In and Out
Request: Hey, I was wondering if you could do an imagine where newt and the reader are in Hogwarts and she is being bullied by classmates and starts having a panic attack and after the bullies leave newt comes and comforts her? Could she please be in ravenclaw? Thanks
A/n: I am not in any way, shape or form romanticizing panic attacks. I’ve had them before and there is nothing good about them, this is simply a piece to help me cope with it AND possibly help others feel comfort.
Warnings: Panic attacks, angst, bullying in terms of physical and emotional harassment, also I would like to just say that the bullies’ names are purely fictional, and if your name is one of these, I apologize. They were just random names to go with the story, and I didn’t mean to offend anyone. Also, the characters who bully do not represent the house as a whole (as all houses are equally wonderful in their own ways).
*If you or someone else is being bullied or harassed, do not be afraid to speak up or seek help from an adult or trusted peer. Also, panic or anxiety attacks do not at all make you a freak, I am here if you need to ever talk about something*
You once again quietly meandered the halls, taking the longer route back to your dormitory. The air was crisp and fresh as it was hinted with the scent of clipped grass and flowers of a springtime meadow as you entered the stony exterior hallway, however, this was not the reason as to why you chose to take such an elaborate route. This choice was more for your own safety as opposed to enjoying simple leisure or taking a stroll throughout the outdoor courtyards. You felt safe, content, and secure in your surroundings. With your books pressed tightly into your chest and a quill tucked to where it peeped slightly out of your bag, you continued walking, escaping to your own thoughts. However, your imaginary world in your head was shattered with the thundering footsteps that were now rapidly trailing behind you. Your heartrate increased, and your self-esteem plummeted for the third time that day.
“Oi Y/n, thought you could slip past us? Well nice attempt there. You’d think for a Ravenclaw you’d be less of an idiot but then again, when have you ever proven that you actually own a brain?” spat Victoria, the sixth year girl that had been choosing you as her target for the past few months. Unfortunately, she was not alone, as her small posse consisted of Ernest the hulking Slytherin notorious for sabotaging other people’s projects and Corra the not-so-sweet Ravenclaw whom you had the pleasure of seeing every day in your very own common room, along with Victoria herself.
Victoria and her group often liked to tease you or harass you in the hallways, and you had many scars, both physical and emotional, to show for it. Every time it happened, it was when you least expected it. Your emotions were toyed with and abused, rattled and bruised. Words came out like a dragons fire, as her insults were harsh and enough to burn and violate you to your core. Each was a horrid blade dripping with her seething rage, and each brought decay to your self-esteem and composure.
You were distracted by Victoria’s ghostly white sneer and piercing eyes scanning your soul, and you didn’t notice Ernest swooping in behind you to restrain your arms, causing your books to scatter. You felt like bird strangled in a net with nowhere to go but to accept your deathly fate. Your arms were pinned, your heart was bursting with fear, and your eyes threatened to release a flow of tears. Your breathing shifted, becoming more hesitant and irregular as if you were choking on air as the walls closed around behind you. This feeling of increased fear was all too familiar to you. Everything from the state of sudden discomfort of panic to the loss of breath and grasp of air was a hellish experience that you have often had to endure countless times.
Shaking, you tried to stand as your knees were close to buckling. Words were lost and scattered in your brain while Corra laughed manically with Victoria.
“Aw, scared little girl? It must me a touch, tragic world out there for a freak of nature,” mocked Corra as her tone was laced with toxic attitude. You looked for an escape to anywhere but your current situation. You wanted to kick and scream, but your brain wasn’t cooperating with your desired actions.
“S-S-Stop,” you tried to desperately whisper out, but this only tightened the grip on your arms, giving Ernest a sense of delight at your torture.
“Y/n, Y/n, Y/n. It’s foolish of you to even bother. No one likes you here, you should honestly give up. No one would, miss you if you never showed your face here again. Everybody hates you. We do, your so-called “friends” do. But then again, why would anyone want to waste their time with you? You’re nothing but a filthy and pathetic excuse for a person anyways,” Victoria spoke with her toxic tongue, only pausing to drag her manicured nails across your face, creating faint scratches reddened with irritation and blood to arise. You whimpered slightly, though it sounded more like a worried yelp instead.
Ernest kicked you from behind while still clutching you, however this action caused you to sink to the floor in pain, as the impact from his bulky and forceful strength sucked whatever strength you had left. Victoria and Corra swarmed around you, like rabid dogs preparing to devour their kill. Their shadows drowned you, and your breathing hitched as you felt a wave of heated sweat start to form in a layer across your skin. By now their insults became blurred in your mind, as your thumping heart rang in your ears whilst heaving your chest erratically. Though surrounded, you felt alone. You wanted to run and to scream and to disappear but you couldn’t. You couldn’t breathe properly as each time you tried, you only found yourself trapped more in an endless cycle of suffocation.
“Well this has been fun, but I am famished, we’ll continue this little session later. Don’t you forget this Y/n, you filthy, worthless, horrendous tramp. I’m ashamed to be in a house with someone as disappointing as you. Enjoy the dirty floor, it’s where you belong anyways,” Victoria angrily seethed, however, most of her speech was only registered as a few words, as your mind was still clogged with negative thoughts, swirling around in your head like a storm in the middle of the ocean on high tide. Victoria gave a slight nod and Ernest released you, snickering and cackling off with the two female devils.
You dragged your convulsing body towards the wall, struggling to even make the slight trip of movement. Trembling, you brought your hand to your chest as if trying to contain the empty black hole that was swelling in your heart. Words like this were spoken frequently, and you would have thought that you would have been used to it by now. The world melted and swirled around as you began to become detached from it. Your mind screamed and plagued you with panic as your throat tightened and your skin became clammy again. Down the rabbit hole you fell, but into a deep, darkened hole that didn’t allow you to escape the perils of your mind.
“Y/n?” spoke a muffled and distant voice. Tears spiked at your eyes like silver daggers while this ghostly voice floated towards you.
“Y/n? Why…on…floor…doing…Y/n?” you tried to make out, but your head was wallowing too far into the murky depths of despair to the point of being unable to understand what was going on. You couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, and couldn’t take it anymore. Your lungs and chest constricted as your body rattled with quakes and sobs, and a dark shadow casted over your form.
You tore your eyes from being frozen on the ground to be met with piercing eyes and constellations of freckles. You hadn’t noticed when Newt Scamander had walked into the hallway, but that didn’t mean you were going to push him away.
His eyes were wide with concern and a hint of fear, as he had just walked upon your broken state. The two of you had been with one another for years, and by now, Newt was very aware of incidents like this. When Victoria and her posse had tormented you by stealing your notebook and reading aloud from it in the great hall, Newt rushed to your side after and simply held your hand while whispering to you. You weren’t even friends at the time, which would be hard to believe since the two of you are incredibly close now, often seen in the library in deep conversation or holding one another under the trees by the lake, hands intertwined and his lips pressed into your hair. The beautiful person he had his heart stolen by now laid in a pool of tears like a broken porcelain doll in the rain.
However, he knew what was happening. While others viewed you as some sort of “mental nutcase” at times like this, he looked at you with gentle compassion and gentleness. You were like some of his beasts, sent into a state of tightened panic when frightened or under mass amounts of stress. He saw you now, slumped against the wall of the corridor hall, and he slowly crouched down to his knees.
“Y/n, darling, I need you to look at me okay. I need you to look at me and breathe with me. I’m right here, and I’m not leaving. Breathe with me love, I know you can do it. Ready darling, in and out, in and out, in and out.” He spoke with a hushed voice while his hands found yours and clasped them soothingly. His thumbs ran over your knuckles, gently massaging reassurance through them. He wanted you to feel safe. He needed you to feel safe.
“N-Newt I-I-I can’t do i-it…” you tried to say, but you were silenced once again by shaking and unsteady breaths. You ran your hands throughout your locks of hair rapidly.
“Darling, it’s okay. Remember love, in and out, with me darling.”
His tone was nowhere near angry or frustrated, but was instead saturated with love and care. Your breathing slowed slightly as you began to follow his rhythm.
In and out, in and out. One, two three, and in and out.
Newt kept his gaze on you as your breathing and posture slowly returned back to its usual state. Your panic faded away for now, and Newt cautiously looked over you to make sure that you were comfortable. By now he had you cradled in his arms, and neither of you cared that you were both out in the open hallway.
“I-I’m sorry I couldn’t come in time to p-protect you from Victoria, darling. I’m so sorry, and now you’re hurt,” he murmured as tears tried to form once again in his eyes.
“Newt, it’s not your fault, I’ll talk to one of the professors again to get them to stop, but I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t come when you did. Thank you,” you whispered back, being entirely honest. He pressed a sweet kiss to your cheek while slipping in a small, ‘I love you’
He helped you and loved you when you needed it. He didn’t yell at you or try and fix you for being destroyed. Newt cared about you and would do anything and everything to make sure that you were anything but uncomfortable.
You reached up and kissed him once more, thanking the lovely boy for being so gentle and caring, and for viewing you as the person you are, and not as someone different. He loved and respected you for who you were, and he would always be there to hold and help you when you needed it most.
I have never been beautiful,
and I am no one to judge;
but the girl peering out at you
through blood shot eyes and matted hair
is truly the ugliest I’ve ever seen.
Heaving through corrupted lungs,
clutching her broken ribs,
she falls to the ground.
I’ve never been much of a fortune teller
but this girl is dying.
Tears fall down her fragile porcelain face
like rain falling from a sad sky
and her heavy sobs are the thunder
that sends small children running for cover.
Yet there is no lightning.
No light left in her eyes.
Fading dye in her dead hair
and nails chewed to the cuticle
she shakes with anxiety.
Her hands shake as she pops pills
into her small pink mouth
greedily like candy.
This girl is dying.
Her small boney fist is raised
and with all the might left
in her emaciated
She shatters the mirror.
My knuckles are bleeding.
I used to write love poems. How quickly things change.
“Tears fall down from her porcelain face like rain falling from a sad sky. Heaving through corrupted lungs, clutching her broken ribs, reaching for her broken spine. I’ve never been much of a fortune teller but this girl is going to live.”
Grabbing photos from the internet and posting them on Instagram and Tumblr isn’t my thing but allow me to share this here because it gives me so much hope. It gives me so much reasons to live.
tracklist Slave to the Rhythm - Michael Jackson // Billie Jean - Michael Jackson // Subete e - Alice Nine // yellow - Kimura Kaela // virginity (remixed edition) - Rebecca // Killing in the Name - Rage Against the Machine // Drunken Butterfly - Sonic youth // Time is Running Out - MUSE // Seppun -kiss- - Original Love // Wicked Game (Album version)(explicit) - The Weeknd // Hello,World - Alice Nine // Tegami - THE BOOM // Num-heavymetallic - Number Girl // I don’t know (live) - Number Girl // 4 Words (to choke upon) - Bullet for My Valentine // Night Song - DEAD END // Grace - Jeff Buckley // Porcelain Heart - Opeth // rain - LUNA SEA // Teardrop - Massive Attack // birth in the death - Alice Nine // Where the Street Has No Name - U2 // No Cars Go - Arcade Fire // love song - amazarashi // same - Amano Tsukiko // Kaisen Zenya - Alice Nine // Human Nature - Trijntje Oosterhuis // the beautiful name - Alice Nine
Being a kickass girl on a kickass team, snoring in detention and clicking your combat boots, rocking out to your favorite metal band, making unlikely friends you can’t live without, getting caught up in a war you know you’re gonna win.
Supergirl Saving Jane || Braveheart Neon Jungle || You Know You Like It AlunaGeorge || Mystery Song Bassnectar || I Just Can’t Deny Keys N Krates || Do My Thing(DJ Incrediboi Remix) Estelle feat. Janelle Monae || Daylight Robbery (The Heaven and Earth Division Remix) Imogen Heap || Unstoppable (Will Sparks Remix) R3hab feat. Eva Simmons || One Woman Army Porcelain Black
i love all of you so much so i decided to do a follow forever to bring in the new year!! (sorry if i missed some of you i’m rly bad at this) if you don’t have a ♡ feel free to talk to me! i’m always open to anyone & love making friends (*ˊૢᵕˋૢ*) HAVE A GREAT 2015
a/n i said i would on my personal and now here i am writing an unnecessarily loud and sad fic for miss kenzie’s bluejaku au. i fell on my face during the ending so i hope it doesn’t sound toO flubbed up orz
Sly regrets throwing the bowl as soon as it leaves his hand.