This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
girls only wine night turned into sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
gonna spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home again.
my ten year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i dont wanna be an uncle yet"
yeah my parents were ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are beautiful!"
he was rambling on about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Not only did i hold your hair back as you puked, i French braided it. I am such a good friend.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quiet and started chanting quack...quack...quack
Thanks for picking me up, man. Mom is worried sick about you. As usual. You’re not gonna tell her the details, are you? No. Look, I’m sorry that you had to deal with that stupid story, okay? We tried to stop it. It’s old news. People were gonna find out. It’s cool. Listen, TJ, this is a really important week to me with the engagement. And there is a lot going on. So can you please just show up and be there for me this time? You know I always got your back, little bro. Stop smiling at me, I was only born three minutes after you. But you’ll still never catch up. Put on your seat belt. Okay.
John McDonnell responding to Treasury announcement that it has sold all of the public's stake in Lloyds Banking Group
McDonnell MP, Labour’s Shadow Chancellor, responding to the Treasury announcement that it has
sold all of the public’s stake in Lloyds Banking Group, said:
“Two days after the Chancellor shamefully admitted that he will be
unable to sell RBS at a profit, he is now trying to claim the handling of
Lloyds as a success despite having had to scrap his earlier proposed retail
sale because returns were so poor.
"Philip Hammond needs to stop ignoring the elephant in the room of
Britain’s biggest banking failure and get to grips with RBS. Only Labour will
put in place the tough measures needed to reign in our banks instead of Tory
tax giveaways on the bank levy and bankers’ bonus tax.”
[Image: In a picture from a Top Gear Live performance, we have the three presenters, Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond, standing in the arena. Clarkson has his hand raised and is talking. The caption reads: “(703): I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills”. Hammond has his hand over his face in a “here we go again” type gesture. The caption on his side reads: “(262): how else could I explain the last few years”.]