poop the dog

House on the Rock Day

Soooo many pictures. Too many for the Twitters, so I’m dusting off the ol’ Tumblr.

In anticipation of next season’s American Gods, my girlfriend and I visited the House on the Rock. It’s a little hard to explain, but here’s the short version: an architect/engineer climbed up a rock and built Frank Lloyd Wright’s worst nightmare. It struck Neil Gaiman so deeply he included it as a critical location in American Gods, and it’ll be featured in season 2 of the Starz series.

So we went. Behold.

This was what greeted us when we pulled up: a ¾ full parking lot, and a big one at that. I was a little surprised; Gaiman’s descriptions of the place gave me a seedier, hole-in-the-wall vibe, but this looked like some mid-level theme park entrance. Hmm. 

We started the tour and ventured around … and I was starting to think we came to the wrong place. Sure, the statue in front was kind of iffy, and some of the rooms looked a little retro, maybe gauche … but not the mindfuck I had anticipated.

Then … then we came to the Infinity Room.

… um. Okay. Hey, there’s a glass floor at the midway point, what’s under ther–

What are those, bushes? Wait … treetops?

HOLY FUCK YOU BATMAN IT’S AN UNSUPPORTED ROOM HANGING OUT OVER A FUCKING CLIFF YOU GO JUMP UP AN ASSHOLE

(It also creaks and sways. I thought it was just an old house, not a FUCK YOU CLIFF OF DOOM.)

Once back on solid ground, we found a door.

After that, shit got … weird.

I call this the Impractical Rejected Weapons from Fallout 3 collection.

Including a literal HAND CANNON. What the what?

Um.

This is getting unsettling.

The pooping dog piggy bank’s eyes won’t stop following me.

Ooohhhkay … hey, look!  Another one of them doors!

I wonder what’s behind this–

… well, I would have never guessed “replica American Main Street inside a house.” You win this round.

“I wish I was BIG.”

And because why the hell not, he’s a goddamned carnival pipe organ.

Then we came to this sign.

What? Bullshit. Bullshit you have a whale in this house. I will *shit myself* if you have a whale in th–

OH FUCK YOU MATE.

NO FUCK YOU THAT IS A THREE STORY TALL WHALE.

THAT IS A THREE STORY TALL WHALE FIGHTING A GIANT SQUID IN YOUR HOUSE YOU HAVE TOO MANY DRUGS

YOU PUT A FUCKING MOTORBOAT IN ITS MOUTH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

THIS DUDE GETS IT.

“I have seen some shit.”

And after the whale was just menagerie after menagerie of random audacious bullshit.

“Hello, I’ll be waiting in your closet tonight.”

“YOUR SILENCE GIVES CONSENT.”

Okay, this made me smile.

Fun fact: Burma Shave ads were the precursor to WTFIWWY.

Wait, where is that noise coming fro–

Oh yeah! There’s a HUGE assortment of these weird mechanical music machines assembled from real instruments, electronics, pneumatics, and madness.


But it doesn’t stop there.

Then we stumbled on the “Abominations in the Sight of God” section.

And at the very end … this. If you’ve read American Gods, you know *exactly* what this is. If you’re only watching the show, consider this spoilers for season 2.


Then we went outside, and there was a kitty.

I petted the kitty.

The end.

Bonus: Here is a machine that perfectly replicates the sound of Steve Martin falling down a flight of stairs.

Kpop Boy GROUPS in 10 Years

BTS: After giving two years worth of paychecks to Namjoon, Taehyung gets a slot on Cypher pt.14. It becomes their lowest selling single, but BTS doesn’t notice as they are too busy trying to cover up the fact that Suga’s soul departed 8 years ago and they’ve been using his corpse as a puppet to still milk Army dry. 

Exo: Kyungsoo quit to become an actor after getting tired of grinding canes. Suho left to go “find himself” in the Bahamas, and Baekhyun currently leads the remaining members as they perform the Chinese version of “Wolf” at Norwegian birthday parties for pay.

Got7: Currently only has 6 members. BamBam was kicked out in 2017 after pulling down his pants and playing “helicopter” at a fan meet. Currently tours with Jay Park while Got6 has 23 reality shows and 14 movies under their belts.

NCT: Johnny resigns to become a DJ after debuting only once. Haechan is jailed after it was discovered he had been slowly poisoning Mark for years. WinWin tries to leave SM, but is offered a solo career under Yixing’s company. Cracks immediately under the pressure of singing more than 2 words.

Day6: After pleading with JYP for years, finally get to have all of their social media accounts back. Jae immediately begins posting pics of Chihuahuas in taco costumes while Sungjin and Young K start a new petition to stop including the word “day” in all of their album titles.

Infinite: Sunggyu never came back from the war. Woohyun is pretty sure he’s actually just hiding in the basement. The fairies came to reclaim Sungjong to their magical kingdom, and Dongwoo asked them to give him a ride to Africa on their way.

Big Bang: Somehow GD has 5 kids by 6 different women. Taeyang opened a gym. Top moved into a museum. Seungri is a happily married soccer dad, and Daesung disappeared in Japan with 3 geishas and a bottle of soju 4 years ago.

Super Junior: Henry and Kyuhyun perform at Karaoke Taco Tuesdays every week, while Leeteuk and Siwon try to get everyone to come together for one last concert that Heechul refuses to attend, because that’s his dogs special grooming day.

Block B: Will leave Seven Seasons and start their own company with Zico as CEO. P.O. has been revealed to have had a secret wife and child in Brazil for the last 8 years and Taeil will have to resort to tattooing his eyeballs from lack of skin space.

Vixx: 4 of the members married fans while Hyuk and Hongbin enjoy the crazy bachelor life. Still continues to do deep concepts and just wrapped up their video where they portray vulnerable, voodoo veterans from Vermont.

Monsta X: banned from Korea after performing naked in hopes of a number 1. Comes back with cute concept through Youtube and gets an all kill. not allowed in Korea to accept award. Award goes to Seventeen instead.

Ikon: hasn’t made a comeback in 9 years. Everyone has had 4 solo projects. Bobby and B.I. moved into Seungri’s abandoned man cave and are refusing to come out until they get a clothing line and matching miniature poodles.

Astro: After a dramatic image change after all becoming adults, Rocky is now modeling for Calvin Klein, Sanha has his own line of hair products, and they all just released a sensual love album called “Baby Let Me Rocket All Night”.

Seventeen: After teasing Carats for 10 years, finally does a dark concept but 11 of the 13 members are in the military so it’s just Jun and Minghao tap dancing in leather jackets while whistling “Mansae” in a warehouse.

B.A.P: Jongup and Yongguk and Himchan promoting together as a hip-hop group called BangHimUp, while Daehyun and Youngjae make a living off of soundtrack singles. All decide on a whim to dye their hair straight blonde again and all of Zelo’s falls out in the first 5 minutes.

Knk: First male group to be the spokesperson for a stiletto company. Has 3 albums devoted to the best of their ballads. No longer allowed on ASC ever since the “incident” and Seungjun and Jihun being forced to live in separate cities after the rumors become far too great.

SHINee: Everyone has split up for their own solo careers, but still come together for dinner every night. Minho is currently homeless after betting his house in an intense Monopoly battle with Key. Planning a reunion tour where the truth will finally be revealed about Jongtae.

Up10tion: Rebel after their 53rd comeback in 10 years. Tie Andy up and hold him for ransom until he agrees to let them rest and never perm their poor hair again.

Romeo: Decided to change their name to something that would bring them up on Google. Now debuting as “Hamlet” they continue to do cute concepts even though they’re almost over the hill and have mortgages and light bills.

24K: Has found global fame after creating the world’s first rational storyline….realizes most of the fame came because everyone was googling Bruno Mars. Accepts fame anyway.

Winner: Reunites again with Namtae. Quits YG after leaving a steaming pile of dog poop on his desk. Produces music that heals and restores all of our broken souls.

Petkeeping metaphor

So imagine you have this dog.

Your dog is in a bubble.

You can change where the bubble is, change its size, its shape, its contents, everything.

You can interact with your dog through the bubble and from outside the bubble, but you can’t enter the bubble.

You control literally everything about the bubble. You control how much air is inside the bubble. If you leave too many dog poops in the bubble, the smell will grow and could suffocate him. If you don’t add new air, he will suffocate. If you don’t feed him or give him water, he will die. If you don’t put things in his bubble to play with, he will become bored and depressed. If you don’t clean out his bubble, bacteria and fungus will grow in there and give your dog diseases. And your dog’s bubble doesn’t transfer heat well so he can get very cold very easily and die that way.

Now imagine your dog is smaller than your hand. And he has scales. And his bubble is full of water and made of glass and your dog is actually a fish.

Keeping fish is not easier than keeping any other pet.

It’s much more difficult because you aren’t only caring for your fish, you’re caring for their whole universe.