There are two types of couples in this world – couples who poop in front of each other and couples who love each other. … If you’re stewing in the filth of your own disagreement right now, I have a few questions. First, why are you so goddamn gross?
On my way home from the gym, I passed a park and in a moment of pure fitness inspiration, I pulled into the parking lot and exclaimed “I’M GOING TO JOG!” I turned on my heart rate monitor and slowly started jogging, feeling the wind through my sweaty hair and picking up speed.
Unfortunately, I only lasted 40 seconds and then I accidentally pooped myself a little. Inspiration fizzled. I blame the protein fiber smoothie I had after my workout.
Only Read If You Have A Sense of Humor (that includes potty talk) Monkey’s 3rd Party!
Monkey would really like to help plan his soon to be third birthday party. I love throwing parties, and tend to go over the top. I’m was going to keep it simple and do it at a playground. His favorite book is Steam Train Dream Train, so I thought I could do a party theme of Things That Go! I thought cars, trucks, diggers, etc. He is inspired by the idea of going too, but would like the theme to be, poop!
He would like it at Poop Land and plans to to invite Heart, his best friend, and his poopey friends. He wants a Ben and Jerry’s heart shaped chocolate poop ice cream cake with green frosting and green and poop sprinkles. He would like the activities to be poopy parachute and a poop shaped piñata with….candy (and poop) inside.
I’ve been suggesting-pushing for the fast red car, the blue train, the little ponies (left over from heart’s), the annoying purple dinosaur, or the helpful handyman, Legos,or Frozen, or his favorite singer Taylor Swift.
I’ve been reluctant to create the evite and have begun embracing combining our themes. Doll potties could be the bowls. chocolate pudding cups, tootsie rolls, and toilet paper for napkins. Diaper party games, with guess the melted candy (from a baby shower) would have Monkey being king of his poop talking peers. Can you picture my spread on Pinterest? Forget my Public Display of Self Love journey and all the hard work I’m doing. I will go viral for my three year old Monkey’s Things That Go: Poop Party! Would you come to this party? Do you know a toddler that would enjoy this party? Xoxo