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4 Things You Should Never Do in Front of People You Love

#4. Never Shit in Front of Your Significant Other

There are two types of couples in this world – couples who poop in front of each other and couples who love each other. … If you’re stewing in the filth of your own disagreement right now, I have a few questions. First, why are you so goddamn gross?

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anonymous asked:

SCOUT I THINK ROBBIE MIGHT READ YOUR BLOG ok I mean when the poop emojii thing happened I just died and thought of your comics with Cas and I don't know if I was imagining it or not but Dean made this face in the ep when he was talking to the guy LIKE HE KNOWS GETTING/GIVING POOP EMOJIIS TO THE BAE IS A BAD THING.

hey robbie–robbie, can i call you that?

hey man

if you’re reading this

i like all your hats and your glasses and all your plaid shirts

ur a good guy n u do a nice job

Oh poop

On my way home from the gym, I passed a park and in a moment of pure fitness inspiration, I pulled into the parking lot and exclaimed “I’M GOING TO JOG!” I turned on my heart rate monitor and slowly started jogging, feeling the wind through my sweaty hair and picking up speed.

Unfortunately, I only lasted 40 seconds and then I accidentally pooped myself a little. Inspiration fizzled. I blame the protein fiber smoothie I had after my workout.

Next time I’ll go for 60 seconds and no poop.

At any moment, you’ll go from watching Cops to running into a raging inferno (we’ve watched a lot of Cops, which makes me wonder if cops watch a lot of Rescue Me.) That’s always in the back of your mind, and it makes certain activities a nightmare. Yes, I’m talking about pooping.

You see, if you happen to be mid-constitutional when someone knocks over a candle, you don’t get to finish – you’re lucky if you get to wipe once that alarm sounds. One strategy for the horrifically desperate, as a captain told me, is to make a bird’s nest out of toilet paper, stuff it in where you left off, and get the hell on the engine. I worked with a guy who was known as “the mad shitter” because he had IBS and would use the toilet of any house he was called to, even in the middle of a raging inferno.

And God help you if you slept through a fire call. You could be punished in a variety of ways – including having your bed set up next to the fire truck, complete with perfectly made-up sheets, a bedside table and lamp, and a mint on the pillow. Firefighters are nothing if not big on those little touches that make shaming someone an art form.

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