

Porch Lights

People in Los Angeles are
always asking where you’re from.
And people in Los Angeles
always have an answer.

Because no one is from here.
We all scrapped and fought,
flew through the night –
houseflies clinging to a porch light.

We have all been so brave,
or at least that’s what we say.
But flies don’t follow porch lights
because they are brave.

Flies follow porch lights
because it is nighttime
and it is confusing
and this is the closest thing

to sunshine washing over
fractured lives splintered
by the freeway lines.
Just keep following the lights.

this whole FPS shit is making me realize why victims NEVER want to come out. in between the victim shaming and the “that’s not REAL evidence” “those are altered” “they are just doing it for attention”, victims NEVER get a fighting chance in this scene. it actually makes me want to give up on this scene ENTIRELY. i’m OUTRAGED that the DROVES of people who have come forward are not getting any support, instead attacked and probably making them regret this decision entirely.