No Forests on Flat Earth is a masterpiece of efficient storytelling. It argues that thousands of years ago, the planet was covered by a layer of forests where the trees sprouted for miles into the atmosphere. You know, as if the planet was subtly trying to signal to the cosmos that it had super-inadequacy issues. Some unknown cataclysm in the biosphere then came along and wiped out these gigantic specimens, leaving us stuck with the piss-poor imitations that you can see outside your window.
Obviously, extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof and, luckily, we have that in spades.
That’s Devil’s Tower in Wyoming. Some shills in Big Geology would have you believe that’s a natural rock formation known as a ‘butte’. However, the folks over at YouTube University for the Woke AF have news for you: it’s actually an ancient petrified tree stump because…well, it looks like a big tree stump.
At our best guess, 90% of this movie’s runtime (nearly two motherfucking hours!) is spent idly alternating between pictures of tree stumps, pictures of suspicious-looking rock formations, and pictures of our beautiful planet before we came along to pollute it with No Trees on Flat Earth. The video also challenges viewers to name two differences between tree stumps and rock formations that don’t have anything to do with size and material type, as if those are just inconsequential details in their theory. Adorable!