Luke: [text] hi who is this?
Vader: who is THIS????
Luke: are you a friend of ben’s?
Vader: ben?? ben who??? 
Luke: ben kenobi? I just found this phone in his house. 
Vader: ben kenobi
Vader: r u fuckin kidding me
Vader: thats what he called himself???? jfc 
Vader: yes i was his friend why are you contacting me???
Luke: there were 1,201 unread texts from your number on this phone, so i thought i would just let you know that i’m really sorry, but ben is dead
Vader: oh yeah so he claims 
Vader: theres no name stored with my # on there?
Luke: uh yeah there is but it wasnt helpful in identifying you and i didnt feel right about reading all your messages…the couple that i saw seemed pretty personal
Vader: what is the name he used for me? just curious
Luke: um “headache” lol. sorry. 
Vader: ugh 🙄 whatever the only thing he loved more than me was complaining about me
Luke: ben was my friend, too. i didn’t know he had any other friends! i mean my dad was his best friend, but he’s been dead since before I was born. 
Vader: wait what
Luke: i have to get going, my r2 unit’s kind of got a mind of his own and he’s gonna leave tatooine without me if i don’t hurry
Vader: WHAT
Luke: later mister! i hope we can talk more soon!

me:  Vader!!  My poor suffering wishes-he-was-just-dead son!! I don’t want him to be in pain after Mustafar, physically or emotionally!!  Think about all the loss he’s suffered and having to wear that suit!!  Let me roll around in feelings about how much pain it must cause him!

also me:  But also that guy literally murdered a room full of children, I don’t give a shit what kind of pain he’s in for the rest of his life, full stop he lost the right to have any kind of sympathy after that, no matter what happened to him after it. Murdered.  A.  Room.  Full.  Of.  Children.  And he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop killing people unless someone stopped him first, so getting his limbs chopped off and set on fire?  In pain for the rest of his life?  Has to live in a galaxy where everyone either hates him or he thinks is dead, often by his own hand?  Is ordered to live on Mustafar where he choked his pregnant wife for disagreeing with him and his Master attacked him because he’d aligned himself with a dictator and killed a room full of children and chooses to continue following the guy that orchestrated every horrible thing the CIS did and is now spreading evil across the rest of the galaxy?  I don’t care.  I don’t care, that guy gets no sympathy for anything ever again.



So you asked for NSFW Piett and Vader material, but I am failing to deliver exactly that. This turned out to be a quite sad picture. As much as this is a crack ship, there is still some truth in the fact that they both need something. Poor Vader needs to be loved. The only person who touches him in the world is the twisted Palpatine who also tortures him. Poor Piett needs to tame his fears and the evil sith lord. At least in the canon Vader likes him, so that’s a good start.

[sort of started here]

Vader: [text] luke?? luke pls respond pls
Luke: i dont know what u want me to say
Vader: come back here and we can talk about it ill tell u everything
Luke: absolutelynot
Vader: im not the one who lied to u!!! that was obiwan!!! be mad at him i know i totally am!!!!!!
Luke: um u cut off my hand
Vader: ok so mistakes were made but also im ur dad and u were yelling at me 
Luke: 🙄
Vader: look just come here. the important thing is that obiwans dead and now that we both know the truth you and i can bond and i can explain all of it  
Luke: bens not dead u know
Vader: what
Luke: hes notdead. ive spoken to him. i mean hes not alive either though i think it’s sort of a greyarea
Vader: what the fuck are u talking about son did they give u a lot of pain pills 
Luke: i dont know what he did? but he’s like a ghost that can talk to me sometimes. with the force
Vader: he came back from the dead and he can talk to force users???
Luke: …apparently? anyways the next time i seethat guy hes getting an earful 
Vader: what ur suggesting isnt possible son. u cant cheat death. trust me.
Vader: also if obiwan was a ghost he’d come visit me first
Luke: look i dont knw what to tell u but ive heard and seen him. 
Vader: seriously? like it was really him?
Luke: omg why am i eventalking to u 
Vader: what did he say?
Luke: idk stuff about the force 
Vader: what else? did he mention me at all??
Luke: what is WRONG WITH YOU. youre trying to get me to join u and all u want to know is what ben’s ghost said about u???
Vader: im just curious!!!!!! im sorry but it literally makes no sense that hed talk to u first 
Luke: omfg
Luke: r u jealous??? 
Vader: no
Luke: right

I’ve said this before, but my favorite tactic of Kylo Ren defenders is when they quickly compare him to Darth Vader.

Usually with the “Vader killed CHILDREN!” line or something like that.

And look, it’s true.  Darth Vader was a monster with a substantial list of horrible crimes.  In fact, with one exception, Darth Vader and Kylo Ren have a nearly identical list of horrible deeds.

(Now, personally, I think that one exception is a pretty big one.  When you can’t clear the moral bar set by DARTH VADER, you’ve got a problem, but I digest.)

The fact is, if the Kylo Ren defenders who are so quick to cite Vader in their justifications for Kylo Ren’s redemption actually wanted Kylo Ren to have Darth Vader’s redemption, I would shut the fuck up about it.

By “Darth Vader’s redemption”, I mean: Kylo Ren DIES saving someone else, maybe Rey, maybe Leia, maybe someone else entirely.

I don’t personally think that’s likely to happen for narrative reasons, but if it did, I’d accept that.

But that’s the thing.  Kylo Ren defenders don’t WANT Kylo to get Vader’s redemption.  They don’t WANT Kylo to die heroically.  They want him to live, go off into the sunset with the cardboard cut out love interest of their choice.

And that’s not happening.  That should never happen.

I don’t care what Kylo’s sob story ends up being.  Anakin, after all, was an abused slave child, raised by a well-meaning but flawed organization, while being manipulated for most of his life by a very powerful being of evil.  It’s hard to get more sympathetic than that.

But he still DIED.  And that was the right ending.  Because his one good, noble, loving act did not outweigh his years of evil.  It saved his soul.  It didn’t remove the need for consequence.

And unfortunately, with the kind of monster that Darth Vader was, that Kylo Ren is, there’s no consequence that can really be enough to balance the scales.

Freedom is not an option, not with the countless deaths and destroyed lives on their heads.  And a truly good, redeemed person would understand that.  Kylo fans can go on and on about “the good that Kylo can do now” all they want.  When you willingly order the slaughter of a village of men, women, and children, when you take part in the systematic enslavement and genocide, you don’t get to go off and be a wandering hero.  That’s blatant disrespect to all of the present day survivors of their evil, as well as everyone else who’ve died.

At the same time, is prison enough?  The good guys can’t really turn Kylo’s crimes back on him.  Not in any meaningful way.  Not without becoming monsters themselves, and while I’m sure that Kylo defenders would enjoy the fantasy of poor redeemed Kylo suffering at the hands of tormenting monsters, I don’t.  He’s done enough damage already, the heroes’ souls shouldn’t be added to his victim list.

Death is really, narratively speaking, the only end that can accommodate both the crimes of Vader, and Kylo, and their redemption.  It can be argued that it’s too merciful, but really, all of these options are too merciful when you take their countless victims into account.  Death, at least, is final.  And removes the need for most of their victims to ever encounter them again.

And they’ll finally have peace.

That was Vader’s end and it worked.

If Kylo defenders want that end for Kylo, okay fine.  But if they don’t, then they need to stop bringing up Darth Vader.

anonymous asked:

what do you think about how they made RO Vader a little squishy in the concept art? it's not a lot, but he's got a little tummy going on there. is it a realism thing or a 'look at this washed-up declining Sith apprentice' thing or what

huh. You know, I didn’t really scrutinize that; I think that may just be what heavily-muscled people look like, realistically. People with lots of core muscles have thicker waists, and it’s not weird to have a layer of fat over that because that’s just how adipose tissue works. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be read as evidence of poor physical state. 

Vader does seem to have a heavier build than he did before he got ~~R E C O N S T R U C T E D~~, but I think part of that is that he’s hauling around like a hundred pounds of armor 24/7, and wearing heavy metal prosthetics. He’d have to have put on muscle to handle the weight of his equipment. I also sort of think his torso would look a little weird, from the various augments jammed in there. 

Because I’m terrible and @jerseydevious is likewise terrible and encourages me, I have thought before that Cylo and the rest of the cryborg team probably had trouble keeping Vader’s weight up where it should be, at least at first. Extensive burns cause an elevated metabolic rate, and canonically Vader doesn’t get to eat real people-food; his body would be just blazing through calories (even without doing constant strenuous physical activity), while meanwhile he’s getting fed via IV. Muscle wasting seems like it would be an issue here. 


Obi wan had to watch Anakin and Ahsoka go dark or Sith.

He has had his master killed by the sith, his grandmaster is now a Sith.

He has had to deal with his lineage being a Sith or killed by one while remembering it, as Ahsoka and Anakin do not remember being one themselves.

Anakin was lucky to not remember, but later when he does become one obi wan has to deal with it again, except its permantent.

There is three years between ANH and ESB. Poor Vader, he can’t reich Luke and need some rest.

Aphra: Hey, you finally cuddled with Fluffy!
Vader: No.
Aphra: There is his fur all over your tunic.
Vader: …

He doesn’t want to talk about it. Sith Lords don’t need a cat and hot chocolate or tea to relax, couple of brutal murders would be way more appropriate. This should be Obi-Wan’s fault.

anonymous asked:

Can you imagine Vader's reaction when he learned that Palpatine killed Padme by draining her life force and giving it to him?

I’m pretty sure he actually figured that out in canon, since he’s literally just a lifeless sack of sadness and “yes, master” until he realizes that PADME’S BABY BOY IS ALIVE?? I HAVE A BABY?? A GROWN BABY BUT - PADME’S LEGACY!! MUST PROTECT!!

My biggest thing for Darth Vader is that so much of who he is at that point is just a shell of an actual human being. At that point in his life, he’s lost all drive to do anything and just does whatever his master tells him because he literally fucked everything up by wanting to be free, by pretending to be free, so he’s not going to do that anymore. He’s broken by the knowledge that he literally killed not just the love of his life but also their baby, their future, and then he damned the Republic that Padme loved so much on top of that.

Not to mention that he doesn’t think he deserves to die, to be free in the most basic of senses, because he literally slaughtered scores of children and people who trusted him - he fought Obi-Wan and lost but he’s not dead because Obi-Wan doesn’t show mercy to those he loves or thinks deserve it. He’s such a monster that even someone who loved him wouldn’t show him mercy. So it’s not like he’s going to do more that fill himself with hate, which fuels the Dark Side within him, which makes him strong enough for his master to use, and it’s a vicious cycle. 

Now, if we had a moment where a past version of Anakin Skywalker came into the future and found that out…that explosion would be pretty impressive. Like, maybe 19 or 20 year old Anakin Skywalker? 


He’d destroy the Emperor out of sheer rage and despair, pick up his future self and son and bolt. Manage to get Vader out of the Torture Suit and get him some actual, functional medical support. Vader would be so weirded out because his son cares about him?? His past self cares about him?? Both of them want him to live in a body that isn’t in pain constantly?? He’s allowed to have a say in his medical decisions??

What even??

Anakin and Luke being protective little brats re: Vader to the Alliance would also be hilarious. Like, the Alliance wants to execute Vader and both of them would flip their shit. Luke be all “it’s wrong!” and Anakin would be like “he’s a POW!! Also, he has intelligence you could use?? What’s wrong with you?!?”

And poor Vader would just be over in a corner like “hey, if I get a say in my medical decisions does that mean I can die now??” Cue Alliance being like “….oh.” And Luke being all “THERAPY, YOU NEED IT AND ARE GETTING IT!!” And then Anakin would be like “look, if he’s free he has the RIGHT to die in the way he chooses.” And then Luke would be like “YOU’RE GETTING THERAPY TOO, THAT’S NOT A NORMAL REACTION!”

And so by the time Anakin goes back to his time he knows Palpatine is Bad News and has some therapy under his belt. Win-Win really. 

Headcanon that Krennic frequently tried to rile Vader up so that he’d get Force choked. He’d make fun of Vader’s cape, talk back to Vader in a mimic of his voice modulator, take shots at Tarkin in front of Vader.

One day Tarkin pulls Vader aside and says, “Look, you realize he’s doing this on purpose, right? He gets off on it.” And poor Vader is a little scandalized and not entirely sure what to do.

hamelin-born  asked:

...why do evil ideas come to me when I'm busy? Now I'm thinking about a cannot-end-well Soulmark!AU where Padme and Vaderkin are together (perhaps Vaderkin is a sort-of-reluctant!Sith, and Padme is waging a constant war for his soul, trying to help him *come back*?) And they've never met Obi-Wan. All they know is that they have a Third, somewhere out in the Galaxy... And Obi-Wan, who's been treated with suspicion and very little kindness for most of his life because 1) He's Jedi and (cont)

 2) His soulmark indicates that he might be bound to at least one high-ranking Imperial, meaning the rebels/fellow Jedi don’t really trust him. And then - then Obi-Wan gets captured, and during processing *someone* gets a glimpse of his soulmark and recognizes Lord Vader’s handwriting - cue the buck being frantically passed up the chain and mentions of how ‘this one belongs to Lord Vader’ and poor puzzled, increasingly (quietly) terrified Obi-Wan is shipped to Lord and Lady Vader’s ship - and then, when he finally meets the Vaders, it’s to hear his soulmates’ words on their lips. (“You’re mine.” Anakin says. “Ours,” Padme corrects.)

*cackles gleefully* Cue secret keeping and incompatible agendas. Obi-Wan’s spent a lifetime preparing himself to reject his soulmates- it happens sometimes, no matter what people believe - but he never really considered he’d not be in a position to make that choice. Vaderkin and Amidala are … understanding … about his reservations, but they’re not letting him walk away either.

Amidala wants an ally to drag Vaderkin back from the edge of the abyss. Vaderkin wants somebody to help him murder Palpatine in his sleep. Obi-Wan thinks both of those are objectively good ideas, but is deeply, deeply suspicious of admitting that, because Imperials.

In the meantime - his soulmates aren’t above bribing him with really good brandy and amazing sex. (Obi-Wan is privately irritated that he’s not even going to have a good imprisonment story.)

In Defense of... Kylo Ren

So, I would like to talk about Kylo Ren. I know a lot of fans hate him and I can understand why. (Lots of Star Wars fans at home and I have talked it over.)

The First reason they dislike Kylo Ren is because he’s a poor Sith and no Vader.

I’ll take this in two parts. Part 1….

Well, Kylo Ren isn’t Sith. He’s a Dark Jedi. The difference is important as it deals heavily in Star Wars Lore. Sith are trained by other Sith before becoming a master. Think of it like a blacksmith. You can’t become a blacksmith without learning the from a master blacksmith. He will teach his students the secrets of his trade. Much like the Jedi have special skills only learned by fellow Jedi.

Sith had a dump rule about how many Sith there could ever be. The Rule of Two. Meaning there can only be one master and one student. In Return of the Jedi, he saw the death of both Sith Master and Student. So, in theory, there are no Sith in the galaxy and so Kylo Ren can not be Sith because he has no Sith master to train him.

In short, He’s a Dark Jedi and Not Sith.

Now, Part 2…

Kylo Ren is no Vader.. Well, what do you mean by that? Do you mean he isn’t as powerful as Vader or do you mean he isn’t as scary?

Well, let’s look at power. How powerful is Vader? If we go by the first three films,(New Hope, Empire Strikes back and Return of the Jedi,) he doesn’t do much. Vader force chokes and force pulls/push people, but does that show how powerful he is?

I think New Hope and Force Awaken compared side by side show something interesting. Vader is willing to use a machine to get information while Kylo forces it out of Poe’s mind. Kylo always is able to enter Rey’s mind too. 

Is this something that Vader refused to do or couldn’t do?

Well, we can’t be sure. It only tells us that Kylo Ren is able to do somethings that takes a lot of force strength to do.

I believe that the main reason Kylo Ren is looked down on is because how he handles his rage.

Vader lashes out at people while Kylo Ren lashes out on objects. I see this as a show of strength and a hint at the kind of character Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo is. Even before we hear Kylo declare his struggle with the light, he doesn’t behave like Vader. Kylo doesn’t kill for the sake of killing. He kills with goals in mind and reasons for it.

Vader kills to kill along with to get closer to his goals. Life means very little to him. Even as a Jedi, he didn’t seem too heartbroken over all the people he killed in Episode 2. He cried that he killed children, but that was about it. He never tries to make up for it. So, even before he’s “fall to the dark side” Annie shows no signs of making up for this crime against the Jedi Code.

Kylo handles his rage by attacking objects. He could easily kill, but he doesn’t. It’s an amazing insight to who he is. He’s still pulled by the light and I love this little detail that everyone just over looks.  Kylo Ren isn’t being a baby, moody child by attacking objects. He’s holding off on needless killing. Even if he doesn’t know it. 

His rage does not blind him enough, but it blindness him enough to ignore the love his family was trying to show him. He only sees their lies and self interests.

(I could write more if asked to, but I’ll end it here for now)