Notes from Alfred Pennyworth

Due to the response to my Notes from Batdad posts, I’ve decided to turn this into a series featuring the whole Batfamily. First up, Alfred Pennyworth, Batbutler extraordinaire. 

-In the interest of safety and Master Bruce’s checkbook, the chandelier is off limits. If you’d like to practice acrobatics, please use the gym.

-A one pound Hot Pocket is not a substitute for a nutritious breakfast Master Timothy.

-While I approve of you becoming closer with Master Jason, I must ask that you return his grenade launcher, Master Damian.

-Master Jason, why do you have a grenade launcher?

-Miss Stephanie, while I agree that Master Bruce needs to ‘lighten up’ I don’t think spray painting a smiley face on the hood of the Batmobile was the best way to about it.

-No Master Jason, I don’t think you should get a bazooka.

-Gentlemen and ladies, there is no need to hoard food in your rooms. Many of you live here. And it’s attracting ants.

-I’m sorry Miss Gordon, but I don’t think that we should host a game night here again. I don’t think Wayne Manor would survive.

-Master Dick is a grown man and is allowed to sleep here after a night out without the rest of you standing along the stairs chanting “shame!” over and over again.

-Master Jason, why do you need an anti aircraft gun!?

-Master Bruce, please come upstairs and control your children.

batfam: *gets hit by a car* i’m fine
batfam: *breaks every bone in their body* nbd
batfam: *has to stay inside for a few days w/o working* what is this. what IS this??? what is this bs.❌❌ b u  ll s h i t. 👎👎what is th. why is this ha hppening. 💥💥whY 👎 is This. haPPENING???? 👎 i’m not he re for this. what did i do ❌boooooo ❌💥god has turned his back on m e💥