pops collar

I squealed when I saw this photo of Jane “I’m Not Gay Though” Fonda wearing the Official Uniform of Sapphics™, so I’d thought you’d all like to see it. (🌹)

“man ur such a pussy” a jock says to me. i laugh. “well,” i begin, looking up at him and popping the collar of my jean jacket, “like they say,” everyone waits in anticipation, “u are what u eat.” the jock dies instantly, the crowd cheers, obama is there,

  • Garrus: Inappropriate dick jokes running faster than Udina and the truth. Gives you over-modded sniper rifles as tokens of affection. Ongoing contest with Tiny Girlfriend™ to see who can cause the most carnage.
  • Jaal: Sweetness of Breath, Darling One, Temptress of My Heart. Your skin is so sOFT, introducing prime space waifu to the mOTHER, fuck-you-by-a-waterfall, thirsting like a dying man in a desert, literal alien tomcat in search of intergalactic pussy, Ryder cOme b,ACk I am pLANNING oUR WEDDINg lETs FUCK aGAIN EVERY DAY AlL dAY my TruE mOTHER waNTS GRANDKIDS-
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(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

thatstheteenspirit  asked:

You should definetly come the England and show off your 'amazing' accent

I don’t know, I don’t wanna embarrass anyone over there by having a better English accent than their own. *Pops collar of jacket, walks off, and immediately trips and falls, smacking face into pavement*

My new manager fired me. I fired his store.

This happened about 6 years ago.

I worked at (store that sells donuts that you may or may not dunk) that was in a somewhat far off location from the rest of the city in a relatively new shopping center. I was there when the store opened, and we never really got much traffic, but there was two large car clubs that came out twice a week to meet, and chat, and generally bring our store a lot of traffic. We were told that the clubs pretty much keeps the store afloat.

I worked there for a long while, and my manager was awesome. She did a great job of keeping everything stocked, gave out hours to people who actually worked their ass off instead of playing favorites, and she was never unfair about warnings or suspensions.

One day, she got seriously ill and had to quit. I never knew the details, but it was serious enough for her to quit her job. Then comes Swagger McA**hole, our new manager. Now, Swagger McA**hole had all the charm and wit of a rabid chihuahua. He was a generally angry man, and thought himself to be above everyone else in the store. He popped the collars of his button up shirt like he was going to bring that trend back from the dead. Needless to say, Swagger McA**hole wasn’t well liked.

He fired and replaced people left and right for usually petty or outright wrong reasons, and I was the last one standing, because for some reason, I was always asked to make the regular’s coffee, because I would remember their names, what they wanted, and how they liked it, and I usually had it in the process of being made as soon as I saw them walking up to the door. The car clubs knew me by name.

Enter Hannah Handjob. She started hanging around the store. A lot. Swagger McA**hole and Hannah Handjob would often hang out in the Manager’s office, sometimes with the door closed. Like we didn’t know what the fuck they were doing. A short while later, I find myself fired for some bullshit reason. I think what was written on my exit paperwork (which I refused to sign) was “wasting inventory”, whatever the fuck that meant.

Sorry for the long backstory. Here comes the revenge part. Remember those car clubs I talked about? I found their website and message boards, and told them my story. They told me how incredibly shitty they thought it all was, and always thought Swagger McA**hole was a poor replacement for our old manager. Both the clubs agreed to find a different venue for their morning to late afternoon meetups.

That was the death knell for that location. Three months later, I go back to turn in my uniforms, because I’m sick of looking at them in my closet, and they’re all closed up. I don’t know for sure that I had anything to do with their closing, but I’m at least 80% sure the car clubs were keeping them afloat.

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What a wild ride that stream was omg. You guys come into MY house and you bloody KINKSHAME me. I’m so mad.